#cleantime

[addictiveissues]

[dopelesshopefiend]

Acceptance 🤍

[suicidenotes-and-opiates]

8-23-19 Friday.

So I have 28 days clean today. Thats from everything. No wine. No alcohol. No pills. Nothing at all.

Since I relapsed in decemeber on meth I haven't done that again. It's been a little over 8 months. Then since I've been drinking here or there I haven't done that in like 2 or 3 months. Then with the pills I haven't went and bought any or taken any from my family I did 15 pills in 2 months.. I relapsed on opiates after almost 2 years of being without any.. That was at the very end of May. I had 10 days away from having 2 years.( June 9th would have been my 2 years ) and then I stole some 15 mg roxys and then I did that again a few more times. And I went and got some on my own 3 times.. Its nothing compared to what I used to do but I felt myself escalating quickly more quickly with opiates than anything else.. So here I am trying to remain clean again. Even if it means dealing with some pretty horrible depression and most likely a seperation and eventually divorce. I'm scared of the future.. but who isn't.. ? I know drugs aren't the answer and will ultimately make my future worse, so I'm trying to think about more than just the moment with my choices now. It's hard though. My aunt hardly sees or talks to me or does anything for me any more and this is something new to me and I feel more lonely now then I have in I don't know how long

I'm trying to be better.

[herownheroine-x]

Just out here tryna stay sober, man.

[alienk1ng]

Left to right.

Far left: 24hr A.A. chip.

Middle top: Newcomer N.A keytag.

Middle bottom: Newcomer H.A. keytag chip.

Far right: 30 day A.A. chip.

I got my 30 day A.A. chip today, and I wont lie, I didn't want to go to a meeting tonight. I just eantrd to sit st the halfway house and relax. Kick my feet up, watch a movie, bullshit with the guys, you know....just unwind. But I convinced myself to go. I am so glad I did too. People might think these chips/keytags are corner but it isn't to me. They are a reminder(and I absolutely do need to be constantly reminded.) that I am on the right path, although I didnt want to go to A.A. today I made, and am fulfilling my comittment to recovery. My 24 hour chip came from the first meeting I ever went to, it was a hospitals and institutions A.A. meeting held downstairs in the hospital that I did my inpatient at. I continue to go there every week, tonight I picked up my 30 day chip from that same meeting. I dont think I will make 90 meetings in 90 days like they suggest, but am going to a meeting almost every night. I havent get found a sponsor which they also suggest, I haven't really seeked one out, but I will. I haven't really done stepwork besides admitting my life has become unmanageable. I have been able to devote more time and energy toward my spiritual practices. I have been meditating. I am doing very well mentally, spirually, and emotionally. I have made great improvement, but there is so much more work to be done.

UPDATE: I have now received my 30 day N.A. keytag, as well as my 30 day H.A.

I hate patting myself on the back, but this is something I am genuinely proud of. I didn't think it was ever going to be possible to be happy with the idea of never using drugs again. Ive had clean time, but even then I knew one day I was going to be able to get high again. Not anymore. I dont ever want to. I am motivated, and I finally accept the fact that I can not, and will not ever be able to take drugs responsibly(pain medications for real pain.) I know that if I start I will not stop until I am stopped.(if that makes sense) I definitely would not survive another run. And I thank my higher power every day for giving me my beautiful girlfriend, the mother of my daughter, my soulmate. I know that if there was no higher power we never would have even met. Something beyond our understanding brought us together. And someone/something was definitely watching over us and protecting us when I crashed the car. The fact that we did not lose her in that car accident, and that Anna was able to walk away from it with very minor injuries(scratches and bruises) s nothing short of a miracle. Ivy was born happy and healthy. And Anna and Ivy are what give me that push to be the best father, and the best husband I can be. So these little milestones like 30 days clean, they mean a lot to me.

[dirttyredd]

4 months clean baby ☃️💕

[jaclynisthecrookedyoung-blog]

This is fucking crazy. Can't believe I have 200 days.

[dopelesshopefiend]

I thought I'd never make it. My last relapse was at 58 days. I wanted this green tag SO bad. 60 days ago, I committed to the program. I stopped tweaking things to fit my life. I started putting every last bit of willpower into my recovery, and it's working. This is the longest I've been clean since the first time I ever touched a drug, and it feels amazing. I see the benefits in every aspect of my life.

Before I found NA, I was scared, lonely and riddled with self-hatred. I was on the verge of losing my daughter and facing homelessness. I struggled and fought to stay clean but I kept losing. Every slip made me hate myself even more. It felt like such a losing battle. Then one day I finally surrendered. I surrendered not only to the fact that I couldn't use drugs, but I surrendered to the program and stopped trying to change it into what I wanted it to be. Since that day I have been happier than I've ever been. There's still been so many hard days, times where I feel like there's no option other than to use and numb my discomfort/pain, but I did what NA has taught me. Regardless of how much I didnt want to, I leaned on the tools I've been given so freely, and pushed my way through. I'm so grateful for the gifts of recovery and I'm ready to work my ass off so that these blessings stay in my life.

This is only day 60, I can't wait for what the future holds.