There are parents of autistic kids who accept their childās autism and keep their fight turned outward towards the world. This post is not about those parents.
This post is for the parents who think itās All About Them(tm) and use hashtags like #autismsucks.
Iām so tired of those Autism Parents(tm) leading the conversation and telling the world how much autism sucks when the real suckage is their attitude topped with the lack of respite services. How about those agencies who put parents through endless red tape without ever delivering on their promises to give them a break?
Nonverbal autistic people who need lots of daily help and canāt make their communications understood can be a lot of work to take care of. Iām not denying that. Someone who needs 3 to 1 care in a house with only two caregivers means nobody gets a break when a behavior emergency can pop up at any moment day or night. One of you strains a muscle or throws out your back and now itās just 1 on 1 and nobody sleeps for more than 3 hours at a time.Ā
Hereās the thing: Autistic people with extensive care needs are still human beings and deserve to be treated and talked about like human beings. Being autistic isnāt their fault, so why do you blame them for all the difficulties in your life?
Autism Parents, when you tag things with #autismsucks you are telling the world you think your child sucks. I donāt care what your intent is, that is the message you send. That message has been pervaded by antivaxxers and Autism Speaks. It trains your brain to see autism as something to fight and destroy, but you have to fight and destroy a person to do that.
Push it far enough and you get parents who think murdering their autistic / disabled child is the solution to their problems. Pushing disability as a burden literally kills people. Think about that for a minute and realize the message you send with #autismsucks can be deadly. Maybe not to your child, but to someone elseās.
Autism isnāt all rainbows and glitter and I donāt pretend it is. Itās hard to BE autistic in a world that tells me I suck and should be erased. How would you like it if somebody saidĀ āI hate the way you are, go dieā? (Probably not hard to imagine, itās thrown around in anon hate all the time on this site...)
Itās okay to be frustrated. Itās okay to be tired. Itās okay to not know what to do next. Itās okay to be overwhelmed. Itās okay to be angry. Itās okay to be afraid for your childās future. Itās okay to hate that yet another agency has said your child is too complex and claims theyāre sorry they canāt help you. Itās okay to be upset that your plans are screwed again because you had to get your kid through a meltdown. Itās okay to say itās hard because it IS hard.
But when you say #autismsucks you are blaming your child for having a brain that works differently than yours, and thatās not their fault. When you say you hate autism, you are saying you hate your child because you cannot separate autism from the person. You just canāt.Ā
Your child didnāt choose to be autistic. They arenāt being autistic to ruin your life. You are choosing to speak hatefully about a person you claim to love, and chances are they might find it someday when theyāre older. (And if you say they wonāt, shame on you for not presuming competence.)Ā
How would you feel if you found out your mom or dad told the internet that you suck and are a pain in the ass to take care of and how they wished you were somebody else?
Get angry, but save your anger for the people who promise to help you take care of your child and then let you down. That isnāt the fault of your autistic child, thatās the fault of the system that should be there for you and them. Save your anger for doctors who blow your concerns off withĀ ātheyāre autistic, they do that.ā Save your anger for hired caregivers who come in and abuse a nonverbal autistic person who canāt tell you whatās happening to them.
You canāt fight for your child if youāre fighting against them.
Itās a simple concept to not dehumanize your autistic child (whether theyāre little or adult) on the internet. Theyāre your offspring, they need your love and they need you to talk about them like you really love them.
If you canāt grasp that simple concept...you suck and this hashtag is all about you. Isnāt that what some of you always wanted?Ā #AutismParentsSuck
https://theestablishment.co/how-autism-warrior-parents-harm-autistic-kids-6700b8bf6677
https://theestablishment.co/no-im-not-glamorizing-my-autism-f56c998efb0a
http://theautismwars.blogspot.com/2015/03/on-digital-exhibitionism-by-autism.html
