I Know - Anakin Skywalker
I woke up in the middle of the night with a strangled scream lodged in my throat, feeling like there was fire in my veins.
About the death of my parents.
It had been a long time ago - more than a decade and a half, really, but the memory of the glassy white eyes of my mother and the limpness of my benevolent father's arms after their deaths will forever haunt me. I can never forget that feeling of growing terror I experienced when I realised that they were dead. The traumatic memory is only amplified by the dreams, which sometime includes such minute horrifying details that I can no longer separate the truth from fiction Ā - I don't even know what's true anymore.
"Darling, are you okay?"Ā My boyfriend's voice asked me through the Force.Ā "I sense your pain, is everything alright?"
"No, Anakin, it's not."Ā I replied back, with my bottom lip trembling and tears threatening to overflow.Ā
"Don't worry Princess, I'm coming." he assured me.
By the time Anakin arrived, my resistance was a hair's breadth from snapping, and I felt like my mental strength was a hay-and-straw wall of resilience trying to hold back a tsunami of grief and guilt. All of a sudden, miraculously, the doors to my room sprang open and in ran Anakin, who immediately grabbed me and wrapped me in his strong arms.
"Anakin..." I sobbed, clutching onto his neck, finally breaking down, now that I knew that I was safe in his arms.
"Don't worry, (y/n), I'm here." he whispered in my ear, comfortingly rubbing circles into my back. "I'm here for you, and I'll never ever let go."
"These dreams won't go away! Why do I keep dreaming of their death? Why can't I move on?" I wailed, shuddering against him. He didn't reply, only held me tighter against his chest, stroking my triceps with his flesh hand.
"It's just a dream. It's can't hurt you. It's over." He told me, resting his forehead against my temple.Ā
No words were said between us as he held me while I cried.Ā
"Please don't cry, princess." He murmured, shifting so his nose was against my cheek, strong hands firm against my shoulder blades, holding me in position. "It's alright. You're alright. Nothing will ever happen to you, I promise you."Ā
I sniffed, nuzzling further into his warmth. "ItĀ hurts."
"I know."Ā He told me, and I knew that beneath those words laid incurable grief, just like mine. The way he can't forget about his mother's death, I can't forget about mine. Nobody knows my pain - nobodyĀ understandsĀ the way that he does.
"What can I do to make you feel better?" He asked, pulling away ever so slightly that he could see my face, but not too far away that I was no longer caged in his loving embrace. Anakin knows that it scares me when I can't feel him against me in these kind of situations. His seaglass blue eyes were shining with worry and guilt.
"It's not your fault, Ani. Please, just hold me." I stammered.
"Okay. Okay. I'll hold you." He breathed, reaching around me again.
Once again, the tidal wave of guilt, grief and sorrow crashed over me, drowning me in what seemed to be like endless and overwhelming hurt. Unable to hold back, I sobbed against Anakin another time.
"I'm sorry." I sniffed, grabbing a fistful of Anakin's (now drenched) grey sleeping tee. "I made your shirt all wet."
"Don't worry about it, angel. As long as you're alright, it doesn't matter to me at all. You know I'd walk through hell for you." He promised me, shushing me gently by rubbing my exposed shoulder.
"You'd do so much for me." I coughed, wiping my nose.
"I would, a thousand times over." Anakin swore, before swooping in and gently kissing away my tears.
After kissing them away, he ran the sides of his thumbs gently over my cheeks, wiping away any left over tears from my face, all while gazing affectionately into my saddened (y/e/c) eyes. Anakin then leaned in, planting kisses all over my face - first to both of my eyes, to my left cheekbone, then to the right, along my forehead, then down the bridge of my nose before placing another to the tip, when he pulled away and pressed his forehead against mine.
"I love you." He declared, though it was said more like an oath of faithfulness than something you'd say to someone you love when they're sad. "More than anything else in this galaxy, or this universe. More than life itself."
Anakin stared firmly into my fearful wide eyes before swooping down again, kissing fervently along my jawline, beside my lips and finally, placing a feather-light one against them.
"I love you." He whispered again, over and over as he dragged his lips against the sides of my neck.
"Thank you for everything, Anns." I sighed, leaning against his shoulder and tucking my head underneath his chin. "You're a blessing. I can never thank you enough."
"What do you mean, "thank you enough" ?" He asked jokingly. "Darling, the only thing I ever need is your love."
"Shut up and kiss me, you dolt." I chuckled, wrapping my arms around his neck, worries forgotten. This is the effect he has on me - he can make anything go away in an instant and cheer me up like liquid oxytocin.
"Yes ma'am." He replied sheepishly, leaning in to finally connect his lips with mine.
I can never get tired of kissing Anakin, I would do it all night and all day if I could - every time is just as magical as the first. Fireworks went off behind my eyes, our souls connecting and hearts beating as one as our lips moved together in sync. His lips were as soft as the feathers of a baby porg against mine, reminding me that I was the luckiest girl in he galaxy to have this perfect, amazing manĀ allĀ to myself.
"Thank you." I said between kisses, running my hands along his broad shoulders and toned chest, enjoying the feeling of his firm muscles beaneath the palms of my hands.
"Feeling better?' He asked worriedly, pulling away.
"All better." I replied with a shaky smile. As comforting as his presence here is, a disturbing nightmare like that isn't easily forgotten - it makes you uneasy and you can't fall asleep for hours after it. Anakin knows this firsthand. The moment he leaves, the overpowering dread will take over my mind and soul. All Anakin can do as of now is to distract me, and try to take my mind off of it with his dreamy kisses.
"You know what? Screw this. Come on, let's go out. You shouldn't have to be alone after a nightmare like that." He announced, tugging on my wrist.
"What? Out? At this time? No, Anakin, as much as I appreciate it-"
"My decision is final, baby." He reminded me teasingly, nuzzling against my cheek, making a myriad of butterflies of butterflies erupt in my stomach.
"Okay, fine." I relented, rolling my eyes playfully.
"Just a quick stop to my room, I need to change out of this shirt - I don't want to catch a cold by wearing a wet shirt on a windy night when I'm driving a speeder."
"So where exactlyĀ areĀ we?" I asked. Anakin was holding my hand, confidently leading the way. We'd driven to the outskirts of town, where the city lights dimmed into the distance, the wind made sad noises as it rustled in between the tree leaves and the crickets sang their soft night-song from places unknown.
"Somewhere you'll love."Ā he assured me. "Oh, yes, we're here - get down."
I did as he said without question, lying down against the crinkly lush green grass, but only realised why later - the sight above me seemed to be something straight out of a fairytale or a painting, too enchanting to be real.Ā
A billion diamond stars, painted randomly against their celestial canvas, as if by the godly hand of some divine painter, twinkled mischievously against the inky blue of the night sky, casting a faint ethereal starlight glow over the vast expanse of nothingness beneath its unyielding stretch.
Maker, Anakin's right - IĀ doĀ love it.
"I told you so.'' Anakin grinned after listening to my thoughts, plopping down on the grass beside me with a hand behind his head.
"Why have you never told me about this place before?" I asked, snorting disbelievingly.Ā
"You never asked." He shrugged, making me grunt and lean over to smack his shoulder.
"How long have you known about it?" I questioned, wanting to know more about this place that felt - or rather, looked - too good to be true.
"Oh, I've known about it since I came to Coruscant as a kid. I found it once when I tried to, unsuccessfully, run away from the Jedi Temple. It's become more or less my safe haven when I need to just,Ā get awayĀ and take a breather." Anakin replied casually.
"Well, you should have told me about it, like, ages ago." I laughed. There's a slight breeze in the air, not so strong that it made you feel cold, but strong enough for it to tickle your skin and reverberate in your ears.
I could lie here for hours and hours, just staring at the sky. I wonder what the sunrise would look like from behind that ridge, over there in the distance if you sat here - this whole place must lookĀ incredibleĀ under the pink shine of dawn and evenĀ betterĀ when it's blanketed under the purplish-blue shadows of dusk and twilight.
Though I'm pretty biased towards the way it looks right now.
Under the mystical nighty sky, as the breeze kissed my exposed skin and the sounds of the night composed a delightfully unique song, I must have slowly drifted off into a peaceful slumber. At least, I think so, because when Anakin turned over some five minutes later to watch me drink in such a magnificent view for the first time in my life, I had already sunk into a realm of more peaceful dreams.
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