Feb 15
Memories of Zandik
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Memories of Zandik
„it’s not your fault that you forget. Because I am here to help you remember, over and over.“
For this
I haven’t drawn Rachel in a while and it’s obvious.
No but like, I woke up all warm inside after the dream.
Memory issues can be a lot for everybody involved, patience can be a virtue.
It's so interesting getting memories from other alters. This never happened with me until maybe a week or so ago with Honor when he was fronting.
We were listening to music in the car and he was vibing, and then a song came on and a memory practically slapped us in the face it came so fast. It was basically of Honor and his brother Kade (who I think may also be in my system? I don't 100% know) jamming out to that song in the car when they were teenagers. Canonically, Kade died when he was around that age, so it was shortly before his death in his oc storyline. But Honor instantly tensed up and went silent the rest of the drive basically because of it
And it's been happening more recently. He'll have more memories of him and Kade flash through his mind and it'll feel bittersweet. He'll have some memories of him and Looran (his other brother) flash through as well. It's just so... interesting and complex in a way
Sometimes I do fantasize. I fantasize about sitting with a lover over tea or coffee and watching the birds swoop around outside the window.
I miss pulling robes over their form before they left the room to bathe, and I miss simply waking up to another body in bed. Feeling their hot, warm skin beneath my wandering hands as I breathe in the scent of their hair.
Making cards and sending letters for them to read, making playlists and sending them online.
i think I just miss having a lover, haha.
Hello! I hope I make sense because I have a hard time forming what I want to say. Basically, is it possible for a alter to know they are programmed? I ask this because I believe I have been, however, I question my thought process because of the fact I'm not sure its possible to know you have been, or, this us something completely different at play
Yes, it's possible for an alter to know they are/have been programmed. That is how there are survivors of programming that can tell their story.
Programming can and often does break down as someone gets older, some form of safety has been established, has more space from the programmer and builds outside relationships with other people.
Your ask makes sense. No worries.
Oz
So a new (maybe?) Alter spoke up during therapy today and brought up some things that they remembered about our trauma, but while they were fronting I didn't "see" any memories? They just talked and said "this is the truth" and it's bothering me slightly. Like, it was like our mind was blank but they had words that they couldn't stop from coming out. Has that happened to you or any others before? Could of that Alter been hiding the visual memories away and just speaking them?
Separating memories from you, and just talking about them, is really common. They’re still hiding memories from you (to keep you safe, likely), and are separating the memories themselves from the narrative. I experience this very often. As they grow to trust you more I’m sure you’ll see more of these memories.
this is difficult to phrase so i am sorry if it comes out strange, but is it possible for alters to remember being drugged? we are suspicious that we were drugged repeatedly during our RA with various reasons to believe so, but it is extremely worrying that our main resource is phobias and experiencing symptoms somebody who was drugged would while having flashbacks. we're afraid it's something our alters have fabricated, although i don't want to invalidate them because it affects them seriously
No worries about the ask. I understand it’s hard to ask questions.
Yes, it’s possible for alters to remember being drugged. Some systems have alters whose only task it was was to take the drug. The drug then would affect the other alters differently and they would have no memory of being drugged.
Oz
Don't call me Zandik. As far as I am concerned, Zandik is dead. Just like Sohreh, but that's a tale for another time.