Something I haven’t been able to get out of my head for the next book is Elain using truth teller to unmake her unwanted mating bond and choosing the male who truly sees her; who has shown, in so many tiny ways throughout the series, what love can really be like with the right person. It will be so powerful to see her take fate into her own hands, after being at the whims of those around her for so long.
@/icezimy absolutely BLEW ME AWAY bringing this art to life, and I cannot thank you enough, it turned out better than I could have imagined 💜🗡️
a/n; Heyy! This is the last part guys! Hope you enjoy 🤗 also I really recommend looking up the meaning of the flowers after you read. 💕
content/trigger warnings; food, cussing, kissing, one or two use y/n, no smut BUT some lust and hints to masturbation, Azriel pining, Cassian being sassy, FEM reader (if you’d like me to make a another post with male reader, message me!) she/her pronouns for reader, rain mention and I think that’s it. If I missed something, feel free to message me on it!💗
You are in a warm bath, infused with the scent of essential oils, a perfect remedy to the grime from your training. You shake the thought out of your head, cursing yourself. Azriel didn’t like you like that. Cassian kisses Feyre on the cheek all the time, so why did it mean anything different if he kissed you? It didn’t mean anything different. But still, ever since he had left for his mission you found yourself running your fingers over your cheek.
It felt as though your skin was ablaze, heat gathering in your thighs. You abruptly reached towards them, water splashing. Halting yourself, you felt a surge of guilt and shame. If Azriel knew what you were thinking, he'd avoid your gaze forever. The thought made you feel sick. You groaned aloud, resting your head against the edge of the tub. You longed for him, missed his enticing cooking and physique. No, just his cooking. You chastised yourself again. Bad thoughts!
Goosebumps arose on your skin. The water had become ice cold. You rose from the water, letting the air chill your skin. Your nipples hardened, and you wondered if it was from your imagination or the cold air. You quickly leaped from the tub, landing on the mat. You wrapped your towel around your body after drying your wet hair.
Your bare feet padded against the floor as you walked out of the bathroom, letting the house magic take care of the leftover water. Your room felt warmer upon entering, soothing you. The room smelt like musk and bourbon. Like Azriel almost. You shivered with delight, stepping to your vanity. You reached for your hair brush, looking into the mirror only to be met with horror.
You yelped in shock, turning to face the shadowsinger. He sat on your bed, holding one of your books. His wings were spread lazily on your covers. He huffed a laugh at your reaction, grinning. “That’s certainly not the welcoming I was expecting.” He concurred smugly.
“Azriel..” You muttered. He was early. And you hadn’t expected him to be here. “How long have you been back?” you asked. He smiled.
“I’ve been here for fifteen minutes waiting for you to get out of,” he paused, his eyes trailing down to your body, “your bath..”
You felt your face heat, suddenly realizing you wore nothing but a small towel. Your body was glistening wet. He looked you back in the eyes with a small smirk.
“Oh cauldron!” You squeaked, wrapping your arms around your body more tightly. He laughed, heartily. Azriel shook his head before standing. He laid your book down and with embarrassment you realized it was one of your more smuttier books. And by that you mean it was pure porn. There was nothing more embarrassing about this situation. He smirked at you again, before taking a few steps towards you. You notice there are fresh flowers on your nightstand now. It was a bouquet of red and pink flowers you hadn't seen before. You’d have to look them up in your flower guide.
“I have a training session where I plan on beating Cas’s ass, but I wanted to see you first. We’ll have lunch in around two hours, okay?” He demanded gently. You nodded shyly, unable to think of a coherent response. He smiled, pleased. He walked forward, and you hoped he would kiss you again. Just not on the cheek. But alas, he pulled you in a hug, his warm muscly body a hard contrast to your cold one. Your right hand held your towel in place, while your left wrapped around him. He shivered, and you figured it was due to your wet hair?
Azriel let go quickly and abruptly and you wondered if you did something wrong. He smiled tightly. “See you in two hours, love.” He whispered affectionately before turning and taking flight from your balcony.
He left you standing there, wet all over, confused, warm, and also shivering. You still couldn’t wrap your head around this feeling you had.
After you changed into a tank top and shorts you approached the flowers on your nightstand. They were gorgeous. You bit your lip as you grabbed a flower guide book, ready to find what type of flowers they were.
They were pink bluebells and red chrysanthemums.
A beautiful sandwich filled with all your favorite toppings, sat in front of you. Courtesy to Azriel. You sighed, wondering if you’d ever be as good as a cook Azriel was. It was truly a hidden talent of his. There wasn’t something he couldn’t fix.
A warm leathery wing brushed on your bare shoulder as he passed by. He sat his food down beside yours before pulling out a chair and setting it directly by yours. It was now lunch time. Both Cassian and Azriel were sweaty muscly messes. Their skin glistened with pure sweat. And you wondered how Azriel still managed to smell like a god still. After you left your room, you spent some time enjoying the morning breeze and relaxing. When it came time for lunch, you walked to the dining area. Azriel was waiting for you in the kitchen where he made your sandwich and a drink for you. Every detail of it was to your liking.
Cassian, of course, stood in the corner complaining about Azriel never fixing him sandwiches. Azriel had knocked him in the face with his wing, shutting him up. Cassian stayed in the kitchen, munching on some snacks. He feigned not paying attention to you nor Azriel.
Both of your chairs were back less, as to accommodate for wings. Sure, your skin felt a little chilly in the air due to your tank top. But Azriel’s wing, warm from training in the sun, stayed on your back. It was comforting. Like a blanket that's been sitting by a cozy fireplace.
Azriel pushed the plate towards you again, motioning for you to start eating. When you started, and he was sure you were satisfied with the taste, he started eating his too. And, of course, everything tasted perfect. When you both finished, the house took care of the plates. Cassian and Nesta had joined at the other end of the table, talking to each other as they ate. You caught yourself admiring them- the love they had. That you felt you would never have. They bickered, sure. But they were so in love. You couldn’t help but envy them. If only a guy loved you like that.
Your thoughts broke when Azriel started talking. He had a soft smile as he told you of his mission. Apparently the queens were doing okay and hadn’t been stirring up trouble, so he was able to leave early.
“You didn’t starve while I was away did you? Next time I’ll drag you with me so I can actually focus on my mission.” He muttered running his hands through his hair. Azriel always spoke softly unless angry. Or at least you had never heard him get loud. You didn’t catch Cassian and Nesta smirking at you both. Nesta couldn’t help but snort to herself. You were so oblivious. You didn’t even seem to notice Azriel only ran his mouth like this when around you. He seemed so open with you and comfortable.
“Of course I didn’t starve- wait, why couldn’t you focus on your mission?” You inquired, confused.
“Ah- No reason, dear.” He responded. His pet name went over your head. Azriel bit his lower lip, staring at you with intent eyes. He couldn’t help but feel amused by your blatant obliviousness. Your eyes went to where Cassian sat across from you with his eyes closed, kissing and smacking his lips, like he was making out with the air. Your eyebrows furrowed at the weirdness until he stopped and pointed at Azriel, then you. Nesta slapped him and he realized he had been caught. You were about to question his weird antics before a wing blocked your sight towards them.
You turned to where Azriel had gotten closer. He used his wing to make sure ALL of your attention was on him.“I have to go meet with Rhys soon. But when I get back, we need to talk.” He said sternly. His eyes were hardened and your face dropped. Did you do something wrong? He noticed the look and smiled softly to reassure you.
“Wait for me here?” He asked. And you nodded, still nervous. Your hands came together to fiddle awkwardly but Azriel’s hands laid on top of yours. He lifted your hands and kissed the top of both of them. You blushed at the intimacy. He lifted his head, and ran a hand through his hair.
He stood, still holding your hand with one of his. The room had gone quiet. Like it was just you and him. He leaned forward and kissed your forehead. You felt the heat and softness of his lips as they pressed to your head. Your bottom lip quivered as you looked shyly to the floor. What was happening? You didn’t even know anymore. Your body didn’t feel like it was yours anymore.
He stood and winked at you playfully before heading to the balcony and once again spreading those giant wings and shooting into the air. You sighed to yourself before realizing that Cassian and Nesta were both staring at you. Cassian sighed and looked to Nesta.
“I’ll bet you 80 gold coins-“ he started, but Nesta slapped a hand on his mouth so he couldn’t finish. She smiled at you before grabbing Cassian and leaving you alone in the room, deep in your thoughts.
Rhysand’s office was warmer then the rest of his house today. Azriel was filling him in on his recent mission. And to his distaste, that meant he had to be away from you. He didn't care that he’d be back within a few hours, he had already suffered during his mission. Being away from you- not being able to smell you on his clothes anymore, distressed him more then he cared to admit. He remembers worrying if you had ate, or if you forgot to eat again. His wings bristled at the memory. Upon coming back to you, he couldn't be bothered to care you had just got out of the bath. He thanked the Mother for blessing him with such good timing. You were so god damn beautiful, and if that towel had dropped- Azriel wouldn’t have left that room for a good fucking long while.
He had been too excited to even care that you were wet and only in a towel, he just had to hug you. But he didn't expect to feel his cock stiffen. He couldn’t help it, your body in his arms felt so good. You were so fucking pretty, it hurt. Azriel was embarrassed that he lost control of his own body. He planned on holding you for longer, but when your hand wrapped around his back, it brushed that sensitive part of his wing, sending a jolt to his dick. He had to rip away before you felt the growing hardness in his pants, and he felt so bad seeing your face of confusion. You hadn’t meant too. And you looked so hurt and you didn't even know what your had done. He cursed his body hating his lack of control, but didn't want you to think he was a creep so he left early to take care of himself.
“Az? Are you listening?”
Azriel snapped out of his thoughts and turned back to where his brother sat. Rhysand sighed and shook his head before repeating himself.
“I was asking if you could run to Velaris and pick up some medicine from Madja? Feyre has been having some headaches.”
Azriel’s eyebrows furrowed and he contemplated. Of course, he loved his high lady and didn’t want her to be in pain. But he wanted to get back to you fast. He needed your presence. Soon. Before he lost his mind. “Can’t you just winnow yourself? It’d be a lot faster then me having to fly.” He proposed.
Rhysand bristled slightly at Azriel’s slight coldness. He knew his brother, and knew he didn't mean it personally. Rhysand smirked. “Cassian warned me of this.”
“Warned you of what?” Azriel asked. ”He told me you get extremely pissy whenever you’ve been away from her for too long.” Rhysand spoke, with a knowing smile.
Azriel knew he was talking of you. His eyebrows furrowed and scowled at his brother before huffing. Before he could reply Rhys continued.
“It’s alright, we get it. Cas and I have both been through it with our mates.” Azriel didn’t respond this time. He shook his head with a slight growl. How come everyone could see his affection for you- but you? It was infuriating! He hoped maybe kissing your cheek would make you magically realize he had loved you, but it didn’t. Cauldron! How much more obvious does he need to make it?
Rhys dismissed him with his signature smirk, the all knowing bastard too smug for Azriel’s liking tonight.
Azriel wasn’t back yet. And the sun had already set, leaving it dark outside. You wondered what was taking him so long to tell Rhys of his mission. In reality you were more worried of what he wanted to talk about. You currently sat by the fireplace in your room, letting the heat warm your body. You had left the balcony doors open, assuming Azriel would fly through there.
You had two candles burning, and a book open in your hands. The sound of pitter patter against the marble floors distracted you from your book. You turned your head to the balcony doors and sighed, seeing it was raining. the water was getting on your floor. You grabbed a towel from the bathroom, and wiped the water from the floor. You closed the door to the balcony, but leaving it unlocked for him.
You turned around, noticing the flowers. You smiled joyfully. It was nice always having a pair of fresh flowers, thanks to Azriel.
“Pay more attention.”
You remembered Mor’s words. What were you suppose to pay attention to? You had already dissected every single memory you had of Azriel, but you coulnd’t find anything in your mind that was out of the ordinary. You sighed, rubbing your temples. Nothing made sense anymore. You ran a hand through your hair, stressed.
You looked around the room before your eyes found the flowers again. You remembered Azriel giving you a book that had the meanings flowers last Starfall. Your eyes snapped to the floating bookshelf Azriel has installed in your room two years ago. You quickly approached it, running your fingers across the titles until you found the right one. You pulled the book out, grazing the cover with your fingertips.
You sat by the fireplace, flipping through until you found the flowers you were looking for.
A whooshing sound came from your balcony, prompting you to close the book and stand, walking to your nightstand and laying it down. You turned to the door of the balcony, watching it open. Azriel stepped in, hair wet from rain. Water dripped from his body onto your floor. He wanted slightly eyes latching onto yours. He held a small pink box that he had managed to keep dry. You briefly wondered what it was until he started to walk towards you. Determination was in his eyes as he walked fast, in front of you within seconds. He licked his lips, looking at your eyes.
Everything froze, and it was just you and him. Standing there. His eyes were dilated and filled with affection now. You didn’t notice him setting the box on your nightstand, never breaking eye contact. His eyes flicked down to your lips, before looking back up. You felt the tension in the room. His eyes seemed to glow more tonight. Brighter than the fire.
You looked back to where the flowers were and then back back to him.
“Why did you give me pink bluebells and red chrysanthemums?” You asked, you voice barely above a whisper.
Azriel cocked his head to the side, studying you. His shadows whirl around, some coming to play with your hair. The tendrils swirl gently around you.
“Why do you think I gave them to you?” He responded. His voice was roughed, but gentle. You looked away to the floor and shrugged, feeling shy under his unwavering stare.
“Answer me.”
You felt a hand on your chin, turning your face back to his. His thumb rubbed mindlessly at your jaw.
“I don’t know..” You replied. He was closer now, you could feel his breath against your face. It was minty and fresh.
“Fucking hell y/n.” He groaned, grabbing your hips and gently pushing you to sit on the edge of the bed. He dropped to his knees in front of you, head bowed. He looked as if he was saying a prayer, his head bowed in your lap. His wings were draped across the floor, and he was muttering something to himself. He held your knees, and when he looked back up to you his eyes were teary.
“Azriel-“ you started, only for him to cut you off.
“What am I doing wrong? Have I not made it painfully clear? I would tie my wings behind my back and jump off this roof if you asked me too. I would do anything,” He sniffled, “anything for you. But you don’t even realize. What am I doing wrong?” You saw tears beginning to form in his eyes. Confusion filled every ounce of your soul. What did he mean?
“I would jump off for you too-“
“No! You don’t get it!” He rose, cupping your face with his hands. A pleading look was in his eyes. “Look at me! Don’t you feel it? Don’t you feel it here?” His hand came to lay where your heart would be. Your felt it beating crazily. What did he mean?
Azriel closed his eyes, sending a silent prayer to the mother. He opened them again.
“Just notice it y/n. Notice it- Notice me. Please..” he whispered. You wanted to scream you loved him suddenly, but he probably doesn’t mean this like that. This is probably some dumb prank he and his brothers came up with again.
His forehead rested against yours now, and you gasped as you felt something tugging on your heart. Like gold threads weaving together. It felt as if someone had tied Azriel to you. Shadows whirled crazily around you both now. Your hand came to rest over his trying to decipher this feeling in your heart. His eyes peered into yours. And he closed them as he moved his head and pressed a small kiss to your forehead.
“I love you, even if you don’t return it.” He croaked, defeatedly. His eyes opened and watched you. He watched as your eyebrows furrowed and you looked at your chest and then back to him.
He let out a grunt of surprise when you smashed your lips against his. Azriel wondered if this was real. Staying still, as if not to scare you away. When he realized it was real- and you were kissing him he melted. He kissed you back gently and meaningful. It was everything you had ever wanted you realized. Why hadn’t you noticed sooner? You could’ve been kissing this muscly man a lot sooner. Only did you detach yourself when you needed air. Both of your foreheads touched, and you both panted for air.
“Mate.” You whispered to him. He smiled, thanking the mother you had finally felt the bond. He nodded in response.
“Mate.” He replied. He nudged you back against the sheets, gently letting your body plop on the bed.
“But I have loved you long before I found out we were mates.” He muttered, his wings flaring slightly. He climbed on top of you, straddling your hips.
You nodded. “I loved you too- but I just thought that, I wasn’t the girl you’d ever wanna be with.”
“I’ve fucking craved you ever since I met you. And that won’t stop, ever. I swear, you’re the most oblivious girl I’ve ever met.” He said. His eyes weren’t wet anymore. It calmed you, seeing him calmer. The shadows were slowly and lazily playing with your hair again. You peered into Azriel’s eyes and thought back to every single memory you and him had, and realized it was all love. You were too oblivious to realize it. He slowly leaned down and brushed his lips against yours, wings covering you both. You kissed him back with a fever you couldn’t stop anymore.
After a few minutes, he crawled off of you and stood. You rose, propping yourself up. He handed you the pink box.
“I stopped by your favorite bakery and got you a cupcake.” Azriel spoke. The cupcake inside was big- almost two times bigger then your hand. And it was your favorite flavor. Your eyes softened at the kindness. You looked back up to him as you lifted the cupcake towards him.
“Eat Azriel.” You whispered. His eyes darkened upon realizing you wanted to solidify the mating bond- and confirm it. He shivered but stopped himself.
“The market is oversaturated with girl bosses! Sarah J Maas will never write another strong female again!”
You know what the market is actually over saturated with? Rhys/Darkling shadow daddy reiterations. It’s been done, done again, done worse, and done better.
The Lasting Impression of "A Thing of Secret, Lovely Beauty"
I was thinking more on the “thing of secret, lovely beauty” phrasing and the final words in Azriel’s ACOSF bonus chapter. For SJM to end the chapter with these words, as a callback to their prior use early on, I believe she is hitting us over the head so we pay close attention to them. They are literally the last words we get from Azriel’s one-and-only POV so far. That alone should add an air of gravitas to them. So, I want to explore why the end of the bonus chapter matters and why it indicates that we’ll see the continued development of Azriel’s relationship with Gwyn in their book (which I believe will be ACOTAR5).
But, bear with me a bit as I first touch on considerations that lead up to Azriel’s POV and help support the significance of those final words . . .
I know there is criticism from some readers who claim there is “nothing to Gwynriel”--that there are no developing feelings between Azriel and Gwyn during ACOSF, he never thinks of wanting her like he wants Elain, he wouldn’t even go as far as to call Gwyn a friend, etc.
While I disagree that there is no proof of something shifting between the two of them (and I’ll explain why in more detail below), I would agree that there is nothing overtly romantic established between Azriel and Gwyn by the end of the novel. However, for me, that’s a moot point. And it’s also a strong indicator that there is “something to Gwynriel.”
Although ACOTAR is published in the fantasy genre, it also has a foot planted firmly in the romance genre--and there is an unspoken agreement between author and reader that, for romance arcs, the romantic development happens on the page and is experienced through the POV of at least one, but ideally both, members of the pairing. This is necessary for readers to understand authentic connection, to allow the relationship space to breathe, and to provide intimacy for emotional investment. Otherwise, the romance can feel unearned or like a plot device.
SJM has already been on record that each ACOTAR book moving forward will focus on a different romantic pairing. So, assuming Azriel’s book is next based on ACOSF and HOFAS in particular, why on earth would SJM lean into an end game romance for Azriel during Nesta and Cassian’s book? There would then be little room for growth or challenge in Azriel’s own book--no tension. How incredibly boring. Plus, I’ve been reading SJM since 2012, and if there is one thing I’ve learned when it comes to analyzing her writing, it’s that she loves giving characters the space to change along with a healthy dose of tension. Characterization (and to a certain extent plot) is all about tension. For example:
what a character WANTS vs. what a character NEEDS
where a character STARTS vs. where a character ENDS
what a character BELIEVES vs. a character confronting a TRUTH
We can clearly see how Azriel’s tension is being established within each of these examples--to foreshadow both his personal growth and his romantic arc with a potential mate in Gwyn. When it comes to the developing shift in how Azriel begins to see Gwyn, SJM says everything we need to know in the bonus chapter. We know he's noticing not just her physical features (ex: her eyes, her “hair shining like molten metal”), but who she is as a person (ex: how much she has changed, her “charming irreverence”).
By the time we reach the bonus chapter/ Solstice in the ACOSF timeline, Azriel is also no longer observing Gwyn from a distance. There HAS been a change and plenty of indicators that something is beginning to shift between them. It isn’t romantic, yet; but, it honestly shouldn’t be if we’re playing by the romance genre rules. What it should be, however, is a clear signal that something natural and genuine is happening between two characters who are slowly beginning to understand each other.
As a reminder, when we first see Azriel and Gwyn interact, it’s during training when Azriel has been brought on board to help Cassian with the increase in new priestess recruits:
“Gwyn had been distracted today--one eye on the other side of the ring. Cassian could only assume she was watching his brother, who had given Gwyn a small smile of greeting upon arrival. Gwyn hadn’t returned it. . . . She’d said nothing about it during the lesson. Only glanced every now and then toward Az, who remained dutifully focused on his charges.”
We have no reason to believe that Azriel and Gwyn have had any interactions since Sangravah (although I guess their book could contradict that). So, if we’re to assume this is the first time they have seen each other since then, it’s a notable moment. It establishes a baseline for Azriel and Gwyn so that the reader can begin to measure their developing growth and comfort with one another.
That first growth measurement takes place during Azriel’s bonus chapter. We eventually end with the final words of Azriel’s POV, where the image of Gwyn’s joy is “a thing of secret, lovely beauty” to Azriel that he buries “down deep, where it glowed quietly.” That seems like quite a jump on the measuring stick from the first interaction at training.
So, how does this jump happen? Well, friends, it happens very gradually and naturally--almost as if there is intentionality behind it.
Azriel goes from:
→ "dutifully focused on his charges" during their first interaction at training;
→ to turning his attention away from his charges ("Gwyn let out a high-pitched noise that was nothing but pure excitement. Azriel, on the other side of the ring with the rest of the priestesses, half-turned at the sound, brows high.");
→ to moving closer into Gwyn's physical space by training her and Emerie together while Nessian were on their hike:
“Az told me you also started preliminary work with the steel blades while we were gone.” He nodded to Gwyn and Emerie, the former glancing toward Azriel, who watched in silence. “So show me what you learned. Cut the ribbon in two.”
“We slice the ribbon in two,” Emerie asked Gwyn warily, “and our training is complete?”
Gwyn again glanced to Azriel, who drifted closer.
→ to what we can infer was one-on-one training with Gwyn alone when Azriel "hadn't lingered" when winnowing Nesta and Cassian to the human lands because "Gwyn wanted him to go over dagger handling";
→ to, finally, the bonus chapter in Azriel’s POV where Gwyn catches him by surprise (in more ways than one), and they share a moment of soft laughs and contentment before he envisions her eyes lighting up upon receiving his gift--where the image of Gwyn glows quietly inside his chest as “a thing of secret, lovely beauty.”
So not only are those final words an interesting literary juxtaposition in a bonus chapter filled with incredible juxtapositions, but they hold significant meaning. They show the reader that this is not coming from left field; nor is it a casual gesture for Azriel in the name of just being kind. A progression has taken place since that first meeting where Gwyn did not return his smile. Canon tells us that Azriel is one of our most stoic characters. So this is intentional, even if he tries to brush off the action to Clotho, our weaver of Fate--who “was smart enough to see through his deflection.”
Now, I mentioned earlier that a romantic arc in the romance genre needs to develop on the page within the characters’ POVs. So we are in luck, then, that we’ve been gifted a tiny sliver of Azriel's own POV. Therefore, we truly should be paying it close attention since it can act as a sort of prologue to what we can anticipate for his actual book.
So what does that POV ultimately tell us? I wrote a bonus chapter analysis to help answer this, so I won’t rehash all of it here. But the last words of Azriel’s POV are, in my opinion, important enough to warrant an analysis of their own. If I were SJM, and I knew that it was going to be a long while before we got Azriel’s POV again (with two Crescent City novels and a 5-year gap in between), I’d make those last words count. That’s our “lasting impression.”
And when we think about the lasting impression that Azriel is leaving us with, it has nothing to do with Elain. It has nothing to do with his anger at Rhys. It even has nothing to do with his own self-loathing.
That lasting impression is entirely, and intentionally, focused on Gwyn.
And, I don’t think we can truly understand the weight of that without considering everything that leads up to those final words--how the refusal to return a smile turns into gradual awareness of each other, which then leads into personal training sessions and a Solstice encounter that shows Azriel contentedly (and selflessly) thinking about Gwyn.
If Azriel’s POV left us there (thinking about Gwyn as “a thing of secret, lovely beauty”) with no other interactions or acknowledgements of what is shifting between him and Gwyn, I believe that alone would be enough to tether the reader to what’s to come in Azriel’s book. But that’s not what happens in ACOSF. As I mentioned before, the bonus chapter is just the first measurement we take in how much growth has happened since that first interaction at training.
We must not forget that after Azriel’s POV and the acknowledgement of what has now settled inside his chest, it doesn’t just end there. Instead, we get the following:
Cassian glanced over at Az, but his attention was fixed on the young priestess, admiration and quiet encouragement shining from his face.
Azriel went wholly still, as if he, too, had felt the shift. As if he, too, were aware that far larger forces peered into that training ring as Gwyn moved.
Gwyn asked Az, her teal eyes bright, “What do we get if we finish the course?” Az’s shadows danced around him. “Since there’s no chance in hell any of you will finish the course, we didn’t bother to get a prize.” Boos sounded. Gwyn lifted her chin in challenge. “We look forward to proving you wrong.”
Gwyn threw Azriel a withering stare as she strode past him. “See you tomorrow, Shadowsinger,” she tossed over a shoulder. Az stared after her, brows high with amusement. . . . "Remember how Gwyn was with the ribbon?" Nesta winked and clapped the shadowsinger on the shoulder. "You’re the new ribbon, Az.”
She [Gwyn] wanted to be the first. Wanted Nesta and Emerie and her to be the ones who wiped the smirks from Azriel’s and Cassian’s faces. Especially Azriel’s.
And when Gwyn reached the finish line, bloody and panting and grinning so wildly her teal eyes glowed like a sunlit sea, she only extended her battered hand to Azriel. “Well?”
“There are plenty of other unspeakable things that could be happening to her,” Cassian said, voice thickening. “To Emerie and Gwyn.” The shadows deepened around Azriel, his Siphons gleaming like cobalt fire.
Succeeding in the Blood Rite didn’t mean the training stopped. No, after she [Nesta] and her friends told Cassian and Azriel most of the details of their ordeal, the two commanders had compiled a long list of mistakes that the three of them had made that needed to be corrected . . . So they would keep training, until they were all well and truly Valkyries.
This is a litany of proof for how much Azriel and Gwyn continue to circle around each other after Azriel’s POV as they observe, interact, and think of one another. It’s not stagnant. They are not just sharing the same “charged glances” time after time. It’s also why I view any “the bonus chapter doesn’t matter” arguments as unserious--to believe so is to discount everything that comes before it, the lasting impression of the bonus chapter itself, and all the moments listed above which come after it.
In my opinion, there is no denying the gentle arranging of chess pieces within ACOSF in particular, aided in large part by Azriel’s own POV. There is a direct sense of narrative continuity which can now be picked up immediately after ACOSF in regards to Azriel and Gwyn. The seeds have been planted and when they begin to bloom in the next book, the reader feels like they were there when everything started. So, as Azriel goes on his healing journey (in which there is A LOT of healing that needs to happen), the hope is that we also see how he and Gwyn grow together and challenge each other--and it will feel earned as a reader because we will have seen the journey evolve.
But, none of this can happen without the final moments of that bonus chapter. Just as important as Azriel noting Gwyn’s “secret, lovely beauty,” we must also note that Azriel “buried the image down deep, where it glowed quietly.” It suggests to us that he isn’t ready to consciously acknowledge the depth of what Gwyn might mean to him. He lives in shadows (both literally and metaphorically), and we have seen that emotional vulnerability does not come naturally to Azriel. Burying that image of Gwyn is perhaps a defense mechanism–protecting that fragile, new feeling from scrutiny, rejection, or even his own self-doubt. And as readers who have spent a great deal of time with Azriel, we know how much he struggles with these things (and will hopefully be working through them in his novel).
However! The fact that Azriel treasures the image at all, means that it matters deeply to him. He hides it away, instead of discarding it altogether. He is just not ready to look at it head-on yet. And, honestly, I find that exciting and THAT makes me want to keep reading about Azriel and Gwyn. It makes me want to scrutinize their shared moments after Solstice, as well as the tiny clues which may be present in HOSAB AND HOFAS (I’m doing a Crescent City re-read now, and trust that I have lots of new thoughts, lol).
In closing, for the reader, this act of internal burial is a quiet promise: there is something blooming beneath the surface, even if Azriel can’t say it out loud yet. It keeps us emotionally tethered to his journey, because we know he feels more than he lets on. Once again, it is our lasting impression. When he eventually does confront what he buried, it will be that much more powerful--not just for his romantic arc with Gwyn, but for his personal growth and healing. The fact that SJM ends Azriel’s POV with Gwyn’s image and light, even if kept in secret, invites us to hope--and to wait--for the moment he finally lets it rise to the surface.
Summary : You knew Azriel had been pining after you for a very long time but you NEEDED him to make a move. So in order to give him a little push, you made use of a very tactical weapon : Jealousy.
Warnings: None
Blue eyes. Green eyes. Brown eyes. Eyes trailing you across the room, whispering across your skin , feeding your ego. Yet your eyes sought out the hazel ones.
Shades of gold, green and brown that set a trail of fire across your skin. Eyes that made you feel. Eyes that made you want. The gold pierced through your skin, peering into your heart and soul. The green trailed across your flesh, making you yearn for things that plagued your dreams. The brown spoke of a future if you only dared to take that first step.
Ah, that was the obstacle. The first step.
You had one simple rule when it came to males.
You never chase.
So as you walked through the room, your blasé attitude making you all the more enticing, your heart betrayed you ignoring the rules your mind had set. It searched for him, desperate for the hit of ecstasy he would induce.
Once it found him, the decadent hit of euphoria rushed through your veins, leaving behind a crack in your mask. It was intentional. Every emotion, every 'slip' of the tongue, every word, every glance. He was the spymaster after all.
He glanced your way and tipped his chin in greeting.
You raised your glass, taking a sip and watched his eyes trail over you.
Longing, desiring and denying.
That was all he ever did. Denied himself of you.
You would be lying if you said you understood why he did what he did. You would be lying if you said it didn't make you doubt yourself. However, you knew for a fact he wanted you as much as you wanted him.
You would've been dense to not notice the heat in his eyes, the glances filled with unfulfilled promises, the softness behind his words and the kindness in his actions. It drove you mad some days. Drove you to the brink of breaking your rule.
You never chase.
You yearned to be wanted. You yearned to be fought for. You yearned to be loved, cherished and indulged in. So you had waited... and waited...and waited. A small part of you believed you were foolish enough to keep waiting for however long it took. Yet as a female, you had your wants and needs. There was only so much patience you could exhibit and you were currently running out of it.
Therefore, you decided to give him a little...push.
Tactic I : The art of heedlessness
You shook hands, kissed cheeks, hugged bodies , all the while never looking his way. Of course, you were aware of his presence acutely. It made it all the more fun. At one point, you had walked right past him talking animatedly with one of the guests. His scent had overtaken your senses and you had to physically stop yourself from responding to it.
His eyes, trailing you, lighting your skin on fire , the tension gasoline.
Watch me. Come to me. Talk to me.
Your eyes were fixed on your companions, their words a cacophony compared to the conversations the both of you had shared. The wine was making you bolder, impatient and lulling you into thoughts you kept at bay.
Tactic II : The art of flirtation
A subtle tuck of a strand of hair behind your ear, a soft tilt of your lips, a soft huff of laughter, an inch closer. You looked away from the male in front of you to glance down at your wine. Empty.
How many more glasses would you have to guzzle down before the spymaster grew some balls?
You pulled your hair to one side, the heat starting to stick to your neck. Looking up once again, you noticed that the males gaze in front of you was transfixed to the slope of your neck. Wonderful. Time to leave.
"Well, I should go." Turning around before he could respond, you walked away in the search of more wine.
Tactic III : The art of impelling
You didn't meet his gaze as a group of you stood near the balcony overlooking the Sidra. The flow of the water reached your ears, the sound a welcome distraction. Closing your eyes momentarily, you let the memory of the coolness of the water wash over you.
"I'll be heading home now." you spoke into the night, your companions voicing out their interjections. A small smirk and shake of the head later, you walked towards the exit not bothering to say goodbye to the male with no balls.
A few kisses on the cheek, soft smiles and polite goodbyes on the way to the exit.
"I'll drop you home." the voice swept over your skin like a shadow trailing its fingers across your skin.
"I'll be alright." you said, head turned over your shoulder.
There he was, finally...
"I insist." No arguments. That was final.
"If you insist." you say, wrapping your scarf around yourself.
Silence was the third being accompanying the both of you. You let it play its part, choosing not to say anything. It was entertaining, watching him struggle to say something...anything. He was doing a good job at hiding his emotions but he could never truly hide them from you.
After watching him suffer for a few more minutes , you say "If you're done struggling, we could teach you a thing or two on how to talk to females."
His face turned red, as his shadows skittered around.
Your house had come into view, the star lit night casting soft shadows around the both of you.
"Well.." you turned to him and said watching him under the moonlight.
"Well..." he replied watching you through his shadows.
A pang of disappointment rushed through you as you took a step back from him. "Good night then."
"Good night." he said, his voice dropping.
Giving him a final nod, you turned around not wanting him to see the look of disappointment on your face. You would never be desperate...no matter who it was.
Legs feeling like lead, you forced yourself to take that first step towards your house mustering all the will power within you. Just as you had lifted your leg off of the ground, a shadow wrapped around your wrist and tugged you backwards. A yelp made its way out of you as warm hands caught you, goosebumps making their way across your skin.
For a moment only two sets of heavy breaths could be heard. Maybe he could hear your heart thudding out of your chest. You lost track of what happened in the next few seconds as the shadowsinger pulled you into a ravishing kiss, igniting your body and jumbling your thoughts.
Lips coaxed your open, tongue sliding in to give you a taste of whisky and something darker and heady. Hands travelled down your sides, stopping at your hips only to give them a gentle squeeze. Your hands were on a path of their own, travelling into his hair and giving it a gentle tug.
All your senses were attenuated to the male in front of you. You were lost in another universe, a universe of want and need.
Suddenly, he pulls back to look down at you, his eyes wild and predatory. "I couldn't put into words what I felt..."
You brushed your lips against his, eyes fluttering shut. "Then show me...."
You could feel his lips split into a devilish grin before the both of you were engulfed by shadows.
