I find it interesting how in the last two scenes of the entire show, Ned and Lily share very similar lines of dialogue that are each said to their respective loved ones, Chuck and Vivian. (obviously don’t read this if you don’t want spoilers for the ending!)
Ned says to Chuck, "I try to put your happiness before my own,” and Lily says to Vivian, "I did what I have done since the day you were born, chose your happiness over mine."
They’re very much parallels of each other, wanting to protect the people they love from potential harm, but not executing it in the way they should. Ned prevented Chuck from ever letting her aunts know she was alive again not only to protect themselves, but because Ned feared that if he let Chuck see her aunts again, she would choose them over him and leave him. Lily never told Vivian that she slept with her fiancé not only to protect Vivian from getting hurt, but because she feared Vivian would hate her afterwards and leave her.
The key difference between them being that Ned eventually realized that he wasn’t actually putting Chuck’s happiness over his own because if he did, he would have let her see her aunts again. When he finally realizes this, he states, "I'm finally putting your happiness before my own,” and allows her to see them again.
Meanwhile, Lily never truly put Vivian’s happiness over her own, even if she thought she did, because if she did, she would have told her the truth about her affair and stopped lying to her or better yet, she wouldn’t have stolen her fiancé in the first place. Vivian even knows this was never 100% true as she rejects Lily’s defense saying, “you don’t have to anymore.”
For Lily, it was all about protecting herself similar to what Ned was doing, but unlike Lily, Ned actually realized his faults. He finally put Chuck’s happiness over his own, all while knowing there was a possibility that Chuck might leave him, but she ended up not leaving him after all (at least I would assume based on the comics and the scrapped season 3 concept). Lily however never truly put Vivian’s happiness over her own so her worst fears ended up coming to life with Vivian kicking her out and presumably never wanting to speak with her again.
