The Sinner among the Saints
The Spirit of God like a fire is burning!
The latter-day glory begins to come forth;
The visions and blessings of old are returning,
And angels are coming to visit the earth.
When I was a child the music echoing around the chapel meant something.
Now I can’t even choke out a single line without being reminded of my double life.
Some part of me is still caged inside that little girl singing about empty promises and skipping off to primary while holding her best friend’s hand.
Another part of me is flying down a dirt road in that old rusted Chevy.
Singing old Queen songs until my lungs are almost collapsing within themselves.
Forgetting about the pressure that’s cracking my ribcage.
Sitting, zombified with a shy smile on my little doll face whenever the adults grin and pat me on the head for being a Good Girl.
Praying to a God that never answers, that they won’t see the cracks in my composure, that they won’t notice the anguish seeping out of my eyes and onto my cheeks.
Screaming at the sky until the noise is covered up by the “How are you’s” and the brief handshakes that accompany idle chatter.
Now I’m shoving my scriptures under my bed and burning all the papers that I once believed in. I wear my dresses and tank- tops without a T-shirt underneath. I’m slowly picking the lock on my cage, it’s possible that I’ll be able to fly again, even with my clipped wings.
The Sin on my skin is so bold, that I’m surprised that no one’s noticed.