#adviceblogs

[anything-advice-blog]

Hey um I don't know what really to say: Long story short me and my friend got into a fight. She's attempted to apologise but the apologies are weak. I told her she needs to do better, because I know she can do better, because she really hurt me but she kinda brushed off that suggestion and was like 'I consider it in the past and I just want to move on' What can I say to her to convey that, without coming off as too much of a bitch?

Hello,

It is very hard for us to admit that we are wrong, and so often we turn our apologies into non-apologies: things like “I’m sorry you got mad” or “I’m sorry you feel that way”. True apologies are for the things YOU said or did that hurt someone else, not someone else’s feelings. It is difficult for some people to grasp the difference, but perhaps leading by example could help. Did you say or do hurtful things in this fight? Start by saying what YOU are sorry for, and only take responsibility for your actions or words- you should only mention her feelings in regards to what you did to make her feel that way. Hopefully, she will see the pattern, and then follow it to apologize for what she said or did that hurt you. If this does not work, state to her the exact things she said and did and how that made you feel. It is of course difficult to do this calmly, but stay as level-headed as you can. If she still does not get it, tell her that these are the exact things you are looking for an apology for, and again say why they hurt you. Hopefully she is not so tone deaf that she does not need this much walking through the process, but no matter what, don’t be passive aggressive. State clearly from the beginning what you are looking for from her, and repeat as necessary until you feel heard.

True apologies are not fun, they require you to swallow your pride, but they are worth it because they make the other person feel heard and like their feeling have value. Hopefully your friend just needs a little help realizing this. Good luck!

-Adelaide

[butimhereforyou]

What's the best compliment to say to a girl?

I think the best compliment isn’t the ones where you say "your eyes are beautiful""to me you’re perfect"or"I love the way you smile."But, the best ones are the ones where you appreciate every little thing she got, those ones which people hardly notice but you do, and you appreciate it about her. Those things like, "I love how your eyes curve when you smile""I love that little hiccup you do when you laugh""I love how you blush when you’re shy" "I like the way your eye twitches a bit when you’re angry"Those compliments which makes her know that you’re really appreciating her and every little detail she has, even her flaws. All her imperfections that makes her seem so perfect to you.(i honestly have this habit of rubbing the nails of my thumb against each other whenever I’m sad, and if a guy ever notices that I’ll be like gaaaaaah omg lol)

[sealed-section]

Hi I'm trying to follow more advice blogs such as yours and was wondering if you follow or know of any?

Here’s one that specialises in self-harm.

Here’s one that answers all types of question about mental illness.

Here’s a counselling blog.

Ally gives great advice too, but is very busy, same with Anna. (Both aren’t advice blogs per say though).

This (porn) blog has sex advice. So does this one.

I wrote a post ages ago with links to other advice blogs, but not sure how many are still active (and give quality advice). You can find that post here.

Hope that helps!

Xx Lu

[skinonyourmistake]

Need Advice or an Advice Blog?

Follow http://theremixtoambition.tumblr.com 

She gives great advice!

Also visit my blog if you guys ever need someone to rant to or talk about a certain problem you need help in, I won't judge :) Helping is my drug. 

[butimhereforyou]

Please help me soon, I need advice as soon as possible :( I'm sorry to bother a lot 3

You don't need to say this, just tell me your problem right away. You sound so troubled. Hey, smile a bit? When life gives you a thousand reasons to frown, give it a million reasons to smile. It's alright, I'm not bothered at all~

[butimhereforyou]

there are girls, bullying me telling me how ugly i am and i do everything they tell me to just to fit in, am i still doing right

Why would you let them bully you in the first place. You're a flower, don't let them trample you, you may not bloom yet but you will have your moment, and you're just letting them trample you like that, your beauty, never let anyone tell you you're ugly because you were born in a way god wanted you to be, and do not show them that you're losing to them. If you're easily giving in and giving up to what they want you to do, it's like you're letting them win. And never, let them win. You should find your happiness and your confidence, because your happiness, is what they're taking from you. You shouldn't follow others just to fit in. You shouldn't fit in at all. You are different. Dare to be that way. Don't let yourself fit in the crowd or become just like the others, be who you are and stand out for being you. Yeah, people would say negative stuff about you, how you look, and they will most probably say something once they realize you're actually fighting against them. But who cares? Do you really care what they think of you? Do you really care if someone doesn't find you beautiful? Do not let someone change you or do not change your self the way people want you to be. You may fit in, but is that still your happiness? Stick with what you're happy with and smile. Surround yourself with people who'll understand. They may bully you but asking for some help won't hurt whether it be the teachers or your classmates. These "pretty" girls are always going to do their best to bring you down because they always want to  be on top. And you need to stand up for that and let them know you're not one of their followers, because it is where they gain their power and make them earn their big heads. They may have a pretty face, but darling, you own a pretty and colorful heart, and you shouldn't, let anyone erase it's colors. You will make it, trust me. It will take time but soon, you'll prove it to them. Update us soon, alright? We'd be here, supporting you. 

[butimhereforyou]

I'm sleeping with this guy like fwb. Last night when I was our I seen him with his friends, who I know quite well. He smiled at me but made no effort to have a convo and kinda made it seem like I didn't no him. As soon as one of his friends started paying me attention he hated it and started trying to split it up and then the whole night he was always around me but still made no effort, just constantly look nd seeing what I was doing. I don't get it?!

Before sleeping with that guy, exactly how close were you two? Guys can be vague at times. It seems as if he's guarding you with your actions. Maybe he's still not in the state of commitment. In some point, he might be guarding your actions because he'll scared you may say a word to his friends about you sleeping with him and that the whole time, he was feeling nervous, unsure of what to do or say to make everything seem natural. Though, in some point, don't get discouraged too because he may have his reasons, it may be that he's scared you'll show interest in some of his friends and you'd eventually leave him. It's hard to know unless you know what kind of guy he's like and how he treats you when you two are together. How is he, when you're together? Try to talk to him about your opinions and thoughts and see how he responds, if you're scared, you could always read through his further actions. Update us soon, okay? 

[letters-of-advice]

i am so incredibly lonely even though I have people who love me.

Hello!

Well, it’s good you’ve been able to confront the situation and already looking at the positives that you know that you have people who love you! And you should take full advantage of the fact that you have people who love you. Because since you know that, we can work with that :)

I don’t know what you’re going through right now but it’s a phase. Promise. It’ll get better. You’ll stop feeling alone. Maybe these people that love you, you don’t love them back? Maybe the group of friends you’re in doesn’t feel 100% there? Maybe there’s something missing. 

Maybe there’s a boy/girl that really likes you that you don’t have mutual feelings for? Maybe you feel guilty for not feeling the same way.

Maybe you have family who adore you but you struggle to be yourself around? I don’t know what it is exactly but you need to tackle the issue.

If it’s friends, get to know this group of people a little better. Ask them over during the holidays. Get some festive snacks and movies and do something together as a group of friends. Have a laugh. Open up a little bit. Step out your comfort zone. You need to. Or else you’ll keep feeling alone.

If it’s a boy/girl who’s made you feel this way, deal with that. Get rid of them or invite them in depending on how you feel about them.

If it’s family, organise family fun nights. We used to have family fun nights and they were the best things ever! Now we never do. And I miss it. Maybe you need to organise one. Get some games and snacks. Rent a DVD or initiate an outing to the cinema or go karting or something crazy like that.

It’s all up to you to speed up the progress to make this better or not. Only you can be the change. 

In time, if you are trying, things will look up. In the mean time, stay happy. And if you need to branch out and meet new people… Do so :)

Keep me updated!

Beth xo