We currently have 13 duplicate submissions (well, one of them has 2 different versions but I'm willing to count them as a duplicate if we don't reach 32 other duplicates) And I can already tell Epica will have at least 2 covers in the tournament (and so, will share that record with Nightwish - unless I missed a cover somewhere 😅). Anyway, I hope you will submit more songs (cover or not) so we'll get closer to 32 duplicates!
How about some silliness.....reader/you is superrr drunk from a night out with friends or high from anesthesia and the guys are trying to take care of them and we are all like "get your hands off me or my husband will kick you ass!" Or "omg you're so hot are you single??"...and they are just dying laughing like "I am your husband!"
I just watched one too many tik toks of this 😂🤣
Oh, I love this. I don't think I've actually seen these videos before (at least on TT) but I do know what you're talking about. Maybe I've seen it more in other media? Like movies and television? Anyway, I understand what you're asking for, so I hope you enjoy what I've cooked up!
For the masterlist and how to submit your own request, click HERE
Task Force 141 x Female Reader
Content & Warnings (MDNI): swearing, established relationship, fluff, mild alcohol use, shenanigans due to drunkenness & anesthesia
Word Count: 800
ao3 // main masterlist // imagines & what if masterlist
John Price
John stands beside you on the passenger side of the car. The car door is open, and all you need to do is slide inside. Instead, you’re arguing with him, insisting that you can get in yourself, and that you don’t need help.
“You just had surgery,” chides John.
“Minor surgery,” you correct.
“It’s still surgery.” John sighs, and then places his hand on your back. “Let me help you.”
“Hands off, sir. You’re not my husband.”
John does not move his hand. “I don’t remember us getting a divorce, love.”
You wave him off and John snorts. “He’ll kick your ass,” you insist. “Punch you right in the nose.”
John’s stern demeanor cracks, dissolving into a wide smile and a soft chuckle. He shakes his head in disbelief. “I’m your bloody husband. You’re stuck with me. Forever.”
“I’m serious,” you say. Turning, you attempt to jab him in the chest with your finger. Everything tilts, and you only hit air.
John sighs, exasperated. “Get in the car, love.”
“No,” you groan, pushing at his chest. You surrender to him, allowing John to help you into the front passenger seat.
“I hope you remember this after the drugs wear off.”
John "Soap" MacTavish
You’ve been out with your friends all evening, and you have no idea what times it is. It’s dark, and you didn’t leave until the bar closed, forcing you to make an exit. Someone called for a car, and you all piled in, dropping each of off one by one.
As you enter the dark bedroom, you kick off your shoes, slightly stumbling to turn on the bedside light. You turn it on, and immediately wince. Vision swimming, you rub at your eyes, and then notice the massive lump in your bed.
“Turn off the bloody light, will you?” mumbles Johnny.
A devious plan forms in your head.
You climb onto the bed, crawling toward him. Noticing, Johnny turns toward you, eyes dreary with sleep.
“What?” he asks just before you flop your entire body onto him.
“Hi,” you whisper.
“Hi,” he deadpans.
You wiggle over him, pressing the tip of your nose against his. “You seeing anyone, handsome?”
Johnny arches an eyebrow. “Did you hit your head or something? I am your husband.”
“Lucky me.”
Johnny blows raspberries. With one good shove, he flips you onto your back on your side of the bed.
“Go to bed. You’re drunk.”
Simon "Ghost" Riley
Your liquor-addled brain tells you to do it.
Across the bar is danger, the kind you want to play with—to sink your teeth into. Why resist temptation when it’s clear that the masked man across the bar can’t seem to take his eyes off you? Every time you glance in his direction, his gaze is focused and intense, daring you to approach him.
Which is exactly what you do.
He follows your every step, even if there is a slight sway in the way you walk. As you approach, he leans back in his chair, legs widening as if in welcome. It’s easy to reach out, to place your hand on his shoulder, to straddle his thighs, and stare into his eyes.
“You’ve been staring at me all night,” you slur. “Plan on going home with anyone?”
“I am,” the masked man replies.
“And who might that be?”
“My wife.”
You turn in his lap, looking around at all the other patrons in the bar. “Don’t see her.”
“Course you don’t,” he chuckles. “Because she’s sitting in my lap.”
You blink. “Is she?”
“You’re my wife,” he whispers.
“I am…aren’t I?”
He shakes his head. “I’m cutting you off.”
Kyle "Gaz" Garrick
The alcohol is an enabler. You shouldn’t have had as many drinks as you did, but this is a party, and you’re not the one driving.
Why not have a bit of fun?
“Hi.”
Kyle arches an eyebrow. “Hi,” he replies, drawing out the greeting in slight confusion.
You cozy up next to him, shoulder brushing against shoulder.
“So,” you begin, head tilting toward him like you’re about to whisper all your secrets. “I’m going to be a bit bold…”
“Go on.”
“But I think you’re cute. Wanted to know if you’re seeing anyone.”
Kyle’s single raised eyebrow becomes two. There’s a long pause, so long that you notice the absence of conversation.
Kyle’s confusion cracks, becoming a wide smile, followed by his adorable, familiar laughter. “You’re taking the piss, love.”
“I’m not joking.”
He laughs harder, clutching his chest like he can’t breathe.
“I’m your husband,” he manages to say between wheezing breaths.
“I know,” you reply. “Just checking to make sure you’re still loyal.”
He waves his hand in the air before him. “You’ve had enough. Give me that.” He plucks your beverage right out of your hands.
“Excuse me,” you protest, but Kyle is already downing it.
Vampire!Choso takes care of you during your period.
Part 1 ⟢ Part 2 ⟢ Part 3 (bonus scene)
18+ minors do not interact
a/n: I got this idea when i was on my period, obviously. Yesterday i submitted my bachelor's thesis, so yay!
wc: 1,800
Your boyfriend is the best.
As soon as you texted Choso that you were on your period, he cancelled all his plans. He showed up at your dorm 20 minutes later with pads, pain meds, chocolate, heating pads and ginger tea.
"Cho, you didn't have to." you say, moved by his gesture. You're laying on your couch, you were watching a movie on your TV. "Weren't you supposed to go out with your friends?"
"But you're on your period, I wanted to help you." He reassures, as he brings the cup of tea to your hands. "Need anything else?"
"No. Thank you, Cho." You might cry at how cute and attentive your boyfriend is. "Just come sit on the couch, cuddle with me."
You lean down on the sofa again, facing the TV, and Choso carefully positions himself laying down in front of you, with his face directly on your tummy. "You can use me instead of a heating pad." He says, very seriously.
You laugh softly in response. As the movie plays in the background, you absentmindedly tangle your fingers with Choso's hair, playing with it.
Choso closes his eyes at the feeling, as if your smell wasn't enough to get him worked up. He doesn't want to do anything he will regret—always so attentive to your needs—, but there's nothing wrong with hugging your waist to have your scent intoxicate him, right?
Except, now, he's very conscious of how close his face is to your blood-dripping pussy. He can't help but imagine how good your blood must taste, and how the hand now running softly through his hair would grip his head harder, pushing him down in between your legs. He bites back a moan when your hand caresses his neck, and you notice the arms wrapped around you tighten their embrace.
"I should be the one making you feel good, you know." Choso looks up at you. He's trying to distract himself from his own instincts. "Do you want me to bring you the chocolate? Do you need the painkillers? Or do you need more tea? I can go out and buy you more—"
"Choso," you call him, "actually…" he looks at you with a pouty face, like he's scared he's done something wrong, "I think there's something you could help me with, if you're up for it."
"Of course, anything for you, love." He looks at you expectingly.
"Umm… I'm a bit embarrassed to propose this," you look away from him as you feel your face heat up. "I'm not sure you'll like the idea."
"Yes." He quickly replies, maybe too eagerly.
"So… I heard that to help with the cramps,… Well maybe I read it, or I watched a TikTok… Anyways, I wanted to try it to see if it works…"
"What is it?" He interrupts, letting you go and hovering over you with one hand on each side of your body. It cannot be what he's imagining—he's done his research on how to relieve period pain, but he cannot get his hopes up on this—, as much as he wants it to be what he's thinking.
"Orgasms." You blurt out. Wow this is so embarrassing. Your face is red, for sure. You're scared of how Choso will react, but you keep your eyes on him, searching for a reaction, anything that tells you how much you fucked up. He's going to say he's disgusted for sure.
Choso freezes on the spot.
Oh.
So it is what he was hoping.
Fuck.
He can feel himself getting hard.
His senses sharpen. Suddenly, the smell of blood is stronger; it's harder to resist the temptation. His bulge is definitely visible now. He's trying so hard to not lose control of himself.
"Choso…?" You're still beneath him, but he hasn't said anything.
That gets him to react. His eyes meet yours, and the look in his eyes is like nothing you've ever seen before in him. He's always intense, but in a caring, romantic way. This? He looks savage. Menacing, even. It's almost unnatural. And that's… unexpectedly hot.
He notices how you release another smell mixed with the blood, your arousal. So it's happening. He puts a hand on the waistband of your shorts.
"Can I…?" It comes out with a rough voice, a bit strained.
You nod to give him permission.
He's inhumanly fast. He kisses you hard and deep, barely letting you breathe, and you don't even notice how he has already yanked your shorts and panties down. Fingers slides through your entrance and cover in blood and slick, only to quickly find your clit and slowly start rubbing circles.
You moan at the pleasure and pull him closer to you. He leaves your mouth and starts leaving wet kisses on your jaw as he takes off your top.
"Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou…" He mumbles against your skin, because how is he so lucky to have you and let him do this.
Choso travels down your neck to that spot between your neck and your shoulder that makes you weak.
"Mngh, mngh, Choso—ah!"
In response, he licks, and sucks, and bites more, all to wreck you. He loves every little noise that escapes your mouth and, if it's to get more of those out of you, his blood appetite can wait a little (but not too much).
He leaves open-mouthed kisses on your chest, making you arch against him. With his mouth open, he starts dragging his teeth down your body, to your stomach. You suddenly feel a light sting where his teeth are.
Just before you can process that (how the hell did he scratch you?), Choso shoves two long fingers inside of you. You cry out with a loud moan at the feeling. Your period makes you especially sensitive, and you press him harder against you. He curls his fingers just right, drawing more sounds out of you.
"Mngh, mngh, it's too much Cho!"
And it's too much for him too. Your blood and arousal on his fingers, the pornographic sounds you make, the way you push his face against your body. He lets out a low groan. "You're doing so well baby."
But he doesn't stop scissoring his fingers, now rubbing your clit too. Your hips involuntarily rock down against his palm, chasing the high. You don't stop moving as he licks your torso, and he moans.
"A-ah! Cho, I'm gonna cum." You warn.
He keeps a steady rhythm rubbing your clit as your hips rock more sloppily. And then a wave of pleasure runs through your body as you cum.
A warm flush goes all the way to your head as you come down. Choso takes the fingers out of you and licks them clean, with the blood and everything (that's the most delicious part, actually).
You look down at him and notice two red lines scratched into your torso.
"What is this?" You're genuinely surprised.
He blushes hard. "Sorry. It's my teeth. I'm so sorry." He hides his face pressing it against your stomach.
"Your teeth?"
"Yeah… My fangs." He looks up at you and opens his mouth, revealing two pointed canines , too pointy to look human.
"Huh?" You take a closer look. "I never really noticed those. How curious." You say, cocking your head.
"Well, they only come out when I'm very hungry… or excited."
What? You stare at him. How is that even…
"Okay, you must be a vampire," you point a finger at him, "what the fuck."
He gives you a guilty look and he nods shyly.
"I cannot believe this, oh my god. My boyfriend is a vampire." You look at him. "You're a vampire. You're a vampire?"
He nods again, just to confirm. "Yeah… I'm a vampire."
"So. Your fangs are out. You hungry or excited?"
"Yes." He quickly answers, nodding. "I mean, both."
"So?" You dare him with your eyes, a few seconds that feel like an eternity to him. "Eat." You say, opening your legs to give him access.
You do not have to tell him twice. Like a starved man—or vampire—, he licks your cunt to taste your blood mixed with slick.
He eats you out like his life depends on it. Maybe it does, you think, vampires need blood, right?
He dives in and circles all your hole, reaching every single spot inside of you, to collect all the fluids he can. And then he swallows.
The metallic taste of blood with your arousal is so good it makes him moan and his head dizzy. This is what paradise must be, he thinks, there's nothing in the world that could ever be better than this. He feels very much drunk, but he's addicted to you. So he continues exploring your insides, moans of both of you filling the room.
He continues fucking you with his tongue at a quick, very eager pace. Tongue in and out, you feel him open you up every time, sensation only increasing. It's like he wants to lick you clean and suck the period out of you.
"Ah, ah! Cho!" You cry out. "I'm close!"
He lets out a whimper that turns to a groan, now concentrating on your clit too, trying to not stab you with his fangs. Then he decides to suck on it. And, oh my god. You can't stop the loud moans that come out of your mouth as you get closer to your release.
He sucks on your entrance to drink up all your fluids, and he slides his tongue in one more time. He pulls it out running it over your clit. He closes his mouth around your sensitive bud and sucks again. That brings you over the edge, and he does not leave your clit alone as you ride through your orgasm.
After, he starts slowly licking your cunt again to clean up the mess. You whine at the overstimulation, pleasure and pain mixing in the afterglow.
"Sorry, love." He apologizes. "Want me to stop?"
"No. Finish the clean-up."
He does what he's told, as you try to hold your tears and get through it without making him too worried.
"I don't think this is working," he says, with blood all over his mouth and chin, "we're both covered in blood."
"Now you do look like a real vampire." You mutter for yourself. "Let's go shower, then."
"Okay." He agrees. "I am a real vampire, by the way."
He stands up, and you notice a wet spot on his pants.
"Don't move." He orders.
Choso picks you up princess mode to carry you to the shower.
"What's this?" You ask, already in his muscular arms. "Did you cum in your pants?"
He blushes. "…Maybe?"
"You're so cute Choso." You let out a soft laugh. "Kiss me."
And he does.
-> Go to Part 2
a/n: first time posting my writing and first time writing smut. Sooo what did you think??
Wanted to post this when i had part 2 ready, but submitting my thesis made me want to celebrate somehow. Part 2 might take a while, since now I have to prepare for the defense of my thesis :)
disclaimer: there's so many typos in this. quality of writing in this summary i wrote at 3 in the morning on my phone and did not proofread will not reflect the quality of writing in the final novel
PROLOGUE
Interlude: Remembrance / 1
A woman laments someone she has lost -- someone who passed by her like a beautiful comet and then disappeared. She mourns that the only way she can reunite with that comet now is by closing her eyes and seeing the impression of its blindingly bright light burnt into her retinas.
She decides that she will recount the story one more time.
ACT I
Section 1: Terra
We follow Terra, a recently hired patrol guard at this Biotech Research Institute. It's a fine job, easy, pays surprisingly well, and one of the scientists working there is a friend of hers named Heidi.
Heidi was also hired a while ago to work on what seems to be the lab's main project, a clone lamb gestated fully in an artificial womb with no surrogate mother. The woman overseeing this project is their supervisor, Delia, an amiable older lady who always has a calm smile on her face. Delia acts as a middleman reporting to their boss, director Agnes, a strange distant woman who is almost always in her office. Or, if not in her office, spending her lunch breaks outside staring at a leaky pipe at the back of the building. Bizarre.
Interlude: Preserval - Incipient / 1
There is a man. He is resting peacefully, suspended in the fluid of the tank like he is floating.
Anyway, Terra always passes by this sculpture in the front yard of the research institute. A man, smiling. It has a plaque marked with nothing but the initials of a name, a birth year, and a death year. Surely this is a memorial sculpture? But of who? After so many times walking past it, she gets curious enough to ask Agnes.
To which Agnes answers "I don't know," and refuses to elaborate.
"What the hell is going on with this woman. You're the director how do you not know who the memorial sculpture in the front yard is," thinks Terra. She decides to start sleuthing around a bit.
Interlude: Remembrance / 2
The woman recounts some of her life -- an unpleasant childhood with a mother always working and a father always drunk. Often, she would be the one watching after her little sister, though she was still a child herself. She came to the belief, still young, that she was doomed and made only to march into hell. Oh well.
Terra finds out Agnes' last name (which she bizarrely was not ever told), tries to search about her online and only finds a few boring research papers and photos of her dancing submitted to an obscure photography magazine for a contest (???), nothing particularly interesting. Upon researching the research institute itself, she also can't find anything interesting, just that it's been around for a pretty long time.
Well that was boring and unsuccessful. Terra is still suspicious about Agnes but there are more important things to worry about -- namely, that Terra's sister is expecting a baby very soon and she wants to help support her, etc etc.
Terra decides to ask to pick up extra hours to save up money and then take some time off when the baby is born. Agnes agrees.
The first time Terra stays late, she's walking around the halls and notices ... Delia's office door left open? Ooh. Well she can't resist the temptation to snoop around a little bit -- she takes a quick look inside.
On Delia's desk is a photo. A girl, unmistakably the faces of a younger Agnes, and a boy...the man from the memorial sculpture?
That's definitely them as children. So Agnes did know him. She takes a quick picture of it on her phone and leaves the office as she found it.
She eventually bumps into Delia in the halls, who looks briefly shocked and then returns to her usual smile. She's usually the only one who stays this late. "Terra. I didn't know you were still in the building," she says. Terra replies that she's working extra hours for a while and Delia is like "Really? I was unaware. Agnes must have forgotten to update me on that. Carry on."
Interlude: Preserval - Incipient / 2
The man has noticed that the fluid in his tank is draining, slowly. Over the past weeks, enough has drained that he now can float up to the top and stick his ears into the open air. It is very interesting the way things sound -- much clearer and sharper than when he's submerged in the fluid. He spends a lot of time raising and lowering his head in and out of the fluid to hear the difference. It's fun.
The woman walks in on him doing this one day. Looks at him bobbing his head up and down, becomes briefly confused, and then actually laughs a little bit. He hears her voice much more clearly, though still muffled through the glass of the tank. As she gets back to her routine of checking his vitals, he wonders if he will ever hear his own voice clearly.
Terra continues working as normal. When it's time for her to go on her break she checks in with Agnes briefly, saying, "You know, if I was prying you could've just told me."
Agnes looks at her confusedly.
"The guy from the sculpture. I saw the photo of you and him as kids. Could've just said it was personal if you didn't wanna talk about it."
Agnes looks at her even more confusedly.
Terra shows her the picture she took of the photo and then clocks out and leaves. Her niece is born and she spends her break helping take care of her.
ACT II
Section 2: Heidi
We follow Heidi, monitoring the clone lamb as it develops. The lab is a strange place. She is seemingly the only regular working on this project -- other personnel are around for short inconsistent hours in weird shifts regularly rotated so she never really gets to know them. Sometimes when she's alone in the quiet of the lab she hears strange noise that sounds like a plangent melody from beneath the floor. Sometimes she can almost make out words. How strange. Anyway, the lamb is developing well. It is almost ready To Be Born.
Interlude: Remembrance / 3
The woman recounts one instance when during a bring your child to work day, her mother showed her the research institute. A big place, which her mother was the director of. Of course she was busy all the time.
Her mother took her down to the basement to show her something interesting -- a supercomputer. Being a child, she did not particularly understand it at the time, but it did spark her interest.
Eventually she would inherit her mother's position as director. But that would come later.
Now that Terra is on break, Delia has For Some Reason taken up some of her responsibilities doing patrols, so Heidi reports progress on the lamb directly to Agnes instead. Upon interacting with Agnes more, she can tell that Something Is Off About Her. not in a suspicious way like Terra thought, but she just seems kind of troubled and stressed. Heidi decides to start talking to her more, goes from spending her lunch breaks in the break room to spending her lunch breaks outside in the same place Agnes does -- back of the building. Leaky pipe.
They make small talk. Agnes is awkward but seems pretty sincere. Heidi usually plays around on her guitar during lunch break (yes she brings a guitar to work). Though Agnes never says much, she seems deeply intrigued by her playing. Almost mesmerized.
Eventually Heidi just asks if she wants the guitar. Agnes is like "What?" Heidi is like "I have another, this is a cheap old one. Do you want it?" Agnes accepts.
Interlude: Remembrance / 4
The woman recounts one day playing at the playground -- often and her sister would play outside by themselves to get away from their house.
Then, saw a boy with a camera, around the same age as her. She saw him around often in the following days too, taking photos of the playground instead of playing in it. Eventually she asked his name.
They became friends. Close, one of the only people Agnes ever opened up to. They grew up together.
Heidi, at some point, finds the time to ask Delia about the melody she hears from beneath the floor when the lab is quiet. Delia explains it's some old equipment in the basement. Did I mention there's a basement? Nobody is allowed in the basement. She asks, too, about the leaky pipe that Agnes is always looking at. Delia responds that Heidi is a scientist and doesn't need to worry about things like plumbing.
Interlude: Preserval - Incipient / 3
The man does, in fact, get to hear his own voice clearly when one day he wakes up sputtering and coughing fluid out of his lungs.
The tank has drained enough that his whole head is out of the fluid, the mask over his mouth and nose has detached and fallen off -- he is now breathing air for the first time.
Very strange feeling.
When the woman visits to check his vitals, though, she doesn't look concerned about the tank draining or the mask falling off. So he doesn't worry. He makes vocalizations to himself, says a few words, and acquaints himself with his voice.
Section 3: Preserval - Implement
We follow Agnes. She keeps the guitar in her office, eventually brings it home, but doesn't do anything with it. Too busy with paperwork and staring at the leaky pipe. It's strange. Leaky pipe sputtering out in pulses like a struggling heartbeat. Leaky pipe. She stares at the pipe and wonders what the hell that childhood photo of her with the memorial sculpture man was.
Terra is still on break for a few days, but it turns out she actually brought home some equipment -- a walkie talkie or something. They don't want to call her in to return it while she's on break so they just arrange for Agnes to swing by Terra's house and pick it up, which she does.
And then back to her routine of paperwork and then staring at the leaky pipe and then trying not to think about that goddamn childhood photo. Who is Terra to snoop into her life like that? Her life is fine. She does not remember taking that photo, but it's not a problem. She's the director of this lab and she doesn't need to be anything else. It's fine that she does not remember her childhood when she tries to think about it? for some reason?
The leaky pipe is getting worse.
Interlude: Terra
She does return from taking care of her niece and, upon reentering the workplace, is Immediately in the mood for more sleuthing around. There is of course The Basement That Nobody Is Allowed In but she doesn't know how to go about getting into there so she tries to sleuth around in something else. A fact about Agnes I have neglected to mention until now is that she's always unavailable from 3:30 PM - 4:00 PM every Tuesday and Thursday, which Delia is always quick to remind them of if they ever try to visit her office during those times. Which in itself is not weird at all. But, discussing it while hanging out on their own time, Heidi says that during one of their lunch break chats Agnes offhandedly implied she is napping during those times.
So now Terra is like "???scheduled 30 minute Tuesday and Thursday naps?"
and after observing for a while, Terra has noticed that Delia herself always visits Agnes' office for a few minutes during those times. Nap? Delia Visit Agnes during Nap? Terra is confused as fuck and decides to see for herself what's going on.
She coordinates with Heidi and gets her to grab Delia's attention away by faking a problem with the lamb like "Ohhh Supervisor Delia can you come check the lamb's vitals it's displaying weird and I'm concerned" and then, while Heidi stalls for time, waltzes into Agnes' office to check if she's really napping.
Head on her desk, eyes closed, breathing gently. Huh. She is, in fact, really napping.
Terra debates whether to snoop around the office a bit, but before she can decide, Agnes breathing becomes more strained and she mutters something in her sleep.
"...Delia."
Terra freezes.
"...Delia? Are you there?"
Stays silent and stares at Agnes.
Agnes responds to this silence by Slowly, Shakily lifting her head. Terra panics and ducks beneath the desk, hiding. She hears Agnes' strained breathing for a while, and then a quiet "...Late," and the thud of Agnes' head falling back to the desk.
Terra carefully stands back up once she hears Agnes' breathing soften again. She leaves the office quickly after that. She thinks she sees a tiny bit of blood leaking from Agnes' nose, but doesn't stay to check.
She feels kind of weird and guilty, like she saw something she was not supposed to.
Ahem. Okay returning to Agnes' viewpoint. Heidi eventually comes in to report that the lamb has successfully been "born", released from its artificial womb with no complications. Well, that's good at least.
Her life is normal. She does not need to think about it too hard.
ACT III
Agnes listens to Heidi's various reports about the newborn lamb. It is doing well. Heidi has named it Chloe. They're keeping it in a small pen in a nursery room.
Interlude: Preserval - Incipient / 4
The tank has drained a lot. It's maybe only halfway full now. The tubes previously attached to the man's back and arms have disconnected now, so he's simply free floating in the tank.
One of the reports, though, is something different. It is not about the new clone lamb, but an older cloning project that the institute did long before Heidi was hired -- a cloned goat, sent to live on a farm once it was mature, but still with occasional reports still sent back.
It has passed away.
Normal, of course. It's fine. That happens. However, Hearing this news inexplicably causes Agnes to start spiralling pretty bad.
She stays at the office late thinking about it and maybe thinking about her life a little bit too and Hey, why is her nose bleeding? What. Huh. She maybe starts panicking a little bit and doesn't want to stay at the lab and doesn't want to go home and just unthinkingly goes to the most recent place on her mind instead.
Terra's house. She shows up at Terra's house with a nosebleed in the middle of the night. Terra is like What The Fuck but is too concerned to turn her away so she lets her stay and calm down for a while.
Something Weird is Happening With Agnes' Life. Agnes Accepts This Now.
Next day they return to work as usual and Terra is kind of trying to pretend whatever that was didn't happen, but then Agnes approaches her like "Hey. Sleuthing. You're right. Something about this lab is weird. Let's sleuth together. Basement. I've never been there either. Let's go in the basement," to which Terra confusedly accepts.
They try to go into the basement together and then Agnes' keycard immediately declines and she's like "What? I'm the? Director? My keycard should work on everything why is? It? Not?"
Delia walks in on themand they scramble to try and come up with a lie for what they were doing, which Delia sees through completely and just very gently goes "Agnes. You have no need to go down there. Don't worry about it." and then changes the subject while leading them away.
"Hey, you know, I hear in a few days there's gonna be a storm that might knock out the power to this lab so why don't we get started on preparing for that instead?"
Agnes and Terra are both a little bit freaked out by how gently she reprimanded them with the same smile on her face as always. but it has, in fact, been raining lately and there are, in fact, reports of a big storm.
They do spend the next few days preparing for that instead of sleuthing.
... But Oops! The Storm Happens Earlier Than Expected And Causes A Power Outage During What Was Supposed To Be A Normal Workday.
Interlude: Preserval - Incipient / 5
His tank is fully empty by now. He's sitting on the ground, which he has never done before.
Suddenly the lights go out and the man's tank opens.
Everyone is trying to get their bearings straight in the dark. Heidi checks on the lamb in it's pen and realizes that It Fuckin Escaped and she's like Uh oh. They all reconvene in the break room and decide what to do -- Delia and Heidi will go to the power room to get some backup power going, Agnes will go look for the escaped baby lamb, and Terra will, uhhhh, help. Agnes with that. definitely.
(in actuality Terra goes to sleuth in Delia's office while the power is out and all the doors are unlocked. Agnes approves of this.)
Anyway, Agnes starts wandering the halls looking for the lamb. Flashlight in hand, alone, vast dark cold hallways. She hears something moving around. It sounds, perhaps, bigger than a baby lamb? but she follows it anyway because what else could it be. She catches sight of something turning a corner and pursues.
When she gets there, caught in the beam of her flashlight, is the lamb. Sitting on the floor, docile, calm. There is a man kneeling next to it, hand gently placed on its soft white wool.
It is the man from the memorial sculpture. He is staring at her with an inscrutable expression.
Agnes drops the flashlight and the sound startles the man, who runs away, disappearing around another corner like he was never there. Once Agnes has regained her composure enough, she scoops the lamb up in her arms and returns to the break room, just sitting there.
Terra eventually returns from sleuthing, comes back to Agnes saying she found something in Delia's office that they need to discuss.
Agnes looks at her for a moment. "I think I need to stop with all of this. For a while."
Terra is about to say something or ask what she means but notices how shaken Agnes looks and just quietly goes "...okay."
ACT IV
Agnes takes some time off of work. Stays home for a while and reflects on her life. Realizes how little she's been living until now. Most of her time has been spent at the research institute and she clearly hasn't even been in control of that.
She picks up that guitar Heidi gave her, finally puts some time into playing it. It's difficult. But she gets better at it after a while.
Interlude: Remembrance / 5
The woman recounts how happy she was when they eventually began dating and moved in together after a few years, how it felt to be in a new house with a new life. Happy.
She recounts -- this is her favorite part -- how they stood in the empty living room, light shining through the windows, and she took his hand and asked him to dance. Something like a waltz, very simple, no music, only their footsteps. Eventually she spins him and lowers him into a dip, looks at his face illuminated brightly by a warm beam of sunlight, and thinks to herself that she would burn this memory into her retinas if she could.
Eventually Agnes has calmed down enough and found some resolve. Whatever is happening she is determined to deal with it and start really living from now on.
She returns to work and ask what it was that Terra wanted to talk about.
"Ah," Terra says, "Well, I Wanted To Say That I Found A Fucking Obituary In Delia's Office. Your Obituary. Old Newspaper. Apparently, you died years ago."
Agnes is like "WHAT the fuck do you mean?"
Okay. Well. That has strengthened her resolve to figure out what's going on.
Interlude: Remembrance / 6
Of course, the happiness could not last. She recounts that the man passed away, eventually, and recounts how she grieved and grieved.
This is when her life, too, ended.
And the recounting is over now too -- one last time going over it in full, from the beginning to the end. Now, why not focus only on the good?
Agnes wants to know about the man she saw during the power outage too, so she decides to try something. She stays late until everyone has left the building (except for Delia), and then goes to the power room and Shuts Everything Off Herself. Manual Power Outage. She immediately runs through the halls to see if the man will show up again and Hey, Look At That, She Finds Him. This time when he runs she Follows.
She chased him all the way down to the basement entrance, where the door is open due to the power outage. He goes in. She pursues, and they find themselves in a blank white room.
She's never seen this room before. Why is it here? But the man has finally stopped running, staring at her cautiously and curiously. She takes this as her opportunity to speak to him,
And Then The Power Suddenly Comes Back On And The Door Locks And Agnes Suddenly Feels Very Faint Before Kneeling And Passing Out.
Section 4: Delia
Delia has had a long life. Strange life. Not very pleasant life. But it is one she is resigned to now.
Mother always working at the research institute, father always drunk. She grew up with Agnes, relied on her. Oftentimes they would escape the suffocating environment of Inside Their House by going outside and playing at the playground.
One day, they saw a boy with a camera, taking photos of the playground and the sky and the flowers growing in the cracks of the sidewalk. He introduced himself as Angus and quickly became friends with the sisters, particularly Agnes.
So they grew up together. Eventually Agnes and Angus started dating, and eventually Agnes became director of the research institute like her mother was before her, and eventually Delia was left behind. She largely lost contact with her sister.
And then eventually came the news that Angus died, and Agnes was in mourning, and eventually came the phone call that Agnes had an idea which she had already set into motion -- to preserve her mind and her memories of Angus by transferring herself into the supercomputer in the basement of the research institute. Well. Agnes, stubborn, cannot be convinced to change her mind, but Delia loves her sister too much to let her destroy herself alone. So she helps, stays with her.
Eventually her body dies and her consciousness is fully contained in the supercomputer. To explain her death, Agnes creates a clone of herself. Rudimentary clone, no consciousness, just a decoy body. She has Delia carry it out to the lake and toss it in, dressed in heavy gowns that will swell with water and drag it down.
News of Agnes' tragic drowning circulates in local newspapers, Delia pays for an obituary to be printed but not put online. Publicly, Delia takes over the lab now that her sister is "gone".
So Agnes' consciousness is preserved in the supercomputer. Sometimes she likes to sing old love songs in the buzzy, rudimentary synthetic voice that the computer can produce.
But eventually it is not enough. Memories are different in this form, just data, and all she can do is think and think and think, wouldn't it be nice to see the memories play out again?
So she clones herself again, puts a chip in this one's brain and false memories of a childhood and a life. And she has this clone run the research institute for a while to free up some of Delia's time so she can help facilitate the creation of one more clone, Angus.
And then when both clones are complete and given the brain implants they can go in the white room in the basement, fall unconscious, and reenact the memories.
Delia checks in every so often with Agnes -- if she doesn't have the time to go down to the basement then she just communicates with her via the clone since the brain chip can also induce unconsciousness and allow Agnes to speak through her like a glorified walkie talkie. Was supposed to be a function that allowed her to use the clone as a remote body but it ended up unfeasible to utilize since, while technically possible, any movement beyond speaking through her is extremely taxing.
It has been difficult continuing with this for so many years. She doesn't want to anymore.
One night, all the power shuts off with no explanation, only herself and the clone in the building. She fumbles in the dark for a while, finally manages to turn the power back on, and then cannot find the clone anywhere.
She realizes -- oh, she must have been the one who turned the power off. And if she is not in her office, and not in the break room, and not in any of the normal rooms, she must have tried to get into the basement.
Section 5: Preserval - Incipient
We follow the man. He stares at Agnes, unconscious, having apparently gone to sleep on the floor. He kneels and pokes at her, and when she doesn't respond, he leaves her alone and sits in a corner of the room.
Until She Stands Back Up.
He looks at her. Her eyes are still closed and her breathing is becoming strained. She is not awake. But she holds out her hand.
The man tilts his head and stares at her. He approaches and takes her hand.
She puts her other arm around his back and begins taking rhythmic steps -- he follows, clumsily, more curious than anything. Her eyes are still closed. For a while they continue, something like a waltz, very simple, no music, only their footsteps. Eventually she spins him and lowers him into a dip.
Blood drips onto his face.
Her nose is bleeding, rather badly. He becomes concerned. If whatever is happening is causing her to bleed, then maybe it shouldn't be happening.
He tries to wake her up, to no avail, lets go of her hand and shakes her. Her eyes do not open. She continues the dance alone, stepping gently, arms still out like she's holding someone even though the man has left. He retreats back to the corner of the room, becoming panicked, unsure what to do.
And Then The Door Opens And Someone Steps Inside.
It Is The Woman Who Checks His Vitals. Delia.
She beckons him to come out of the room, to which he obeys because he trusts her, and then she goes in and forcefully pulls Agnes back out of the room too. It takes a significant amount of effort, but once she's out of the threshold of the room she immediately opens her eyes again, collapses -- Delia lowers her gently onto the floor and sits next to her. The man follows.
He observes as the two have a conversation. He learns their names are Agnes and Delia. He doesn't particularly understand all of it, but Agnes is saying lots of things like "What The Fuck Was That What's Happening Where Am I Delia Wha"
Delia seems to explain. Somewhat. He doesn't really get what they're talking about. But after a long conversation, Agnes gets up. She wipes the blood off of her nose.
"We are not staying here. We are leaving," she says, and takes his hand. She walks out of the room, not looking back -- he does briefly turn to wave bye to Delia though.
She leads him through the halls. He still doesn't really understand what's happening. Eventually they get to a big door he's never seen before and they step outside -- and suddenly above them is the vast night sky, dark and twinkling with stars. There's rough pavement beneath his feet, and then grass, and he can feel the cold air through his skinsuit. It's exhilarating. In the front yard of the building he sees a statue of a man who looks like him, who his gaze lingers on even as Agnes continues leading him forward.
Throughout all of this she's been walking quickly, footsteps heavy, almost angry seeming, but her hold on his hand is gentle. So she's not mad at him, he assumes. Eventually, after a long time of walking and following, she finally starts to slows down.
They stop at a playground. an empty one. Agnes didn't lead them here for any reason she was just walking to get far away from the research institute. No plan. The man sits at a bench and Agnes paces, stressed.
"What's wrong?" he asks her.
"I don't know. Everything. What am I supposed to do after this?" she answers, for some reason, still pacing. She starts talking, more to herself than to him, about whatever is going on, trying to process it and figure out what to do next. He stares at the swings curiously while she rambles.
But eventually her pacing slows, and she gets a distant look in her eye, and her speaking stops.
"...What's wrong?" he asks again.
"Uh. Nothing." She does not sound sure of herself at all. She squats low to the ground and rests her arms on her knees.
“You don't look well," he says
She Immediately Collapses Forward onto The Fucking Floor Again.
"Agnes?" He steps toward her and kneels down, puts a hand on the shoulder of her unconscious body. With a close look, he can see the rise and fall of her chest as she breathes, a slow rhythm, with pauses between her exhaling and inhaling again.
"...Angus," she mutters, barely audible. He begins to approach closer, but she startles him -- her hand moves suddenly, plants itself onto the ground, and she starts to push herself up. An instinct tells him to recede; back away and watch her.
Hair hanging in messy strands, head down, face parallel with the floor, he can’t see the expression she’s making as she attempts to rise. He can see her arm is shaking, though, badly, like it’s about to give out as it struggles to support her -- and with a sharply cut-off exhale, a barely held back reflexive cough, there’s a dark splatter that colors the ground beneath her face.
It’s blood. Again.
Something is wrong. Something is breaking inside of her. He understands this, lean in closer, reaches out quickly to put his hand on her shoulder. As he makes contact, she tilts her head up to look at him -- a strained and uneven movement. The eyes she's staring through are squinted, kept barely open. Her nose is bleeding. The red is dripping onto her teeth, which are bared in a grimace, making its way down to her chin.
He is worried. Delia isn't here this time.
Agnes tenses, trying to stop herself from coughing again. Then, once more comes her wavering voice -- "Angus."
He can't parse the emotion infused in her tone, can't tell what she's feeling by her face. What is he supposed to say? Quickly, he tries to figure out some way to respond, find something he can ask her -- "What's wrong?" or "What's happening?" or "What do I do?" -- but none of those are sufficient, and none of them will help, and he ends up unable to say anything at all before she puts out her other hand and forces her upper body off the floor.
She begins to speak. He doesn't understand all of it. Something about "You cannot leave," something about "you cannot stray from the purpose for which I created you, as a shadow cannot stray from what casts it," something about the way she's speaking is different, and he realizes --
"You're someone else."
"What?" she says.
"You're not Agnes."
She stutters in response. He meant it as a simple statement, but something about it seems to have left her speechless. She searches for something to say for a very long moment, and then gives up. She falls back to the pavement.
Section 6: Preserval - Implement
Agnes wakes up again. Head hurts. Body hurts. Nose bloody again.
"Agnes. Are you okay?"
She groans and sits upright. Asks what the hell happened. Angus briefly explains that she passed out and her nose started bleeding and she started saying some Weird Stuff About Not Leaving And Blah Blah Blah.
Agnes sighs shakily. Realizes she cannot move on from this until whatever the hell is happening to her Stops. and she will Make It Stop.
She drops Angus off somewhere safe -- Terra's house. Terra is like "WHAT the FUCK" when Agnes shows up at her door, nose bloody, with The Man From The Memorial Sculpture by her side, saying "Please watch him for a while. I need to do something. I will explain later." but she has such a haunted look on her face that Terra just listens -- and then she goes back to the research institute.
She visits the back of the building a last time. The leaky pipe has come fully loose and fallen off, laying on the ground in a puddle. She picks it up and heads back inside the building.
Delia is still inside. She tells Delia to shut off power to The Room That Makes Her Pass Out so she can get through to the deeper levels of the basement. Delia does so without question.
In the basement she finds the supercomputer. And it greets her.
"So you made it down here," it says, tone completely unreadable, a loud buzzy voice ringing out from some speaker somewhere in the ceiling. "Hello."
"What the hell are you?" Agnes asks.
"I am Agnes," the supercomputer replies
They talk. Agnes demands to know all of what's happening. The supercomputer explains what Agnes and Angus were created for -- clones to be used as bodies for reenact memories. She explains it plainly, as though it is nothing. Agnes is shaking with rage the entire time. When she yells, it talks down to her like she's a child throwing a tantrum
"You know nothing of grief or loss," says the voice, and Agnes tightens her grip on the pipe incredulously. Nothing of grief, said to Agnes, grieving the life she never had and the pretense of normalcy which was ripped away from her. Nothing of grief, said to Agnes, learning that she and Angus were created to march into hell unknowingly.
She raises the metal pipe, fighting off faintness and drowsiness and forcing herself to move despite it, and brings it down onto one of the supercomputer's structures. Raises the pipe again and bashes it down in fury and ignores the terribly loud buzzy noises from the speakers that sound like screams. She yells about how this is her life and she is taking it back as she breaks everything. Agnes is alive. Agnes is her name.
Eventually she stops, breathing heavily, wipes the blood off of her nose.
"The chip in my brain. Whatever it was. Can you deactivate it?"
"...Yes." The supercomputer's answer is stuttery. Broken.
"Deactivate it."
The supercomputer asks if she's sure, since that will unsuppress the memories of her actual "childhood" and she will be completely unable to cling to any thin veneer of normalcy that the false memories provided. Apparently it's still trying to leverage something over her even in its dying moments. As if Agnes hasn't already been thoroughly disillusioned with everything. Of course she's sure.
With that, she leaves.
EPILOGUE
Section 7: Agnes & Junior
Time passes. Agnes lets Angus live with her. They see each other more like siblings than anything else -- at some point he started going by the name "Angus Junior" because someone (probably Terra) explained the concept of being named after someone to him, and then eventually just shortened it to Junior.
The clone lamb from the lab is doing fine. Heidi is taking care of it. Junior is rather fond of it, too, seeming to relate to it in some way.
Agnes remembers her actual upbringing now, raised in the basement of the lab, taken care of by Delia. Apparently she was not even supposed to be named Agnes -- Delia simply spent a lot of time speaking to her, rambling, using the name "Agnes" because she was supposed to be memory wiped and wouldn't remember it anyway.
"You were a good sister when we were kids, Agnes. And I miss you. Even though you're still here," things she wouldn't understand, said more to herself than to Agnes. But the name stuck even through the memory wipe and she wouldn't respond to anything else.
She reconciles her real past with her future -- one she will choose for herself. She sits on a bench at the playground and plays the guitar while Junior plays on the swings.
The Secret Sexual Desires of Each Zodiac Sign (That No One Talks About) part two
Libra – The Temptation They Can’t Resist
They crave the slow, excruciating build-up. The teasing glances, the almost-touch, the game of seduction where neither of you makes the first move until you can’t hold back anymore.
🖤 Secret Fantasy: Forbidden desire. Affairs, secret trysts, the thrill of knowing you shouldn’t—but doing it anyway.
Scorpio – The Soul-Destroying Obsession
Sex with them is not just physical, it’s spiritual, emotional, consuming. They don’t just fuck, they merge, possess, claim. They want a lover who isn’t afraid to descend into the abyss with them who can take it, crave it, and beg for more.
🖤 Secret Fantasy: Being completely at their mercy. Or having their lover at theirs. No in-between.
Sagittarius – The Wild, Untamed Fantasy
They crave adventure in every form. Sex should feel spontaneous, thrilling, like an experience they’ll never forget. Routine? Boring. They want a partner who grabs them in the middle of a conversation and fs them against the wall.
🖤 Secret Fantasy: Public sex. The risk, the thrill, the idea that someone might see them? Exhilarating.
Capricorn – The Power Play CEO
You think they’re cold? That’s cute. Behind closed doors, they are primal, commanding, relentless. They don’t just want pleasure, they want control over it. They want to see their lover lose composure, beg, shatter beneath them.
🖤 Secret Fantasy: Total dominance. They need a lover who can either submit completely or match their intensity.
Aquarius – The Unconventional, Mind-Blowing Experimenter
They don’t just want sex. They want an experience. They crave the unusual, the unexpected, the "why the hell are we doing this and why do I love it" kind of thrill. They get off on breaking taboos, pushing boundaries, trying what no one else dares to.
🖤 Secret Fantasy: Anything experimental. They’ll try anything once, twice if they like it.
Pisces – The Addictive Escape
I made a mistake in the first post by placing Rihanna under Aries💀 totally forgot that she is a Pisces, thanks to her Aries Venus 🐥🖤.
They don’t want sex, they want transcendence. They crave the blurred line between fantasy and reality, between the body and the soul. Their kink? Getting lost in you so completely that nothing else exists.
🖤 Secret Fantasy: Sex so deep it feels like a dream. They want to lose time, space, and themselves in you.
Ready to Uncover Your Personal Sexual Astrology💦?
Curious about your Venus, Mars, or Lilith placements and what they say about your deepest desires?
I offer detailed, personalized readings on your sexual energy, soulmate markers, and karmic relationships. If you’re ready to explore the astrology of seduction, passion, and power—DM me or check my Buy Me A Coffee, Ko-fi for a private reading.
NSFW, 18+ only. Minors, do not interact. Post-TYBW, spoilers ahead.
First time writing smut. Wish me luck. Thanks to @bleachsmutfest (shout-out to @villainsrtasty for organizing this) and @byakuyacoochie for convincing me to post this.
This started as a Day 3 drabble that turned into a nearly 1000-word fic, so I present this now for Day 4 of the smutfest: my morally-contentious selfship.
Prompts: Passage + Towels + “Just because it’s dangerous doesn't mean we don't try it”
Thirty-six hours.
Kurotsuchi said it would take thirty-six hours to craft new restraints for the man before you.
The man whom Kyoraku Shunsui, for reasons he didn't express (though his eye glimmered quite deviously), chose to charge you with. "You've always been good at keeping him in line, right?” he'd teased, like you'd ever had any control over him at all. Like you hadn't joined the very same man in a rebellion two short years ago.
"...I heard you'd died.”
Swallowed up in a sea of darkness at the end of the world, per the rumours. From the shrinking hole in his chest and the arm that crept disgustingly back into shape, you understood their conclusions.
The comment makes his lips curl with delight that's positively nostalgic to see. "A lesser man surely would have."
You hadn't bothered to censor the scoff that left your lips. Utterly ridiculous man. Still so smug and cheshire, despite imprisonment. Yet there he was, wicked and free and radiant as the sun.
For thirty-six hours.
“I missed you, Sōsuke.”
“I knew you would, my dear.”
Finding a place among the ruins of Seireitei to hold your 'captive' proved easier than you'd anticipated (Aizen himself was strangely compliant with his situation), settling into the remains of a home. Its walls were as broken and dirty as your own body in the aftermath of the war, but it would do. You shutter what remains of the curtains while an ever-watchful eye reacquaints itself with your form.
Being near him again is like rejoining a familiar dance. It wasn't long before honeyed words lured you into his desires, his forked tongue inspiring wicked temptation. You should clean yourselves up, shouldn't you? Mayuri has to replace his seals anyway, and haven't you missed the feeling of his skin against your own?
But when your hand stretches outward to remove those barriers, questions begin to burn in your mind: Can you even touch him now? Should you really unleash a god?
Aizen catches this hesitation, and his encouragement burns with the candlelight in his eyes. “Just because it’s dangerous doesn't mean we don't try it.”
They'll call you a fool for submitting to his will, but you're a moth to his flame, helpless against the want pooling between your legs.
Aizen doesn't move while you release his bindings, allowing you to caress his face and pet his hair once you've removed the seal covering his eye. He remains patient while you reveal your own body to him, and only then does your once Lord and lover pounce.
Lost in steam and hot water that envelops the two of you like a dream, Aizen Sōsuke plays a hero and enjoys the spoils of victory without care for time. His mouth renews its claim on your throat, leaving markings that will persist long after dawn breaks. His hands retrace the swell of your breasts to pinch your nipples and pull a reverent breath from your lips.
The slow, methodical journey of his fingertips to the apex of your thighs is deliberately maddening and completely self-indulgent. With your legs wrapped around his hips, Aizen makes you plead and beg for more than tantalizing circles around your clit. "Have you thought of me like this, my love?" he coos in velvet baritones. "Have you needed me?"
It's not until your spine begins to arch off the cold tiles and your moans devolve into a siren song that he finally fulfills your request. He greedily takes in every minute detail of your expression as he presses himself into you at last. Oh, how you've needed him.
His name falls from your lips like a prayer when he begins to move. You're drowning in him, drunk on the feeling of his cock pressing against spots that make you weep. His hands squeeze your plush thighs and hold you to him while he sinks into you again and again. Your own limbs tense to pull him in closer, like you could somehow make him stay if only you held on tight enough, like thirty-six hours won't tick away while you're together.
Your skin burns against his and you begin to feel that coil in your abdomen tightening up, too fast- an ending approaching too soon. Your voice calls out to him a breathless whine. "Sōsuke..." And you feel him exhale against your shoulder. "I know," he rasps. "I know." The way his own breath shakes lets you believe for a moment that maybe he, who needs no one, craved you just as much as you craved him.
He lifts his head and rests his face against your own once more, obsessed with watching you fall apart for him. Long digits slip between your legs again to rub your needy pearl, and the pleasure nearly ruins you, but you dare not lose yourself without his command. Aizen's gaze captures your own before he speaks against your lips. "Come for me, dear."
Orgasm is nearly blinding and unmakes you before him. Aizen is quick to follow, his hips chasing release before they stutter and press you harder against the shower wall. His lips find your own as he spills into you, hungry and adoring and ignorant of the world beyond you. In the aftermath, you're cradled in his arms like something precious while the water cuts off.
The clock ticks forward in a painfully consistent march as he lays you down on the bed. Aizen's head tilts to the side as he looks down at you. Clean, satisfied, and completely his, even now. Your heart swells when he smiles briefly, softness gracing his sharp features. He's beautiful, you think. You want to burn this moment into your eyes forever. But the clock ticks again to shatter your heart once more.
Aizen seems to read your thoughts yet again, his brows furrowing as he watches you. Then he leans in and presses his palms into the mattress around your head.
"Put it out of your mind," he murmurs. "I'll not leave until I've had my fill of you, my darling."
For thirty-six hours, you'll be his, and the way he descends upon you makes you wonder if the shinigami will even be able to pull him off of you when that time is up.
Long time reader, using anon cos...like you said there's shame. It's so hard because Black men have been mythologized, fetishized, and dehumanized by white culture for centuries. I genuinely am attracted to Black men but I'm also aware it's hard for it to be pure - we all know how white women's sexuality has been weaponized against Black men.
I love reading your fantasy posts though. I can't help liking the idea that I could help atone for the past or make a better future through submitting to Black men. But it's a fantasy I've tried to ignore for literally years while I've been following you because I have a white bf (now fiance). I want a Black man to just like take me so I can pretend I didn't intend for it to happen. I want him to overwhelm me with his size and strength. It isn't that my fiance is inadequate it's just...I want something...more? Different?
So now I'm shamefully daydreaming about a bachelorette where I create a situation where I'm dressed sluttily in a club full of Black men and I'm "too drunk" to resist temptation. I won't do it. Of course I won't. But doesn't stop me thinking about it.
Anyway, thanks for your blog.
Girl, I'm totally with you. On all of it.
The fantasy of being taken against one's will by a strong, Black man is a powerful fantasy. As you also note, it removes all sense of guilt from the equation. "I couldn't help it, I was powerless." In a culture that frowns on the female sexuality, this is a convenient way of "allowing" oneself to fantasize about Black men.
But as you also note, it is based on a stereotype that has led to the persecution of Black men. Actual Black men have been lynched because it was more socially accdptable for a white girl to accuse him of rape than of admitting a mutual relationship.
Fortunately, there are other ways of indulging oneself in fantasies of being with a Black man.
One way is to change the coercive factor into something other than the individual Black man. Like in your fantasy about being too intoxicated to reject his advances. "I couldn't help it, I was drunk." Or in my own 'societal fantasies', in which the structures of a racially just society facilitates the carnal union. "I couldn't help it, I blame society."
Another way is to reaffirm female agency, actively choosing to be with a Black man, demanding that female sexuality is every bit as valid as male sexuality. "I choose this because I wanted it."
I completely understand daydreaming of Black men while having a white fiancé. You shouldn't feel guilty about it one bit.
Thank you sharing your story.
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