A/N: Angst warning! But Protective!Soft!Cas pretty much cancels it out. I promise. MY FUCKING HEART
Cas felt an unpleasant jolt when he stepped back onto the threshold to see you weren't where he'd left you merely a minute before. Panic immediately started to rise in his chest, a clammy, disturbing feeling. "Y/N?" he called out. No answer. He moved through the room and some instinct told him to hurry down the hall to the front door. "Y/N!" he yelled again. This time he could hear movement ahead and when the entryway came into view, he saw you reaching for the door lock, a duffel bag in hand that he had no idea you'd made ready. "Stop!" he demanded. When you didn't, his hand closed gently around your wrist. Gently, but firmly. His brow was heavily furrowed, but the panic was readable in his eyes. "What are you doing?" His deep voice was somehow still surprisingly gentle.
When you turned to face him, your wrist still encircled in his fingers, he saw tears brimming in your eyes. "Cas, you can't protect me from this!" you managed.
A sigh escaped him, weighty with the thought that perhaps, just maybe, just what if, you were right. But no. "I can. And I will."
He looked and sounded so sure. His hand was warm on your skin. You cracked, tears running down your cheeks. The duffel bag dropped from your other hand. You crumbled, right into him. You collapsed against his steadiness and his hand drifted up from your wrist and landed softly around yours as you went nearly limp in his arms. You buried yourself against the crook of his neck, unable to stop the shaking of your shoulders with terrified sobs. He smoothed his other hand over your back and you seemed to calm some. "This isn't how it ends," he murmured to you gently. "I promise you that. Everything is going to be just fine. I swear on my grace that's true."
And hearing the deep reverberation of his voice, strong and determined in his chest, your breathing evened out and you found yourself believing him. And he still didn't let go of you.
Summary: After a long day at work, Y/N returns home to Cas, who’s waiting to make her feel better.
A/N: This is a submission for the 2022 SPN Christmas Bingo (@spnchristmasbingo)and fulfills Trope #19 in my 25 Days of Tropes series! I am determined to finally finish this trope list after several years of avoiding working on it. I hope you all enjoy.
Dividers by @firefly-graphics
25 Days of Tropes Masterlist
“What do you need?” he asked.
You shrugged under the blanket Cas had draped around you immediately after you’d curled up on the couch. “A new boss? More food? Quitting?” You sighed and leaned your head against his shoulder. “I don’t know, Cas. It was just a bad day, you know? I don’t know what exactly will make it feel better. I just want it to be over.”
Right now, everything and nothing sounded like the best solution ever to your horrible day. You were so exhausted that you could barely keep your eyes open on the drive home. Customers had been coming in droves, and none of them were even the slightest bit thankful for your help. Not even your boss had thanked you today, despite the fact that you’d gone above and beyond. The only thanks you’d gotten was an hour’s worth of overtime pay, but that was nothing compared to what you deserved after a day like today. Thankfully, Cas had dinner waiting when you arrived home, and now you could spend what little remaining energy you had on him.
Sighing again, you snuggled closer to him and cradled your bowl of soup between your thighs. He adjusted his arm and the blanket so that you were still kept warm as you moved, and you smiled a little. No matter how long you’d been together, his thoughtfulness never failed to make you feel a little giddy inside. Castiel had a way of making you feel special. The blanket he’d chosen was one of your favorites, as was the soup, and you knew that if you even mentioned it, he’d be able to pull one of your favorite desserts out of the kitchen. He probably even had one of your favorite movies on standby if you wanted to watch something together.
“It is over,” he reminded you, and you hummed in agreement. “And now we have the weekend together. We can sleep in tomorrow, and then we can do whatever we want.”
“Yes, we can.”
You smiled a little more. The two of you had been planning your Christmas weekend for almost a full year now. It was the first time either of you had been able to spend it away from the craziness of your families. It would just be the two of you in your little apartment, celebrating how far you’d come since this time last year. Grand ideas for vacations and friends-only parties had been tossed around, but eventually you’d settled on a quiet weekend at home. It was exactly what the two of you needed, especially after today.
You and Cas continued to eat your soup in silence, though the TV continued playing reruns in the background. He’d kept the volume low, mostly to fill the empty space, but you didn’t need it. Cas did, though, and anything that helped him stay in the moment while you were together was okay with you. You’d gotten used to the different tricks and techniques he used on a daily basis, and tuning out the TV was second nature by now.
Once your bowl was empty, you nudged him in the side with your elbow. He grumbled about you knocking his organs out of alignment, but you caught his playful smile out of the corner of your eye and smiled back.
“I’m glad you were off today. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t been here…”
When you trailed off, your smile fading at the reminder of the terrible day you’d had at work, Cas nudged you back. You lifted your eyes just enough to meet his.
“You could’ve called me. You can always call me if you need me. I’ll always come, even if I have to reschedule a meeting or move a client to another day. You’re more important to me than any job,” he told you.
Your heart grew two sizes, if that was even possible, and you leaned into him a little bit more. He kissed the top of your head. You could’ve sworn that you fell in love with him a little more each day, and you had been for years now.
“Have I ever told you that I love you?” you asked as you snuggled against him.
Cas took the empty bowl from your lap and set it on the coffee table beside his. “I believe you have.”
“Well, I do.” You grabbed his hand before he could tuck it back under the blankets and began to play with his fingers. He watched you in silence, letting you fidget as you continued to warm up from the long walk from your car to the building. With holiday visitors taking up over half the spots, you’d had to park even farther away than usual.
You were starting to drift off to sleep in Cas’ arms when he shook you, then stood up from the couch. If you hadn’t caught yourself, you would’ve faceplanted on the cushion.
“Y/N, look!”
You squinted up at him for a moment and propped yourself up with one arm. Cas gestured toward the sliding glass door that led out onto your small balcony, and you blinked a few times to clear your blurry vision. He hadn’t shown this much enthusiasm since you’d arrived home, but you’d just assumed he’d tampered down his usual evening energy to help your night be more relaxing.
“What is it?” you yawned, blinking a few more times.
Still smiling, he carefully helped you to your feet and led you by the hand over to the windows. With the other hand, he pushed the curtains out of the way so you could see what had made him so excited.
Outside, fluffy white snowflakes had begun to fall. They fell steadily, gently covering each car and bush with a thick layer of white. Judging by what you could see from the floodlights on the sides of your building, it had already been snowing for a while now, but neither you nor Cas had noticed while you were wrapped up in each other.
The frigid cold had settled in days ago, leaving everyone with high expectations for a white Christmas, but no snow had fallen until now. Almost everyone had given up hope. You gripped Castiel’s arm with both hands, smiling wide as you watched the snow float down from the sky above. All thoughts of sleep were gone from your mind, instead replaced with ideas involving snowmen, hot chocolate, and a quiet breakfast beside the windows.
“It’s beautiful,” you whispered, and he nodded beside you. String lights twinkled on other apartment balconies and windows, creating a picturesque view from your fifth floor apartment.
You slid one hand down to lace your fingers with his. Cas hummed happily when you did, and you smiled a little bit more, looking up at him.
“Merry Christmas,” you told him.
He smiled back, then leaned down to kiss you sweetly. “Merry Christmas.”
Thank you for reading! <3
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Information: Warnings and other information will be listed when you click into the fic. this is just a list and a simple description about said one. Enjoy what I've written!
⋆ Fics will be added here that are coming soon or when they have a schedule. So don't be shy to check up on here every now and again ⋆
Last updated: 2nd of January
♡ Kinktober Masterlists ♡
⋆
✾ 2023 Kinktober
: Total, 9 fics
✾ 2024 Kinktober
: Total, 10 fics
♡ Supernatural Fics ♡
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Series
↳
✾ Playing Couple [Unfinished/Currently being updated]
[Dean and Cas are forced to play as a couple to undergo a job. But sooner than later, the job starts to go sideways and Dean's feeling towards the angel come forth]
⋆
One Shots
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✾ Warming Up
[Dean is left alone in the snow and calls upon an angel to warm him up]
✾ Desperation
[Dean gets hit my a mysterious pollen on one of their jobs. Cas is the only one with him and he knows what the pollen does. And the effects hit Dean before they're able to finish and head home]
✾ Destiel Valentine's Day Special
[Castiel has only heard of Valentine's Day from other humans on earth and would like to participate in this celebration with Dean]
♡ Marvel Fics ♡
⋆
One shots
↳
✾Memories
[Steve is worried that Bucky doesn't remember anything but he quickly finds out that the former soldier remembers more than he lets on]
✾ Bucky oneshot
[Bucky decides to wear something different]
♡ Assassin's Creed Fics ♡
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Series
↳
✾ Having Earned More
[Haytham realizes that Shay hasn't been receiving the attention he needs and wants to make sure the former Assassin knows that he is wanted]
✾ Childlike Innocence [Unfinished]
[No older than sixteen, Haytham travels to America with Birch for business. It should be a new experience, something that Haytham should be able to explore out by himself and meet new people. But Birch wants him by his side and to learn of the things he does.
But all Haytham can think of is a boy around his age he met on the docks. A boy called Shay]
✾ Heart of the Sea {Shaytham Titanic Au}
Coming after Childlike Innocence
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Oneshots
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✾ In The White Roses
[When Shay doesn't come after a couple of days, Haytham becomes extremely worried. More so than he usually would. And when he finds Shay, hurt and injured, he realizes there may be more than he is letting on]
✾Night of Christmas - Shaytham Christmas Special
[Christmas has rolled around and while Shay is out celebrating, Haytham is brooding. And it's on this night that Shay finds a little understanding on why Haytham doesn't enjoy this time of year]
✾ A New Day for the New Year - Shaytham New Years Special {Kind of a sequel to Night of Christmas}
[Having invited Shay to a New Years party because there's no one else he'd rather be with, he quickly realized they should have stayed home. He can't touch Shay or hold Shay like other couple under the fireworks. Too many eyes, too many people. But Shay makes it work.]
✾ A Fool's Life (Shaytham Fic)
[Shay has come back into Haytham's life after so long, only to send him away to search another artifact. All to push away feelings that aren't permitted in an age of his time. When the time comes that Haytham can express these thoughts he's had, would such a man like Haytham be able to admit them?]
♡ Cyberpunk 2077 Fics - Male!V ♡
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Oneshots
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✾ Share Your Toys - SilverV
[V buys something interesting and Johnny isn't all too interested in playing along. All until everything becomes unbearable and he has to show V just how to use it correctly]
✾ Feeling Tense - SilverV
[Johnny realizes that V isn't feeling so good and wants to release some tension in those joints of his. Which is very out of character for a prick like himself.]
♡Fallout Fic - Male Sole Survivor ♡
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Oneshots
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✾ A Damsel in Distress - Paladin Danse/Nate (Male Sole Survivor)
[A distress signal comes over the Cambridge Police Station radio that has Danse racing out of there quicker than he can think]
✾ Three Christmas Nights - Paladin Danse/Nate (Male Sole Survivor) Christmas Special
[Three different Christmas nights. Three different locations. Yet all that is on Nate's mind is one man he can't seem to get rid of]
Series
↳
✾ Pitch Black Dahlias - Paladin Danse/Nate (Male Sole Survivor)
[After the Institute is destroyed and Danse's true identity is revealed, he realizes he has nowhere to go but to stick by Nate. He's lost in a world that he now doesn't know high or nigh of and has to learn everything from the beginning.
And Nate just hopes that he can help in some way. And with a synth care package in hand, he takes Danse along with him without telling him whom they're helping]
Do not steal, plagiarize, translate, repost, or use my work in any way, shape or form
Ruminating on @adihildilid 's leader Sam commentary again and thinking about Castiel's 'i know what it's like to lose your army'. The whole premise just an excuse for sastiel bonding about being pushed into leadership out of necessity, and failing. The way both heaven and the bunker are a mausoleum.
destiel, 2.4k, mild hurt/comfort, happy ending. for @wormstacheangel who wanted a fic with anemic!Cas <3
"Cas?"
Dean hears a flump from the direction of the bedroom right as he finishes shaving his left cheek. It takes him about five seconds from there to dashing out of the bathroom, sink hastily turned off and half of his neck still covered in white, wearing an expression of worry that doesn't quite go with the foam beard.
Cas seems to hold the same opinion because his face splits in a wide grin the moment Dean enters the room.
A grin almost distracting enough for Dean to not notice that Cas is back on the bed, and suddenly wearing a blanket.
Almost.
"Goddammit, Cas." He sighs, huffing as panic slips away to make room for exasperation. He walks up to the bed, sets about righting the blanket around Cas.
Cas lets him.
"I should've known -"
"- Dean, I forgot -"
"- you were going to ditch your meds the first night after I stop bugging you 'bout them." Dean mutters, ignoring Cas completely as he makes weak attempts at protesting when Dean tucks one corner of his blanket all the way round at the other side, effectively turning him into what he mentally likes to call a Cas-burrito.
He doesn't like to call it anything at the moment though, cause right now, it's just proof of how Cas doesn’t listen.
Friggin' ex-angel of the lord, billions of years old, with libraries worth of stories and history in his head — but taking his meds when they're supposed to be taken, he forgets.
"It wasn't on purpose." Cas insists in a small voice, and Dean shoots an annoyed look at him before stepping back, finally finished with the blanket routine.
If you could call it that.
Well, Dean does call it that.
Because it happened often enough times after Cas's return from the Empty, human as the day Dean was born, to prompt both a title, and a reason to investigate why in the first place.
And not a lot of road to cover from typing in Cas's symptoms in a search engine — headaches, spells of dizziness, fatigue and feeling cold in general (things Cas had dictated to Sam who was typing, while Dean seethed from the next chair at not having been priorly informed of most of those things that warrant being informed about) — to ending up at the conclusion of a few billion (but actually just the first four) results, just minutes after.
Cas had anemia.
(The doctor Dean took him to the very next day, and Sam's completed research on the Novaks' medical history by the time they got back, confirmed it.)
Now, as far as the Winchesters were concerned, that was practically a relief — especially since their next place to look would've been old, tired books of curses, and the meekest of those would've been several times more worrying than the awfullest case of anemia one could possibly get - and Cas's, thankfully, wasn't even that bad.
However, curses are reversible. Or at least, equally as destroyable as their curse-rs are — who, usually, tend to be pretty destroyable when it comes to Sam and Dean.
Mineral deficiencies, on the other hand, are neither.
So supplements it is, as the doctor said and then prescribed — or so it should have been anyways, except for how the love of Dean's life was a giant baby when it came to taking pills.
"Sure it wasn't." Dean rolls his eyes, continuing in his exaggerated 'Cas' voice. "You just forgot."
Cas squint-frowns at Dean with all the ferociousness of a tired, cold and anemic four-weeks-old human, and Dean perches next to him on the edge of their bed with a sigh, the exasperation wearing off too.
(If he hadn't already wrapped them up, this would've been about the time Dean would've taken Cas's hands in his own.)
"Cas," He says, softer now.
Truth be told, Dean can't imagine what it must be like to go from being a - a being, that can heal itself and everything else, to a human who gets shivery and lightheaded cause of things inside of him he can't even control.
It's got to be terrifying, and obviously awful, and Dean's proud of Cas for the way he's been handling all of it — but dammit he's supposed to do the things that make it easier.
Just like he's supposed to let Dean take care of him.
"Dean," Cas replies, looking sideways at him with most of the stubbornness melted from his expression as well. "I'm a little cold but it's okay. I'm fine." He says, like he can still tell exactly what Dean needs to hear.
What he needs Cas to be.
There's a pause and Dean looks down at his hands. He can't help his next question, it's been on his mind for some time.
"What about the first time you were human?"
Cas noticeably withdraws into himself on hearing him, and Dean feels immediately a pang of guilt. It may have gotten easier to read him since he became human, but an accidental display of emotion was still a novelty. (Being difficult to read was apparently more of a Cas trait than an angel feature.)
"What about it?"
"Shouldn't you, uh," Dean pauses. "Shouldn't you also have been anemic then?"
Cas turns away from him, slow enough that Dean knows he's not taken offense, deliberate enough that he's thinking.
He finally answers, facing the wall ten feet away instead of Dean.
"I guess I was."
"But," Dean frowns. "I thought you had no idea you had anemia until last week."
"Dean, I didn't even know there was anything wrong with me until last week." Cas returns, his tone steady. "And back when I was human for the first time, I didn't either, because I'd never known what healthy felt like before, so I had no idea if I was or wasn't it. Of course I knew in an objective sense, say, the ideal temperature of the human body, but the ordinary amount of chilly one should feel on the streets in winter, or how hard or easy falling asleep is supposed to be, I couldn't have told you."
"Oh."
"And I still wouldn't have been able to," Cas turns back to him. "Had you not been the one to point it out."
Dean scoffs.
All he'd done was ask why Cas had been shivering in the middle of the day. That was it. Honestly, how could he not have seen it sooner?
"So you just," Dean lets out, afraid of the answer. "You just thought the cold spells and the, uh," he falters. "The being tired all the time — you thought that was part of being human?"
Cas smiles wryly. "It is for a lot of people."
"But —"
"And it was, Dean, anemia or not, for a lot of the people I lived with back then."
Dean's stomach bottoms out. He knows Cas is right. Six years ago, he'd been living on the streets, living in a bus. Dean remembers him — homeless, cold, sleeping on the floor of a Gas 'N Sip in his only set of clothes, Cas. And he knows he's responsible for it — knows he deserves to be hated for it, and it messes with him everyday that Cas doesn't — but did Cas really not even know what Dean had done to him? What Dean had — and Jesus, he detests himself — made him go through?
"You really thought all of us were going through that," Dean blinks. "And none of us was saying a thing?"
Cas doesn't look away this time and Dean goes on.
"I mean, I know you put humanity on a pedestal it doesn't deserve, and you think we're all capable of things you're capable of, but Cas, I can't believe you associated being human with being cold and tired, and —" Dean scrubs his face with a hand. "Goddammit, Cas! How could I have let you go out there on your own when you — h-how did I not see it, and — and you should never have had to deal with it all alone, I should've —"
"Dean."
It's not until Cas interrupts him that he realizes he's been rambling. Ranting, really, because it's not fair that Cas only got to see the worst of humanity, and it's not fair that Cas was so used to feeling awful that he just figured everyone felt that way all the time. That Cas was all alone at a time Dean should've been there for him, should've been at his side, been there to make sure he was warm, and make sure he ate spinach and seafood and whatever the hell else is rich in iron — hell, Dean should've looked it up sooner — and Dean should've been able to tell that Cas was sick, even if Cas couldn't, because that's his job.
He hasn't felt this way in a while — this particularly familiar fear of failing Cas, and losing Cas, entwined horribly, returning to him; seeping back in through his skin, and settling on his bones like the vast sediments of guilt and loss he's been carrying for most of his life.
Cas is supposed to be okay, and Dean's supposed to make sure he is.
But so far as upto here, turns out Dean's just been failing in more ways than he'd even known.
"Dean," Cas repeats, pulling him out of his reverie with determination in his voice, and a hand on Dean's left arm, his blanket now hanging off of one shoulder.
Dean immediately reaches to make it right but Cas holds him right where he is. Physically and not-drowning-in-his-own-head wise, and he's the only one who can do that.
"You're not listening to me."
Shit, Cas had been speaking this entire time, hadn't he? "Sorry, I was -" Dean looks Cas in the face to apologize, and lets out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding, cause thank god, Cas isn't that pale. "Sorry."
"It's okay." Cas smiles, and it's not lopsided anymore, it's just Cas.
(Dean wonders if he should try to mirror it.)
"I was just saying that now I know that that's not the only part of being human."
"What do you mean?"
"The pain and the suffering, Dean. That's not all." Cas says. "There's also love, and kindness, and worry of the non-lifethreatening kind that dissipates with a smile, and warmth."
Dean stares at him.
"And sure," Cas shrugs. "I knew those things before too — I've read books, I've watched you and Sam — but now I've felt them as humans do, for the very first time, so it's a different kind of knowing."
Cas takes Dean's hand in his, and Dean's the one who squeezes.
"I believe the human expression is 'knowing it in my bones'."
Dean lets out a strained laugh in spite of himself. "Dunno, man. I don't think that's exactly what that means."
"But I do know it in my bones." Cas says simply, and Dean's heart does that thing where it feels too big for his chest. How Cas could go through so much, and still be so full of kindness and good, is one of the mysteries of life Dean's never going to solve — but it doesn't stop him from falling a little bit harder every time it happens.
"You should've gotten to know it the last time too, Cas." Dean tells him, sighing again. "I'm just — I'm sorry I wasn't there."
"Well, you are now." Cas tilts his head. "And I prefer the things I'm learning this time over the last time anyway, and I believe it's you who's always taught me that the present is what matters the most. I'm just glad you're here this time."
"And I'm not going anywhere." Dean squeezes their hands tighter, and Cas's smile grows. God, he deserves the world and he keeps settling for Dean, doesn't he — and Dean hates it, and loves it, and couldn't live without it. He puts his other hand on Cas's face, gloving his cheek. Cas leans closer.
"I love you."
Dean's throat constricts. "You're too good to me."
"I think that's the point."
Dean can't help but smile, and he really can't help the tears.
"I'm okay." Cas says, once more. "Are you?"
There's only one answer, and nothing to fight this time.
Dean closes the gap.
"I love you too."
It's not their first kiss, nor is it the first time they've ever said it — but it feels more significant than anything's felt before. It's more them, too — not sickly-sweet or angry and fighting, just them, coming around to the end of a hard talk, falling into each other's arms with an ease they reserve for each other only, and sinking into each other, slow and perfectly synced, like they're made for it.
When they pull back, a moment later, Dean leans his forehead against Cas's and licks his lips. Breathes.
"There's so much more to being human," he hears himself saying. "Than you'd ever find out just living here in the bunker with us."
"Dean," it's Cas's turn to sigh. "I've already found everything I need."
Dean's cheeks heat up. "I thought it was never too late to learn."
"It isn't." Cas leans back, hands falling back to his sides from where they were wrapped around Dean's neck. "But sometimes, practising old things is more important."
Dean immediately dissolves into laughter. "Yeah, no, great going. Call me old before you go to town practising on me."
Cas ignores him save a twinkle in his eyes. "And some things, I'd like us to learn together."
Dean grins.
"And some things," Cas concludes, with a wide smile. "Aren't taught anywhere else in the world."
"Yeah?"
Cas shrugs.
"Why so?"
"Well, rumor has it the teacher's afraid of flying."
Dean freezes for a moment, silent, and then snorts — because yeah, that's funny, Ha Ha, but okay, if Cas is fit enough to make jokes, then he's fit enough to take his meds now, and Dean tells him that gleefully, resulting in Cas's grin immediately turning upside down as he tries to scoot away from Dean, except Dean's kinda expecting it so he's prepared to launch himself on the bed if he has to — and he does have to, cause Dean might love him for his heart, and his courage, and his kindness, but remember how Cas is just a baby in a trenchcoat?
Yeah.
(And that is just a regular morning in the Winchester household.)
Summary; Being empty inside is a natural description for both y/n and Castiel. They are the lesser of their kinds, despite fighting for their causes for so long. But that rendering sensation has helped bring them closure, for they understand each other in a way that nobody else can quite comprehend.
Warnings; minor angst, mention of death, little bit of fluff i guess, insecurities, being compared to others, frustration
The anatomy of a human was a strange thing to sight, but the feelings were just as confusing.
Each of the Winchesters were complex beings, even whilst being such small, insect like examples of existence.
When God had created them, he was proud, but Castiel was confused as to why that was.
He was a warrior of Heaven, he had seen great things in his blinding vision, and this, the experience of watching them, having to pretend to be so tender for his cause was confusing.
Dean was outright blunt; a part of the angel liked that about him. There was no cutting corners with the eldest sibling, and a part of him appreciated that.
Although, to tell the truth, admittedly the celestial being found it hard to read him.
He used things like ‘sarcasm’, as the primates had described it, often. And it bugged him to no end.
It was simply saying something with exaggerated efforts, whilst meaning another. It was a feature he couldn’t quite comprehend the importance or use of.
Then, there was Sam, the middle child, and the perfect vessel of Lucifer. It didn’t matter what happened to him in the long run, but for now it did, considering Dean’s ample rendering of how he needed him so.
There was no splitting apart the siblings, for they were one another’s life lines, as he had come to learn.
Somehow, and it amazed Castiel, all of Sam’s mistakes were cast aside, even at the most dire times. Their reluctance to give up on one another was downright noble, yet irritating all the same.
The youngest of the brothers was a hazard for the other; his inclination and addiction of drinking demon blood didn’t sway the counsel of the angels.
It only reminded them that their brother that was cast away, was to one day return in order to bring the world on its knees so that the apocalypse could overcome every obstacle on it.
And finally, there was the sister of the sibling trio. Y/n, and if Castiel speculated correctly, then she was the logically smartest out of them all.
Her attitude towards him was simple; she understood why he kept on his main course. There was no reason for him not to, he had never been taught differently, and he was doing nothing more than his duty.
If anything, he could sense a breath of pity filling the air anytime they were in each other’s company.
There were so many words that made reasonable sentences in her head, but she opted to remain silent, knowing that he preferred it that way.
He wasn’t at all there for her, his mission was to protect Dean, as proven whence he grasped him out of perdition.
That was no bother to her, it only made things awkward, as she would put it. Castiel, to his feathery luck never experienced such uncomfortable feelings.
But she still, no matter kept that human weakness about herself, foolishly embracing it as though it served any good against the dark forces squandering and escaping hell.
Again, her family was her purpose to fight, and admittedly, they knew as well as he did, that that factor would be each of their downfalls.
And as he sat in the motel room, awaiting their ambitious return, when the door swung open, it was the female alone. There was dirt smothering her face, and trapped in the cords of her hair, and Castiel frowned at the sight of her.
“Dammit!” She kicked the bedpost, gaining the utmost intrigue out of the angel.
Y/n was never one to be so blatant in expressing her frustrated emotions, but it appeared that tonight, something had happened, and irked her greatly.
It confused Cas, as Dean had dubbed him, as to why she was behaving that way, and so, he simply asked.
“Has something unwanted happened during the hunt that you went on with your brothers?”
It was a first, seeing her wearing a scowl aimed directly towards him, but eventually she sighed, and let her guarded expression fall down, and crumble at her feet.
“That’s one way to put it.” A somber sigh followed after her words, confirming her active annoyance, of which the angel assumed was not pardoning her siblings. “Dean was saying, or ‘simply giving me the idea’, of hitting the road, and missing this whole apocalypse business. He thinks I should live life a little before, in case he and Sam don’t manage to stop it.”
Castiel clasped his hands together, he had seen people do the same in chapels when praying, but he was not wishing to speak to his father, for he knew that there would be a lack of response.
It was instead a mannerism that the body that he was borrowing found comfort in doing, and so he was inclined to allow it follow its natural instincts.
“Have you ever thought that your brother has wanted a normal life for you? I think that was how he meant to come across, and you simply may never have another chance to experience such a way of living if things fail.”
The angel leant forward, watching as her brow furrowed with a signal of distress. Her mind was torn, stuck between two things; the desire to run and never look back on this life, and the other to remain, and fight beside her family, or at least what was left of it.
“Yeah, a normal life.” A humoured laugh slipped from her chapped and thirsty lips, her head nodding at the prospect. “I am sure that is why he taught me how to shoot a gun, and behead my first vampire.”
She sat alongside the angel, he was not sure why, but he thought she may have found comfort in being beside someone, even in his case it be a celestial, powerful force that was a warrior of the above. “Are your family the same; do they think that they know what is best for you?”
He wasn’t used to being asked questions, at home, as he knew it as, he was instructed. His opinions nor the thoughts in his mind were never up for discussion; if he stepped out of line, he would surely be compared to Lucifer. And that was a major insult, if not the worst for his kind.
“My father, wherever he is, has everything in an avid plan. There is a reason for everything; after all, he is the creator of all life, and each individual atom of it. We are all his children, from the plants to the great and ferocious creatures of the Sahara. It is no doubt that God knows best.”
Despite being intrigued by humans, this one in very particular, he was still loyal to his original course. No matter how swayed he felt, there was no absence in getting off track from it.
“But what if he doesn’t?”
In the form of it, it felt like an insult, but Castiel remained silent, allowing the lesser being woman to continue her speculator dialogue.
There was no harm in words, so long as it didn’t push down the belief of his father, or revealed that she was on the alternative side. “The Bible makes you out to be some great warriors, and I understand that the stories are written rom mankind’s scripture, however, if he is so holy and prosperous, he shouldn’t need his children to complete his bidding. With a snap of his transparent fingers, all the bad, anything that opposes him could be gone. So why isn’t that the route he takes to fix his troubles?”
It was a perspective that Castiel had never thought of before, and it raised some of his enquiries in his mind that had shrunken to fit into this form.
The creations, mortal or otherwise had so many flaws, and if he wanted, he could resolve the issues in a second, overwriting anything that he simply did not like.
And if done, and all was bent to his will, then the world would be a safer habitat, and there’d be no agenda in saving it, for it would not be necessary.
“Because there is no story to it.” Muttered the resident of heaven, bowing his head in shame. “And Dean would be wrong to send you away, for you have your own, and that choice in staying, or leaving is up to you. But if you pardoned yourself from this script, then you would not be around, and out of all of you Winchesters, I find your company the most calming and least irritating. If you were one of the vessels, I would then have much, if not more, faith in your succession. However, you are not, instead you are-”
“Empty inside.” Y/n finished his sentence, able to do so because she was well aware of her worth within the universe.
The impact that she was to have on it was never to be as large as Sam or Dean’s, but that didn’t mean that it wasn’t in her best interests to make the planet a better place.
Hunting was practically all that she knew, and if that was ripped away from her, then she wouldn’t be sure what to do.
There would be no other purpose for her to live; many hunters felt the same, even if their reputations were slack and unknown.
It was the self knowledge of saving lives that served as the fuel to continue onwards, and it was the way of thousands within the unemployed business.
And most died within this life, such as her parents, and too many more. John, her father had been hellbent on finding a demon, with lustrous, dangerous yellow eyes.
But now, after his unfortunate end, and benevolent sacrifice, all that they had learnt from him and Bobby had been scrubbed clean.
They had been introduced to a new slate, one involving angelic asses, that thought it their right to boss the earthly primates around, giving them orders that were those sent by god.
But none of them knew how hard being a human was, there was no going back or turning time. All were stuck with the consequences of their rash choices, much like Lucifer, who wanted to be loved more than God’s latest project, but instead, in the rise of his destruction, was tossed aside.
To every villain, there was a reason for their change in heart. In some kind of messed up, collateral way, y/n understood the devil himself, even if she had yet to come face to face with him.
They were different, and that was okay, and Castiel was the same. He was crafted with a crack in his surface, and though he wanted to do good, he wasn’t quite sure which side served that purpose.
“Not empty.” The angel corrected her, seeing more than his brothers and sisters could in a simple human. “Rather, a haven from the chaos. The others of my family may narot be able to visualise your lack of use, in their fleeting eyes, but I happen to, very well. Whilst Sam and Dean do have a trait within your family to be both light and darkness, you are the grey between their two distinct colours. And whilst their prominence is famous, they are ignorant to all the shades that you emit. There is nothing wrong with being overlooked by an angel, instead, you should see it as an example of luck.”
“Do you overlook me, Castiel?”
Her head tilted, grasping onto every line that appeared sternly on his handsome face. They were side by side, and Castiel turned his head to be focused on her, it brought their expressions closer to one another’s naked eye.
Y/n was indeed grateful for all that he had done to help the survivors of her family, and his opinion of her, for some peculiar reason, mattered to her.
It was normal for the messengers to look down upon their stock of cattle, for they were superior in both the sights of the lord, and the mortals themselves.
And she would not be insulted if he did, for he was just another one of his kind; he was not supposed to feel anything towards her mistaken species.
Y/n knew far too well of the inclined penance that the angels were worth from humans, they had done bad by them, ruining hte home that god made for them, shaping it to die in their own pollution.
“Not at all.” And whilst his sentiment was not accompanied by a smile, or any indication at all that he wanted her to do so, y/n was too in touch with her natural motions, that she leant in and kissed Castiel.
He didn’t kiss her back, nor did he pull away, he remained still as she moved her mouth over his. “You do realise that this is not my body, do you not? I am dressed in the appearance of Jimmy Novak, we are very different and-”
“I meant to kiss you Cas, not some stranger.” Y/n informed him, upholding a sweet and innocent face. “You’re nice, for an angel. I think you were assigned to earth for more than angelic duties, I think you belong here.”
Castiel gulped at that. It was true, he was put on this vastly deficient planet due to his orders.
But he wasn’t quite following them all the way through; he was becoming rather attached to these humans, and that was why he could not let y/n leave.
It didn’t matter that his brother had suggested the idea to Dean, he was not going to allow her to depart from him.
She was the only thing that he had found in all of his eternal life that had made him prosper with the sensation for existing for more than fighting historical wars.
Before meeting her, he felt like some kind of manmade machine; empty inside, working only by the wires that were flowing with energy from a power source.
But he had found that he no longer needed that supply, for he was crafted for a figurative cause, but he had found another that he preffered.
The crack in being broke a little bit more, and he licked his thin lips, having a desire for y/n to kiss him again.
Instead, she shook her head, standing to watch out of the motel room window, and await the return of the two prominent vessels; Sam and Dean.
literally every love song by taylor swift is about destiel. in this essay i won’t be explaining anything. it’s right there, just listen to the goddamn songs.
2020, 1st edition
Disclaimer: ‘Kate Huntington’s Author & Fanfiction Recommendations’ is a platform for writers, to show appreciation for their work and expand their audience. I do not claim to be the author of these stories, neither do I own them. Read each writer’s warnings carefully, most of them are rated +18.
Without further ado, here is my list of recommendations.
One shots
“While You Sleep” - written by @foreverwayward
Fluff - Dean Winchester - 617 words
A heartwarming little fic about Dean living the domesticated life we all wish he could have. The writer has a very clever way of storytelling and the end might come as a surprise, only adding to the emotion it already brought along.
“Imagine” - written by @pennydrabbles
Fluff - Dean x Reader - 800 words
‘Imagine calling Dean after a bad day and saying you miss him,’ says the header of this marvelous little story. It’s soothing, with strong descriptions, yet never over the top. Simplicity isn’t necessarily a bad word. It takes skill to not overy describe a scene and let the tale be told by the personal emotion of the reader. The author is able to do this with such elegance, that you actually feel Dean’s comfort.
“Heartbeats” - written by @there-must-be-a-lock
Fluff - Dean x Castiel - 930 words
Castiel is fascinated by the human heart, but doesn’t quite understand it, until he becomes human himself. I’ll start by saying that I don’t ship Dean and Cas together, but I do appreciate the people who do. What this little piece of art does is incredible, however, because while I was reading, I found myself rooting for them. The writer does a great job by using the literal human heart as a backbone of this story. Intriguing and very well executed.
“Everything That’s Yet To Come” - written by @fictionalabyss
Fluff - Dean x Reader - 812 words
Dean experiences what the future beholds, with the people who he wishes could be there. The author took me by the hand through this moving little one shot, which feels like a collection of greatest hits and wishes come true. It offers peace and closure not only for the older Winchester brother, but for the reader as well. Beautiful piece of writing.
“Take A Drunk Girl Home” - written by @amanda-teaches
Fluff - Dean x Reader - 1869 words
Dean taking care of others; it’s his nature and shows what a kind soul he truly is. The situation sketched here is no exception, and it’s softer than one can imagine. The pace is steady and the balance between fluff and comedy is just right. A lovely read.
“New Beginnings” - written by @our-jensen-ackles-love
Fluff - Dean x Reader - 1665 words
New Year’s Eve; a new start, a new life and plenty of reason to celebrate. A lovely ‘feel good’ story that makes us forget about the monsters, pain and loss Supernatural is known for. The level of fluff is equivalent to cuddling with puppies.
“When He Cries” - written by @revengingbarnes
Angst/fluff - Dean x Reader - 1894 words
When the woman who Dean loves falls victim during a case, the hunter has trouble dealing with the aftermath. And, boy... Does that hurt to witness. This is one of the most breathtaking stories I have stumbled on. The realism that is used to describe the gruesome and horrific angst, the emotion that is laced in every word, had me clutching my chest while reading. It’s is a beautiful piece of art.
“Nobody” - written by @soaringeag1e
Angst - Dean x Reader - 2561 words
This one shot reminds us why we should never stay angry with a loved one and let a fight unresolved, because what if something bad happens and we won’t have the chance to make it right? The writer gives a great sense to that fear and having to watch Dean go through this nightmare is truly heartbreaking.
“The Demon Inside You” - written by @foreverwayward
Smut/angst - Demon!Dean x Reader - 4375 words
Curing Dean from the demon that he has become proves to be difficult when he’s so hard to resist. What else is hard to resist, is this beautiful pitch black one shot. I don’t read Demon!Dean fiction often, because it still feels foreign to see the character who I love so much turn into something evil. This however, is so gripping and well written, that the darkness swallows up the beholder. Rough, hot, sad, narcissistic, all these ingredients packed up in one hell of a story.
“Curves And Edges” - written by @kittenofdoomage
Smut/fluff/angst - Dean x Reader - 4375 words
This equally sweet, sexy, funny and sad story is a big shout out to all women who think they don’t meet the beauty standards and feel like they will never be good enough to get noticed. It is one thing to replace a name with Y/N and call it a reader’s insert; it’s a gift to make every person reading this feels like they are the character in this story. The author handles every woman’s insecurities with grace, making her words both relatable and soothing. Her spot on version of Dean reminds us that we are all beautiful, desired and unique.
“Hold Her Tight” - written by @waywardbaby
Fluff/smut - Dean x Reader - 2955 words
‘A story of a deep need to feel someone close to you’, is how the author describes her work. I couldn’t have said it better, because this one shot isn’t about sex; it’s about love making, and there’s a difference. What I also appreciate, is that Y/N takes the time to pamper herself. We all deserve some self care.
“Watch Your F!cking Mouth!” - written by @impala-dreamer
Smut/comedy - Dean x Reader - 1984 words
Dean falls under a literal curse, and it’s the most fun I’ve had in a long time. I was wheezing, couldn’t breathe and died laughing. It’s astonishing how the writer can juggle comedy and sex without the two taking each other down. An uplifting read.
“Thank God For Sexual Frustration” - written by @winchester-fantasies
Smut - Dean x Reader - 4398 words
God had nothing to do with writing this sinful story; we can thank the author for that. When Y/N is on a dry spell that has her frustrated, Dean helps her out in the best way imaginable. Delicious smut served in three courses, because we all know Dean keeps his lady satisfied.
Series:
“Life For Rent” - written by @winchest09
Smut/angst/fluff - Mobster!Dean x Escort!Reader - WIP
This amazing series follows an experienced, smart and resilient escort, who is ruled by contracts, money and aliases. When Dean becomes her client, he makes it his mission to understand what this interesting woman is hiding.
Conspiracies, deceat, crime. A strong family bond, blossoming love, oh, not to mention the sex. This series is intriguing beyond imagination and certainly not just another mobster fanfiction. The writing is smart and I could tell from the first paragraph that it’s loaded with hints and foreshadowing, but I couldn’t pick them out. This triggers a curiosity like an itch I can’t quite scratch away until I finish reading this story. And so I wait eagerly and drop everything the second a new chapter comes out. An absolute must read!
“Findings” - written by @kathaswings
Angst/smut/fluff - Dean x Reader - finished. Update: Sadly, this series is no longer online
This story starts out with what seems to be a routine demon hunt, until Dean and his brother find a frightened five year old survivor amongst the blood and corpses. Keeping the smart little Mackenzie safe and getting her back to her older sister proves to be difficult, because this case is a whole lot bigger than they anticipated and is likely to change their lives forever.
This is one of my favorite Supernatural series and I revisited it recently. The overall story arc is a mystery I just had to unravel and I couldn’t put it down if I wanted to. The bond between Dean and Mackenzie is so precious. Writing a child isn’t easy. I’ve read plenty of books and seen plenty of films in which the maturity the creators added wasn’t natural, but this author handles Mac’s dialogue amazingly well. What’s also interesting is the jumps from point of view between Dean and Y/N, giving very personal perspectives on the gripping story.
“When You Least Expect It” - written by @coffee-obsessed-writer
Fluff/angst/smut - Jensen Ackles x Musician!Reader - WIP
This gorgeously written slow burn series kicks off when Jensen visits the idyllic town of Seaside. After a bad breakup he keeps his mind occupied with the organisation of a music festival, hoping to find a musician that fits the vibe he has in mind. He meets a spirited, undiscovered performer, not only her voice catching him by surprise. A friendship blossoms, with potential to grow into something more, but will their past allow the love they feel for each other?
Talking about an epic love story, but it’s so much more than that. The music that plays such an important factor, the setting that is Seaside. The fabulous supporting characters Bri, Rob, Jason and Jared, the wardrobe, not to mention the wonderful little gems and details that this author weaved into the story, showing how much love she has put into it. This is without a shadow of a doubt my favorite RPF I’ve come across.
Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed the work of the authors above, don’t be afraid to let them know. I’m sure they will appreciate it. Feel free to share!
If you have any suggestions or would like a tag in the future, drop a request in my inbox or send me a message.
