Sylvia In Bloom

Too far gone in love with love to care, and that's what we share. Transfem Asexual She/Fae 32 y/o

[sylvia-in-bloom]

New Year: New Pinned Post

Hey there! The name's Sylvia. Genderqueer cryptid. She/Fae pronouns please. Been on HRT for about a year and a half at this point. I'm asexual, panromantic, and hella autistic. I'm always in a flux as to whether or not I wanna continue posting here, so you will see sparse posts here, aside from my occasional reblog. (I also have a holy vow with myself to post my spoken word poetry here, no matter how much I hate it. Find it with #poetry)

I live in the PNW and I LARP (Amtgard) on the weekends! I'm obsessed with Nintendo games and the Yakuza/Like a Dragon franchise! I smoke hella weed!

I tag my selfies with #self I tag my poetry with #poetry

Please interact with me I often feel like this site is a weird exercise in yelling into the void

[sylvia-in-bloom]

Bluesky has been hella fun,

but I hate the fact that a tumblr baddie ruined my enjoyment of this site. Every time I see her my heart races and I don't like the psychic damage of knowing how badly I fumbled her.

[sneefsnorf]

im gods weakest faggot

[crabussy]

i’m gods strongest tranny let’s team up. what if we called ourselves team rocket

[lmaonade]

your boyfriend looks easy as fuck to parry

[softasawhisper]

[thistoowillpasss]

[thistoowillpasss]

[thistoowillpasss]

[thistoowillpasss]

[sacred-portal]

[sylvia-in-bloom]

I Really Regret My Holy Vow Right Now

I first loved your humor

I remember the post that made me follow you

I then fell for your voice

In recordings and readings your voice had me dreaming of home and of love

When we met, it was how you were more nervous than I was

Until you told me the time for words were over

And you slipped your tongue between my lips

It was also your intelligence

Whip-smart, charming, cuttingly so

And it wasn't your body or your sex or the things you did for me

It was the way you felt in my arms

The way our bodies melded and our souls mingled when I simply held you close.

It was the way you knew how to talk through things

Even if I could barely keep up

Because you were patient, and you waited

But I should have loved that more

[boringkate]

Girls love to have tummy aches. That's why they have em so often. It's so feminine for a tummy to ache. If your girl is feeling dysphoric then you should try punching her in the stomach.

[devilcat3d]

anyone wanna win me out of the claw machine im stuck in. we can kiss and date afterwards you just gotta win my gay ass out of the claw machine first. pleeeeeease spend all your quarters on me im so worth winning im such a prize >_<

[doulie]

majima goro + how to be a dog by andrew kane

[sylvia-in-bloom]

She'd Prefer it Bloody Anyway

I'm drawn and quartered

The horses four bolted towards their marks

Leaving me in wet chunks of fat and bone

My bitterness

My love

My regrets

My acceptance

They all fly, chasing their equine quarry

I am nowhere and everywhere in the flailing limbs

All crimson

Lke a newborn babe screaming their first breath

Trailing further from myself

Until the beast that was my body becomes smears on the horizon

[sylvia-in-bloom]

To be honest, you got me so bitter

I resent you for falling in love with me so quickly. It feels like you leapt ahead the moment you decided that you wanted me, leaving me to navigate "us" alone.

You took one look at my high masking nature and you saw my confidence and how I made you feel and you made the decision to put such a burden on me. I made so many accommodations for you. I let you lead the relationship when you told me you just wanted to "feel it out." I suffered in silence as you made quiet judgments of my character and kept me out of the talks you have with yourself about me.

You kept misconstruing my words and twisting them to fit the tone you wanted to project and I always felt like I never spoke your language. I told you I was asexual and you kept leading me to bed like I didn't just want to sit with you on the couch and talk about my feelings.

And finally, when my infatuation matured into love, you went to the back foot immediately. I told you I was madly in love with you and that I wanted to make you mine, and you still called it surprising and out of nowhere when I followed through. You mishandled my feelings when I asked for a specific time frame to talk and you blew me off. That's not placing boundaries, that's disregarding my feelings.

Finally after days of poking, you ask me how bad it was when I wasn't talking to you and then YOU BREAK UP WITH ME. FOR A SHITTY REASON. THEN TELL ME THAT YOU LOVED ME, BUT COULDN'T STAND TO SEE ME IN PERSON, AND THEN YOU TELL ME THINGS CAN CHANGE IF I GET A -CAR-?

I can handle a bad break up. I can forgive that. Your reasoning for the breakup was unfair. The framing in the conversation was cruel. The reasoning for what you wanted out of me to fix the situation made me so fucking angry. Then you didn't apologize and you probably think you were just a little messy in applying boundaries, but you don't understand how to date and communicate with an autistic person and the damage you did with how you mishandled me has me feeling so fucking bitter and hurt. You then called it a personality issue as to why you fell out of love.

You fell for my masking, and then dumped me for my burnout (that you contributed to the most) and fell out of love because of how I acted in response.

Even after everything, I apologized for my part and forgave you for the breakup, but there's still so much for you to answer for surrounding it. And you never really will.

You told me that you still "really like me" (I don't know what that means) and I realized so quickly that you don't actually like me as a person because you never took the effort to actually get to know me as a person, and that's got me feeling like a fan and not a friend.

If you see this, no you didn't. This blog is for me screaming into the void and has been such for a decade and a half.

[puppygirllaika]

my it/its pronouns are for friends and loved ones. They are unlocked once you've proven your ability to think of me as a girl and not a girl*

[ed3nic]

invulnerable warrior whose skin cannot be broken. their nose starts bleeding during a battle not because they’re injured, but because fighting makes them so fucking horny

[valtsv]

one of my girlfriends only tells the truth. my other girlfriend only tells lies.

[valtsv]

and yes, they both smoke weed

[squidy-y2k]

and which one told you that?

[valtsv]

[tordenvejr]

vulnerability is clumsy but it’s the only thing worth anything

[sylvia-in-bloom]

A Murder Most Sweet

We had no chance

We tried anyway

Fumbling in the dark

But she saw who I was when the lights are dim and the clothes are off

And the spark that we kept alight went out

She pushed me away

We struggled and screamed

After too long I finally turned on the light

To find her bleeding

She died in my arms

The blood is on my hands

I swung knives that were only sharp on this side

And she couldn't cleanly wrest herself from my grasp

This self destructive onslaught cutting nothing but our connections

Leaving me gasping in sanguine sorrows

Weeping

Knowing

That she is free from this torment, and I'm still standing here holding the blades.