reminder: you are loved

#traumagenic system #anti endogenic #anti endo #endos are ableist #fuck endos #endos fuck off #endos not for you #system punk #syspunk #systempunk #syscourse #tw syscourse #technically speaking

A lot has changed in the time I started this blog, to where I am now. I'm no longer anti-endo. I actually think a lot of you are rather extreme and do a lot more damage to the community than plurals do and have ever done. It's not healthy, syscourse as a whole isn't healthy, at least not how it has been. How it is now. Focusing on "who's right" or "who's a faker" isn't.. healthy. It's actually.. quite the opposite. I simply do not care whatever reason you've cooked up to justify being such a toxic sludge of a community. There is... really, no excuse.

anyway, this blog is staying up just so people can continue to have access to past posts. It'll be staying up as an archive and I doubt I'll be checking back in, I have returned to my pro endo, mixed origin roots and there I shall stay. Cheers.

It's been so long since we've logged on or even thought about posting...

I know the holiday season is rough, especially when the state of the world is also quite rough. I'd like to remind people that you aren't alone. People do care even if it seems unlikely.

Mental illness is great at lying to you, I can promise you. It is wrong. You are not as bad of a person as your brain makes you out to be.

#endos dni #endos fuck off #anti endo #endos not for you #endos do not interact #syspunk #traumagenic did #polyfrag did

I don't see a lot of people talk about how their in-system looks / disabilities affect their body while fronting. (hoping this makes sense lol)

for me, when im in front, pretty strongly my source scars have phantom pains. the leg that got amputated (again, in source) feels funkier for me than for others in the system.

sometimes, when I get disoriented enough, i go through the motions of trying to find a prosthetic and prepare that doesn't actually exist. I try to rub creams (usually a pain numbing cream. We can't handle lotion most days) into the end of a leg that's still very much there.

i often end up laughing at the mistakes and usually try to adjust for a false eye. bodily, we have both eyes. one day, I will learn. it likely won't be soon, but that's life! at least I've gotten better at wanting to trim and buff horns that most certainly don't exist. sure, there are other phantom limbs that exist, like, again, for me - i often feel my tail wagging or generally resting against clothes or chairs.

for other alters, i know that it is usually less intense - not always, though. for a lot of bird related alters, they can often feel phantom wings, some can feel their feathers and can sometimes flex their backs in ways that remind them of flying or generally stretching out. Some parts with tails can be so certain that they're there. the number of times one of our littles tries to look for his tail in real life is quite lovingly entertaining.

I wonder if any other systems deal with similar things. I wonder if anyone else finds a sense of joy in the non-human aspects of themselves/their alters showing up in unexpected ways.

PRO ENDOS & ENDOGENICS DNI - THIS POST IS NOT FOR YOU!

i have severe trauma with both communities - fuck off already.

#endos dni #endos fuck off #anti endo #endos not for you #endos do not interact #syspunk #systempunk #actually did #did system #actually dissociative #not positivity #call and response ask box clear out!

This blog runner genuinely does not give a shit if proshippers interact with this blog. we do not give a fuck what people consume in their free time - even if it's problematic. It genuinely does not matter to us, we cannot muster the ability to give a shit.

However, if you harass people, no matter your reasoning, you aren't welcome here.

No, I do not care if they're pro-endo. Don't harass people. No, I don't care if they're a radqueer. Don't harass people. No, I don't care if they're into problematic content. It doesn't matter, don't harass people. You are a certified shit person if you do so.

An alarming number of blogs have followed us that publicly post death threats towards communities they deem problematic. They've all been blocked and will continue to be blocked if more follow our blogs. That behavior is never okay! You're more than allowed to not LIKE someone or even despise their community, but the second you cross the line into harassment and/or death threats, you're automatically the asshole.

We also, legitimately, do not care if you are a paraphile. A lot of paras are caused by trauma, and not all of them are even. Bad. Honestly. There are, of course, ones that are very, very much illegal to act on (pedophilia, necrophilia, zoophilia, otherwise known as The Big Three). So long as you don't act on it, in our book, you're golden.

Having a paraphilia doesn't automatically make you some evil being who shouldn't have rights, nor does it mean you are automatically evil. That's the purity culture talking. ignore that shit. Thought crimes don't exist. Acting on the big three is, however, a legitimate crime in many places and is. Morally not okay, in our personal opinion.

There are. Many. Many, many. Paraphilias that aren't. Even that bad. Honestly?? just reads as extreme kink, and there's fuckin. Nothing wrong with kink, even if extreme. Like. Please stop demonizing people for paraphilias they aren't harming you for just existing. A lot of them, or at least those with the big three, simply need support and help.

- signed mod tubbo_ whos. currently really tired of seeing so so many of our now ex followers calling for the death of people over fucking FICTION !!!! and more often than not DISORDERS / near disorders. Fuck off already. Argue with a wall.

#reblogs #not positivity

Dunno if the anon asking about headspace or not will see this, but I'd like to add my experiences in case they or anyone else having a similar question works. This is mostly directed at anon or anyone else reading it.

We don't have aphantasia and we struggle to have a headspace. Our situation is a bit more unique. But we have never truly had one. It is partly affected by us being a polyfrag system and the fronters not having access to it. But for some people, it can take time to develop. And for others, it just may not at all. And both are perfectly fine. :) However headspace or no headspace works for a system is perfectly real and valid. Systems can be very different and are individual to the person themselves. <3

It was a long while before we even became aware that we DID have one. And even then, the front section where we stay...isn't really anything. It's a void. And we can't see the rest of headspace.

Obviously not exactly what was there, but just to say that headspaces can be real weird. We didn't really "have one" for a long while. We happened to discover there was one, but we also cannot actively think of it or anything. We have struggled with seeing many systems with such unique headspaces while ours is foggy or barely there.

Headspaces are just one aspect of DID and like with any disorder, it can be experienced in many different ways. That would include people that may not have one even without aphantasia. I may have ended up having one, but at the time I really didn't think I would ever have one so I can understand how people feel somewhat with not having aphantasia but also not having a headspace.

Even with us having a headspace, we know it doesn't work quite the same and is actually very difficult for us to imagine. We are extremely imaginative and have a vivid imagination, always able to envision things with great detail. Yet when it comes to headspace, there's not a lot.

So mostly just wanted to say: whatever your headspace or lack thereof is like, it's very real. Since the account holder already answered your question, thought I'd just leave some reassurance and a unique perspective in case anyone may be curious or whatever else. And yes I ended up having one to an extent, but I'm not trying to say "Oh you could have one and not know it" at all. I genuinely just mean, yeah, not having a headspace is perfectly fine and possible for your system. Because we are far from aphantasia and yet still struggle with headspace or seeing it at all. Even what we know is very little for us fronters. And did seem like we didn't have one for a while. So yes and you're not alone. Headspaces are often talked about in system communities so I can understand just wondering that kind of thing. And here's a bit of support and encouragement and love for any systems that don't have headspaces whether they have aphantasia or not. :) <3 /genuine

Honestly, that's quite similar to our experience as well. When we were more pro-endo and groomed to believe we were endogenic we had a greater ability to see our inner world - we uncovered a lot and could even find stuff that a way younger version of ourselves set up to try and cope with severe trauma.

Nowadays, it's near impossible for us to see into our inner world as a fronter. More often than not, a lot of the memories of it get zoinked by the time someone reaches the fronting space. While we've kind of taken steps back in our recovery in that regard - as well as higher barriers between layers than we had previously.

Overall, it's been better for us to treat our disorder as. Well. A disorder. And not some quirky tumblr and discord thing. Overall we've managed to get a better control on our split rate and can manage our triggers better and easier than we used to, while we can't communicate as well as we did in the past - that's okay. It's getting better, and that's all that matters, really. Recovery is never going to be in a straight line. Sometimes, you stumble backwards and there's nothing wrong with that.

Ramble moment over!! We're currently very sick and have a high fever, but I do hope this entire response makes. Sense.

hi, just wanted to say that I'm really sorry you're getting all this hate. take a break if you need it. try to reconnect to a support system if you have one. stay safe and have fun. have a good day🤎

Thank you anon <3

We've been keeping a pretty careful eye on the blogs, and things seem to be dying down. We've been making sure to take the time to unwind. Hang out with our dog, our partners, and further our medical transition!

I'm happy to say we're getting the ball rolling on a major surgery for gender affirmation reasons. I'm a little scared about it, but I know all will be alright. It isn't our first major trans surgery, but I'm hopeful it'll be our last.

Since we've recently got the information our insurance will continue to exist for at least another year or so we're hoping to get back into therapy, though a big aspect of that is go get a letter for the surgery.

Blah, personal talk, I know! I know! But still. I appreciate the amount of people who check in on us and wish us well, while we don't always respond (and honestly just tend to keep it in the ask box for when we have bad days) it is always heavily appreciated and it motivates us to run our blogs.

I hope you, too, are being kind to yourself and reaching out when in need, Anon. It's important to practice self-care, even if you have to take baby steps to get there. Progress is progress, even when it isn't linear.

#endos dni #endos fuck off #anti endo #endos not for you #endos do not interact #syspunk #systempunk #actually did #did system #call and response ask box clear out!

Hey im not a system, but i have a question (I don't want to ask a pro-endo blog because they'll just say anything goes)

Is it possible to not have a headspace if the system does not have Aphantasia (little to no ability to picture things in their head)?

Just curious, sorry to bother if you dont take questions. I hope your doing well, i saw the discourse. You made your stance very clear and respectful!

Hello anon! Thank you for reaching out, I'll do my best to answer your question. ^^

To my knowledge, it is possible for a system to not have an inner world/headspace. Full stop.

Not every system functions the same, and not every system is going to have the same features, so to speak. Despite not having aphantasia ourselves or knowing those with it, we have known systems that do not experience the common aspects of having an inner world.

Obviously, I'm just a guy on tumblr, I wouldn't take this answer as a Holy Bible of Medical Information or anything. But it is what I know and what I've seen speaking to multiple members of the system community. When in doubt, just remember that every brain, every person, and thus, every system will function differently.

It's, in our personal opinion, never wise to trust pro-endos & endogenic spaces for system questions. In our experience, the answers you tend to get are. "Wellll it's valid >3< so it doesn't matter why that happens! Don't be a bigot, uwu." (The part answering this ask has a. Certain. Dislike for that community and it will, in fact, shine through)

I appreciate you checking in! We're doing well all things considered, we've been extra vilagent on deleting and reporting unnecessary hate, and it has significantly gone down the past few days. I'm hopeful that the people who send such things are.. finally getting the hint. But if not, I'm more than willing to laugh at the entitlement and block. I hope you're also doing well, and if you aren't, that things get better soon. <3

#call and response ask box clear out!#endos dni #endos fuck off #anti endo #endos not for you #endos do not interact #syspunk #systempunk #actually did #not positivity

just wanted to say i’m so happy to find a system blog that’s anti endo after finding so many that are pro endo

it makes us very happy since we have extreme paranoia and trauma from proendo communities. thanks for everything you guys do!

Hey, Anon, I'm happy that our blog is helpful! We deal with the same when it comes to pro endo communities, they really, REALLY, fucked us up and heavily traumatized us.

That is why, in part, we want to create a safe space/blog(s) that is free from pro-endos & the general endogenic community. Trauma victims deserve those safe spaces, and I am happy to continue to provide at least one to two safe spaces for people. <3

#endos dni #endos fuck off #anti endo #endos not for you #endos do not interact #syspunk #systempunk #actually did #call and response ask box clear out!#not positivity

#tw smoking #ask to tw #endos dni #endos fuck off #anti endo #endos not for you #endos do not interact #syspunk #systempunk

It's really sad to see so many blogs that inspired this one having to take breaks. I wish every single anti-endo community blog runners nothing but love and compassion. You do not deserve harassment and drama for just. Existing. You are not a bad person for simply. Running. A blog.

I'd like to do my best to step up to the plate for the community and remind people that both this blog and this blogs side blog [ @system-positivity ] are here for people who need!! Want to share stuff? You can! Need a place to vent? Do so here! want to chat? Also, okay.

how I feel logging in and seeing two people fight on one of my posts. this is a positivity blog. what the fuck.

Reminder that your trauma WAS and IS enough.

There isn't a scale dictating who had it worse and who has it the best.

If you're experiencing trauma responses, it was, in fact. Bad Enough. It was, in fact. Traumatizing Enough. You aren't faking. It is not all in your head. What happened to you was real, and you're allowed to feel however you want about that.

You're allowed to be angry.

You're allowed to be sad.

You're allowed to wish for things to be different.

You're allowed to be bitter about what happened - and in general, really.

PRO ENDOS & ENDOGENIC "SYSTEMS" DNI - THIS POST IS NOT FOR YOU!

You're really going to do System positivity but not let CDDs with differing opinions interact? Seriously? This shit applies to all of us, regardless of our views, it's cruel to split the community like this.

My blog, my posts, my boundaries.

I do not want people who support endos or endos interacting with my posts and blogs. i do not have a good history with either community due to the fact i was quite literally groomed into supporting endos. I was actively abused and manipulated my multiple endos and supporters. It took me years of therapy to even acknowledge that fact and how it has (and does) affect me.

Make your own positivity blog if you're that upset about it. Don't be a dick to someone for asking another to not interact for their own reasons. 👍

I'm not being a dick, I asked a question out of astonishment that we're now splitting the CDD community. Which is awful. Pro endos wouldn't even talk about endos on a CDD specific community blog. Make a rule that pros can't vent about the antis or whatever, but allowing some CDDs while not allowing others is divisive in an already stigmatized and divided community. This inherently cannot be a positivity blog for CDD Systems if you're only allowing those with specific opinions.

My blog, my posts, my boundaries.

I'm not going to explain and justify why I do not want certain people interacting with me or my blogs. Reread my previous explanation. Hope this helps.

Then why not just specify it’s an anti blog?

I have!!!

It's on nearly every post I make. It's in my blog description. It's in my pinned post. It's in nearly every single tagged post, too.

What do you think the tags on my original post mean? What do you think my DNI (which stands for DO NOT INTERACT) MEANS!!!

I have made it astoundingly clear.

You’re misunderstanding my question. Your blog name inherently means community for all cdd systems. You literally include community labels like #actually did. So no, it’s not as clear as you want to think. Imagine going into the identity tags, seeing an amazing validation post for CDDs (like the one we responded to), seeing anti-endo and thinking that’s fine because this is for CDDs and then later learning they’re gatekeeping from their own community and you’re not welcome despite having a CDD.

That is literally how we found this blog. If you want to draw in only antis, including anti in your blog name, like “anti-endo-System-culture-is” will clear up these kinds of misunderstandings and save both sides stress. As well as keeping it out of the identity tags.

syscourse-fuckendos

⬜🐯 holy shit. how insensitive are you? genuinely, what is wrong with you? THIS IS THEIR BLOG. Youve been asked to not interact as your pro endo, so fuck off! genuinely! Its meant for CDD systems that are ANTI ENDO. Stay in your own space. Get in your lane. And i know im being harsh, but frankly enough, i dont give two fucks. Youve been told to leave and you decide to break boundaries. You literally stand for harassment and disturbing safe spaces, and then you go ahead and say "syscourse shouldn't be in CDD spaces!" like be fuckinh real. Holy shit. Genuinely, what the fuck is wrong with you.

get a life.

Are you serious? I did stop interacting. Almost a week ago. YOU'RE the one dragging it back up. All I wanted was to try to find common ground and understand why they were gatekeeping from other CDDs and then I LITERALLY offered them advice so that this kind of confusion doesn't happen with another CDD System looking for CDD positivity.

How dare I try to find a safe CDD space and be frustrated that other CDDs are gatekeeping things like *checks notes* p o s i t i v i t y that apparently isn't for anyone who doesn't share the exact same views as they do.

YOU fuck off. Stay in my lane ffs. We share the same goddamn lane.

syscourse-fuckendos

No we dont! Also, im bringing it up because you are fucking insane if you think that the people who run positivity blogs dont have feelings or fear. its like saying "oh, youre into politics so im going to join the biden server even though im a trump supporter and theyve said that no Trump supporters are allowed!" Like grow up. Genuinely. Go make your own blog for System positivity if you are that desperate for a CDD pro endo space, where even anti endos are allowed. we arent gatekeeping positivity, we are trying to protect ourselves from people that quite literally send gore to people because of differing opinions. holy shit. like actually, what is wrong with you. i want to know.

Yes lol. We do share the same CDD lane. Nice ableism by the way! That alone tells me all I need to know about you. You're literally perpetuating the drama you're accusing me of and I will not be responding again. At least I've been respectful in my communications with you and OP. Fuck off.

Also throwing me into the same group as radicals who send hate mail is wild. I've never once sent hate mail or harassed anyone on this site. I can't say the same for you or the other antis who are invading tags and sending us hate mail. The irony is so fucking wild, my dude.

#syscourse #not positivity

Btw, korya-elana, I do appreciate the fact you stopped interacting (though i am still upset you did so to begin with - but thats neither here nor there.) And I do not agree with the harshness the other blog is bringing.

Do not whiteknight on my behalf. Ever. I can handle myself.

Do not harass other people. Ever. You are an asshat if you do, you are the problem person - end of.

Do not be an asshole when you can block and move on. Curate your online experience.

Thanks.

schizophrenicmushroom

you are not a bad person for being schizophrenic. You are not a bad person for being psychotic. Your insanity does not negate your personhood. Just because people have treated you wrong due to you illness doesn't mean that you deserved it or earned that treatment