The world is very polarized. The left and the right both bickering. I am not unlike the world. I have an incredibly powerful work ethic and the mouth of teenage rage. I caught a man in a business suit trying to take a photograph of myself and a nurse calling 911 for a minor who was ripe with pneumonia, covered in phlegm and in a state of distress on an unknown substance. Their eyes were dead. I snapped. I let it get the best of me and I screamed at him that I would break his phone. I told him to fuck off and that he was a disgusting person. I was seeing red which is very taurean like. It takes a lot to get me mad but when I’m mad , I’m fucking mad. I wish I had handled it better but I just couldn’t help but be reactionary. The anger is from being a young girl who used substance to cope with everything that was failing and hard in my life. I wanted to say “ help me” “love me” but I couldn’t only spit hate. I was taken back to that source of rage for being kicked down in life when I was already down. I wish in some ways I hadn’t experienced life in this manner because I’m sure there’s a much more professional way to handle these situations. I wish I could say that it didn’t phase me but it crushes my soul. I’m not sure how anyone could look at a child and reject them , I hate that I know what rejection feels like and how childlike I can still be because of it all. I want to be proud of how I mother all things like an earth goddess and yet I lay awake wondering how I can be better. My legs burn from walking endlessly, from working overtime in -22. The girl who offered me a cigarette was not so cheery today. She had her face smashed in and was crying with blood dripping down her nose. How can I help you I asked . She told me she just needed a hug. She told me she didn’t have any family. She didn’t have anyone. “ will you check on me before you leave so I don’t die” - I promise her I will.
“Nobody cares about us” another girl says to the room , no one in particular.
I care so much that I struggle to channel my passions and self expression . I am angry.
I shudder to think about what it would mean to not care.
There are 22 documented substance poisonings a day in my city and I’ll be damned if I stop caring.
If we didn’t care that would mean 22 deaths a day in my community, my nation that I’m supposed to be proud of.
That would be over 8000 local deaths each year.
Try to remember the number represents people - real people. People who are hurting . Whether it’s suicide or homicide I don’t think we can argue that it’s unnecessary
