#actuallydyscalculia

[lady-of-fidgets]

I have to vent - excuse me :

If you use the r slur

I hate you

I really fucking hate you

Period. Don't care.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

[spencstan]

my therapist (who's aweare of my dyscalculia) just made me do mental math. i told him i was worried abput getting a job as a cashier or smt bc i suck at mental math and like counting change. and he made me do like 500-263. and it took me some time and i told him like an estimate (that was really not that close to the real answer but whatever). and he was like well see if you practice and try hard you'll eventually learn how to do it. i was like ??? i've been trying to do mental math since i was like 10 wtf.

and then he said that he thinks it's just a matter of trying hard and idk. it made me feel like shit

[thatadhdmood]

heyy sorry to bother you can ignore this if you want i just need to vent a little. so i went to get tested for adhd a couple of months ago and i just got the results. turns out i don't have adhd but i do have poor working memory, problems maintaining attention and impulsivity. also i got diagnosed with dyscalculia which i did not expect (bc i never even heard of it before lol). and my parents are like super relieved i don't have adhd and they are acting like i don't have anything and saying "everyone does that" whenever i talk to them about things i do bc of those problems. basically i'm really confused, i don't know how to feel. because i was so sure i had adhd i had kinda prepared myself to be told i did have it, now turn out i don't have it but i still have some problems (which just makes it easier for my parents to invalidate me bc i isn't adhd you know?). and i have dyscalculia which i was not prepared to be told i have. idk lol sorry for this

im sorry your parents are being like this

even if you have dyscalculia, you are still valid and deserve help

even if your symptoms dont = adhd

theyre still difficult and u need help and support

if u want to use adhd resources u find online u can still use them if they help (idk if u need to hear this from me but just saying in case u feel guilty bout it)

[neurotypicalbullshit]

Omg I have dyscalculia and n o b o d y understands. Math is literally The Worst Thing Ever and I hate it with a passion. Even simple business math and such. I cannot wrap my head around it and so I've pretty much barely passed every single one of my math classes in high school. (I saw the other ask about dyscalculia from a while back and I wanted to rant)

aahhh gotta love that bs

[lady-of-fidgets]

So that happened-

I went to the store to get my meds - and make sure they were the right ones this time - and went with mom. We ended up going to the women's undergarment section and apparently I was so uncomfortable it was obvious and mom started going on about "god made you a woman!" And I was borderline crying but somehow managed to shove it down.

And then in line to pick up my ADHD/Depression meds I was talking to mom - or trying to... Because I kept on forgetting what I was going to say, and then started to dissociate ( yes I do do that a lot ) and it didn't help the sensory overwhelm I get thanks to the store and all the people and just... Why is this world so needlessly noisey?

I had to listen to mom complain again about her boss who also has adhd. The things she complained about are literally things that are a part of having adhd. So I tried to say things in a way to tell how it is for us - "I understand it may get frustrating but imagine how it is for us." But that didn't help. Then she complained about lifting a lot at work and when she does she gets stress-angry and it often gets directed at me anyway.

I just don't know how to feel either because I do phsycial labor too like dig posts even though that means I have to wear a back brace at times and take pain meds too. But I try to hide it ( which apparently often fails because I can't mask well ) and bare it because it's mandatory I have a job. But I try never to complain since we've been homeless before. And have delt with food insecurities before.

[lady-of-fidgets]

A personal update:

I'm sorry it has been a while since I've been active. I've been so tired and just trying to get through each day at a time and I'm still fighting with the college and stuff. Right now I'm sitting in the dark room and listening to the Transformers Animated theme song on repeat and looking at my dinosaur flash cards.

I wish my mom wouldn't be so ableistic and I wish I could discuss things about being autistic with her. But it usually ends up in a fight. She makes me doubt being autistic despite the fact I'm professionally diagnosed, been in special ed, etc etc. I know I am. But at times it's like she thinks if she ignores it, my disability will go away.

Being disabled isn't a bad thing. But I also had a question:

What is "General adaptive composite?"

[pandoratelenor]

When I did my dyscalculia diagnosis, it showed i could not tell value over 3 apart... I was 17 years old. Yeah...

Well at least I was correct with my feeling that something was Wrong with my math inability, above just not being interested in maths!

I was the one who wanted to get that Diagnoses. I suspected something was MORE different with my brain, that cause all my problems in Math class. I was correct too!

Got that dyscalculia diagnosis.

And also, the logoped who did the diagnosis just stared at me, and asked how i could ever have gotten a passing grade in math. The answer to that is: so many hours of learning "the look" of math problems while crying.

(I would study in how different math solutions looked like. From purely their shape. The numbers i never grasped. I was basically drawing the look of calculations in a shape that satified the teachers. But if asked, i can not answer what actually was going on in a math sense. The numbers i hardly read. They i just did my hardest to try to copy from the calculator. Which is difficult enough for me!)

[pandoratelenor]

Me and my dyscalculia brain

Lays eyes upon a number.

Brain goes: "nope, thats fake"

Me, while sobbing: "can i just get to understand the cost of this milk package brain?"

Brain: "nope, math is Fake and not Valid, so no i will not let you understand what the cost is"

Me: "I will try reading it anyway! Its says... 44... No! Its says 10, no its wrong its 20.. damm i can't do this. Failed on step 1, reading the number correctly. How will i ever understand what money value is, when i can't even keep numbers long enough in my head, to read them out aloud?"

Brain, while smug: "what did i tell you? I consider numbers, math and similiar concepts non-existent!"

Me: 😢😢😢