Help I’m having an identity crisis. I’m pretty sure I’m aroace, but at the same time, Magnus Bane Lucie Herondale and Cristina Rosales exist. And I think I’m attracted to them. Like, I’d want to kiss them if I saw them in real life. But I still think I’m aroace. But I’m 13, I might just be too young, but everyone else has already had crushes and I haven’t. What do sexual and romantic attraction feel like? How do I know I’ve felt it and it isn’t just a want to get to know the person?! I’m sorry
Hey Anon. First of all; do not apologise for asking for help. I am always free to whoever needs help. And hopefully I can help you.
Unfortunately, figuring out if your asexual or aromantic is a bit harder than figuring out who your attracted to.
I'm my experience, as a demisexual, the thought of things like one-night stands made me very uncomfortable. And sometimes just sex in general. I definitely lean toward the asexual side of the spectrum. To clarify for you, sexual attraction generally summed up is "I want to have sex with this person."
It also might be hard to decide if your ace if you have never had sex before, like me. If the thought of sex repulses you, try out asexual. You might prefer demisexual (which is only feeling sexual attraction after an emotional bond) or graysexual (which is very rarely having sexual attraction and/or very specific circumstances). Whatever you decide now, you can always change later if you feel that it doesn't fit you.
Deciding if your aromantic is harder if you haven't felt romantic attraction for anyone. To clarify this for you, romantic attraction is a bit like "I want to kiss that person." I understand it be difficult if you don't know. Some of my aromantic friends have told me that they would assign people to have a crush on because they didn't want to feel left out.
I think the best advice I can give is to trust your instincts and take your time. Consider possible scenarios and think about how you personally would feel about them.
And remember that if you don't quite think you fit somewhere: you can be asexual and feel sexual attraction, and be aromantic and feel romantic attraction.
And just because your 13 doesn't mean your to young to figure out who you are. And if you find a person that you like, maybe you just want to get to know them or maybe you want a romantic relationship with them. Could you imagine being in a romantic relationship with that person? Or who you rather just have a platonic partner?
I hope this helps. Have a splendid day. 💙
