detransition after spending a signifcant portion of your life identifying as the opposite sex / in medical transition is such a confusing and isolating experience.
a lot of detransitioners only took hormones for a few years or less, their transition was often a relatively short period of their life as a whole. and don't get me wrong, that's a good thing! i don't want other women to have to go through these experiences, i'm glad if anyone can get out early.
but i do feel like it's a vastly different experience in some ways for those of us who are in transition for extended periods of time. i've spent literally half my life denying my birth sex, and trying to become a different person. all of my adult years have been spent in a medically and surgically altered body.
i WISH that my transition had been a shorter phase in my life, if only because it is so much harder to undo the effects of transition (not just the physical changes- if anything the mental effects are harder to reconcile). i don't know how to return to my previous self, i feel like i've cut myself off from who i used to be permanently. and i don't know if other detransitioners accounts of physical feminization after quitting T will apply to me or not, because i was on T for so long, and i don't have ovaries anymore.
the one thing that makes me feel better is connecting with other detransitioning women with similar timelines to mine- proof that yes, you can be okay after x amount of years on testosterone and after having a total hysterectomy. we can still exist in the world as women, even if it feels impossible to me at the moment
