#bpd relationship

[almostpsyche]

when you're trying to stop the bpd from bpding but the men are curious.

my guy, you think me trying to meet god early over an ex is bad, your opinion of me would absolutely deteriorate once you find out he left due to my hypersexuality and sh addiction. this is our first day talking to each other and you somehow managed to get me talking about my deepest darkest secrets, at least buy me a meal first.

i'm not trying to hide my red flags, more so delay them from being found out because i'd like to be seen for more than my past and mistakes.

[buggedmind]

I've received a quote on a postcard today. "If you risk nothing, then you risk anything."

The sender has no idea that she has prevented me from making the worst mistake and running away from the love of my life, true to the good old BPD motto: "I have to leave him first, before he gets the chance to abandon me." Even though there isn't the slightest sign that he's planning to abandon me ...

[duhovaavila]

you showed me colors you know i can't see with anyone else

[thedrugskeepmesane]

I don't remember

A point in my life when my thoughts weren't constantly fixated on sex

[almostpsyche]

just got back from rewatching the new kny movie with @doodle-dog-diary and @rt-nique so i am filled to the brim with headcanons and fic ideas. honestly so refreshing to feel motivated enough to get back into writing fiction instead of solely sticking to my personal experiences.

one of my ideas is for demon!rengoku to watch akaza choose koyuki over him and willingly losing even though it was rengoku who got him to process his emotions rather than just channeling them into fighting. the vibe is less celebratory like brick by brick by say now and more grief like touchy subject by peach prc.

was this idea motivated by me watching 2 out of my 3 exes move on and get into new relationships which resulted in a very long bpd episode i'm still in? absolutely

did me spending my birthday single for the first time in 4 years instead of with a new significant other make writing this feel urgent? that is a definite yes

[imkeepingitprivatenow]

BPD girlfriends

A little over a week ago, I finally really once and for all, cut my super-toxic on again/off again BPD gf/ex gf out of my life.

And honestly that's one of the best gifts I could've given myself.

I offered her everything I knew to help her; support, love, my home (as a safe haven away from her abusive living situation), access to recources, assistance getting to those resources, etc.

And she just... yeah

You can't help anybody who doesn't want to help themselves.

I did everything I know to do.

And even sent her information about said resources again, for the like 5th time.

So... I have a clear conscious. If nothing else.

I did really care about her (I do). And wanted us to be together (we both did, supposedly). In some romanticized, idealized reality (we both spun) that I finally realized could never actually exist.

Until she gets better.

And I do hope she gets better. For herself.

But... she's not my problem anymore.

And... that's a relief. And some really good, though hard to swallow, self care, kids.