#a self reflection

[mckiringoooo]

ok everyone let's talk....

everything seems to be getting worse. i genuinely dunno what's happening rn or what to do. I'm angry though. that's one. I just need input from everyone rn. I really still wanna support the new movie but idk anymore. (Wanted to see it in theaters but......may have to see it online....)

It seems like almost this entire year more shit about them keeps coming out. As of right now all of this once again is all because of Steve-O....

A wise man on the internet said "one rotten egg doesn't spoil the whole lot" but think about it y'all...

Steve-O's not the only one......

Over these past months I've been hearing more shit about the guys and everyone in their inner circle. And it seems to be more. Most of them are all rumors thank God but some just hurt me to my core. I love being in this fandom and with every fandom their's going to be that one THING that ruins it. But unfortunately in our case it's the main peeps who are bad.

I just want everyone else's intake for this....

[gildedmuse]

[shlocc]

i went back through my old blog last night bc i was curious abt 15-16 year old me’s mental illness progression (rough) and i was pleasantly surprise to find out like,, how much ive wanted to do/achieved since that age. like talking about how id never be able to see my fav band when this week i got tickets to BOTH their toronto shows. or how i saw another fav band who helped me come out in hs and met the singer and hugged him and got his signature just last week. or how id ideally like to live in toronto and go to art school, which i am. seeing past me struggle to get footing on my identity and not really knowing who i am and in the past 5-6 years its been hard but like, im there? i honestly didnt remember stressing over any of this and its nice to see that like 15/16 year old me would be so pleased to see where i am. despite it currently being mostly piss its nice to be able to see that past perspective of myself, would love to go back and tell little me that i actually am on the right track to figuring it out, and that i just have to be patient and let things play out even if i disagree.  its really one of those “glad i didnt kms in highschool” moments. 

[button-eyed-angels]

How to stop borrowing worry, especially when it keeps showing up on your chest in the middle of the night like a cat.

[zephyr-ghost]

suspension.

[kisdbyfire]

I’m not immaculately clean, organized, or a workaholic.  I embrace the messy, make mistakes, and sometimes get annoyed with the people that call me at work.  I’m forgetful at times-- and am by no means a perfectionist.  In spite of all these things, I do my job well because I care about the people that I work with and the work that I do.  I’m not perfect, but I strive for the work that I produce to be a reflection of who I am and my values.  

###

Danielle 

[quietdeersleepylion]

Why Am I Angry?

- Angry that my parents still get mad at me for what we all now know I cannot control.

- Angry that they don’t see how much of my pain comes from them thinking that I’m just trying to hurt them. 

- Angry that they don’t understand how much mental anguish I’m in when we’re arguing or I’m trying to do something that challenges me socially or mentally (especially when they’re watching). 

- Angry that they think I’m attacking them when I tell them to “please go away, I need to be alone right now.” or “please stop yelling.” “THIS ISN’T YELLING.” Some things give me anxiety! This has nothing to do with you as a person, it’s just I may cry if you continue to speak extraordinarily loud! And that’s uncomfortable for me, partially because you’ll just ask “why’re you crying now??”

- I’m angry because you have no consideration for my feelings besides “oh this restricts you”. It affects me more than allowing you to form an opinion of my capabilities based on your little faith in me and the basic description of a mental health condition!

- Angry that they tell me I can’t do things, like “you can’t become a teacher, you just couldn’t.”

- Angry that my twin brother doesn’t love me or even respect me, and my parents aren’t worried or hurt by this.

- Angry that people don’t believe in me when I am working so hard and believing in myself so, so much.

- Angry that people look down on me and don’t respect me and that I can’t trust them until I get to know them. 

- Angry that no one believes that I hold myself to very high standards, morally, ethically, academically, socially. 

- Angry that I can’t do things on my own.

- Angry that I have no control over my anger and bitterness and that it’s horribly affecting how I treat others.