What Your Favorite Hetalia Ship Says About You (part 4)
feat. GerAme, Prumano, Spaus, BelBel, PruCan, and NedCan.
Please understand that these are jokes and are not meant to be taken seriously. We're all just here for a goof and a laugh.
GerAme: I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that you have a type. And that "type" falls somewhere between jock and nerd. People wouldn't be able to guess it by looking at you, but you highkey thrive in chaos. You relish in gallows humor. You also believe that being offended is a choice. Which is not only valid but absolutely true, and more people should adopt that mindset. However, you gotta learn how to read the room, buddy. Yes, your problematic humor is hilarious, but you may wanna refrain from dark jokes during your loved one's funeral. I can hear your Aunt Marge crying from here.
Prumano: I was initially going to write this entire section on how you clearly have some kind of past with Gerita, and how you either wanted to be different or felt like this was a spicier alternative, but no. That would be too easy. You're the kind of person who will start a statement with, "No offense, but..." and then follow up with a scathing burn so savage not even Gordon Ramsey could save it. There was a time you cared about others' opinions and feelings, but that died years ago along with any sense of childish innocence you once had. Now you're running on pure spite just to prove to others that you can and will outlive them. And you are winning. However, you need to take a nap. Yes. I cannot see you. But I can still sense the bags under your eyes.
Spaus: Your vibe falls somewhere between, "Life's a party and I'm the piñata," and "I live for the drama!" You have zero qualms about stirring crap up at the family reunion. And unlike the FrUK shippers, you are ready and willing to be a part of it. You thrive on drama and may be considered a societal hazard. You've watched Mean Girls so many times to the point it's basically become a personality trait. You're fluent in outdated movie quotes. There's also the possibility you suffer from a crippling case of main character syndrome, but people are too intrigued by the disaster before them to bring it up, lest they put a stop to the show. But hey, it's a vibe. Not the best vibe, but it's a vibe nonetheless.
BelBel: As a yuri fan, you saw this series with a predominantly male cast and said, "Hold my beer." And props to you for that. I know Hetalia has a pretty good handful of female characters, but it's still impressive how many yuri ships you can make from this series, even excluding the nyo girls. With that said, you're a formerly suppressed bi/pan/lesbian girlie who grew up in a conservative Christian household. Therefore, this ship became your guilty pleasure. Now that you're older, you're almost, if not completely, out of the closet. And we support you! Also, for all the damage that organized religion put you through, you managed to absorb all the arts and crafts skills of a middle-aged Christian housewife with a Pinterest addiction. And these skills have come in handy on more than one occasion.
PruCan: You're so hooked on the "opposites attract" trope that any time you see a shy, quiet character, you automatically feel the need to seek out the loudest and most obnoxious character to ship them with. You're the kind of person who constantly roots for the underdog in any movie and are automatically kinning them by act one. Your flannel collection is huge and your addiction to old 80s movies is iconic. Growing up you insisted that no one really ever understood you and considered yourself a wallflower. Despite this, you had a consistent need to be the center of attention. Back to the characters, though; at the end of the day, you just want good things for Canada. And really, who wouldn't?
NedCan: You're one of those people in the fandom who actually study history and are pretty involved in the historical side of the fandom. Not only that, but you're the friend who's chock-full of random fun-facts about topics ranging from European warfare to which breakfast cereal as the most fiber content. Other than this, you fall into one of two categories. One: You are lowkey judgmental of others who aren't always "historically accurate" when it comes to their Hetalia ships. Or two: Similar to the PruCan shippers, you just want good things for Canada. And really, who wouldn't? There's also a good chance you either smoke weed or have tried it at least once.
May very well do more... Let me know what other ships you wanna see!
Gerita: mostly cloudy, Italian elections looming. Expect Italy and Germany to work around the clock to figure out how to alter their laws in accordance to the results of various animal cognition studies.
Spamano: sunny, Italian elections looming. Expect Spain to treat Romano to pizza with ice cream, bananas, and anchovies.
Sufin: light rain, Finish elections looming. Expect Finland to grab a drink with his boss, President Sauli Niinisto, as they both hope that the latter will win reelection.
Aushun: partly cloudy, Austria suing European Commission for allowing Hungary to expand her nuclear power plants. Expect Hungary to question her life choices even as she worries for Austria’s sanity.
Lietpol: light snow and wind, fearing Russia, new electric vehicle charging stations in Lithuania. Expect movies and subsequent snuggles.
Giripan: partly cloudy in Athens, no political news. Expect them to spend the whole day talking and petting cats.
Cubacan: partly cloudy in Ottawa, working together to solve climate change. Expect them to enjoy a day out and about, even with the temperatures being lower than Cuba is used to, as they walk hand in hand through town.
What Your Favorite Hetalia Ship Says About You (part 1)
feat. Gerita, USUK, FrUK, RusAme, PruHun, and AusHun.
Please understand that these are jokes and are not meant to be taken seriously. We're all just here for a goof and a laugh.
Gerita: You fall into one of three categories: one, you're a new fan. If that's the case, then this is your warning to get out while you still can. This fandom's a tarpit. Two, you are a sucker for the "opposites attract" trope. Or three, you're so invested in the "Germany is HRE" theory that it has become so fused to your subconscious that the angst eats you up inside any time you look at a map. Regardless of what category you fall into, I just know you're a self-proclaimed artist with at least a dozen unfinished projects. Come on, you can do it!
USUK: I'm about 99.9% sure you're an OG Hetalia fan. And if that's the case, then I'm not sure whether to congratulate you for sticking around this long, or to immediately give you my therapist's contact information. Blink twice if you need help. You're also someone with a dozen Pinterest boards detailing your ideal life in the English countryside; meanwhile, your room is so messy it looks like an American football team's locker room. You've also seen some of the worst that ship wars have to offer. Because of this, you've since lost the ability to care what people think. Lowkey attaboy.
FrUK: Either you are really into the angst of "friends-to-enemies-to-lovers-to-enemies-to-lovers" dynamic, or your favorite relationship dynamic is a bickering old married couple from an early 2000s sitcom. You have a massive stack of TBR books sitting on your nightstand that you swear you're going to get to eventually. You also insist that you hate getting involved in drama. Nevertheless, you love watching drama unfold from the sidelines. You also call yourself a "connoisseur of the arts" when in reality you've just been watching the same shows on repeat for the past several years. And honestly? Same.
RusAme: You're such a huge fan of the "enemies-to-lovers" trope that it makes Reylo look like a classic Disney romance. You're also one of those people who see red flags as welcome signs. You're the kind of person who sees a conventionally attractive human trainwreck and can't decide whether or not you can fix him or make him worse. At the end of the day, you believe morality is a social construct, and you already have a plan to go live off the grid in the case society collapses. And you know what? Good on you for being prepared.
PruHun: No matter what kind of series it is, you're the kind of person who ends up shipping and settling on an OTP right away. Unfortunately for you, it's always a pairing that will never be canon. But does that stop you? Not at all! And you know what? Good on you for your dedication. I'm also willing to bet that you fall somewhere under the queer umbrella, and that Hungary's process of figuring out her gender ignited a feeling of self-discovery. That, or you're a girl who was forced into the "girly-girl" box growing up, and now, as an adult, you are doing everything in your power to break out of it. Which, again, same.
AusHun: Similar to the PruHun fans, you're the kind of person who ends up shipping and settling on an OTP right away. Fortunately for you, though, your OTP's usually end up becoming canon, even if only for a short time. You've been planning your Pinterest wedding since the time you were twelve, and while half the ideas have aged poorly, you can still put together a decent wedding reception with the other half. You have impeccable music taste; however, you need to lower the volume on your noise-cancelling headphones. Yes, I know they numb the feeling of loneliness you get from not being in a relationship, but they're ruining your sense of hearing. Please take care of yourself.
