I think something people don't seem to get about sex repulsion is that it's not some easily definable thing? It can fluctuate. I can be repulsed by sex irl, but not by it in media. I could actively seek it out in media while also being absolutely queasy at the thought of that same thing happening irl. I can sometimes feel repulsed by it in media, and sometimes not. I can sometimes feel neutral about sex irl and sometimes be actively disgusted by it. I can enjoy casual touch but get averse when that touch becomes sexual.
I just feel like people treat sex-repulsion like it's a monolith and you need to fit into one particular slot where you're either repulsed by all things sex, or you're neutral about all things sex, or you actively enjoy all things sex. Where's the in-between? Human experiences are not so easily carved out and defined
why is it that people treat aromanticism as a concrete and inflexible identity when they understand asexuality is a fluid/spectrum identity?
if you can wrap your head around asexuals who have sex without having sexual attraction, why can't you wrap your head around aromantics who have relationships without romantic attraction? you might say "well there's a microlabel for that! like aroflux or cupioromantic!" which is all well and fine....except those microlabels still fall under the aromantic spectrum. THEY ARE STILL AROMANTIC.
it seems to me that the same reason why people don't seem to view aromanticism as a fluid identity is the reason why people don't view asexuality as anything BUT a fluid identity, never acknowledging the asexuals who are sex-averse or repulsed in favor of always talking about those who DO have or like sex.
It's because even when talking about aroaces, you still can't help but center alloamatonormativity. you can't or won't recognize the nuances of aroace identities because you only care about the identities that can still somehow fit into your alloamatonormative world, and even just the word "aromantic" seems antithetical to that.
Since we're almost at 2024, and coming out of all this horrendous aphobic discourse, I thought I'd put together a bunch of aromantic + asexual resources for people who are maybe questioning themselves, or want to know more (heck yes for learning!) Most of these are long form (Youtube videos/articles) because that's how I feel is best for learning, compared to shorter form content like TikTok.
Long post, resources under the cut!
Yasmin Benoit (she/her, aromantic asexual)
The first asexual activist I stumbled across all those years ago. She was infamously the reason for a lot of aphobic comments on twitter, because hey, she's also a lingerie model, and lord forbid somebody who identifies as asexual present... yknow. Sexy.
She's also a researcher, who's putting in the effort to depathologise asexuality and aromanticism, especially within psychiatry and mental health.
Youtube
Instagram
Website
Ace Dad Advice (they/them, asexual/agender/queer)
AceDad is one of my favourite a-spec activists. Their simple, easily digestible posts on Instagram outlining the various aspects of asexuality, aromanticism and agender (the triple As lmao) are a comfort to read. There's also lots of affirming stuff on there that's helped me with my own spiraling thoughts.
They've also written a book about asexuality! Which is one that I've yet to read, but am looking forward to.
Youtube
Instagram
Website
Spacey Aces
A collective of neurodivergent a-spec humans making videos on asexuality, aromanticism, queer platonic relationships, neurodivergence... a whole lotta fun stuff! Their videos are soft and comforting and very affirming.
Youtube
Instagram
Nik Hampshire (he/him, aromantic)
So Nik doesn't make Youtube videos anymore, but he's done a series on what it means to be aromantic but not asexual, which I feel is super important to add to the online conversation! This one's for all the allo/aros out there, he's chill and confident and talks about things in a very enthusiastic way. Love him!
Youtube
Instagram
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Misc videos (I'm sure you've seen these around before)
Jayden Animation's coming out video
Being AroAce Doesn't Ruin Your Life | Alice Oseman's Loveless by shaggyjebus
Rowan Ellis' interview with Alice Oseman (author of Heartstopper, who is herself aroace)
Anthony Padilla
I spent a day with asexual people
I spent a day with aromantic people
(the titles are a little clickbaity, but trust me the conversation is honest and respectful. anthony is honestly such a good interviewer.)
