I've Grown Tired of This Body, Cumbersome and Heavy
yo how about 1.8k words of sheer projection
anyway chronic pain Cathy because I get to make my characters have the same problems I do :3
Cathy sighed as she lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. Her gut ached and her knees hurt, and her wrists felt like they were made of limp spaghetti, and her head was sore and-
Suffice to say, she wasn’t feeling good.
Groaning softly, Cathy rolled over and pulled the blankets over herself. She tried to get back to sleep, but the sunlight leaking through the curtains was making the room just bright enough that getting back to sleep was impossible. Turning over onto her stomach, Cathy crossed her arms under her pillow and rested her head on it. She chanced a look over at the digital clock on her windowsill and sighed. It was past noon already and she could already hear the other queens moving around downstairs. Not that she was surprised, Cathy was often the last to wake, but she was a little hurt no one had come up to check on her.
Not for the first time, Cathy was glad she’d pulled the mattress off of the bed frame and just set it on the floor. She hauled herself up out of bed, wincing as her knees cracked and popped, and pulled on her favorite hoodie. It took a second to get the door open, her wrists seeming to be rebelling against her, but she made it out of her room and now stood at the foot of her worst enemy. The stairs. Sighing heavily, Cathy reached out and gripped onto the railing, carefully easing herself down the stairs, trying not to wince in pain with each step.
Coming into the living room, Cathy tried her best to put on a brave smile. If she could just push through today, she would be able to sleep this off, no problem. Cathy chuckled a little at the realization that she’d just woken up and was already planning when she could next head to bed.
From the kitchen, Catalina called, “Morning mija, did you sleep well?”
Cathy tried to respond. Really, she did, you had to believe her. But even as she opened her mouth, nothing came out but a soft and hoarse whisper.
At the lack of response, Catalina leaned out of the kitchen over the bar to see what was wrong. At the sight of Cathy leaning heavily on the dining table looking like she was still half asleep, her eyes grew sad. “How bad is it today?”
Cathy shrugged. “2 and a half. Maybe 3.”
Catalina raised an eyebrow doubtfully. “You’re not a good liar mija.”
Crossing her arms and pulling her weight from the table, Cathy glowered at Catalina. “I’m not lying, I’m just tired.”
From the couch, Anna commented, “How are you still tired after sleeping more than you have in weeks? We got you to bed before 11pm for the first time in ages and you’ve slept almost 13 hours, and you’re still not rested?”
Logically, Cathy knew Anna was just messing with her. No actual annoyance was behind the fourth queen's words. And yet- ”Oh, sorry. Some of us aren’t perfectly healthy like the rest of you.” she snapped.
Anna frowned. “Hey, I’m sorry, we’re just worried about you.”
“I know, you didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry too.” Cathy conceded. She pulled out one of the chairs from the table and sat down in it heavily.
Coming over to sit next to her, Anna asked, “Are you going to be okay to do the show tonight? We can call in an alternate if you need one.”
Cathy shook her head, “No, I should be fine. I’ll just rest until the show and I should be alright.”
Anna looked as if she wanted to argue, but instead said nothing, pulling out her phone and scrolling through some new app. Catalina swept into the room, setting down the thermos Cathy usually used on particularly bad days. On the one hand, the soup inside did smell delicious. On the other hand, well… It wasn't that bad today. If she kept telling herself that, it might be true.
“Just humor me mija, please?”
Gingerly picking up the thermos, Cathy got up out of her chair and transferred over to the sofa, sipping at her soup. Catalina walked over, a tea towel still tucked in a back pocket, and sat next to her wrapping an arm around her shoulder. Cathy hesitated, then leaned over onto her godmother’s side, letting her eyes close contentedly. A clattering noise made her crack an eye open, and she blinked blearily as she realized Catalina was holding her meds organizer. Handing Catalina her thermos, she took her meds and popped open the container, wincing as her wrist protested. She dug that day’s pills out of the little pocket, and swallowed them dry, pulling a face at the taste.
Catalina chuckled, “I still don’t know how you do that without water.”
Taking her thermos back after giving Catalina the meds organizer, Cathy snuggled back into Catalina’s side. “Practice I guess.” she could practically feel the sadness radiating off of Catalina at her answer, but she chose to ignore it. That wasn’t a lie anyway.
She didn’t realize she’d fallen asleep until she realized she couldn’t move. Catalina was gone, the thermos of soup gone along with her, and a blanket had been placed over her lap. Someone had moved Cathy so she was laying more comfortably on the couch, which she did appreciate, but she wasn’t thinking about that at the moment. The only things going through Cathy’s head were,
Fuck my knees hurt.
And
I can’t move.
Panic began to seize Cathy as it became startlingly clearer that it wasn’t only fatigue, she just couldn’t move. Shoving the blanket off herself with no little effort, Cathy stared horrified at her legs. They didn’t look any different, but Cathy could feel it. Her knees felt as if someone had locked them in place, and she needed to break them apart. Gently trying to bend one, Cathy cried out in pain as the miniscule movement sent a jolt of pain through her lower body. Tears beaded up in her eyes as the pain started to register in other parts of her body as well. “Catti?” she called.
No answer.
Panic swelled up in her chest as the silence began to feel stifling. “Anne?” she tried, hoping if her godmother wasn’t there, her girlfriend would be at least.
Nothing.
Cathy was hyperventilating at this point, from a mixture of crushing pain, and the horrible fear of being alone.
“Jane? Anna? Kitty?” she was sobbing now, chest heaving, panic making the pain worse, voice growing more and more shrill with each name.
“MADRINA!” Cathy wailed.
The silence was deafening.
She tugged at her hair, before gasping as her wrists seemed to burst into fresh hurt at the strain. Trying to calm herself down, Cathy tried to find something to focus on. Eyes drifting over the various piles of clutter in the living room, before settling on the kitchen table. On it, her meds organizer was sitting there, freshly refilled, holding down a slip of paper. Cathy cursed herself for leaving her wheelchair in her room, but she didn’t think she was going to need it. After all, her body hadn’t exactly given her forewarning that her pain would jump from a 3 to a 7 in the span of a couple hours.
Letting out a sharp cry, Cathy dragged herself upright, setting her feet onto the carpet. Shakily, she pushed herself up, and almost screamed as pain lanced through her as her knees protested. “Just get to the table!” she ordered herself. “Then you can rest, and it will all be okay.”
It was as if Cathy had forgotten how to walk. Left foot, right foot, left foot, stumble and barely catch herself, pause as she realized her rhythm was broken, left foot…
One and a half fucking meters. That was it. Yet Cathy barely made it to the edge of the table before her legs gave out. She scrabbled at the edge of the table, and missed; pulling her meds, the paper, and surprisingly her phone down with her. She lay there rolled over, staring at the ceiling, in too much pain to move.
Finally, she pulled out the paper, squinting at it. There, in Anne’s scrawled handwriting was a little message of,
Hey babe! We thought it best for you to get your sleep. We called in an alternate, and we’ll come home right after stagedoor.
Xoxoxo, Annie
...after stagedoor?
Cathy couldn’t wait that long.
With shaking hands, she popped open her meds and choked them down, before dropping the container onto her stomach and pulling out her phone. Her wrists strained under the effort, but she managed to find Anne’s contact and press on the screen. Cathy just barely pressed the speaker button before her hands collapsed onto her chest.
On the third ring, Anne picked up. “Hey! How’s my little sleepyhead doing? I promise we’re on our way home soon, just going to sign a few programs.”
Cathy managed a choked wheeze.
Immediately, Anne was all business. “Cathy? Cathy, where are you?”
“Kitchen.” she whispered.
“Scale of 1 to 10, how bad-”
“10.” Cathy interrupted, another tear running down her cheek.
She heard Anne’s sharp intake of breath, and then the sound of someone running. “Are you in a chair or are you standing?”
Hands shaking, Cathy sobbed, “I’m on the floor, Anne please I need you.”
“I’m coming, I’m on my way right now.” Anne’s voice was panicked, and Cathy just barely registered Anne’s shouted orders for everyone to pack up immediately.
Cathy choked, then wheezed over the speaker, “Anne can I talk to Lina?”
She could hear Anne’s footsteps over the speaker, and then, “She’s right here.”
“Cathy!” Catalina’s worried voice came over the speaker, and Cathy let out a sob.
“Madrina it hurts, it hurts so bad, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, please come home, I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad.” she begged, repeating herself over and over.
“We’re coming home right now, and we’re not mad. I promise.” Catalina soothed. In the background, Cathy could hear the slamming of car doors and the rev of an engine.
Anne’s voice was getting closer to the speaker again. “-she okay? How fast can we get there? I don't care about breaking any laws, just get us home!”
Catalina was speaking again, but Cathy was finding it harder and harder to focus. “We’re on our way, just hold on mija. I promise we’re going to be there so soon.”
Cathy hummed, not really listening anymore. Her meds were making her sleepy. A small nap couldn’t hurt, right? She curled in on herself, not registering the thud of her phone, or the worried cries of her family. If she could just sleep, maybe the pain seizing her entire body would calm down. For the third time that day, Cathy closed her eyes, body feeling as if it were tearing itself apart. Just a little nap. Just a little-