#angstpril2022

[chaos-company]

Angstpril 2022

Hi everyone!

It’s that time of year again! Due to the huge response to the first ever Angstpril event last year, we are excited to announce that we are hosting the event again this year!

All prompts, FAQs and rules can be found in the graphics and below the cut! 

1. “I didn’t mean for this to happen”

2. Can’t Go Home

3. Miscommunication

4. Facing A Fear

5. “I never stopped”

6. The Past Comes Back to Haunt

7. Rain

8. “Don’t lie to me”

9. Unworthy

10. Warning Signs

11. Migraine

12. Hide

13. Never Enough

14. Alone

15. Something Unexpected

16. Holding on too Tight

17. Exiled

18. Lost

19. Dead of Night

20. Searching

21. “Don’t shut me out”

22. Caught off Guard

23. Imposter Syndrome

24. Left Behind

25. Begging

26. Failed Escape

27. Falsely Accused

28. Stranded

29. Crushed Hopes

30. Endings

ALTERNATIVE PROMPTS

1. Roughed Up

2. Tired

3. Precognition

4. Ghosts

5. Broken

6. “Come back”

7. Giving Up

8. Forgotten

9. Hurry Up and Wait

10. Beaten Down

FAQs

“Do I have to create for all thirty days?”

- Not at all! Feel free to jump in whenever you’d like. This is a creation event, so create as much or as little as you want! However, if you want to be entered in the shout out post, you must participate in all 30 days. 

“Can I post a creation after the day has already passed?”

- Yes! You’re welcome to post for a prompt day even after the date, just be sure to tag with which day and prompt you’ve created for! You will only be eligibile for the shoutout post if you complete all 30 days within the month of April.

“What if I don’t understand/like a prompt?” 

- We have a list of 10 alt prompts for you to choose from if you don’t like the main 30. Feel free to use our alternate prompts for any day, and if there’s any confusion send us an ask!

[starryjellyfish]

“It’s never enough, is it,” Mace says with a calm, unaffected tone that only went skin deep. Any Jedi could feel the thick, crushing sadness in his presence.

He stood looking out one of the windows near the Council Chambers, where they had just finished yet another long, seemingly hopeless meeting. He gazed out at the crowds that were gathered on the front steps. They were anti-war protesters, and they had apparently decided that the Jedi were the ones continuing the war at their whims.

(Not the Senate; no, they never thought of the Senate)

It was no longer safe for Jedi to leave through the front. Anyone, be they Masters, Knights, or even the smallest of the younglings, would be ambushed and questioned, and threatened should they even dare show their faces at the front steps.

“Scared, they are.” Yoda replies from where he’d hobbled over to join Mace at the window, “the war to end, they want.”

They go quiet, staring at the crowd. They can both feel the loud and volatile emotions of the protesters; the thick swirling anger that Mace knows has undoubtedly seeped into the stone and will be hard for even the most experienced of Masters to remove.

“What else do they want from us? What more do we need to give?” Mace asks. It is not a bitter question, but one filled with a dragging kind of grief. He doesn’t expect an answer. Doesn’t know if he wants one.

(How many more of their children?)

The quiet descends once more, unbroken until Mace’s comm chimes. It’s Ponds informing him of their next campaign. For a moment he wonders what it would be like to not answer it. To not fight, not for the Senate, not for the Republic, not for anyone. It’s a quick thought, one that is disregarded quickly. If he didn’t fight for those that couldn't, who would he be? Not anyone he wants to be.

“Excuse me, Master Yoda,” Mace says with a quick bow. “It appears I am needed elsewhere.”

Maybe, he thinks, this will be it. If this goes right, maybe they could finally end the war.

[pamplemousseparadox]

Alone

The words almost died on her tongue. She wanted them to, but her mouth betrayed her, and she couldn’t swallow them back as her throat spoke them. “I never wanted to be alone,” Lin said. 

“Hmm?” Kya asked, staring out over the waves that never stopped rolling to the shore. “I didn’t catch that.”

“I said I never wanted to be alone, you asked me a minute ago if I had any regrets.”

“You aren’t alone.”

“Of course I’m alone. There’s no one else in my bed at night, is there?”

Kya turned, her face illuminated by the golden afternoon light. “That’s not the sum total of life, though. The kids all love you. I even had to talk them out of throwing you a surprise party for your birthday last month.”

“Thanks for that,” Lin said with a groan. “That’s not really what I meant, though.”

“I’m sure you’ve had... dalliances.”

“Kya.”

“What? It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Lin. We’re grown women. It happens. It is what it is. Are you telling me that you haven’t?”

“Of course I have,” Lin growled. “Just... no one that mattered enough to keep around.”

“I’m not tied down either. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Tied down,” Lin repeated, reaching to tuck a lock of hair behind Kya’s ear, and pulling back at the last second. “I don’t think I’d see it like that.”

“How would you see it?”

“It’s... it’s someone to come home to. Quiet, shared silences. Sleeping in on days off, pancakes in the morning, someone to be there when you wind up in the healing tent again because you got the shit kicked out of you at work.”

Kya glanced at her from the corner of her eye. “I’m the one in the healing tent. I’m always there, because it’s where I work.”

“I know.” Lin turned away, her chest tight with all the words she couldn’t say. Words she wouldn’t say, maybe, and maybe that’s why they were burning in her throat like embers, whispering their temptations to just ask her to dinner. For a drink. To come up to her apartment, to stay the night, to stay forever. “I just didn’t think I’d be this age and still waking up without anyone.”

“You’re Chief Beifong, I bet you could wake up with whoever you wanted.”

Horns sounded from the bridge in the distance, and Lin flinched. “You’d be surprised.”

“Who is it you’re wanting to wake up with?” Kya asked excitedly, poking her in the shoulder. 

“No one, go away.”

Kya wrinkled her nose. “It’s not Raiko, is it?”

“Spirits, no.”

“Thank goodness. I was worried about you there for a second.”

“She’s beautiful.” Lin’s face burned, and she silently swore at herself for saying it. “She’s the one who could have anyone in her bed.”

“So it’s a her.”

“It is.”

Kya grabbed her chin, forcing their eyes to meet. “Well, now you have to tell me, because I probably know her.”

“You definitely do.”

“Definitely?” Kya asked, releasing her. “What, are you dating my ex, or something? I didn’t even know she was back in town.”

“No, nothing like that.”

“Come on, Beifong, out with it.”

“I’ve been thinking about asking her out for a drink.” Lin’s jaw clenched and unclenched, the paralyzing enormity of it all threatening to consume her whole, hair by hair and bone by bone, leaving nothing more than a pile of soft ashes in her wake. 

“I think you should. What have you got to lose?”

“More than you’d think.”

“Nah, just go for it.” Kya leaned back on her elbows, tossing her hair over her shoulder. “If it goes well, you can come on a double date with me and this smoking hot builder I picked up last week.”

“Builder,” Lin repeated. 

“Is your hearing okay?”

“Yeah.” Lin skipped a rock over the choppy water, watching it sink beneath the waves. “I’m fine.”

[atlafan]

a/n: this story is very heavily inspired by Window Shopping by the lovely Tessa Bailey. I literally cannot consume a piece of media without turning it into a fic about Harry, so here we are! These are the only parts I’m posting on here. The rest will be on Patreon!

Warnings: substance abuse, trauma

Words: 2K

[Patreon] [Ask] [Tumblr Masterlist] [Series Masterpost]

Prologue (1)

Ellie

***

It’s crazy how just a few moments can affect the rest of your life. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, but I’m really trying to be better. Sometimes you have to figure out things for yourself the hard way. I’m the poster child for that, I suppose.

Today’s a really big day for me. In the first time in three years, I actually have a job interview. If all goes well, which I’m really hoping it does, then I’ll be able to stop mooching off my parents. They helped me with the down payment on an apartment, but they can only help with the rent for so long. Plus, I really hate relying on them. They’ve done so much for me, and I want to show them that I can be an adult on my own.

My mom took me to a consignment shop so we could find me some interview clothes. I’m feeling pretty good about myself. Black blazer, sleeveless red blouse, and a black pencil skirt. I’ve got my portfolio, past lesson plans, copies of my certifications, and literally anything I could possibly need to prove that I’m a good fucking teacher.

Not everyone likes teaching eighth graders, but that’s what my specialty is in. I always wanted to teach middle school. I got to, for a little while. Before everything went to shit.

Things are okay now, though, so I’m not going to dwell on it. Dwelling is a step backwards.

***

(2)

Harry

***

Firing and hiring teachers is never easy, but it’s part of the job. I’d rather spend my time applying for grants so my school can have the funding it needs. My teachers think that because I’m part of the administration that means I don’t care about any of them. But I was a teacher myself for a number of years. I know how it goes. I wanted to become a principal so I could start making some real changes to help a larger number of students.

It's not all about budget cuts. Budget cuts are the last resort. I actually end up buying a lot of school supplies myself for the teachers. I declined a pay raise so that my janitorial staff could hire another person. I also did nothing after my super intendent told me to stop them from unionizing. That’s technically illegal, and unions are important. Case closed.

A lot of teaching professionals are leaving to go onto other careers. I get it, I really do. You only get four personal days a year because of all the “free” vacation time we get. You don’t get paid overtime for any of the extra work, so you either burnout or you just stop doing the extra work, which means your students suffer.

Because we need new teachers that we want to have longevity with, we’re offering larger salaries. We were able to get better benefits all around for everyone this last year. We’ve got dental like you’ve never even seen. Also, I helped make sure the pension system stayed intact. Even with all of that, many of the current teachers are upset that they weren’t offered the same salary when they were first hired on. I do all I can to help with raises, but the one drawback of the teacher’s union is that they have fixed raise percentages. It’s a whole thing.

And now, hiring has totally fallen on my shoulders. Usually, I could get a search committee together. I like having a mix of teachers on the committee because I value their input. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get anyone willing to meet off contract over the summer. I don’t blame them, but still, I’m insanely frustrated. So, it’s just me and my staff. The majority of us work remotely over the summer. It’s more cost effective.

We’re on our fourth search of the summer. Our previous sixth grade social studies teacher quit to go work in corporate America. Something about wanting to put their secondary degree in economics to good use. This has been a tough position to fill. Most people with social studies backgrounds prefer to teach at the high school level. Middle school isn’t a ballgame a ton of people are trying to play in.

My secretary, Helen, has been helping me cycle through resumes. We were on zoom late into the evening one night. I asked her to show me some of the candidates that we may have passed over. There was one in particular that I couldn’t understand why Helen didn’t bring her up sooner.

“She has a master’s in curriculum and instruction, and has a certificate in online instructional design. Do you know how valuable that could be if we ever have to go fully remote again? She could host training sessions.” I said to Helen.

“There was a three-year gap on her resume…it was a red flag.”

“Maybe she had a kid or something. Sometimes people have to step away from work for different reasons. We shouldn’t rule this woman out. I’d like to give her an interview.”

“Alright, I’ll send her an email and see if she can come in within the next week. It’ll be good to give her a tour of the school like we did with the other candidates.”

“Agreed, thank you, Helen.”

And so, she set it up. The candidate, Ellie Bishop, will meet with Helen first, then a few other administrators, then me. I want her to have a feel for the school before having to sit down with me.

I get set up in the conference room so Ellie and I can chat in a less domineering environment. Not that my office holds a negative space, but I want to level the playing field a bit. Helen brings her in around 10AM, and my jaw nearly hits the floor. This woman is…wow.

“Principal Styles, this is Ellie Bishop.” Helen smiles. “I’ll be at my desk if you need me.” She leaves, and I make my way over to Ellie to shake her hand.

“Hi, Principal Styles.” Ellie smiles as she shakes my hand.

“Please, call me Harry. It’s nice to meet you, Ellie. Have a seat.”

“Thank you.” She smiles, and sits down. I sit back down as well and watch as she takes out various folders from her bag.

“Did you enjoy the tour?” I ask her.

“Yes, the school is lovely. Although, I’m sure the smell of prepubescent B.O. will be coming back before you know it.”

“Very true.” I chuckle. “The stench usually gets masked by the aroma of Axe Body Spray.”

“Oh, God. I didn’t think kids still used that stuff.” She laughs.

“They think it works like deodorant.” I roll my eyes. “Anyways, I wanted to let you know I was impressed with your CV. You have quite the educational background. You were at another middle school for a couple of years, but then there’s this gap…”

“Yeah.” Her cheeks heat up a little, turning a tinge of pink. “I had to take a few years off for some personal reasons.”

“I figured as much, I’m not judging. But I do need to ask, you’re not a felon, are you?”

“No.” She shakes her head. I was mostly joking, but I can tell she’s getting a little uncomfortable from the way she’s tugging at the sleeves of her blazer. “Can I ask why I got this interview? I was a little surprised, given the gap in experience.”

“Your master’s and certification intrigued me. We had a really tough time when we had to transition into fully remote. If we had someone like you on our team, maybe more of the teachers wouldn’t have felt as lost. We need more tech savvy people here, people who aren’t afraid of 21st century skills.”

“So, it was less about my experience with teaching social studies…”

“Don’t get me wrong, that’s a major plus as well. I mean, that’s what we’re in need of at the moment. Your extra qualifications set you apart from other candidates.” I tell her honestly.

“If I get this job…I’ll have to disclose some things with human resources, right?”

“You only have to disclose what you feel comfortable with, Ellie.”

“No, I mean, they’ll do a background check on me, right?”

“Well, yes, that’s pretty standard.”

“And if something were to come up, I could easily not be offered the job.”

“It depends on what it is. You said you’re not a felon, so as long as you weren’t lying about that, then you should be fine.” I lean forward a little, trying to make my body language a little more comforting. “You don’t have to tell me what it is, but if I know ahead of time, that could be helpful.”

“But what if you’re not going to offer me the job?”

“Full disclosure, Ellie, you’re getting this job. You’re more than qualified, and your references were impeccable. Your previous principal had nothing but good things to say about you.”

“Oh, good.” She smiles with a sigh. “I don’t want to get into too much, but it may come up that I stepped away from work because I went into a private business with my ex-boyfriend. Um, I wasn’t getting paid enough to cover the cost of my master’s, and he was making a ton of money, so I joined him. What he was doing wasn’t totally legal. I got sick from it, um, really sick.” She chews on her bottom lip. I can’t help but look at her mouth. “It may come up that I was in a rehabilitation facility for a while.”

“Wow.” I sit up straight and blink a few times. “Thank you for sharing that with me. That must have been tough.”

“I went so I wouldn’t go to prison. They couldn’t fully prove that I was involved. My parents wanted me to go to rehab anyways, so I figured it would be better to…to detox there with other sick people than around inmates.”

“So, when you said sick you meant-“

“I was addicted to drugs.” She admits. I place my hand over hers and give it a squeeze. “It was an accident. I regret it. I’ve been sober for almost two years now. It’s why I haven’t worked in a school for some time. I was living with my parents after I got out of rehab, and I started off working for my mom. She had me doing some secretarial stuff. I’ve been living on my own for about six months at this point.”

“That’s amazing. You should be proud of yourself.”

“I…I am.” She swallows. My hand is still on hers, but neither of us seem to mind. “I would never dream of putting kids in danger. I take something every day so I don’t have the same craving I used to, and it genuinely helps. It’s how I’ve been able to stay sober. I don’t want to get into more detail than that right now, but I just wanted to assure you that I’m not a danger.”

“Thank you for disclosing that with me. HR definitely would have found out and brought this up to me. I’d like to take a chance on you, Ellie. I think you have some great potential. We could start you off on a probationary contract, for the year, and then go through a formal review process to see if renewing your contract makes sense.”

“Would I still be getting paid the advertised salary?”

“Definitely.” I nod, and take my hand away from hers. “You have your master’s, you should get paid for that.” I smile. “Helen will give you more details, and will email you all the paperwork you’ll need to fill out.” I extend my hand to her again to shake.

“Thank you so much, Harry.” She beams and shakes my hand. “You have no idea what this means to me. I promise I won’t let you down.”

***

[indigostars]

angstpril, day 11: migraine

•

There’s something going on with General Kenobi.

Cody hasn’t been under his command for very long — only a short six months have gone by — but it’s been enough time for him to study and pick up characteristics.

General Kenobi is standing as he always does: straight, with one hand over his mouth, and eyes narrowed. To anyone unaware, this is normal. But to Cody, it’s not.

Even in the blue light of the holograms, which always slightly discolor someone’s skin tone, General Kenobi looks alarmingly pale. Sweat beads his hairline and there are dark circles under his eyes.

Cody can see General Skywalker eyeing the other Jedi with thinly-veiled concern, but otherwise does not draw attention to the issue.

Another half hour of this passes, before General Kenobi finally takes a step back, swaying slightly.

“Obi-Wan?” General Skywalker says, alarmed. The chatter dies down as other holographic images turn to their comrade.

General Kenobi doesn’t seem to notice this.

“Excuse me,” he says, slurring, before promptly collapsing.

Shouts echo around the room. General Skywalker leaps across the holoprojector in a matter of moments, crashing on the floor next to the limp figure on the floor.

“What’s wrong with him?” One of the Jedi asks, and Cody recognizes him as General Windu.

“I’m not sure,” General Skywalker replies. He places two fingers on General Kenobi’s carotid for a few seconds, frowning. “His heartbeat’s a little fast though, and he’s pale. It might be some kind of sickness.”

“Get him checked over,” General Windu says, before flickering out of the call.

General Skywalker nods shortly. He turns his gaze towards Cody, who makes sure to stand at attention. “Commander, you have medical training, correct?”

“Yes, sir,” Cody replies instantly. “The basics.”

“Good,” General Skywalker says. “Rex, go get Kix.”

The Captain of the 501st salutes and marches off.

Cody crouches down across from General Skywalker, who’s wearing a small frown.

“I haven’t witnessed anything like this before, sir,” he says. “Is this… normal?”

“I’m not sure,” General Skywalker admits, looking frustrated. “He’s had headaches before, but nothing this bad. Unless…” He trails off, now looking annoyed.

“He was squinting near the end,” Cody recalls. “We’re in the middle of a campaign. It might be a concussion.”

General Skywalker shakes his head. “We haven’t been in combat for nearly a week. A concussion this serious would’ve presented itself sooner.”

“Maybe—” Cody begins, though is unable to continue. At that moment though, General Kenobi groans, eyes flickering open.

“Well, well, well,” General Skywalker says dryly. “Welcome back to the land of the living.”

General Kenobi scrunches his nose. “Loud.”

“You passed out,” General Skywalker deadpans.

“Can you tell us if you’re injured, sir?” Cody asks.

General Kenobi looks at him. His eyes have a foggy look to them, as if he’s not totally with them. “Head hurts.”

“Yeah, we figured that one out,” General Skywalker says. “But you didn’t get hit on the head, did you?”

“Headache,” General Kenobi mumbles in response, somewhat reluctantly.

“Migraine,” Cody murmurs, more to himself.

General Skywalker pinches his nose. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Didn’t wanna worry you,” General Kenobi slurs, eyes fluttering shut.

“That didn’t work,” General Skywalker huffs. He stands up. “Well, Commander, it looks like we’ll be carrying him to medical. Grab his legs.”

Cody does, and once he gets a comfortable, firm grip, he nods to General Skywalker.

Together, the two slowly lift General Kenobi in the air and carry him out of the conference room.

[stolen-pen-name23]

Angstpril Day 8 - Don’t Lie to Me

Obi-Wan is the man who never sleeps.

Or, so it would seem to those who spend the most time around him. Anakin isn’t even sure he does actually sleep. All he knows is that his Master goes to bed after him and rises before him. 

Anakin will find himself staggering to bed, dead on his feet from a long day of classes, while Obi-Wan is contentedly working on his lectures with bright eyes and only a cup of tea for company. In the mornings, Anakin will cling to his last dregs of sleep and curse the morning light while Obi-Wan has already gone through all of his morning meditations. 

Logically, Anakin knows Obi-Wan does sleep. It just so happens that he sleeps when Anakin is unable to verify without a shadow of a doubt that he does so. Now, however, Obi-Wan is sleeping quite soundly on the sofa in their living room — and he’s been like this since they returned to their apartment from their evening meal at the refectory. 

Anakin does a decent job of focusing on the classwork he’s been meaning to catch up on, but his eyes keep shifting back to his Master’s resting form. He’s curled up on his side with one arm tucked to his chest and the other hanging over the edge. 

Maybe it’s nothing. 

Perhaps Obi-Wan is just getting caught up on all the sleep he doesn’t seem to get. Anakin decides to return his attention to his galactic history research and slowly works through some of the boring readings until the daylight streaming through the windows fades to a golden dusk and eventually to an inky, black night. 

Mentally exhausted from his classwork, Anakin stands up and stretches. He yawns tiredly and shuts off his datapad. 

He thinks about slinking off to his room for the night and leaving Obi-Wan to his rest on the couch, but something inside of him tells him to check on his Master.

Quietly, he pads over to the couch and kneels beside Obi-Wan. “Master?” Anakin whispers tentatively. “Obi-Wan?”

Anakin had hoped that would elicit a response. Obi-Wan is a light sleeper, after all. He’d wake up to a gentle breeze, if there was one. 

Anakin’s concern spikes when he places his hand on Obi-Wan’s forehead. Dry heat greets Anakin’s palm and he grimaces. 

“Hey,” Anakin says a little more forcefully. He shakes Obi-Wan’s shoulder. “Master, wake up.”

Obi-Wan groans. “What?” 

“Not your most clever response, but I’ll take it,” Anakin says. 

“I’m sleeping,” he murmurs. 

“I can see that,” Anakin says. “Maybe you’d be more comfortable in your own bed?”

Obi-Wan nods, and slowly drags himself up to a sitting position. His eyes are glassy and fever-bright, but unfocused on anything in front of him. 

“Come on,” Anakin says, pulling him to his feet. “Let’s go.” 

Obi-Wan stands, unmoving with a dazed expression. 

“Master, you really don’t look too good,” Anakin says nervously. “Maybe you should see a healer.” 

“I’m fine, An’kin,” Obi-Wan slurs.

“Don’t lie to me.”

“Not lying, I’m—” Obi-Wan’s face goes a shade paler. “I’m—”

“Master?”

Obi-Wan’s eyes glaze over and go even more unfocused than before. He takes one staggering step forward before his knees begin to buckle.

“Master!” 

Anakin catches him before he can hit the floor. “Master?”

Obi-Wan’s eyes remain closed and he’s lost to the world. 

Anakin sighs. It appears a trip to the healers is in order. 

Adjusting him slightly, Anakin hauls Obi-Wan up so that is arm is locked around his shoulder. He glances down at Obi-Wan’s face and smirks at the still expression. 

At least Obi-Wan is finally getting some rest. 

[loveliing]

i just want someone to remember me this way i swear, when nick looks out that window and pictures charlie’s smile, my heart hurts.

i know that nobody will ever look at me or remember me that way, with awe in their eyes, like you’re gold and silver and silk and gems all connected into one. like you’re the center of the universe. it’s all so terribly romantic and unrealistic ( for me at least ) but i love this comic series with everything i have in me <3

[lilacmooon]

continuation of this post for angstpril 2022.

not kyalin but i recently discovered Tokka and uh, I'm in my feels about it a bit ngl.

I always pair music with whatever I write so have this: Paint - The Paper Kites

Angstpril 2022 - Day 5: "I never stopped"

The city was quiet that night, heavy summer mist pressing in against her skin. She could smell the threatening storm that must be pushing in from the sea. The thunder rumbled low and mournful out over the bay and Toph sighed, letting the sound vibrate in the air around her as she lingered at the entrance to her building. Tiny feet hit the floor near the couch the second she pushed open the door to the apartment. Suyin waited patiently as her mother bent off her armor and set down her things before she came to join her.

“Everything okay?” Toph asked her, slumping down into the couch.

Su made sure her mom was settled before she crawled closer, curling into her and pulling her blankets up to cover them both. Weariness settled, sudden and substantial, into her shoulders, her temples, her heart, but she pulled Su into her closer anyway.

“I was waiting for you.” Suyin explained, her voice tired.

Toph felt her body shake with a silent yawn. Guilt prickled in her fingertips at being absent for so long. But she knew that the girls could take care of themselves. Suyin was just a year younger than Toph herself was when she had left to travel the world, after all. Her daughters were capable people. And they knew where to find her or who to call if they needed anything.

“Where is Lin?” Toph asked, wondering why Suyin hadn’t just gone to find her older sister instead of waiting around for her to come home.

“I didn’t want to wake her.” Suyin answered softly. “She hasn’t been sleeping. Kya must have gotten her to rest somehow.”

“Kya’s here?”

Su only nodded. Toph threaded her fingers through her daughter’s thick hair as she thought. Beyond the small, strong heartbeat of Su, laying so close, she could sense two others, faintly. Kya and Lin, then. Spirits, those two. Toph shook her head slowly. Lin, she was too much like her mother. So much that it tended to worry Toph like nothing else did when it came to her daughter. Lin is strong like her. Capable like her. Sharp like her. But Toph worries, often, that Lin might make many of the same mistakes as her as well.

When the key turns in their lock, little Suyin is fast asleep, and so she doesn’t stir.

“It’s just me.” Suki said. She shut the door quietly behind her when she noticed the sleeping child.

“I felt you coming.” Toph told her, nodding to her bare feet on the floor.

“Slate.” Suki noted. “I forgot. I haven’t been here in a while, I suppose.”

“Yet you still have the key.” Toph pointed out.

Suki settles down in the chair next to the couch with an almost imperceptible sigh. Toph imagines she can feel the same weariness that permeates her own bones rolling off of Suki into the stone floor and the air between them.

“Silly to get rid of it.” Suki shrugged. “Just cause the girls are older now and you haven’t needed me to come watch them doesn’t mean you or they won’t need me again eventually.”

“Good thing I gave one to the both of you then.” Toph decides, her voice heavy.

She thinks of the day she first gave Sokka and Suki those keys. When she had needed someone to help out with Lin after she got called into the station unexpectedly. It was hard to remember, honestly. Over fifteen years ago now. There had been countless similar instances since then too. Except, now, Sokka would never again use his key to walk through her door. Because he was dead. Killed. And Toph couldn’t find who the fuck was responsible for taking her best friend from her. Toph and Suki, they were at their limits. Since it had happened, they had thrown themselves into avenging him. Not once believing that they might have to contend with the idea that…they might never get to.

“What are you doing here?” Toph asked quietly, half hoping there was some sort of news — despite having left her just an hour or so before.

“I didn’t want to be alone.” Suki whispered after a while.

“You’ve lived alone for years now. Shouldn’t you be used to it?” Toph asked her.

It was only meant to point out the obvious but the way it sounded seemed slightly harsh. Good thing Suki was also used to her bullshit. Toph began to run her fingers through Su’s hair again and down her small back. Partially to soothe her daughter as she slept and partially to soothe herself if she was being honest. Suki huffed quietly, looking at Suyin where she lay curled into her mother’s lap and the couch.

“You know what I mean.” Suki said.

“Yeah, you want to be with someone who is feeling just as shitty as you are. I get that.” Toph answered.

“She looks so much like him.” Suki whispered after the few blessed moments of somewhat comfortable silence.

Toph forced herself not to flinch but instead clenched her fingers into the blanket around Suyin’s shoulders. Then she sighed deeply and relaxed her shoulders, too exhausted to keep herself hardened anymore right now. Her fingers found Su’s soft hair once more and she focused on untangling the ends of it gently before speaking again.

“It feels just like his did, too.” Toph whispered back, afraid that if she uttered it any louder, her voice might betray her.

“When did you—?”

“Never while you two were—”

“I would never think that.” Suki sighed, her voice almost firm. Sokka and Suki had been separated for ages now. But of course, they had remained close.Just as they all had. It was hard not to with the deep, familial bonds they had all formed during the war. “I just mean that…I remember. It was so obvious, especially when we were kids, how much you cared for him. I guess I was just wondering when you started to feel something…more?”

“I never stopped.” Toph said simply, easily, despite the tangling in her chest.

“Hm?” Suki asked, not quite understanding her answer.

“I never stopped loving him. I never stopped caring for him. It wasn’t something I felt one day and then didn’t the next. It was the most constant, steady thing in my life for as long as I can remember. Constant. Just like he was. So, yeah. There wasn’t just a moment when I decided I wanted him. I fell in love with him. And then I never stopped.”

Toph and Suki were quiet then for a while, the only sounds were the soft patter of the rain against the windows and Suyin’s light snores.

“It’s just…” Toph sighed, resting her head on the back of the couch. “Being with him. With anyone. It wasn’t something I was ever going to let myself have.”

“You’re still alive, Toph.” Suki argued gently. “You still have time to have something like that. You deserve to have something like that.”

Toph only shrugged. So Suki dropped it.

“Did he know?” Suki asked instead.

“I think so.” Toph sighed again, every word feeling hard to get out. But also necessary somehow. The spirits knew how they had gotten here. Suki had always just been too easy to talk to, she supposed. Just like Katara. It could be infuriating. But in moments like this, when she was exhausted and broken and just needed someone, she tended to be weak for it. “It was only ever him. For a little while now. I think he knew I loved him. I hope I told him. What matters is…he knew that she was his.”

Suki hummed in soft agreement as she watched Toph with her daughter.

“Though, we never really told anyone else.” Toph pointed out bluntly.

“It’s pretty clear.” Suki admitted and Toph arched an eyebrow at her humorous tone.

“You know, he was so present when he found out? It annoyed the crap out of me initially.”

“I bet.” Suki makes a sound that’s almost like a laugh but quieter and painted with such sadness.

“It didn’t change much between us. Didn’t change…whatever we were doing. But, he loved her instantly.” Toph let the smallest of smiles cross her face as she remembered. Then she rolled her eyes, also recalling his silliness. “When she was in me, he called her his little seedling.”

“Seedling?” Suki chuckled quietly.

“Yes. Then after she was born: Little Flower.” Toph grew quiet, brushing her fingers through Suyin’s hair once more. “Because that’s what happens when water meets earth, he said. It blooms.”

They didn’t talk for a while then but Toph sensed there was still much on Suki’s mind, same as her. Maybe it was enough just to sit there, together, though. At least for now.

“Do you regret it?” Suki asked her finally.

“I can’t. It gave me Su.” Toph answered honestly.

“No, I mean…not letting what you and Sokka had grow into more.”

“Sometimes.” Toph told her quietly, after she had thought about it for a moment. A tear slid down her cheek, startling her, and she swiped at it quickly. “But, what we had was pretty amazing too. Just as it was.”

Toph felt warm fingers close around her hand where it was clenched into the fabric of the couch. Suki kneeled on the ground beside her, placing a hand on her friend’s back for comfort.

“I miss him, Suki.” Toph whispered, her voice hoarse. Suki enveloped her into a tight hug then, pulling her close.

“I know, sweetie.” Suki breathed out. “I miss him, too.”