Constantly trying to change myself. Constantly forcing myself to do better, think better, and “know better”. Then beating myself up when I’m not “better” because I cannot simply let go. Today that stops. Just did my 5th step with my sponsor and honestly can say that was one of the most challenging things I have ever had to do in my entire life. Completely be brutally honest with another human being about everything that has happened to me, every person I have hurt, every fear I have, every defect of character. Getting everything out and letting my walls down with another person was something I never thought possible. I was so nervous that she would think I was “ too fucked up” or “not bad enough”. Almost everything that came out of my mouth all she did was shake her head and say “ me too”. And when we were done she said I didn’t have to be that person anymore. Those people and things and places don’t have power over me anymore to make me feel the way they did. If I make that choice. Burning all 35 of those pages was one of the most liberating feelings in the world. Regardless of what has happened to you/ what you have done in the past, you can’t change what happened. You can only change how you let it affect you. You can dwell on it and continue to destroy yourself or you can let it go, accept that it happend and strive to do better and make kinder choices. The past has past so let it fucking go. Accept the things you can’t change, and change the things you can.