#(she's mentioned)

[somerandoidkletmein2]

I should be studying for my exam tomorrow...

[onmomnomazoid]

Hmohc/au but I'm trying to convince y'all to listen because I don't have enough time before actually writing a fic—or not because I lose motivation fast (→ 17)

Herman but he's a regular, normal, civilian who doesn't even have powers (or so he thinks)

He has visions and stuff and yada yada he can also jump through time or something but it's usually by accident (clairvoyance?? Time travel??)

But what he never notices is that he's always surrounded by trouble

Every time the team gets dispatched he's just somewhere in the background doing something

→ there was a robbery at some local store and he was just there getting his receipt and the stuff he bought

Herman thinks it's his unluck

But it's just that the universe is fucking with him by bringing him close to trouble (ahem the team ahem)

He actually meets them when he's outside eating at some random night and that's also the day the Z-team do their hangouts

Him not wanting to be with a big group of people tries to sit in the corner of the room

Or tried to since a woman comes out from a seat next to him from out of nowhere—was she always there?? Was she invisible??

And then that's when he gets dragged into their shenanigans and realizes that he doesn't mind

But his visions and time traveling shit—he hasn't told any of them yet, since he doesn't even know

But he gets side quests that forces him to find out stuff about himself

This can be seen as platonic or romantic btw

And idc what ship it should be cause I'd read it anyway

[thesarcasticism]

k so as i've said numerous times, if someone has a different headcanon about a character than i do, it doesn't matter since the character is fake. i like to think that even if i don't necessarily ascribe to a headcanon, i can at least see where that person is coming from.

that being said, i don't know if i'll ever understand the people who think that shinjiro is not sexually experienced, much less the people who think he's a virgin. i've seen the argument that he hates himself and is trying to kill himself so why would he even have sex and it's like come on man. sex, drugs, rock and roll. he fits right in.

in all seriousness, i don't think it's that big of a reach to assume that he has fucked. that he fucked frequently, in fact. at least before he rejoined SEES. some people seem to think that the reason he's reluctant to let kotone into his room (with some people going so far as to say that she's forcing him) is because he's nervous about the potential of sex with her. but it's not that. or, it's not only that.

it's not the sex he's nervous about. it's the fact that if he lets this happen, it means more pain for them both. but the way she keeps pushing him to let her in is making it painful for him to keep pushing her away, too. painful because if he lets her get closer, then his death will just hurt her even more. and knowing that he's going to hurt her kills him.

pretty big evidence to me of him being sexually experienced is the way he tries not to let kotone into his room because he knows what it means and he knows what she wants. if he was sexually inexperienced like, say, ryoji or akihiko, he wouldn't have reacted that way. ryoji and akihiko weren't nearly as embarrassed about the prospect of being alone with kotone in a dorm room.

but shinjiro was, because he knew what it would mean. perhaps akihiko and ryoji were trying to hide their sexual interest, and if they were, then it just reinforces the fact that shinjiro very clearly wasn't.

and if that isn't enough--say, you think that kotone is just being pushy--think about what happens when shinjiro actually lets her into his room. he makes it very clear that if she stays, they're going to be having sex. he gives her one last chance to leave: "you get it, right? go back to your room."

why would he be so certain that he wouldn't be able to hold himself back anymore if she stayed? why would he go as far as saying, "i ain't a nice guy. i can't let you in my room" ?? how am i supposed to take that? it isn't just him saying he's a bad person, he says almost the exact same thing in japanese, "i'm not a gentleman" (俺は紳士じゃねえんだ).

sorry but there is no universe where a virgin would act like that, much less when they're literally alone together in private. and you can trust me, because i used to be a virgin too.

with ryoji and akihiko's romance scenes, the implied sex was a lot more implied. i could even argue that it's generous to say that shinjiro and kotone have "implied" sex. what the hell else would "then let me make myself clear. i ain't holding back anymore" followed by "you spent a long time with shinjiro..." even mean? seems pretty explicit to me, man.

to say nothing of what he says in japanese, which is even more explicit: "just so you know... i won't stop" is my cursory translation of it (言っとくが…止まらねえからな).

i think this scene makes it plainly obvious that shinjiro is nervous, but not about having sex. he's nervous about what the sex means. he spends the entire goddamn game trying to fade into the background, trying not to be noticed, and kotone refuses to let him do that at every turn. he can't reject the love he so clearly desires no matter how hard he tries.

i think that subtext goes over a lot of people's heads and they just interpret him as nervous about the potential of having sex with her. again, it's not the having sex part that he's nervous about, it's the with her part. it's all the thoughts repeating in his head about how this isn't how it's supposed to be and i can't do this to her but i can't keep holding back anymore either, and i know this is selfish but maybe i can give her one last good memory, and maybe i can give myself one too. so she can remember me this way. no matter what happens next.

writing all of that off as just him being a virgin really shows a lack of comprehension of shinjiro's character as a whole. he's a pretty classic bad boy archetype what with the drugs and all. he even says (in the p3p guidebook iirc) that he spends his nights at club escapade. tf is he doing there? working? even if he is, you can't tell me he was never propositioned and never took someone up on that. be realistic. he has to have had at least a few moments of "well i'm gonna die so fuck it" that he regretted in the morning.

one thing i also imagine is that being with kotone is the first time sex has ever meant anything to him. it's not just a means to an end. it's an expression of love, love he doesn't want himself to feel. love he hates himself for feeling. i think that makes their romance more beautiful, even, that he knows what sex is and what it looks like and what it feels like, but even with all that knowledge, kotone makes everything feel new again. because he loves her. and he has to spend the entire night trying not to let himself even think that--because he wants to save her the pain, yes, but because he wants to save himself the pain too. he wants to die with no regrets. he doesn't want to die thinking of the future he could have had with kotone.

a beautiful thing about shinjiro is that he contradicts himself. "i don't deserve anything since i'm going to die anyway" but he can't say no whenever kotone wants to spend time with him. "girls make life more complicated" but he falls for kotone with zero romance flags. "i ain't a nice guy" but he gives her a million chances to back out.

him being simultaneously sexually experienced but also nervous about the potential of being with kotone just backs that up even more. he's a three-dimensional character. arguably one of the best in the entire persona series.

that's why i just can't understand why people wouldn't be able to draw the conclusion that shinjiro has had sex before, and quite a bit of it. by doing that, you essentially lock yourself out of even more beautiful foolmoon angst: "i didn't know it was supposed to feel this way, but this is the only time i'll ever get to feel this."

it even brings up more angst potential if he survives after kotone dies, because then he's forced to live with the fact that he could have had more time with her. and it's his own fault that he didn't.

shinjiro's whole character arc is him beating himself up over his mistakes, and his sexual experience ties in to that very well, in my opinion. giving kotone one last good memory of him but then that ending up being his last good memory of her when she dies and he's forced to live is so heartbreaking.

and, just like everything else, it's all his fault.

[colt-haemorrhage]

I cant sleep because there's a heatwave in my country so ive been making some absolute bullshit that's not even remotely canon accurate

[lasvegasjackrabbits]

miss paulinggg

[octocharger]

some kind of inanimate insanity swap AU..... posting from a backlog of stuff rn but and still figuring the other swaps out, for now we got Taco <--> Knife, Mic <--> Suitcase and Pickle <--> Marshmallow

[numelfanclub]

on shoko and utahime's relationship in resau because papa wants yuri

gonna talk a fair amount about gender identity and sexism

may not be a very long post because i'm still working on them but i wanted to talk about them a little bit anyways.

i think, for starters, given her history, the reason utahime is so drawn to shoko is because shoko is so out of the norm for women. utahime grew up in a place where women had to be second to their male counterparts, and if said male counterparts had sons or other male companions or subordinates, the women in turn were likely fourth or fifth choice. they had little, if any, power; hardly an authoritative party unless married to a very important man. shoko and her family lived on a farm before she was sent off to tokyo to hone her skill in jujutsu because she had more potential as a sorcerer than a farmer, PLUS she's clearly very physically strong and her parents allowed her to grow that way. so i think there's a sort of allure, sort of jealousy type of thing utahime feels for and about shoko because she never got to explore her identity as a woman, but on the other talon, she's grateful that at least someone else did.

the thing is also that shoko is also kiiiind of more "traditionally masculine" in her mannerisms and appearance, so i wonder if part of utahime's attraction to her isn't influenced by her ideas about masculinity and that it is "correct" for a woman to desire masculinity as she, traditionally, must be the feminine counterpart. shoko is also very much feminine in several areas so in a way she's masculine in the way suguru is masculine [on the gentler side of things; really more akin to androgyny]. utahime is comfortable being feminine as well, but i would go as far to say her attraction and further connection with shoko is, partly, a form of escapism. she's kind of living vicariously through shoko in the first few stages of their relationship as well, because she wants to experience gender identity the way shoko does but she is, at the time, unable to conceive gender identity as being anything other than what she was taught it is.

shoko is the opposite where it really doesn't matter how her partner expresses their gender but she is firmly lesbian 🩷 utahime is also lesbian but she's struggling with whether or not she likes Shoko or the Idea Of Shoko if that makes sense. so as a whole utahime and shoko's relationship is very weird and a little unstable because of that ☝️ if that makes sense. i'm trying to explain this to myself too #tbh

[facethemusicdean]

dean speaks to a priest or whatever (idk how to title it)

If Dean was to breathe too loud, he'd probably hear it echoing across these walls. The ceiling is painted beautifully, and he lets himself be distracted by that for a second, before returning to his task. He's looking for a locket. Or something like that. He walks carefully and holds the gun with salt bullets as tight in his hands as he can. He can't screw this up. Dad gave him this case. His first solo. He's going to go and kill these nuns, it can't be that hard, right?

He swallows thickly and closes his eyes for a moment, feeling the thump on his chest. The lights are on, but there's no one sitting or kneeling, for that matter. He puts the gun in between his pants and his back, covering it with his jacket. He carefully walks toward the altar, in between the side aisles. Head up, eyes on the statue hung up in the wall. He looks at it for a moment, and then takes a seat, hands folded on his lap.

He isn't catholic, per se. And he never goes to church, either. But sometimes, he needs to hold on to something and hunting doesn't always work. So, he looks for something to believe in.

“Is there anything I can help you with, son?” A deep, older voice interrupts the silence.

The boy turns his head, his green eyes catching sight of a fortyish year-old man, wearing a black shirt and a white collar around the neck of it. His lips are turned slightly upward and he's waiting on a response.

“I don't think so, Father.”

“The Lord is always listening. I'm his ears. Whatever you need to get out of your chest, I can help with it." He gently insists, sitting beside him. "Or I can just make you company. So that you aren't lonely.”

Dean doesn't answer. So that you aren't lonely. For some sad reason, that makes his heart warm.

“You're quite young to be sitting asking Him for something. I'm sure there's a reason you're here.”

“I just wanted somewhere quiet. Wasn't expecting a priest.”

“You're used to loud places, is it?”

Dean chuckles. “Yeah, you could say that. Sometimes I just need… Some peace, I guess.”

“And you think the church provides that for you?”

The thoughts are loud. Even here. Even right now. Even in his dreams. Sometimes he wishes he could burn them. Even if it means he'd die. He parts his mouth, looking down at his hands as he licks his lower lip and his fingers play with each other, as if making time for him to answer. Because he doesn't know.

“I'm not sure. Maybe.”

“If for you being here is better than at home, then you don't really enjoy it back there.”

He takes a deep, deep breath. He feels his throat closing up. “Let's say there isn't much of home to come back to. Whatever I have left, I make sure to hold on to it tight. But I have no idea if that's what's good for me, you know?”

“Sometimes the ashes of something we lost isn't enough to keep us together. You may need to let go what's holding you back.”

Dean pauses. As if he's never been told that before. But it's only for a second. “Yeah, that's not happening.”

The priest nods, mulling the words for a moment. “Well, then. You'll have to think how you can make it whole again. It probably won't be the same. Maybe even what you lost has left what made it so special behind.” He shrugs. “It's something you'll figure out. But don't spend your time thinking about what it was or wasn't. It isn't good.”

He rubs his eye, then bites the inside of his cheek as he rolls the ring on his finger. “It's all I can do. It's all I've spent my whole time doing.”

“Then let's make sure you do something else.”

Dean looks at Jesus again. Is it worth it to be put on a cross for something you don't even know if it'll work? Is it worth it to sacrifice his life for a vengeance he doesn't know if it'll bring him closure? How long can he let his mother's ashes chase him? He wonders what his family is doing right now. John— Dad said that he’d probably take Sammy out bowling, or something like that.

He feels his eyes prickle, the air slowly leaving his lungs. He shakes his head, closing his eyelids as he feels the priest’s eyes on him. Swallowing the lump growing inside his throat, he looks back at the man.

He snorts. “It’s actually not that easy.” He looks down sheepishly, knowing his green eyes are filled with tears waiting to escape his eyes.

“Well, no one said it was, son. I mean, honestly, what in this life is?”

Yeah, he doesn’t get it. Dean isn’t surprised. He’s trying to open his eyes, or whatever. That’s not truly the problem here. The thing is he doesn’t want to let go. He knows it’s holding him back, it’s just— he can’t let Sam be alone. He’s got to have someone that’s there for him, in some way. His little brother. His duty is to protect him, no matter what. Especially when their father isn’t around, they don’t have anyone else.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

uh, hi? so this is sort of a draft that's been sitting on my computer for a while, getting edited but i can never get past this point of the scene. it'd be cool for it to be longer. by the way, english isn't my first language, so if u see any misspelling, please let me know so i take it into account! and if u liked it, please let me know, too :) i'm open to any suggestions ! have a good day, night or whatever