[mypetufo]

to the prankster who put “the moon” as the address on their online pizza delivery order: thanks a whole dang lot. i was up there for like ten minutes just aimlesly waiting, ringing the doorbell, kicking moon rocks around

[savedgame]

For fucks sake

[todaysbird]

They are best friends

[normal-horoscopes]

Y'all. "Hell is empty and the devil's are here" is not one of those epic Tumblr quotes. It's from The Tempest. The Shakespeare one.

[apolloendymion]

remember when that furry post went around with "you have nothing to lose but your chains" and people were saying "this is such a raw ass line and it's from a furry post" but it's literally karl marx

[crimewave420]

[eva-420]

honestly that baby tattoo story is already so surreal and implausible i dont have the heart to tell anyone that it also has a party hat and he refers to it as party baby and i still dont know whos baby it is 

[afeelgoodblog]

Blessed_Nest

[kazehara-archive]

i had to draw this ✨

[batfamfucker]

We don’t appreciate the fact that Bruce Wayne is a Kardasian level celebrity enough. Everyone knows him. I want more one shots and crack fic moments where the League (Pre identity reveals) just openly talk about Bruce Wayne in front of Batman.

Just imagine them playing fuck, marry, kill with famous actors and such and throwing Bruce into the mix. And Batman just sits there, silently suffering as he listens to the reasons why Flash and Lantern would marry, fuck, or kill him. He prays they choose kill. They don’t.

[batfamfucker]

Barry: Eat the rich!

Bruce: Oh thank Go-

Clark: Oh, I intend to 🥴🥵

[batfamfucker]

[whispering-imp]

It’s Batman’s turn. Bruce needs to decide whether to marry himself for the money or throw himself off the cliff.

[primeemeraldheiress]

Okay but can you imagine what kind of identity reveal situation that would be?

“I would fuck —-, I would marry —-, and then I would commit suicide.”

“Batman, that’s not how the game is played. You have to choose for Bruce Wayne.”

“I did.”

“…WHAT?!”

[lynati]

“I would kill Bruce Wayne just to get him out of this conversation.”

[aqueerkettleofish]

This works best if the reveal comes after literally everyone else has played, and half of the people have said “I’d marry Bruce Wayne for the money” and the other half have not only said that they’d fuck him, but been reasonably graphic as to how.

[althor42]

Flash: So, tall, dark, and scary, what’ll it be? Are you going to marry Bruce Wayne so he can fund all of your sick gadgets? Maybe you’ll be a gentle lover to him like Aquaman here, work him over like a hunk of meat like Supes? Or maybe Brucie is the one person in the world you break your code for. Come on, what’ve you got for us?

Batman: -pauses- Honestly, I don’t think there will ever be a better time for this. -pulls off his cowl-

Justice League: -horrified screeching-

[mollyhats]

Via @milfmarthawayne

[Image ID: Tags reading “#bruce to himself: #do I keep my secret identity secret or deliver the greatest punchline in the history of situational comedy” End ID]

[thecollectvenerve]

[that-one-support]

Log Hog

[sftn-deactivated20170702]

me: men aren’t inherently evil and have the capacity to be loving, vulnerable and empathetic human beings

men: *try their absolute damndest to prove me wrong*

[shittymoviedetails]

This is what the Marvel Cinematic Universe looks like to people who don’t follow it.

[tanzenlicht]

Oh come on, that’s not fair. Women aren’t featured in nearly that many Marvel movies.

[ask-the-almighty-google]

Was about to scroll past when I saw that comment

[rupertbbare]

[wizardpotions]

like to slap his bald head. reblog to slap his bald head.

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

This is a load bearing skull, do not remove

[toastbutteregg]

its not the kitty i promise

[toastbutteregg]

[everythingfox]

“My wife bought our cats a sofa, then a throw pillow and finally a mini afghan.”

(Source)

[clementiens]

[sudorm-rfslash]

Police vs law enforcement

[synebluetoo]

Look I used to work with tow truck guys and they do not give a fuck. One time the Air Force was doing a recruiting stunt and they decided to bring a plane as like…a prop? I dunno and they parked it in a 20 minute loading zone and 21 minutes later my coworkers IMPOUNDED THE PLANE.

[synebluetoo]

Have you ever had an Air Force general call your office and bitch? He did not expect the tow truck guys.

[bastionkeeper]

The teenager at my job is so funny, she jokingly asked how my break was after I came back from the bathroom and after I said "can't a bitch change their pad in peace?" She said "a real nine to fiver would get a hysterectomy." There was no hesitation, no gap between what I said and what she said

[tastefullyoffensive]

My life in one word

[flysafepapi]

Everyday I’m spuddling