One shot based on this quote + angsty alicent remembers her old friend comforting her on the anniversary of her(Alicent) mother’s death.
In the rare days such as these, were her children are behaved and as dutiful as she’s pushed them, her husband quietly rotting on his throne and her father alone lost in his grief does she remember rhaenyra in a good way.
On this day every year she allows herself the weakness of remembering her old friend. She remembers when this date had first become an important one. The day her mother died was a nightmare. Even now years later she cannot fully recount the memories of her death nor her funeral.
She remembered flashes and sometimes smells or sights would trigger feelings that would arise which she quickly learned to smother into nothingness. But not today. On this day she will allow her mind to replay the memories of how her friend held her close. Comforting her in her arms as she grieved the loss of her mother.
How she fell asleep in her arms and how for the first time since that loss she had been able to sleep with peace of mind. How she awoke and instead of embarrassment she felt relief at the fact that she had stayed.
She remembered the morning conversation still in each others arms not wanting to let go of each other just yet. She remembered how rhaenyra held her close and helped her dress for her mothers funeral. She remembered the heat raiding from her hands and she helped alicent put on her black dress moving closer to hold her from behind fingers brushing her skin comforting her before stepping back and slowly buttoning up her dress.
Alicent could remember even now how hot the princess breath felt on her face when she turned around to face her. Now as she stood with her eyes closed years later. She tried her best to remember how it felt to be burned by the fire staring down at her, making her face flush, heart flutter and breath catch in her throat. She tried her hardest to remember what it felt like to be brought to life by eyes who didn’t hold the glare brought by harsh memories. To be kissed by lips who didn’t spew hatred and sin at every chance.
She held her breath because for a brief moment she could feel as her heart beat again. She could feel her chest pounding she could feel the heat coming from her body a warmth spreading fast through her veins she felt as though her lungs would collapse. Her throat felt like a prison where all her unsaid feeling resigned. Her heart pulsing with the reminder of what she’d lost. Yearning for someone so close yet so far.
Years have gone by, have things changed? Angst+Smut.
Note: Requested. **Flashbacks** will be a big part of the story. It's long as usual.
Warnings: Christian H*rner. Toxic shit. Alcohol. +18. Semi-public.
There he was, looking happy, handsome and proud of himself. Back on his blue clothes and a microphone on his hand, Daniel was giving a speech, saying how much he missed everyone, how excited he was to meet those new faces, how hard he wanted to work, how happy he was to be back at home... Bullshit.
**"Dan?" You opened your eyes slowly when you heard the movement. "Where are you going?" You asked when you saw him getting his clothes from the floor.
"Um... I'm leaving"
You frowned.
"I thought you said..."
"Yeah. Last night I was drunk"
That hit you like a lightning. He was drunk. Everything he said... Everything he did... He was only drunk.**
You felt a weird feeling when he climbed down the stage. You wanted to runaway but you also wanted to go and punch him on that stupid and pretty face.
"YN, you have to stop"
"I'm not doing anything, Millie."
"You can't look at him like that"
"Like what?"
"Like you want to kill him"
You scoffed and got up, walking away from the stupid conference and your stupid friend.
He wasn't that good guy he wanted to show everyone. He was manipulative and cruel. He had played with you and left you broken on million pieces.
Millie wasn't a part of the team when it happened. He had only been working there for a year or so, and even when you were good friends, you couldn't bring yourself to tell her because every single person in the team would kneel and kiss his shoes if he asked them to.
"It's a pleasure to be back home, thank you very much" He finished and jumped down the stage.
You were filling your second cup of champagne by then. You didn't want to talk to him, you hated him. You wanted to go home as soon as possible.
Daniel walked down the stage and Christian hugged him.
"Welcome"
"Thank you" Daniel smiled.
He felt happier than he had on the longest time. He hadn't left on the best terms, but somehow coming back here sound better than what he had gone through. Better the devil you know...
He looked around. So many new faces, some old ones. And you? Where were you?
He walked around doing is job, smile, be handsome and funny,...
"Hi Daniel, I'm Millie. We don't know each other actually, but... YN talked about you" Did she? "We work together on the Sim so... We sill see each other often." She smiled.
Daniel nodded slowly.
"I didn't know YN was still working here" He said. He knew. He had asked Christian. Of course he knew.
"Oh! Yeah. She is the boss now"
"Oh, then why did I negotiate with Christian?"
Millie laughed as if he had told the best joke in the world. Daniel felt a bit irritated.
"The boss in the simulation department. She is our head engineer now"
Daniel felt something on his stomach. Something bittersweet.
"Wow. I knew she would do big things"
Millie nodded.
"By the way, do you where she is?"
"Um... She has been around" Millie said. "Probably on the drinks table. Has visited it a couple of times already" She said laughing.
Daniel smiled politely and said goodbye. Walking around, he finally saw you. You were by yourself on a corner. You looked beautiful. He felt confident and walked to you.
You noticed a move on your left and looked. Fuck, no. No way. Just as you saw the Aussie walking in your direction, you started walking away. You were walking so fast that some drops of your drink fell on your hand.
"YN" Daniel called your name. He knew you had seen him. He just wanted to say hi. "YN, wait"
He grabbed your arm.
**"Shit" You had a hand around your arm keeping you in place. "I'm so sorry"
You looked at your savior and the blood went up to your cheeks. Daniel Ricciardo.
"No problem" He smiled. "Are you okay?"
You nodded. You had gotten up so fast.
"Okay, be careful please"
"I'll try."
"I'm Daniel"
"I know"
He loved the way you smiled.
"I would get fired if I didn't, probably."
Daniel chuckled.
"I'm YN." You politely said.
"I know" He smirked.
"You don't. I started yesterday" You said pulling your arm away.
You flinched a bit when he reached to you, but he only took the pass on your neck and showed you.
"Fuck" You whispered. "Okay, you win"
He smiled.
"I'll be around" He said looking down at you.
"Okay?"
He walked away brushing his knuckles with yours as he passed you. You felt something strange. You completely understood that scene with Mr. Darcy now.**
"Let me go" You said.
It hurts that you didn't even bother to look at him.
"I just wanted to say hi" He muttered.
"I don't want you to." You pulled your arm.
"You can't choose that" He said.
"Bold."
"What?"
"It's bold of you to use those words" You said finally looking at him.
He felt cold.
** "You can't choose that, YN"
"I do!"
"No!" He shouted back. You took a step back.
"Why are you like this?" You whispered out of breath.
"Like what?" He was being a cold asshole.
"Like this. Why do you give me something and then take it away like that?"
"It's not my problem that you created those fantasies in your head"**
Daniel saw your eyes. He had gotten to know you so well. You hated him now.
"I don't want you close"
Being the proud cunt he was. He wouldn't let you go so easily.
"Yeah? Good luck with that"
You turned around and walked away.
Two hours. That's what you slept that night.
......................
Data. Data. Data. Only data. He had been on that simulator for three hours. He had taken it seriously. Meanwhile, you were sitting outside watching how it was going.
"He is good" Millie said leaning back on his chair.
"He obviously is" You said irritated.
"What's your problem with him?"
You looked at her.
"He seems to be a nice guy, everyone loves him. He is nice to be around. But you have that birch face whenever he is close"
You bit your lip. Don't explode.
"He is not as nice as he wants everyone to believe." You simply said.
"Oh, c'mon. You should probably just try to get to know him better."
You looked back at your skin. You did. You opened yourself to him once. You tried to know him better. You thought you did. But no. You had only believed the story he had told. You had just been apart of his game.
"You know nothing, Millie"
She didn't said much after that. She had felt your mood changing and took a step back.
You didn't want anyone to know what Daniel had done. He was the golden boy, wasn't he? Even though they had Max, their champion, number 1, ruthless, talented... Daniel was on that little altar right next to Max's. He was charming, handsome, good driver, fearless. He had everything they wanted. He was the perfect cover for their shit and the perfect back up if something on their plan failed. If suddenly you told anyone about how he treated you, they wouldn't believe you. You prefered to keep it to yourself than outing him and being called a liar.
"Okay, can I have a break?"
"Positive"
You stopped the simulation and leaned back on your chair.
"That's awesome. It feels good" He said giving you some unwanted feedback. You didn't answer. "Oh was it? I think you should take notes on the first 2 turns. It felt a bit weird. Not much grip"
"I don't need you to tell me. I can see it" You said.
Daniel walked a couple of steps away from you. He had only been working on the simulator for three days. He hadn't gotten anything from you. He knew he hadn't been the best guy, but this? He didn't thought he deserved to be treated like this.
Millie: you will get yourself into problems if you keep this attitude.
You decided to ignore Millie's text. It wasn't worth it.
Daniel was looking at you but you were too occupied with your work. He was thinking of those years back when you had met. He wasn't the nicest guy then, was he? He knew he had done things he couldn't be proud of. He knew he had been a coward with you. But... Why did you hate him this much? Why were you so angry at him?
"Daniel, what about another round and then we go back home?" Arthur, another engineer told him.
"Yeah, long day today. Let's get it done"
When you were walking to your car, you saw him again. He was standing there, he remembered which one was your car.
"You won't talk to me, right? "
You bit your lip. You couldn't explode on him. It would put you at risk, Millie was right. But you wouldn't be friends with him either. You had decided to talk to him only if it was essential. No more.
"YN"
You cleared your throat and opened the car, throwing your bag inside.
"Really, I just want to talk?"
"There is nothing to talk about?"
"I want to talk about us"
"There is no us, Daniel. Have you forgotten?"
Daniel felt his breath hitch on his throat.
** "But... What about us?" You said gripping the sheets for dear life.
"Us?" He asked with a frown. "There is no us, YN. This was fun, but it was just sex"
"What?" You felt that pressure in your chest that didn't let you breathe properly. "D-anny I... Thought..."**
Daniel looked at you with big eyes. You could see how he wasn't breathing. He was just there looking at you as deer caught in the headlights. The cold air hit you both and made you shiver. Daniel felt extra cold. He felt as if he didn't had blood on his body.
"See? Everything is the same. You are still a coward" You said those words fully knowing they would have an impact.
** "Don't call me that" He growled.
"Coward. You are a fucking coward" You spit with anger. You felt used. You felt as a toy.
"I'm not a coward. I'm putting myself first. I'm doing this for me!"
"I'm not talking about the team! I'm not talking about racing! Or Max, or whatever! I'm talking about your fucking commitment issues! You are a fucking coward. You want the easy part. You want the funny part! But you don't have enough balls to stay and fight for the rest!"
"What is the rest!? There is nothing more!"
He said that on purpose.
"Leave. Leave. I don't want to see you again." You pushed him to the door, barely giving him time to pick his clothes. "You fucking coward cunt. I don't want to even hear your voice"**
"I'm not a coward. If I was I would be here trying to talk"
You sourly laughed.
"You are. Of course you are a coward. If you weren't you would have tried to talk long ago. You are not here because you have grown the balls to fix thing out of nowhere. You are here because you can't stand that not everyone is willing to kiss your ass." You said pointing at him. There were tears in your eyes. Angry tears. You hated him so bad."But I won't. I won't let you fix this. I won't let you try it. Because you don't deserve it" You said looking at him.
He had played with you, he had messed with you feelings and left as if nothing had happened. You couldn't forgive him just because now he felt uncomfortable with the situation.
"Leave me alone, Daniel. I'm asking you nicely this time" You said and cleaned your tears.
Daniel felt so broken, he hated himself so much. He didn't know his actions had this impact in you. He took a step back and swallowed the words. It was the best to do. You were right. He had felt uncomfortable with the way you had treated him. He felt you were ruining his mood. He was excited to be back at Red Bull, he didn't need a black cloud around. He wanted to sort thing out. But now... Now he felt like the coward you new he was.
.........................................
"Looking good, YN" You heard Bryan call your name. You rolled your eyes. "Came here alone?"
"Mhm. And I want it to last"
You walked away from him and leaned on the bar. Christmas Red Bull gala. For every single person working on the team. It was all glamorous, nice clothes, nice food, expensive alcohol...
You walked around, your nice black dress hanging perfectly around your body. You didn't have anyone to impress. But that dress had been on your wardrobe for ages and it seemed to be the perfect ocassion.
Millie was ill. That meant you were basically alone in the party. But well, you were her to have dinner and leave. Not much more. Maybe have a some drinks. You have come by Uber only to not have to worry about your car.
Daniel saw your black and glittery dress. It caught his eye first when the lights made it shine. Then he saw it was you and felt his heart beating fast. Why did he felt this way?
"Dan. Mate."
He looked back at Max.
"Sorry"
"You have your head on the clouds."
"It's nothing"
"C'mon mate. You are back. Things will get better now"
Daniel chuckled and nodded.
"I hope so" He said looking at you.
"Who is her? The sim girl?"
"Head engineer in the simulation department" Daniel corrected him. Max had work thousand of times with her, how the fuck did he not know her name?
"Yeah, that. What's is going on with her?"
"Nothing" And Daniel didn't lie. You had been clear. You didn't want him around. And he had given you the space.
"I heard you two hate each other or something"
She hates me. Daniel thought.
"That's what they say?"
"Mhm. That you two can't be on the same room. And that she is kind of cold"
She wasn't cold before. Daniel had felt miserable since that conversation in the parking lot. He had been recalling all your moments together and each night had been worst than the previous one. He was lacking of sleep only because his thoughts were eating him alive.
"What's her name?"
"YN"
What a mistake.
Max lifted his hand and called your name. You turned around and frowned. Why was Max Verstappen calling you and why did Daniel looked so scared.
Daniel drank his whiskey in one sip. He cleared his throat and fixed his tuxedo.
You looked at him, then at Max then at him again. No. You were not going. But sudde ly she felt something on her back. She looked.
Christian Horner.
"C'mon. Come and talk to the guys. They are more interesting than they seem. It's not all data and racing"
You wanted to say no. But you felt like walking on thin ice. Christian guided toy to the men and their table and you felt how your body tensed with every step.
"Hey" Max reached his hand for you. "It's Max"
"I know" You said giving his hand a squeeze and faking a smile.
"Yeah, obviously" Max chuckled. Daniel could see on his blue eyes he was already tipsy. "I would introduce you to Dan, but you already know him, right?"
You nodded slowly trying to not look at Daniel.
"Max, they worked together for long." Christian explained.
You nodded again.
"Yeah. Did you hated each other then?" The Dutch asked.
You gasped and your drink almost fell out of your hand. You eyes went to Daniel, he had his lips pressed tight.
"That's what you told them?" You asked. Your boss was there. You were talking to his pretty boy. But you didn't care.
"YN..."
"Everyone knows it. It's obvious" Max shrugged.
"Max, shut up"
"I didn't know you two had problems" Christian casually said.
"We don't" Daniel said.
"So it's only you" Max pointed at you.
Daniel grabbed his glass and took it away.
"Max, you have drink too much."
You looked at Daniel, so scared, so nervous. What had he told them?
"Well, I'm sure you can solve this. Daniel is a fantastic guy and we are all so happy to have him back" Christian said.
You looked down at your cup. It was like this. Daniel was the cool and good guy and you were the cold bitch that hated him for no reason.
"Yeah. He is amazing." Max said.
Daniel looked at him in panic, he knew the younger driver had no shame. He would say whatever crossed his mind.
"Probably you should get a bit lose. He is so nice."
You chuckled. Ironically obviously.
"He is, right? He is so nice and funny." You looked at Daniel and he looked away from you.
"I think you are being a bitch right now. You don't have to talk like that"
You gasped.
"If you knew how you fucking friend is like you wouldn't be saying this."
"Wow, you shouldn't talk to Max like that" Christian said.
"Obviously. Yeah. Sorry if I offended your golden boy. And the pretty boy too. Yeah. I'm just a bitch." You pushed the champagne glass into Christian chest and started walking away.
The boss seemed furious. How could you talk to them like that? But Daniel grabbed his arm.
"Christian"
"I will solve this. I won't accept someone treating you like..."
"She is right" He sighed.
Max and Christian looked at him frowning.
"It's not her fault."
"I think she..."
"No. It's on me. It's me. My fault. Don't fire her because it's my fault"
Daniel started walking, only turning around when Max called him.
"Go to sleep, Max. You need it"
Daniel walked around those corridors trying to find you. And then he saw you. He barely catch you locking some door. But he was sure it was you.
You pressed both hands on the door and tried to breathe. You were feeling so many thing. You were euphoric, adrenaline was kicking. You wanted to cry and scream. But you also felt terrified. You had thrown everything to the bin.
Then a soft knock at the door made you squeak and take a step back. You put your hand over your heart, feeling it beating so hart. The knob moved slowly and the door opened.
**"What are you doing there?" You smiled.
"I have some free time"
"I'm sure you don't. We have our home race in five days"
He smiled and locked the door behind him.
"Well... Then... Let's be quick"
You laughed, but he captured your lips on a kiss halfway. You melted instantly. His hands always felt like heaven when they touched your face.**
You blinked the tears away.
"What do you want?" You felt pathetic.
"I'm sorry for that"
"Are you?"
Daniel sighed and dried his sweaty palms on his expensive trousers.
"Listen..."
"I don't want to. What the fuck did you tell them?"
"Nothing"
"Max Verstappen called me a bitch five minutes ago"
"He is drunk"
"How is it? Drunk words, sober thoughts?" You were loosing control. "He is not the only one who thinks it"
"That's not true"
"But it is! It is! Just because I don't buy the fucking smile and funny words... They all think I'm a bitch. And that I hate you for nothing" You took your shoes of feeling to unstable and uncomfortable to stand on them. "But they don't know. They don't know about how you treated me. How you played with me. Made me believe thing to take them away once you got bored. They don't know how you took my feelings, played with them and then threw them to the rubbish. They don't know you broke my heart."
Daniel couldn't look at you. He couldn't see the pain in your eyes knowing it was his fault.
You turned around to reach for a tissue in your table. Daniel realized then this was your office. Where you two first fucked. Where he came to hide with you.
"YN..."
"Don't worry. I'm going to get fired anyway so... No need to bother with apologies." You said. You voice sound so plain and tired.
"You won't."
You turned to him.
"You won't get fired. I'll make sure of it."
Somehow that made you feel slightly better. One less thing to worry.
"Told them it was my fault"
You bit your lip and crossed your arms on your chest.
"Thank you, I suppose" You said. Contrary to him, you weren't afraid of saying what you felt. You didn't have a big ego.
"Don't be."
You looked away from him and he took a step closer.
"I didn't want to hurt you" He finally said. He felt as if a huge weight had fallen off his shoulders. He never had bad intentions. He wanted you to know.
Your ironic laugh made him wince.
"Of course you didn't"
He was close, you could feel his warmth.
"YN, I need you to believe me"
"How can I?"
He bit his lip.
"How can I when you made me believe what we had was real, that it meant something for you. You were just that, what everyone said. A fuckboy. So cool. Driving with Red Bull. Sex, alcohol, parties, girls. How many more were you fucking by then?"
Daniel felt hurt. He wasn't like that.
"No one"
"I will pretend I believe you"
"YN, it's true"
You shook your head.
"I don't believe you"
"Why?"
"Because you have lied to me before, Daniel. I trusted you. I fell for you when you told me all those pretty things. I believed we had a future but in the end, for you, it was just sex"
If he only could go back in time. He would have done so many things differently. He didn't love you by then. He wasn't in love with you. But he never had such a good time with anyone. He didn't need distractions so he pushed all the feelings away. He had been a fuckboy, yes. He was handsome and charismatic and he knew it. He wasn't ready for a relationship then. So he played. When he met you, he found himself obsessed with you.
"Believe it or not. I don't care. You were the only one then"
"Why?"
You took a defiant step closer.
"Because I didn't feel as if I needed anyone else."
"Don't make me laugh"
"As I said, believe it or not, YN. We worked together. We travelled the world together. We were amazing together. Why would I need anyone else"
"We were amazing together but you were too scared to keep it when you left."
"You got a promotion. No more travelling. A new team for me. Do you really think it could have worked? I was making you a favor" HE was getting irritated. Why were you so stubborn?
"You are cunt. You haven't changed a little bit." You said and sighed,.
You felt defeated. You had hoped, even if was only for a second, that he would understand why you felt like that.
Daniel frowned and felt a wave of anger all over him. He had changed. He wasn't that Daniel. He was different now, he had grown up.
"You don't know me" He said.
You smiled and nodded.
"Neither did I back then." You said. "I thought I knew you pretty well. But in the end, you showed me how it wasn't true."
You two stayed in silence. You had turned quiet and passive. You were tired of fighting. But him? He was furious.
"You can't be angry forever"
"I'm not angry anymore. I wasn't angry for long. I just don't want to go back through all that pain again. I'm protecting myself, setting boundaries and keeping myself away from you. You hurt me once and I won't let that happen again."
"I wouldn't do it now"
You laughed and leaned to pick your shoes. He observed you. Then you walked around him and grabbed the knob.
"You shouldn't have done it the first time. That's the problem."
Daniel knew that if you left the office he would lose every chance forever. So when you opened the door, he pressed his hand on it. You felt his presence on your back, he was so close, almost touching you. You unconsciously closed your eyes.
Daniel closed the door again and slowly he dragged his fingers over the cold wood until he reached the lock. The click made you look down, but you didn't move. You couldn't. You had always been weak for him.
"Tell me to stop if you want to" He whispered.
Daniel was fully aware of how wrong this was. He didn't deserve this. He knew it.
But then you leaned back on his chest and took his hand. He missed your touch so bad. You guided his hand over the glittery dress that covered your skin.
"Tell me you want it"
"I want it" You said without thinking. It was wrong, but one last time wouldn't hurt. right?
Daniel pulled you away from the door. He has determined to get you back. He would do it right this time.
You moaned when he bent you over your desk, his lips tracing a path down your back. You gripped your hands in the cold wood.
"I will make you feel good." He groaned.
But you had to answer.
"It won't fix things."
You felt his grip on your waist tighter and he groaned, biting the skin on your shoulder and making you whimper.
"Let me try, at least"
You didn't answer, you just straightened your back and pulled him for a kiss. It was messy and rough, there were bites and groans. But you both loved every second of it. Even if you didn't want to admit it, you missed him like mad. Daniel lifted your dress and felt your skin on his hands. Just as soft as he remembered.
He made you turn around and you sat on the table. You were having so many flashbacks, so many stories and feelings. His lips on your neck brought them all back. They brought those ties i which you were happy by his side back. When you thought it would last forever.
You pulled him closer and fought the buttons on his shirt, tugging them open without care as your mouth devoured his. Daniel took the hint and three the tie away. Then, you pushed both, shirt and jacket of his body and pulled back. His lips were swollen, his cheeks blushed. He couldn't breathe properly. He had never looked better. You wrapped your legs around his hips and your hands around his shoulders. Daniel closed his eyes and move his chin up when you leaned to kiss his neck. Just as he remembered, you kept one hand on the side of it while you devoured the other. He felt in heaven, he hand never felt so much pleasure to someone biting his skin. He had never been so turned on by someone marking him like this.
You dig your teeth hard on his shoulder and he groaned. His fingers tightened in your hair and he pulled enough for you to free him. You liked your lip and looked into his eyes.
Fuck, he loved you. He loved the way your eyes challenged him. He loved the stubborness in you. He wish he had realized long ago.
His fingers looked for you underwear and once he reached it, he leaned on your ear.
"Can I?"
"Yes" You returned to his lips and lifted your hips. You were to busy with the kiss to see where your panties had gone.
"Can I?" You asked just like him when your hands reached his trousers
"Yes"
Daniel let you push his trousers down, observing you, feeling as if time hadn't passed. He moved his fingers slowly up your thigh and smiled when you closed your eyes. You were wet, so wet. He moved his fingers to your mouth. You reacted instantly.
"Good girl" He smiled when you sucked his fingers with your eyes closed. Then he took them to your center. It was as if time hadn't passed. He knew perfectly what to do. You leaned on his shoulder and he kissed your cheek. He draw circles in your clit and you moaned his name. "I love how my name sounds in your lips."
You didn't answer. You closed your eyes and got lost on the feeling of his fingers in you. But it wasn't enough. You needed more of him.
"Dan... Danny..." You moaned as he fingered you hard and quick. He wanted you to make you come. "F-fuck me..." You struggled to say.
He did. He put your legs around him and soon he was pounding hard on you. His lips didn't leave yours. Sometimes he wasn't even kissing you. He was just there, breathing and moaning in your mouth. You felt delirious.
Daniel could feel your fingers digging deep into his skin and he wanted nothing more than for you to leave marks on him. It was so hard and intense, messy and wet. But you couldn't care less.
He made you see stars, the orgasm hitting like a tsunami and your body dropping back on the table as he kept fucking you as if there was no tomorrow.
Daniel was watching you, his own hand on your chest keeping you in place. Your face was turned to the side as you whimpered and moaned in pleasure. You were clenching him and he knew he wouldn't last much with you like that.
He didn't. He came not too much later. He had to lean forward and use the table as leverage. It was hard and his knees were shaky.
"Fuck" He panted for air.
YOu opened your eyes and looked at him. You really had fucked him. Reality hit you and you pushed him away.
"What?"
"It's enough. You and I won't talk again. No more than work-related. I... I can't let this happen again"
"Baby..."
"No"
He grabbed your wrists.
"Look at me"
You looked away.
"YN, look at me" He was so serious. "YN"
YOu blinked the tears away and looked at him.
"What"
YOu were feeling so down suddenly. The high from the sex was dissipating and tiredness was reaching for you.
"I'm really sorry for everything I've done. I wish I had realized sooner I was hurting you."
"Sooner?"
"When I was still able to stop it"
You bit your lip and looked down at his open shirt.
"I'm not angry, Daniel. I can forgive you for what you did. But I can't forget. And that will always be there because I can't make that pain go away. Neither do you."
Daniel looked down at his hands and slowly let yours go.
"I don't know if you are still the same or if you have changed. But I know that you played with my feelings years ago. You should know that I can't just let you back in even if it's just for work. I want you to respect my decision and stay away for now."
He nodded slowly.
You felt way better after saying this. You felt like a new woman.
"I'll be there if you need me" He told you well knowing that he was probably the last person you would reach for.
..........................................
He respected you and stayed away. Everyone saw how things had changed. You were now fully professional and barely talk. You had changed your schedule and now you barely saw him. But someone had gotten ill and now you were covering Daniel's sim session.
Last weeks had been weird because you couldn't stop thinking of him. You couldn't stop thinking abou that night. You could still feel his lips on you. It was eating you alive. No sleeping and creeping anxiety was taking a tool on you. You therapist had insisted, avoiding him wasn't the right thing to do. Normalize that he was in your life would make things much easier. But you simply couldn't because you were feeling again things and you hated them because that's what ha hurt you for the first time. The only difference was that this time, he wasn't doing anything, you barely speak.
That afternoon, you were on the point of breaking. Exhaustion was all you could feel. The words and numbers on your pc were blurry.
Daniel wasn't on the sim, he had gone out to take a quick break. So that left you alone in the room and with tears threatening to spill. But you couldn't cry and be all red eyed when he came back. You were swallowing it.
The door opened and you tried to ignore it. But a coffee appeared in front of you.
"Here. You look like you need it" Daniel softly said. Then made a pause. "There is no need to say anything. Just accept it"
His hand disappeared and you heard him sitting in one of the chairs behind you.
You stared at the coffee for long seconds. Why? Why were you feeling like this? Why did this made your heart beat like this?
It was impossible to stop the tears. But you tried to stay silence. You didn't suceed.
Daniel's face shot up quickly when he heard you sniffing. You couldn't see him, though. Then you lowered your heard and he tensed. He waited. He wasn't even breathing. He didn't know if he could go and check on you. But then you sobbed and he crossed the room quickly.
His hands made you chake and cry even more. Then he moved your chair and knelt in front of you.
"Hey, YN..." He said so softly.
You didn't even look at him, you just leaned forward. He knelt between your legs and hugged you so tight. He hugged you like no one had before. Daniel hugged with his whole body. He was all around you, leaning on you but also supporting your weight. He tucked you on his neck and threaded his fingers on your hair. You were ugly crying by then. All those pent up emotions were coming out and Daniel was there. He was there and you didn't want him to leave anymore.
"I've got you" He whispered. "It's okay, just take your time"
Daniel hid in your neck and caressed your hair fully knowing that this was all his fault.
"You broke my heart" You whimpered. "And even though I still love you"
Daniel's body shook. He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve you. But he turned his face and cupped yours gently.
"Let me pick up the pieces. Let me do right this time"
"I shouldn't." You said looking into his eyes. "B-but..."
"But?" He asked hopefully.
"I will..." You hugged him again and he sighed.
"I-I promise I will do good. I will be what you want. I love you. I love you so much."
You closed your eyes and hid further on his neck.
"Don't hurt me"
"I won't. Let's start over" He said and ran his hands up and down your back.
you know what I’m harping back in the another universe where Sebastian and Allo were married yet sebatstian still got taken…………so naturally Allo brother still died so not only did Allo husband get taken but his brother and most of his family dies so now to Allo he’s got no one and is now all alone………..care to give some hcs for this chaotic au I’ve made lol
You madlad gosh damn that so painful but Soo good aight bet
Tw: homophobic things , slight suicide , angst
Before taken away -
° allo and seb meet during college by pure change
° both had ran into each other study hall when by pure change during looking for books. Both took a book out in a shelf that caused them to accidentally stare at each other
° allo being the panicky introvert he was made a joke that made Sebastian laugh
° since then the two started to hang out finding the had some common things from music , games and even taste in clothes
° they started dating when Sebastian made the bold move to ask allo for a coffee date
° years go by and the two get married . Sebastian was there to comfort allo when his parents died and helped raise allo's brother.
° Sebastian udderly adored Leo and spoiled him with toys he made himself
Taken away -
• that day when Sebastian was taken away both Leo and allo were hella shocked and baffled
• poor Leo didn't understand why Sebastian was taken away and this lead to allo having to focus on his baby brother to cope
• during trails allo made statements and tried to show evidence of Sebastian not being the murder of killer
• but some homophobic cops and people in the court used the gay Bois love to pin things on them . One way having the victims all coincidentally anti- LGBTQ people
• when Sebastian was sent to jail it had allo in a spiraling stress and did his best to try to stay positive like he usually did especially since he was till raising his brother
• que to Sebastian being sentenced "death " and that sends allo into depression and having to close himself off . This allowed for some families to care for Leo for a bit of friends stop by to try and help
• years go by and allo still heart broken when the crash happens and this sends allo into a state of denial that doesn't help his case when people Blame him for Leo's death
• during his time in prison he feels alone and heart broken cause he lost the two most important people and now he's cut off from the last remaining family
•when urban shade pops up he accepts the job cause he thought it be the fastest way to die so he could be with his love and brother
Hadal blacksite-
=he still gets injected with the sea angel DNA resulting in him hating himself cause now he can't die unless by a bomb or flames
= now because of this he doesn't meet Sebastian cause he be busy trying to end himself
= he only meets Sebastian when he runs into the shop keep and doesn't notice the ring . Sebastian would be hella wary cause he thinks urban shade was mocking him with a expandable that looked like allo
= to shocked or depressed both don't speak and simply go off body language like say a wave to a battery and tap to the items
= when the two find out about each other it's when Sebastian becomes to curious and wary of allo. He stalks and finds out one of allo's deaths. Aka the diving gear accident
= allo breaks down when he's healed back up when and has his wings and tail . He's cursing and crying about how life took his brother and lover
= que allo being suddenly shocked as he spun around and hugged by Sebastian who angrily crying
= both embrace and just silently finally let their emotions out after the years of being apart and the news of each other life
= this results in the two trying to find a way out togother
I am not new to Tumblr but I am new to writing fan fiction for tumblr so you all may have to bare with me for a little bit while I attempt to figure out how to create the perfect lay out! Since I am just getting this blog up and running I am planning on posting a fic soon, I will warn you all that I am terrible with keeping to a schedule and might disappear as I am still a student and also hit creative blocks A LOT.
All that being said! I welcome those who are willing to go on this journey with me and I can’t wait to get started.
@noseboopme
sorry this got very angst.
Triggers many triggers read at own risk
Bruce lost his best friend, his science bro. He has been trying to help everyone around him especially Thor. He’s felt close to Thor ever since he helped him and Hulk get of the frucking garbage of a fricken planet and now he wants to help Thor. Bruce knows that Thor has been going through a lot ever since the first snap. You can just see it in how he copes with all the pain and trauma. He lost his planet, his brother, his friends, and his parents. All he wanted to do was help him which is how Bruce ended up here, in Thor’s home pizza everywhere. He was sat on korge’s couch while Thor stayed sat on the bigger couch looking down at a half molded pizza in his lap.
“Thor is there anything you want to talk about..”Bruce said then looked up at Thor,”If you just want me to be here and sit in silence’ it’s fine.” Bruce stayed quiet until he saw Thor shift. “If you want, I could just leave.” Bruce spoke with a soft voice standing up and patting Thor on the shoulder as a goodbye but before he could walk away Thor grabs his hand slightly. “Please stay.”Thor spoke with such emotion in his voice that Bruce couldn’t help but sit down right next to Thor.
“Thor I want to help. If you need to talk please talk to me.” Thor picked up his head looks at Bruce straight in his eyes each second leaning a bit forward until he was kissing him.2 days later“So what do you think would make you feel better?”.
“Bruce I know you're trying to help but I don’t think anyone could help me,” Thor stops and takes a deep breath.”I just don’t think I want to be here anymore.”Thor whispers the last part so Bruce could barely hear it but he heard it alright.
“Thor please don’t say anything like that.”
“I failed Bruce if I had got him none of this would have happened. Tony and nat would be here but their gone, both sacrifice them self because I just wanted to watch Thanos suffer.”Bruce tried to confer Thor but failed once Thor moved and got up and left.3 week later
Bruce stood in front of a garden filled with beautiful roses filled with thorns that have helped release so much pain he has felt the past couple of weeks.
He couldn’t feel anything anymore.
Hulk left when Thor decided to tend to his garden and make it as beautiful as can be.
Bruce was now alone in a garden with gates wide open but no one to help clear away the garden.
Bruce could only think of tending to his garden.
He wanted to feel happy pain something.
He wanted to be free.
And at last he would close the gates and he would let his garden finally grown, he would let the thorns cut into him just like they did to thor.
He would close the gates and hopefully no one bothers to try to open them ever again.
At last he could be in free.
He could be in the field no longer worried of tending to his garden instead he could spend eternity in a home with his family.
The garden no longer tended garden has died.
No more thorns poking into him. No more rose petals to fall to the ground and cause a mess.
No more worry to want to feel alive.
Good Omens- Evelyn Evelyn Slightly Parodied Lyrics/Also "Sorrowful, Regretful" Slightly Parodied Lyrics Because I Got Bored
EVELYN EVELYN
Concept(for both): Aziraphale starts getting paranoid about Crowley possibly plotting to betray him, just pretending to be his friend. As a result of this belief, Aziraphale denies their friendship and pushes Crowley away. Crowley, however, is doing nothing of the sort and when Aziraphale starts acting odd towards him, he begins to think Aziraphale was just afraid of him and hating him all along.
Crowley
Aziraphale
Both
Evelyn
Evelyn
Why do we bother to stay?
Why are you running away?
Don't you feel like severing?
Everything's just come together at last—
It's broken, I don't want to play...
We grew up closer than most
Closer than anything
Closer than anything
Shared your(my) flat and sometimes swapped clothes
Talked about everything
Spoke about so many things
What shall we wear tonight?
What shall we eat today?
Can we go ice skating?
But we just did that yesterday.
Should we be firemen? Can we be astronaut?
What if they find us?
They're not looking anyway
Fill my glass!
Let's drink a toast!
This is my birthday
So why are you weeping?
—at your side, I feel like a ghost.... I wake up first, and I stare at you sleeping.
What shall we wear tonight? What shall we eat today?
" Do you think I should marry you?
It's just like we've met yesterday..! "
Should we be movie stars? Will we be millionaires?
I want to be famous!
They're watching us anyway
We grew up so very close
You know a parasite needs a host!
But I'm only trying to do what is best for us!
I never asked for this, I never wanted this
All that I want is some time to myself—
Looking in your eyes, I'm coming home..
NO! Just get away from me!
Please just stop touching me!
You're always trying to be somebody else!
Now I realize I'm all alone! You're only scared of me!
But you never cared for me
You wont let me be free—
Just 'cause you'd never dare to be!
'Cause you never listen, you're always insisting!
"I'm just reminiscing!"(Just stop reminiscing!)
I feel something missing
I just want you here with me!(I just want my privacy!)
Why'd can't we just get along!?(Why won't you leave me alone!?)
SORROWFUL, REGRETFUL
Concept: The same. Also, some time after the apocalypse, Aziraphale starts to feel guilty for what he did during the apocalypse. Crowley thinks about when he thought he'd lost Aziraphale.
Sorrowful
Regretful
All of those years that we shared...
I cant believe I thought you'd really care for someone like me
Those I trusted let me down
Everything I try to leave in my past...
But it's too late to make it okay
Right and wrong changes with time!
Every old lie that's told
Every new truth revealed
Love and loss
I've known my share
We were inseparable
I had looked up to them
How can I trust again?
What will become of us?
Can they learn to forgive?
And then suddenly he was gone...
Will they be victorious?
Was all our love for not?
At least we're safe
How could he turn away from me?
Sorrowful
Regretful
All of those years that we shared
I cant believe I thought you'd really care for someone like me
Those I trusted let me down
Everything I try to leave in my past
But it's too late to make it okay
What I'd give to take it all back
So I won't get hurt
So that I won't hurt you
Foolish pride clouded my mind
I was blinded, I believed all those pretty lies
So how can I fix this
And how can we move on?
I would give almost anything
I wish I could be ignorant once again
I know that I messed it up, but—
I don't deserve this
I want to forget it
But it doesn't work that way
Sorrowful
Regretful
All of those years that we shared
I cant believe I thought you'd really care for someone like me
Those I trusted let me down
Everything I tried to leave in my past
But it's too late to make it okay
We both know sorrow and regret
I really thought we were friends!
I'm only trying to do what is best for us!
I never asked for this
I never wanted this
All that I want is to be your equal!
You have a pitch black heart
I think they were right...
Just get away from me!
Please cease your empty pleas!
Youre always trying to be somebody else!
Now I realize I'm all alone
I was right here by your side!
But all that you've done is lie!
Please do not turn away!
There's nothing that you can say!
You cannot understand
You're always resistant
Stop apologizing(I'm just apologizing!)
I feel something missing
I just want you to go away! (I just want my best friend back!)
John's eyes were red hot while he watched the woman in front of him pace back and forth, her eyes going between him and Hosea who was awake, but too weak to lift his head without those goons pulling it back. His eyes followed her every movement. The silence was tense and John and pulled his eyes away to figure out where they were. A forest, no sign of the main road, no landmarks, nothing. They could literally be anywhere.
"Violet," John tried. "Violet, listen, Hosea needs a doctor. Okay? He took a bullet in that shoot out. If you think that capturing us was the worse thing you could do to Dutch, let him die. A storm of hellfire will rain on you, and Dutch won't stop until you and everyone in your gang is dead." John hissed when Violet turned and slapped him across the face.
"I am the storm boy!" she snarled and turned her attention to Hosea. "Drop the old man," she hissed. Hosea groaned weakly when he was dropped, Violet turned him on to his back with her boot and looked down at him. "Hello, Hosea," she purred too sweetly.
"Violet..." Hosea gasped. "Good to see you again."
"Likewise, now," she said and pressed the heel of her boot into Hosea's wound making him scream. "Where's Dutch?!"
"Leave him alone!" John yelled, eyes wide with panic when he saw blood slowly ooze from under the heel. Violet applied more pressure making Hosea writhe in pain under her. John saw a tear slip out of the corner of Hosea's eye. She released the pressure making Hosea gasp for breath.
"Where is he?!" she yelled grabbing the front of his shirt pulling him up. Hosea was gasping for air at this point, and he looked so weak but he still gathered up strength enough to spit in Violet's face. She raised one hand to wipe it away and threw him back down stomping her heel back into the bullet wound making him scream again.
"STOP!" Violet paused and pulled her foot off to look at John with a quirked brow. "I...I'll tell you...just...don't hurt him anymore."
"John...no..." Hosea gasped painfully. Violet snarled and kicked Hosea in the head before turning back to John. She leaned down to his level grabbing his chin. John looked into her eyes, that once looked at him with so much affection years ago now were ablaze with rage, hate, and death.
"Where. Is. Dutch?" she growled low. John swallowed thickly and opened his mouth.
Dutch and the boys rode hard to get to the town where the shoot out happened. Maybe they could get a lead on which direction Violet went into. Time was of the essence in this matter. If The Black Bloods were around, and if Violet was now leading them they were all in danger.
"So!" Javier called to Arthur. "Who's this Violet? She sounds like bad news!" Arthur took a deep breath, centering himself, a sense of dread overcame him. The mere mention of her name was enough to give him goosebumps.
"She was kind of like a mother to me and John. Dutch and Hosea brought her into the gang about fifteen years ago. I was just a kid, John even younger but she was kind. At least that's what we thought. She ran with us for five years, we never knew what she was, who she was. The Black Violet herself."
"The Black Violet?!" Javier yelled. "We're going after the Black Violet?!" Arthur nodded.
"She, Dutch and Hosea were close. Then one day, the three of them went out. Only Dutch and Hosea came back, and Dutch was all shot up. Turns out, she brought them into a trap, was gonna turn them into the law for their bounties. It turned into a blood bath, and that day Violet lost her son and her husband to Dutch's bullets. She's never forgiven him. We thought we out ran her out west years ago. We disappeared. Ten years later, she's still searching and she will not rest until Dutch is dead."
Javier fell silent while he looked at Arthur. He wanted to reach over and touch his shoulder. Hug him, something. He's honestly never seen Arthur this scared or seen Dutch this upset. He looked ahead at their leader, Dutch was pushing The Count as fast as he could go.
They turned up in Valentine just as the sun was peeking up. Dutch dismounted and looked over at his boys. "Split up, talk to everyone. Get information. Do it fast!" He yelled and marched off. Javier was about to dismount when he looked at Arthur who hadn't dismounted.
"Arthur?" he asked.
"I'm gonna go out of the town, there's a house a little ways off the road. I made friends with a man there, maybe I can get information out of him too. If they went that way, he'd know it."
"I'll go with you. Just in case," he said turning Boaz around. Arthur looked unsure until Javier put a hand on top of Arthur's smiling at him. "If Black Violet is after Dutch, she's probably after you too. It couldn't hurt to have some backup amigo," he said. Arthur's lips quirked a little and he nodded turning Morgana around and trotted off with Javier in tow.
John and Hosea were tied back to back in the small camp Violet and her two goons made for the night. Hosea had woken up, tilting his head back against John's shoulder with a groan.
"How you doin' old man?" John asked quietly keeping an eye on the three by the fire.
"I'm alive. I'm in pain, but I'm alive. What did you tell her?" he asked coughing roughly.
"Told her they were at Horseshoe. Don't think she believed me, but it at least buys us time," John said. Hosea laughed dryly giving another cough. "You don't sound good," John pointed out.
"Old lungs aren't what they used to be, and this bullet in my side that Violet lovingly drove deeper with those damn heels didn't help." Hosea looked down and saw the blood had somewhat stopped but the bandages were now saturated. He tilted his head back against John with a sigh. "Son, listen. Okay? If I don't make it, you need to tell Dutch about a lockbox I have stashed in Valentine okay?"
"Don't talk like that," John snapped turning to look at Hosea. "You're going to be okay. You're tough, and you're strong. And I don't really feel like telling Pa that you died."
"You may not have a choice, John. Promise me, if I don't make it, you have to tell Dutch about that lockbox. It's hidden behind the stables, marked with a stone circle. The stable hand has been looking after the spot for me since I put it there. Just in case. Promise me, John."
John closed his eyes and tilted his head back against Hosea's shoulder a lone tear slipping down his eye. "Yeah...yeah dad, I promise." Hosea smiled and turned his head to gently bump against John's.
Request for Aunty Peggy/Tony with maybe some side Steggy for heroingauddess I know this isn’t quite what we talked about but I got super motivated by I don’t know what.
Warnings: Swearing, mentions of alcoholism and drug abuse, mentions of verbal abuse and Major character death.
Tony’s best moment in life? Does he even have one? Howard’s parenting was a subaverage if anything when not considering neglect or verbal abuse. Obie just used him. He and Pepper had highs and lows the highs never being the best. Rhodey had been a high point in his life pretty consistently. Like that time when they were in MIT and got drunk on the roof and ate far too much junk food. But that couldn’t be his best memory could it? One could imagine his surprise when he woke up in Aunt Peggy's house. He hadn’t thought about this day in years. Everything was the same, but it was different. There was more Steve? That can’t be right could it? No. He had been sober….huh. Slowly Tony wandered further into the sitting room. He had always been one of his favorite places and a source of great emotional comfort. Taking a deep breath Tony could smell the flora notes of Earl Grey tea. It was Peggy’s favorite. Personally Tony hated the taste of it, but he loved the smell of it. On occasion he had seen Steve just making a mug of it but he never drank it. Funny Tony forgot how close and dear Peggy was to him. Slowly Tony moved through the living room wondering if maybe this was an elaborate dream or if maybe he was in a coma? Pushing those thoughts aside Tony entered the kitchen. It was the same white Tiles and appliances. The walls the same mellow dusty shade of pink. Not hyper feminine or anything like that, just Peggy. If that was any kind of explanation Tony didn’t care. The tea was already on the table. Three settings. Who else was home? That thought was all but forgotten the second he was pulled into a tight hug. On instinct Tony looped his arms around Peggy's waste and tilted his head so his ear was pressed over her heart beat. Strong and steady. He stood in stunned silence for a moment just soaking in the affection. He had no idea how terribly he needed to be held until then. “I’m proud of you Anthony. You’ve led quite the remarkable life.” Soothed Peggy her accent polite and gentile as ever, She was proud of him? What could he have done to make her proud? He destroyed the Avengers...his family, brought on the destruction of the universe. Created a murder bot and slept with women more than he loved them. A sob shook his shoulders and his arms tightened weakly around her. “Don't be stupid.” He choked out tucking his face into the woman's blouse. Peggy shushed him softly not saying anything just held him there allowing Tony to sob into her, and finally get years of pain and fear off of his chest. When the sobs began to subside she spoke. “You’ve done good. Even if you can’t see that yourself.” Peggy said gently and pulled back a small distance to dry his eyes. “We all have done things that keep us up at night, but those things have allowed us to do our greatest goods.” She consoled before pulling him back in. Tony stayed quiet and just listened to the drumming of her heart allowing it to lull him into a relaxed state. Slowly he nodded. “But..” Tony started but was cut off by a stern look from the woman. He nodded and shut his eyes.
This didn’t seem right. Peggy had died, and yet there she was holding him telling Tony that she was proud of him despite everything. Slowly Tony took a deep breath. That was new...No no couldn’t be it. It was a memory from the day he went to Aunty Peggy after Howard ripped him apart for not being what he wanted. Tony couldn’t remember what it was his father wanted. Only that it wasn’t Tony.
When Tony reopened his eyes he was laying in a snowbank whiskey and blood heavy on his tongue staring up at various barren trees and the largest moon he had seen. Well until Thanos threw one at him, but that was different somehow. He couldn’t feel his toes for the cold but his heart was pounding aggressively against his probably broke ribs. Surprisingly Tony knew exactly what this was. Surprising because most things in the weeks following his parents deaths...Well murders were blocked out by insane amounts of alcohol and drugs. Tony had snapped and shouted terrible things at Jarvis before he left the house for he didn;t know where other than away. The only flaw being that Tony was in no state to drive doing to his lack of sobriety. Tony rolled his car and ended up flaked out and in pain across a snow bank. “What the bloody hell were you thinking!” Came the sharpe accent of his Aunt. Tony physically flinched figuring she was just going to leave him like everyone else. “You scared the life out of me Tony. We just lost your parents and I’ll be damned if I lose you to.” She said ut it was different...more genuine and fearful. Tony blinked back his rapidly building tears. “I’m sorry...I..I don’t know I was being stupid.” He mumumbled and squeezed his eyes shut tightly. “You’re not stupid Tony. You feel too much. It’s normal. We’ve got you.” She soothed and gently touched his cheek. Before Tony could ask who we was he was being hoisted into a pair of overly familiar ams, and his eyes flew open. “Steve?” Tony blurted out in shock. “What...What Are you doing here?” What was Steve doing in this memory he hadn’t meant the man yet and he was supposed to be frozen...Yet he was carry Tony out of the cold. “We came to get you. You don’t deserve to be alone at a time like this.” He said gently. “A time like this? I’m..I’m fine...Just feel-” He was cut off by Peggy shaking her head her hair bouncing with the movement. “It’s time to go.” She said gently. “You did so well Tony, but it’s time to rest now...Only good memories no more hurt.” She soothed and only then did it dawn on Tony. He had died...and his heaven wasn’t a singular memory it was Peggy...She was his best memories.
[Author's Note] So basically I’m rolling with the idea that our personal heavens are made up of our singular best memory as shown in the Supernatural TV series. But with Tony I thought I would tweak it slightly so that Peggy was his best memories and there she was what composed his heaven,
