An apparently unpopular opinion: disabled people can have and do their hobbies. They deserve to have fun. They deserve to live their lives.
Their inability to do some things (like work, for example) does not mean they should be judged for… idk hanging out with their friends or to going outside. After all, having interests outside of work is often essential to our mental and physical health OUTSIDE of our disability.
And also *you might want to sit down for this* disabled people know what’s disabling for them (unless they people-please or push through due to necessity or survival of some sort). Disabilities don’t have to be visible or persistent to be disabling.
So yeah - my declaration: if an activity you want to do feels good and you’re able to do it, then do it. REGARDLESS OF YOUR DISABILITY WITH OTHER THINGS.
Toast vents about their poster again (but its the last time this time I promise)
Anyways last ever time I'll mention it ever i swear but after months of emailing about it I finally got a response about the signed Welcome Home poster i never got and was given a refund. Kinda hoped they'd at least offer to send me a non signed one but nope. Refunded and thrown aside. Cool.
I'm so actually sad and it feels so unfair that I missed out on having a signed poster and there's nothing I can really do about it. Maybe thats silly but this whole experience with dealing with literally the worst customer service ever has ruined any chance I ever buy from Glitch/Final Final project shops ever again. Which means I'll never get to buy WH merch again while these guys are in charge of it. Yay.
I'm so beyond disappointed...but its done now. Nothing else to do other than move on.
I really dont know if this counts as NSFW? I dont know if this makes me a NSFW account either so I deeply apologize if it does but none of what I want is NSFW anyway. When I talk about this its not meant to be sexual.
Anyway: venting below. Mentions of mental health etc. struggles with agere. Being an adult. Believing I dont to agere because im too old
I read alot of "forced" agre type content, but I never read any that has explicit sexual content bc that doesnt interest me at all.
What I want is to be forced into little space? I guess? Well no not forced in a cruel or mean way. I want someone to grab all my little stuff and make me sit down and colour in a children's book page- to make a comment if its "too adult." To make sure I go out of the lines and then praise me for how good It is "Ill put it on the fridge" type thing. Like being an adult is something to be scolded for, but Im praised for acting younger.
I feel like Ive spent so long ashamed and disgusted at my Age regression that the only way for me to truly think someone wants me to age regress is for my big/caregiver/whatever to just go
"Youre going to regress. You clearly need it."
"Youre giving me attitude and I wont stand for it, kid. Go sit down on the floor and wait for me to handle you." Before giving me little toys or a bottle or something ykno?
Being a man, being older (24) and being someone who was a caregiver for their mother, someone who's been parentified their entire life (if that's the right wording. My mother was BPD and I was her mental health support. I used to sleep on the floor of her bedroom to ensure she didn't run away at night. (I was in grade 9) i think the concept of age regressing has become foreign to me.
I feel so gross and ashamed and like I want to cry at the thought of going into lil space or age regression or what not (I dont know what people call it anymore but the nonsexual one. It used to be called little space when I was younger, now I believe it's called Age regression.)
Even going into it on my own I tend to just cringe and embarrass myself, even though no one's even around. I end up just sitting there colouring in kids books, completely adult. With tears in my eyes.
So I dont know what that counts as anymore. Is that ok to talk about with the community? Can I talk about that among the AgeRe community, are there other people with the same feelings as I? The desire to have someone decide I will age regress, even to the point of ignoring my autonomy (but not in a cruel way) Its like a parent, realising their kid has to settle down, so they'll make them settle down. I want my adult self to be treated like I'm just having a temper tantrum and need to be babied. Man. I miss age regressing.
. I dont feel that you see me as a man. Or at least even a guy, a dude. And ykw. You dont. I can tell, and I really actually hate that. I dont hate you, I dont really blame you persay, but knowing that I am not seen as who I actually am by someone I love deeply, is completely uncanny to me. Its disturbing, it makes me feel sick.
I know you're figuring yourself out, I know you're still questioning your sexuality and everything, but it really really hurts when you tell me you're straight. I dont think you understand at all. Its nauseating, it makes me feel so disgusted with myself. It makes me feel like im ruining you.
I dont like being called pretty. I dont like being called beautiful. I want to be handsome and charming and manly and stunning. I am not your girlfriend. I know you dont call me that, it just needs to be clarified.
You love me. I know that. I love you. I know that. I only wish that you would see me as I am, as I really am. Im not ever going to be a girl, I will never be your girlfriend, I will never be anyone's wife. I will always be a man. I will always be Kaine. Thats my name, thats my real, genuine name.
I used to be a girl, I will admit! When I was a little baby, thats who I was. Her name was [deadname], and she lived a good life, and she had so much fun. But she isnt there anymore. I took her place, I took the life she lived, because she deserved better. And I will never go back. She only exists in my memories. [Deadname] is not me, and I am not her. I knew her, and she influences some things I will admit, but now its just Me. Kaine.
Anyone who says that I am her is wrong. Anyone who calls me by that name is wrong. And I will hate them. They are disgracing that little girl I once was, they are spitting on her face and rubbing dirt in her eyes.
I am Kaine. That is who I am. I am a man in the places it matters most, and nothing will ever, EVER change that. I want to look like a man, I want to be covered in hair. I want a fucking mustache and beard and I want muscles and fat on my body, and I want a flat chest, a chest without tits. I want a dick, whether silicone or real, and I want my driver's license to have an M marker. I want to be called Sir and Mr.
I want to get married in an elegant suit, have the priest or whatever tell my partner they may kiss the groom. God I want to be a groom, waiting for my partner to walk down the aisle in their beautiful outfit, and be their husband, their partner.
I want to be a safe place for other gay men and boys, and I want to relate with them and talk about how it is to be a man, to love other men and other people as a man. I want to be seen, felt, taste, heard, cherished, loved, held, protected, helped, hurt, feared, hated, buried as a man.
At my funeral I want them to say how much of a beloved Husband, brother, father, uncle, and friend I was. I want my gravestone to have Kaine on it. I want to be buried with a fine old black suit. I want the crowd to have loved me as I was, I want to have been a man throughout the entire life by the people I loved. I want the eulogies to say "He was a great man". I want the preacher to say "He had a good life".In every single aspect, I want to be known, I want to be loved, i want to die, a man.
Do not let them bury me in a dress. Do not call me their daughter. Do not call me a wife. Do not call me a mother. Do not let them take away who I was, and use a name that died before my body. Do not speak to me like a woman. Do not lie to me or yourself, saying I am something I am not.
I can’t believe my life is fucking over. . . . . . .
My Mom is never letting my or my sister to celebrate Halloween of 2025 again because they believe it’s Satan’s Holiday and yet, we are raised as Catholics. . . . . . . . . I wish I wasn’t raised as a catholic and I just and just wanted to be away from my narcissistic mother and bitter sister. . . . . . . . . . . .
