Jimmy Buffet Is My Patron Saint

21+ - She/Her — 18+ humor and such inside, view at your own discretion

[c9x-deactivated20230223]

[ode-on-a-grecian-butt]

art by Dipo Muh

[galileosballs]

Also, please do not listen to how people talk about cover letters on this site. Cover letters are important, and in many industries you can be damn sure they'll be read. And no, they're not 'fanfic about working in your office', or just re-stating the resume contents in a fancier guise. If you treat them like that, then of course they're not doing much for you. That makes you sound like a syncophantic windbag, and it's not doing anything else to help.

I was trained in the dark arts of the cover letter by my mother, who is a hiring manager. And her training has paid off: I've been consistently told my cover letters are excellent. Let me pass on the wisdom.

The job of a cover letter is to give a prospective employer strictly more information than is on the resume. This is where you take the resume contents and put them into context. You look at the job requirements (you are looking at the job requirements before applying, right?) and look at your resume and ask the question (in your head) "why would a person think this candidate would be good for this job?" and your cover letter is the answer to that question. If you don't answer that question, the hiring manager is going to have to do it themselves, and you have way more information to work with than they do.

This is especially important if you're moving from one industry to another, because then the relevant connections aren't obvious. It's also very important if you're overqualified, because then you can use the letter to say "I know it looks like this job would be too entry-level for me, but I'm interested to pursue it for reasons x, y, and z". You can also use this space to explain away something that might otherwise be disqualifying, like job-hopping or a long break in employment. The tone to strike here is always matter-of-fact and constrained to topic - don't go into detail about health stuff or personal tragedy, just tell them what they need to hear: that this period of your resume was affected by [bad thing] but that it's now in the past and you're looking forward to the next chapter. Remember, one of the things they're trying to learn is whether you'd be content in this role, or whether you'd be miserable and leave after 2 months, which would force them to do all the work of hiring again. You're trying to establish that you will fit right in and not cause problems. Knowing what drew you to this job in particular (and don't just say 'money', that's true for everyone) helps with that.

And the other mistake? Everyone writes cover letters that are too long. One page is fine. Two is the absolute maximum, and that's if you have a lot of specific things to say. It's a waste of your time and theirs to pad it out with fluff. Of my two most recent successful cover letters (i.e. jobs for which I was interviewed) one was 390 words and the other was 550. That's the length of this post. How long did it take me to write this post? About 15 minutes to write, 5 to proof and edit. That's how long you should be spending on a cover letter, maximum.

[pumpkincookie269]

[phantomrose96]

When you meet Edward Elric he gives off the impression that he's the short-tempered hot-headed "violence is the answer to all life's questions" kind of protagonist, and it's in fact incredible character craft that he's actually the character who ends the series with a negative-3 kill count.

[phantomrose96]

people killed: 0

direct orders of "you really really need to kill this guy" ignored: 1

ongoing murders being committed by Ed's own friends/colleagues that Ed got in the way of to specifically stop that murder from happening: 2

[phantomrose96]

God's worst soldier Edward Elric. Showed up as the youngest member of the Amestrian army, took millions of dollars from them, never followed a single order, helped dismantle their fascist regime, left with a lower kill count than he arrived with, then fucked off to go be a house-husband. Character of all time.

[aka-blaa]

You know, when you said "negative-3 kill count," I, who haven't seen the anime, thought, "He resurrected 3 people?????" But I'm seeing here on the wiki that apparently resurrection in this anime is a terrible idea.

[phantomrose96]

Official addition to this post.

[nitewrighter]

Ozempic scares the shit out of me. You're telling me there's a drug that takes away both the craving side of hunger and targets the brain's rewards center for eating. You're telling me it takes the joy out of eating and it turns you into a skeleton. Why did we turn The Curse of the Black Pearl into a drug. What the fuck.

[nitewrighter]

I actually want to thank the diabetics coming on this post like "actually it genuinely is a great treatment for diabetes and it hasn't affected my mood or my enjoyment of food. The real issue is it's getting abused as a weight loss drug which also makes it scarce and more expensive for those who can genuinely benefit from it." Kind of reminds me of the time my brother got permission from our family psychiatrist to try my ADHD medication and his reaction to it was "what the fuck are you on. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ON. WHY DO I FEEL LIKE CRYING. YOU'RE ON THIS EVERY DAY!?!"

Body chemistry! It makes a big difference in how your body processes a drug! What can be genuinely helpful for some folks is The Curse of the Black Pearl for others!

[weiila]

Typical Disney-style story of a kingdom with an anxious new ruler whose inherited chief advisor has a goatee, dresses in black and red, smirks a lot and keeps a snake as a pet.

Every single villanous plot to overthrow the kind and ”weak” ruler fail because the advisor is 110% loyal but his vibes make all the baddies assume he’ll help out in the insidious coup plan so they recruit him, and he absolutely delights in puppeteering wannabe autocrats into digging their own graves. He doesn’t want to rule, he’s having way too much fun being a villain honey trap.

[weiila]

Add-on to this idea: the ruler and the advisor have some elaborate code speak based on like gardening or knitting or something (because chess would be too obvious) to secretly keep each other up to date on ongoing plots. When the advisor slips up at one point, and is kidnapped and replaced with an impostor, this is what alarms the ruler to that the rescue ninja need to be sent out.

”Yeah the shadow clobe was perfect except he had no idea how to prune grapes properly.”

[porcelain-dollbones]

nebet is screen obsessed in general, it's really funny. she is always desperate to get on my phone and she will stare at shows playing on my computer for ages. ipad baby

[porcelain-dollbones]

Give Me Your Phone

[muzzlesbian]

I hardly jeff the know ‘er

[i-fuck-audis]

MY FUCKING CAR

[cinturongazo]

im not using wojaks. get on my level

[throo]

Wh-what do you mean it’s from a birthday cake

[throo]

We could have been eating him

[urie]

stop calling it a girl dinner and call it by its formal name: Fend For Yourself dinner in an ingredients household

[hometoursandotherstuff]

[beemovieerotica]

[parkchanwoohoo]

[lazer-exe]

I'm gonna say it, I do think that even the laziest person imaginable should have a roof over their head, food in their stomach, and access to healthcare

[lazer-exe]

"Why should someone else benefit from my hard work?"

if it benefits you, why is it a problem if it also marginally benefits someone else?

[zeelatunes]

[mig-murgthenurg]

Prev's tags are very good.