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June 2025 — Willingness
Download to Color Exploring the Spiritual Path of the 12 Steps Step 6: Willingness For this step we are encouraged to be willing to move past our limitations, to release limiting beliefs and negative energy that obstruct our connection to our Authentic Selves and our HP. We all have strengths and weaknesses. Instead of dwelling on our shortcomings, focus instead on optimizing our strengths so…
June 2025 — Willingness
Download to Color Exploring the Spiritual Path of the 12 Steps Step 6: Willingness For this step we are encouraged to be willing to move past our limitations, to release limiting beliefs and negative energy that obstruct our connection to our Authentic Selves and our HP. We all have strengths and weaknesses. Instead of dwelling on our shortcomings, focus instead on optimizing our strengths so…
As part of my 6th and 7th step I will be writing my character defects on rocks and throwing them into Lake Michigan tomorrow.
12-6-2015
What an amazing past couple days. Is amazing the right word? It has been an experience to say the least. Reflections of my time on the mountain bring peace. Last night became intense and exhaustive. My sponsor and I didn’t begin until nearly 7:30 pm. We spent the next 3 or so hours just on my resentments, taking a minor piss break. Then the next couple hours addressing my fears and sex inventories, by midnight we were done talking and I headed back to my hotel; tired but awake I still had more work to do. I then had to sit in silent contemplation for the next hour, review what had just transpired over the last several hours as well as my time in sobriety especially the past year leading up to that moment. Had I been completely honest, had I left anything out? What were my motives that have led me to this moment? Once the hour of reexamination was up I had to review my list of character defects and become willing to have them removed, Step 6. Once recognized and willing, I then prayed and asked my Higher Power to do so, Step 7. I don’t really know what I was expecting, it would have been awesome if there had been thunder and lighting and spectacle and awe and an angel came down from heaven touched my forehead and all was well with the world. But it didn’t. I felt relief and exhaustion and hunger. Sleep did not come immediate, possibly it would have had I just lay down and went to sleep but I watched some TV. Sleep was restless last night and I would have liked more but that is always the case. I awoke and proceeded with my morning routine as usual. My meditation was pleasant this morning, different but same. Of course the tears came when Haley and M entered the mind. I found a new guided practice that allots a good amount of time for mindfulness before the Metta practice which I found soothing today. I am now at Starbucks awaiting response from my sponsor to meet up and wrap this trip up with going over yesterday and diving into steps 8 & 9. As I sit here in this college town of a major SEC university in a Starbucks some distance from campus I believe I see people studying, putting in work, the things I should have done then when I was at their time in life. Yet, I do it now with completely different subject matter. I have spent the past 3 hours reviewing step work in the AA 12 and 12, and answering essay type questions out of the NA workbook for the 5th step and until I hear from my sponsor I will continue on to the 6th in the workbook. What I fear now is the application of these new feelings and defect removal, how will I be affected how will I affect others. Will I be perceived as fake to the ones who “know” me? Difficult decisions lie ahead…
http://lighthouserecoveryinstitute.com/
I got great advice from my sponsor about the incident with my drunken "friend" Saturday night. I definitely have calmed down, and I take a lot of responsibility for not speaking up and not protecting my sobriety above all else. I was able to let my friend know I need to back away from the friendship, but in an "I" way instead of a "you" way. We'll see how she responds. I'm scared. It's uncomfortable for me to confront feelings like this, and to tell people I'm hurt. I guess it's a good thing I start group therapy tomorrow, to better learn how to express my needs constructively in the moment.