when you're trying to stop the bpd from bpding but the men are curious.
my guy, you think me trying to meet god early over an ex is bad, your opinion of me would absolutely deteriorate once you find out he left due to my hypersexuality and sh addiction. this is our first day talking to each other and you somehow managed to get me talking about my deepest darkest secrets, at least buy me a meal first.
i'm not trying to hide my red flags, more so delay them from being found out because i'd like to be seen for more than my past and mistakes.
Thh I just need a partner who would be extremely possesive over me and love me and let me be just as obsessed with them as they are with me until we spend time with each other every possible second
A romantic attraction that is obsessive and intense. Romantic feelings are very extreme and may feel overwhelming. The grey stripes are for BPD as grey is the color for BPD awareness. The pink stripes are for love and attraction.
i think it's very bpd of me to write an entire fictional universe where my ex and i are married together with zero kids. it's also very bpd of me to want this story published so my writing skills can be praised and my ex could potentially see how deeply he impacted me (i'm not actually going to do it)
i wrote this for my 3rd ex for our 1 month anniversary because we were long distance but the bastard never learned how to appreciate everything i made for him so fuck it. i didn't get diagnosed with bpd until after we ended but my god, were the signs clear as day.
i tried really hard to not use explicitly lewd language because i wanted the piece to be more romantic. it's also incomplete but i've never written aftercare before so i'm not sure how to continue.
the first thing he did as he shut the door behind them was kiss the corridor of her shoulders. with her back against the wall, the feel of his chapped lips left her intoxicated unlike any alcohol she had ever ingested. his kisses were soft and gentle, almost as if he were gently knocking on a temple door; begging to be let in so he could sincerely honour and worship the deity within. he pinned her hands above her, essentially trapping her in his embrace but she didn't mind it one bit. she had already surrendered herself to him and was willing to follow him to the ends of the earth if he asked her to.
"you look angelic like this; you know that right?"
at his sudden comment, she blushed and turned her head away so he wouldn't see but he caught her by the chin and gazed into her eyes intently. as if to double down on what he said, he caressed her face with his free hand to which she leaned into, eager for more of his touch.
flesh mingles with flesh.
she prayed that this moment would never end for she never wanted to leave his warm embrace. with each kiss he presses into her skin, she can feel the rot and decay slowly leaving her pores bit by bit. she didn't know how but he made undressing holy, turned it into an intimate ritual shared by a deity and their devotee. no words were needed for him to communicate exactly how he felt about her, she understood it all from the way he left her breathless and wanting more. his fingers began to carefully trace the outline of the scars on her soft skin as the flames of desire began to stir in them both. in the moonlight, he brought his face closer to hers and dove in headfirst into a kiss. initially it was tender and sweet, but it quickly turned desperate as his true nature was uncovered. unbeknownst to her, his own heart threatened to jump out of his chest by the sudden bravery he displayed but his lips refused to leave hers. how could he when a goddess had allowed him unlimited access to the divine?
naturally, she clung on tighter to his neck, deepening their kiss until they had to pull away for air. the mixture of sweat, lust and love drove her to push him backwards onto the bed; he might have had the upper hand before, but he needed to remember that she was his alone to worship. she crawled towards him and straddled his hips as she cradled his head in both her hands like the most precious jewel in the world. she was going to make tonight unforgettable for him, etch this memory into his brain so that for as long as he lives, he will remember who he truly serves. she held him close to her chest as her hips started to move to a rhythm of their own, eliciting moans of pleasure from him which were music to her ears. it didn’t take long for his own hips to gyrate in response to hers, and soon they were in sync, reaching new heights of pleasure they were both blind to before.
nothing else mattered right now but her, he couldn’t put together a coherent thought even if he wanted to. every grunt, every stroke and squeeze made him experience bliss unlike anything else. with her on top, he could focus on how gorgeous she truly was even in such fervour. he could see the hunger in her eyes, follow the dips and curves of her face that trailed their way down to the rest of her body. she was art incarnate, and he couldn’t believe she was his or that he was hers.
“fuck baby you feel so good, i didn’t know you could move like this.”
“there’s a lot you don’t know about me love and this is just the beginning. if you’re a good boy, i might just let you touch heaven.”
instantly, her words brought out the animal within him. all he wanted to do was flip her on her back and push deeper into that delicious wetness between her thighs, but he wasn’t expecting the grip she had on him to be so tight. she was intent on keeping him right where she wanted him and that was beneath her. in between her own gasps of ecstasy, her nails dug into his back causing him to groan out loud in pain; but dear god, that combination of agony and euphoria was sheer perfection it almost had him climaxing. however, she wasn’t done with him yet. just as he was about to see the stars, she pulled out with the most mischievous grin he’d ever seen on her face. she proceeded to get on her knees and gingerly wrap her whole hand around the key to her lock. he couldn’t help the hiss of pleasure that was let out, it was so sensitive from being inside her. she went at a torturously slow pace, making sure to kiss his inner thighs and praise him for responding to her touch like the good boy he is. eventually she picked up speed and he swore his eyes rolled back from the intensity of the sensations but again, she denied him release. he whined with desperation, needing to untie the knot in his stomach badly. she innocently kissed him on the nose before climbing onto the bed and getting on all fours, gesturing for him to get behind her and finish what they started.
she handed the reigns back to him after having her fun, so he wasted no time in decorating her back and shoulder blades with messy kisses as he aligned himself. he decided that he wasn’t going to be pulling back any punches seeing as how she had the cheek to tease him mercilessly like that. with each movement he made, he ensured that she knew no one else could make her feel this good except him. the animalistic instinct she awakened never left and so he marked her as his own by biting her jugular, ensuring to leave bruises for the whole world to see. if she was the goddess he was meant to serve, then he was the sir she would submit to. the sound of skin slapping against skin grew louder as they chased their respective highs, with an accompanying musical symphony of moans until they let out a guttural sigh of relief together.
she couldn’t help but giggle in the face of so much pleasure whilst he held her still shaking frame as he pulled out.
i genuinely thought my ex of almost 3 months had already moved on and entered a new relationship based on the matching profile pictures shared with someone else in the discord server. i only just found out that other person is his best friend's girlfriend who i've met and it was a friend group joke i completely missed since i disappeared.
this is so fucking embarrassing after the grade a crash out i've been having. i legit had multiple sh relapses and started junk journalling just to cope with the emptiness and rage at being replaced, only to find out it really was all in my head.
still, a part of me wants this false reality to be true because i know that's the only way i'll move on from this man. i've sunk my claws too deep into him for me to pretend i don't give a damn about what he does.
