Being best friends through high school should have prepared Dean for Castiel’s antics. It didn’t. No amount of sleep overs would have helped. Living with the guy has proven to differ quite significantly from what he expected.
The first time Dean woke up to Castiel watching him was… jarring to say the least.
Dean wakes up to his phone buzzing. He figures that it’s probably his kid brother. He turns on the lamp, but before he can pick up, the sight of his roommate and best friend sitting in their desk chair, watching him intently shocks him.
“Cas! Jesus Christ. What’s your deal man? That’s fucking creepy.”
Castiel does his oh-so-adorable but oh-so-infuriating eye-squint-head-tilt. “I’m sorry, Dean. Did I do something wrong?”
All he gets in response is a long sigh. Dean knows that Castiel has always had trouble with social cues and things of that variety, but it’s still creepy!
“Cas, buddy, you don’t just watch another guy sleep. What the hell are you even doing up so late?”
There is a moment of silence. Castiel thinks. Why is he even up so late?
“I couldn’t sleep.”
“Yeah, okay, but why were you watching me sleep?”
Castiel thinks again before shrugging, “I’m not sure.”
Dean’s phone goes off again. This time he answers.
"Hey, Sam."
~
The second time both parties dealt with Castiel watching Dean sleep better.
After years of “surprise attacks” from John Winchester to keep his instincts sharp, Dean wakes up to the slightest of noises. He hears footsteps in front of his bed. One hand goes for his gun and he cracks his eyes, relaxing when he sees that it’s just Castiel pacing whilst watching him sleep again.
Dean lets out a hard sigh. “Cas why’re you watching me sleep again?”
“I find it calming,” Castiel states matter-of-factly. “I watch you sleep whenever I’m feeling… weird.”
“Weird? I feel like not watching me sleep would make you feel less weird. Just a shot in the dark, though.”
Castiel shakes his head, finally stopping pacing. Dean sits up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He gets out from under his blankets to sit at the edge of his bed. “Not that type of weird,” Castiel explains. “A nervous kind of weird.”
“Like need to pop a pill weird,” Dean asks, referring to Castiel’s anxiety medication.
He shrugs at Dean, sitting down on his own bed, facing Dean. “I suppose. There has been something gnawing at me lately, making me more weird feeling than normal.”
“Oh?”
“Dean, I think I have something to tell you,” Castiel blurts.
“Go ahead, shoot,” Dean tells Castiel, curious of what needs to be said that is making Castiel feel so nervous weird.
“I’m bisexual.”
Dean freezes. That was unexpected. He nods jerkily. In a split second decision that Dean is sure he will regret later, he says, “Huh… Me too, buddy.”
It’s Castiel’s turn to freeze now. That was unexpected. “Oh, okay. I suppose I shouldn’t have worried myself too much, then.”
“Yep, proud of you, buddy.”
“Is this when we hug,” Castiel asks.
Dean lets out a mixture of a scoff and a laugh. He stands up opening his arms. “Bring it in.”
Castiel smiles, embracing Dean for a few seconds. Dean’ feels heat growing in his cheeks, but it’s dark in their tiny apartment so Castiel can’t see. “Can we both go to sleep now?”
Castiel nods, pulling away from the hug. “That is probably smart for both of us. Goodnight, Dean.”
~
Months later, the third prominent incident occurs. Neither men have mentioned their confessions since. By now, when Dean wakes up to Castiel watching him, he just groans a, “Goodnight, Cas,” and rolls back over.
Both men have noticed their growing attraction to each other, so naturally, Castiel must stay up, pacing and watching Dean sleep.
“Goodnight, Cas,” Dean says rolling over so his back is facing Castiel.
Dean feels his bed sink down next to his legs and pushes his covers back to sit next to Castiel. “You feelin’ okay, buddy?”
“Do you remember when we… when we told each other about-”
Dean cuts him off, mildly uncomfortable talking about their late night confessions, “Yeah. I do. Why?”
“I feel as if things have changed between us,” Castiel says. “We don’t talk about it, but you’ve started avoiding me more and more. I’m sorry if you felt pressured to come out to me just because I came out to you.”
Dean scoffs out a laugh. “I’m not avoiding you. There’s not even room to avoid you in this place.”
“Dean,” Castiel sounds almost like a disappointed mother. “We’ve barely talked in the last month. We haven't made eye contact without you looking away instantly in three. You stopped forcing me to do Thursday Movie Night. I think that’s avoidance.”
“You hate movie night, that’s why I stopped. And… I’ve- I’ve been busy.”
He almost defends himself, spilling the beans that he actually loves movie night- he just gives Dean a hard time. He doesn't.
“Dean, you’ve been avoiding me. Please tell me what I’ve done.”
Dean nearly flinches at the desperate tone. He’s never heard Castiel’s voice do anything like that except one other time- When his father died. He gives in.
“Okay, say I’ve been avoiding you- Which I haven’t… This is just a hypothetical. It may or may not be because I may or may not have started feeling different about you.”
“Different? I’m sorry, Dean. Can I fix this? I’d hate for our friendship to end.”
“I-” Dean suppresses a groan.
That’s not what he means. “Not… Not like that, Cas. Can we just go to bed already? We can talk about this in the morning..”
“Then how are you feeling differently, then?”
“I don’t want to talk about this right now.”
“Dean-” Castiel doesn’t know what to say.
He knows that nothing good ever comes out of avoiding a problem- especially avoiding it for six months.
“Just drop it, okay,” Dean asks.
Castiel frowns, but nods. “Alright. I’m sorry I pushed it, Dean.”
They go to sleep, both men mildly hurt and full of disappointment.
~
The next night, Castiel is even more riled up, upset at himself, because Dean wasn’t even there when he woke up, and didn’t come home until three a.m. Castiel tried calling and texting to no avail. Dean was asleep the moment his head hit the pillow. Castiel paced, watching Dean sleep. He contemplated his next actions. How to fix their friendship. He acknowledged his own feelings for the other man and how he needs to push them aside if he wants to continue their friendship.
“Jesus Christ, Castiel. Go to sleep,” Dean says.
Castiel freezes. Dean never calls him by his whole name. “Dean. We really need to talk.”
“I don’t want to.” Dean brushes him off, not making a move to sit up.
“Do you want me to move out,” Castiel offers.
“Do you want to move out?”
“You know damn well that I don’t want to, nor do I want you to. Don't just repeat my words. Whatever it is that’s going on can’t be fixed if neither of us does anything.”
“What is going on?”
“I thought you didn’t want to talk.”
“I’ll bite.”
“Dean, ever since we told each other that we are bisexual, you’ve been avoiding me. That’s what’s going on. I’ve let it slide because I care about you and don’t want to fuck things up, but it’s been going on for too long. Tell me why you’ve been avoiding me.”
“Cas…”
Castiel doesn’t budge. He won’t say anything until Dean tells him why he’s been doing what he’s doing.
“Cas, I…”
He still doesn’t budge.
“Cas, ever since we had our little coming out party, I’ve realized that my feelings for you go beyond friendship.”
Castiel’s breath hitches. He blinks a few times before clearing his throat. “Oh?”
“Yeah… I figured… I figured that you’d not want to live with me anymore if you found out.”
Castiel scoffs. “Dean, you’re a fool.”
“I’m… sorry?”
“My feelings for you go beyond friendship, as well,” Castiel adds on. “You’re a fool for thinking otherwise.”
“Well, you didn’t exactly advertise it,” Dean mumbles.
Dean isn't wrong, at least he doesn't think he's wrong. Castiel on the other hand does. He thought he was being upfront with his emotions, but apparently Dean didn't see it that way.
“Dean, I took you out for dinner and got you flowers.”
“And they were very nice flowers.”
“I understood it as a date.”
That makes one of them.
“A… A what?”
Castiel cannot help but chuckle. They really aren't on the same page here.
“Dean, I asked you on a date and you agreed.
“I thought… Well... I didn’t know what I thought."
Castiel chuckles again.
This man who owns his entire heart is a total fool. Of course, it was established already, but he didn't think it went that far. Dean chuckles too, realizing that the man who owns his heart is a fool.
"We're just idiots, huh," Dean points out.
Castiel nods, "Yeah, we are. How about this. Would you like to go on a date that we both know we’re on,” Castiel offers.
“Sure, Cas,” Dean says.
Castiel can hear the smile in Dean’s voice.
Dean speaks again. “Cas, buddy, are we good?”
This time Castiel hears how unsure Dean is… scared of what answer he’ll get.
“Yes, we are. Stupid, but good.”
~
The next time Dean wakes up to Castiel watching him sleep, he’s pleasantly surprised. They’d been dating for a few weeks, and they worked out all their problems further. Things were going well.
“Hmm? What’re you doin’, Cas?”
Castiel traces his finger along the side of Dean’s face. “You’re beautiful.”
Dean smiles bashfully, “Stop it.”
“And your freckles? Fucking perfect. I’ve been counting them. I’m sure God himself crafted you.”
Dean’s grateful that they’re in the dark, for he can feel his face heating up. Before they started dating, Castiel would compliment him occasionally. Now, he takes every chance to tell Dean how beautiful he is. How good he looks that day. Anything.
“Cas,” Dean draws out the ‘a’.
“Dean,” Castiel says teasingly.
He plants a kiss on Dean’s nose.
“One more,” Dean requests.
Castiel nods, planting another kiss on his nose, but Dean shakes his head. He cups the side of Castiel’s face and kisses him, taking in his soft lips and the way they taste like watermelon Chapstick. They both roll back over, Castiel's arm drawing the other man close. He presses a kiss to the crook of Dean's neck before they both go to sleep, content with life.
Of course, Dean wakes up to Castiel watching him sleep countless more times. But none of them mattered except those five.
