#ck venting

[chillingasavoidcat]

it's a symptom of something pretty wrong when you go from genuinely planning your own suicide to almost completely fine in like 3 seconds despite nothing changing right. Does anyone know of what.

[creepiecreator]

Okay but I am *really* getting annoyed with the Cobra Kai fandoms whole 'hating on practically every character that isn't traditionally masculine or attractive' bullshit. Like. Sam is an amazing character overall, but she gets so much hate. And Daniel, good God, this poor bastard is getting a surprising amount of hate for someone who just wants the best for the people around him

[chillingasavoidcat]

Being iredeemable doesn't make me unlovable does it?

[chillingasavoidcat]

it's windy if it starts thundering I'm gonna cry that's what the forecast said

[chillingasavoidcat]

things that are true for me and me alone:

it's not an addiction and never was you're just weak

you can genuinely just stop thinking about it WHY WONT YOU

doing The Thing will make you a horrible iredeemable person even more than you already are because it was never an addiction you just can't control yourself

even considering that it might have been an addiction is rude because it's nowhere near as detrimental to you as you've seen it be too others so you didn't deserve the label

you didn't stop because you didn't want to not because you couldn't

don't fucking do it again you fried rabbit

[chillingasavoidcat]

im pissed

I thought I had a therapy appointment today. It was supposed to be last week but it got rescheduled for a thing that never even ended up happening. and it turns out that my mom put it in the calendar wrong and it's tomorrow. I was mentally prepping all day. I was prepared to actually come clean with my therapist about not being clean and getting depressive episodes/spirals. so now I have to do it all again.

It would have been good if it was last week. I had a spiral Sunday Monday and Tuesday night. I couldn't have denied it and I would have had better descriptions. It would have been fine today. I was closer to talking myself out of it. But I would have managed to get it all out. I don't know if I can promise the same for tomorrow. But I need help. I need to tell her she's literally there for me to tell this stuff to. But the episode is nearly over and I'm not nearly as bad as I was last week or even this morning. I hate this.

Why can't my mom just double check anything. Just double check everything. If she would just double check this wouldn't have happened today or any of the other times.

[chillingasavoidcat]

yeah sure we can do a confession now I guess

tw anxiety, fear of abandonment, suicidal thoughts and self destructive behavior

im sorry guys I shouldn't be doing this but I need to know -me, March 25th

so. uhm. guilt is my bestie apparently so I'm confessing this.

I tested you. I wasn't doing well and wanted to see if you'd notice if I ever disappearing. So I made a stupid decision and tested that. I went offline nearly fully for a week. I set my discord status to invisible. I didn't post or interact with anything.

I don't know why I'm admitting this. It's likely none of you will see it. I don't think any of you noticed. I don't need to. But the guilt was eating at me so here it is. My confession.

[chillingasavoidcat]

it's probably bad when I start wanting to try something not great for you that I previously refused and was scared of this song is probably not helping but it's also so peak