is it rude to ask my desk mate to be quieter? (context below the poll, please read it.)
yes (please elaborate)*
no (please elaborate)*
nuance (please elaborate)*
results (choose if you’re unsure so that the poll isn’t skewed)
Voting ended onDec 17, 2025
*of course, don’t feel pressured, i just want to know so that i can apply the results of this poll to future things as well.
edit: i would really, really, really appreciate if you could elaborate a little bit in the comments maybe, or even on an anon ask or something. i genuinely don’t know and even if i come to a definitive answer through this poll, i’d like to know how different people view this dilemma of mine so that i can apply those perspectives to future situations. don’t feel pressured, please, but it would be extremely appreciated.
edit 2: i would really appreciate it if you could elaborate if you choose yes, too—i just want to know why people feel the way they do.
there’s this guy that sits next to be in one of my classes and he’s really loud.
not in a talking way, in a moving and noises way. he slams his backpack down at the beginning of class every day, loudly unzips it, takes his things out one by one very loudly, slams it on the desk, zips his backpack again very loudly, unzips his pencil case very loudly, rummages in it, and slams a few pencils, pens, markers, and highlighters on the desk. then, he will flip loudly through his notebook page by page until he reaches an empty one.
he also doesn’t use any of the stuff he takes out—he just takes it out really loudly, and then puts it away equally as loudly. he tends to arrive slightly late to class and also to pack up early, so it’s kind of distracting, but only a little. i more just really hate it.
often in class, he eats, and it’s not forbidden, but he chews with his mouth open and makes loud smacking and breathing noises, and he crinkles the packaging quite loudly too.
i have a big hatred of this kind of noise because it makes me feel really prickly and sometimes even pushes me to the verge of tears if i’m having a really bad day, but i think it might be rude to ask him to be quieter, because i don’t know why he’s loud. on the other hand, it really, really, really makes me very uncomfortable because of the nature of the noise and my proximity to it.
i’m also hesitant to ask because i often struggle with spontaneous articulation and talking in general, and i’m afraid of misspeaking and being offensive. the noise puts me on edge also, so i’m a bit nervous too about accidentally being really mean, because discomfort kind of shrinks how well my brain-to-mouth filter works, and i don’t want to impulsively insult him or be rude.
i am leaning towards not asking and most likely will not even if the majority of you say that it isn’t rude, i just want to know if it’s socially acceptable and also why. because i don’t get it and i’m really confused. so yeah.
