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Recovery

He wasn't sure how long he'd slept for but it certainly wasn't morning when he finally woke. His jaw was clenched tight from the pain, his stomach nauseated and he was feeling shaky and ill. His head aching with a familiar ringing headache. Testing his limbs carefully, he found his right leg so stiff and sore that he could barely move it. The knee joint throbbing uncomfortably as he tried to bend it. His skin burned uncomfortably against the clean cotton sheets. Remus lay for at least an hour, running the previous 24 hours’ events through his throbbing head, willing the pain to ease. Too fatigued to sit up. A gentle tap came from the door. "I'm getting up." he responded. His voice sounded hoarse to him. "It's just me checking on you, love." responded Molly. He had fallen asleep in his ragged clothes - shame now coursing through him. What a predicament. He'd been so careful with Molly, making sure he'd only shown the side of him that didn't raise concern. Didn’t appear too odd. Packaging up his werewolfishness into a nice, easily relatable and understandable identity. Now he'd shown up on her doorstep the day after a full moon, after months of seeing no-one from the Order, looking as much a werewolf as a wizard. His carefully cultivated image now shattered.

He had to pull himself together as best he could. He reached for his wand, carefully cutting his long, filthy hair from his head until it looked neater. His overgrown beard he would need to wait until he was less shaky. Besides, he reasoned, it was covering some of his more recent scarring. His clothes looked awful, but Molly had left a dressing gown and a towel. He tried to stand, carefully keeping his sore head as still as possible, but his right knee was uncooperative. Gently raising the leg of his jeans to look at it, he found that it had swollen to the size of a grapefruit overnight. The bites on his leg had stopped weeping and looked clean for now, but that knee was bad and hot to touch. He looked around the room and then decided he was going to have to use his shirt. He carefully used his wand to cut a strip of fabric from it and then used it to strap his knee as best he could. It was still very painful but at least he could put enough weight on it to hobble.

What he really needed was tea and pain relief and he was going to have to trouble Molly for that. Gritting his teeth, he gripped the door handle tightly as he limped from the room and out to the landing. He tried to remember how many flights of stairs he was going to need to manage, when thankfully he spotted a bathroom opposite. "All right if I take a shower Molly?" he called down the stairs. "Yes of course" she called back up, "I've left you a towel." The water stung horribly against the fresh cuts as he awkwardly washed, trying to keep off his right leg as much as possible. He was just finishing when he overbalanced, whacking his arm sharply against the tap and landing heavily against his right knee. He cried out in pain and then heard Molly thumping up the stairs to the noise. "I'm all right." he called back, "Just clumsy."

"I've set aside some spare clothes of Arthur's." she called through the locked door a few moments later. "I'll just leave them on the landing."

His clothes lay the corner of the bathroom, not anything he could wear again. He put on the dressing gown and gripping all possible surfaces that could support him, he made his way to the bathroom door and pulled in the clothes Molly had left him on the landing. Dressing took a long time and Remus was careful to not overbalance again. This was awkward as it was impossible to bend his knee to pull on the trousers. When he finally stood up he looked at himself in the mirror. The combination of Arthur's old clothes and his pale, lined face made him look depressingly old. But although it had been painful and awkward, it felt so much better being clean.

He picked up the rag from his shirt and carefully wound it around his knee again, tentatively testing his weight on it as he hobbled to the door. He was passably walking now, painfully and with a heavy limp, but more upright. Next test was the stairs. Thankfully he only had two flights. Gripping the handrail tightly, he carefully and quietly edged his way down the stairs, his right knee so weak, he landed heavily on his left leg with every second step. He finally made it to the bottom, wiping his face of perspiration from the effort of getting down the stairs.

"Remus, love, you don't look at all well. I've made you some soup." said Molly from the kitchen door. Remus' stomach churned at the thought of food. "No thanks Molly, I couldn't possibly yet. Maybe just a tea for now." Molly looked at him with incomprehension. "No soup? It'll do you good. You need your strength." she replied. Remus knew he wouldn't be able to eat the soup. "Maybe later." he replied. Molly tutted and turned her back to get the kettle. While her back was turned, Remus moved carefully along the kitchen table, gripping the backs of the chairs before easing into one. He kept his right leg at an awkward angle, wincing as his knee bent slightly as he sat down. Molly turned abruptly and caught his wince.

"I've got some essence of Dittany." she said handing him a mug of milky tea. "Thanks Molly, but would you happen to have any willow bark essence?" he replied, looking into the cup in his hand . "Molly, I'm so sorry but could I trouble you for a tea without milk. Black tea for me today I'm afraid." Molly threw up her hands in exasperation as she turned to find a new mug. "I can't get anything right today!" she said in tears. "Oh god I'm so sorry Molly." replied Remus quickly. "How are you today?" "Dreadful." she replied. "I've no idea what's going on. Nobody's told me anything and poor Emmeline gone." she sniffed again. "I'm sorry.” he said quietly, “I don't know anything either. Molly, I'm really very grateful for everything you've done." replied Remus, feeling every bit as awful about imposing on her as he looked. There was a silence, Remus unable to get off the chair to help her or to offer physical comfort as he would have normally done. He sat miserably, feeling useless to help either her or to help himself. It was awkward trying to recover like this in someone else's house. He had to ask her for what he needed, but it wasn't matching Molly's experience and expectations and she was in no state for him to add to her worries.

Molly stared out the window lost in her own thoughts. Remus remained silent wondering whether there was any other way he could leave and sort himself out elsewhere. He could not think of another option, besides Tonks possibly, if she was still talking to him. But even then, he needed to remain at headquarters for a short time longer at least.

"If it's OK Molly," Remus said eventually as Molly turned back to the kettle and handed him another mug, "I guess I am just used to knowing what works, and it's just a little bit different to what everyone expects. I'm incredibly grateful, I really am, but I can't normally stomach much after a full moon. Sweet black tea with a pinch of salt, some willow bark infusion and whatever rest I can get is best. " Molly sniffed in frustration. Remus decided he needed to open up a bit more. "I'm just in a fair bit of pain right now with my knee." he replied, leaving out the throbbing headache, aching body, nausea and stinging bite marks on his leg. "I'll take a look." she said. Remus, resigned to her next reaction, carefully leaned over and used the cuff of his trousers to lift his leg, raising it onto an adjacent chair so as not to let the knee bend. He gently rolled back the right leg of his trousers. Molly, speechless, as she took in the bite marks, the swollen knee and the rag he'd used to strap it.

"Can you walk on it?" she eventually asked. "Not really." admitted Remus. "I've never seen anything like that before." she said quietly. "It's OK Molly, really. I've seen this often enough, it'll be OK." he replied. "I almost think you'd be better off at St Mungos." she said to him. "It doesn't look great but I do know how to deal with this. St Mungos wouldn't do much more than I can." he replied.

Molly sighed in resignation, "OK, tell me what you need".

Remus smiled with relief. "Black tea with three sugars and a pinch of salt. Willow bark infusion if you can spare any.. And maybe something to strap the knee if you've got anything better?" he added hopefully.

Molly was still looking at his leg doubtfully. "There's not much anyone can do with the bites anymore. I've already done what I can with those." Remus said, as though reading her mind. "There's an ointment I've already applied." he added. "Are they?" Molly started to ask uncertainly. Remus watched her face carefully as he replied to her unfinished question.

"Werewolf bites." he confirmed quietly.

Molly bit her lip and turned away. She pointed her wand at a cupboard across the kitchen and a huge wooden first aid box came floating across the kitchen. "I restocked recently. I always needed a well stocked first aid box with the twins around." Remus recognised the willow bark infusion and pulled it out along with a bandage. Using his wand, he removed the old rag and wrapped his knee tightly and neatly in the clean bandage. His hands however were too shaky to pour a measured dose from the glass willow bark essence bottle and he put it back down on the table frustrated. Molly saw this and took it, pouring out a dose and handing it to him silently. He took the dose and then picked up his mug of tea with two hands.

"Is it always like this?" she asked him.

#remus lupin #werewolf #order of the phoenix #recovery #autoinflammatory #chronic illness #flares #rare disease #awareness month #molly weasley

Anyone else on this here site take enbrel? I was on HUMIRA for like a year but I got pneumonia and shingles, so I was taken off of it. But the enbrel makes me so, so exhausted after I shoot it up. The humira did not.

#ankylosing spondylitis #biologic #enbrel #humira #autoimmune #autoinflammatory #blah blah blah

I wish you could see me on a good day.

I wish you could see how full of energy I can be; how willing I am to get things done, even when I’m tired.

I wish I could be a regular tired; the kind that is almost welcomed after a successful day of living life. I miss that kind of tired that feels like you’ve earned a good night of rest – the kind of tired that doesn’t come with guilt.

I wish I could explain what it feels like to be in pain every day. I think about this a lot. Yesterday, I broke into tears because I heard myself say, “I would never want someone to know what it’s like to be me.” It’s true. I wouldn’t wish this affliction on my worst enemy. How then, can people with chronic illness expect others to be able to understand us? It’s such a catch-22 because we so badly wish that people knew what we were going through, yet it seems virtually impossible unless they have actually experienced something similar.

Explaining chronic illness to others feels like trying to pass someone a handful of sand. No matter how careful you are, no matter how hard you grasp the sand, it slips through your fingers and falls to the ground. It feels impossible to fully explain your illness. Certain aspects of your life are not going to be understood by others. Some sand will always slip through the cracks of your fingers.

That’s okay! Who truly understands someone else’s life anyway? Wouldn’t that be boring? We all have so much to learn from each other and always will. So, my friends, what is it like to be me? I don’t know. You’ll just have to ask.

#wishlist #chronicillness #chronically ill #spoonie #ask me anything #raredisease #rareillness #autoinflammatory #periodicfeversyndrome #periodicfever #medical mystery

When you have a chronic illness that involves pain and fatigue it can begin to seem like just staying in and not risking being in more pain is the best option. I refuse to give in, even if it puts me down for a week afterwards. Being able to get out and see things, go shopping, spend time with family. It’s worth it. Now I just have to get through the Aftermath. #chronicillness #chronicpain #chronicfatigue #autoimmunedisease #autoinflammatory #fibromyalgia #inflammitoryboweldisease #osteoarthritis #spoonie (at Ipswich, Suffolk) https://www.instagram.com/p/BoHLRhoAnVm/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=j00m6bf8db56

#chronicillness #chronicpain #chronicfatigue #autoimmunedisease #autoinflammatory #fibromyalgia #inflammitoryboweldisease #osteoarthritis #spoonie

Targeting cytokine pathways: the role of biologics in autoinflammatory disorders - Research

Introduction: Autoinflammatory diseases are inherited disorders of innate immunity broadly classified into inflammasomopathies, interferonopathies, and complement-mediated disorders. These diseases are characterized by dysregulated cytokine signaling – particularly IL-1, IL-6, TNF, type I interferon, and JAK – STAT – managed through molecular targeted therapies. Prototypical entities include…