I definitely understand things better now.
For obvious reasons I have not been able to stop thinking about Lucifer’s inquiry about touching my bf. I made the assumption that if Lucifer were to be intimate with him, it’d be in some way where he was directly touching him. Maybe I’d have a dream where I saw them kiss or maybe my bf would feel some sensation when loving on me- which is still probably possible.
But yesterday evening after we finished smoking on the balcony together, I went back into my room and my bf was sleeping in bed all cozy and cute. He was tired from work. At I kind of just stood and watched him sleep for a while.
And I could feel Lucifer creeping up behind me. “Do you want to try something?”
And I knew but I didn’t know. I had some ? Inclination of what was being proposed. And I was nervous.
“He looks real sweet sleeping there like that, doesn’t he?”
“Would you like to touch him?”
It felt as though he was hovering behind me. And I knew exactly what he was proposing.
“Can I show you something?”
It took me a minute to collect myself. Idk what it is, something about it makes my heart race. I was nervous the way I was when I first met him- both of them. Lucifer and my bf. When I was just a little 15 yr old kid with a huge crush on that boy at my school who plays guitar and has nice hair.
And I didn’t actively respond, but I did. Something like. “Slowly.” I need this to be very slow. Very slight, extremely slight.
And he was like “take off your clothes… slide into bed behind him.”
So I did, and my bf immediately cuddled up close to me, and he smelt amazing.
And Lucifer said something like, “Look at the way his body reacts to yours immediately, this is a chemical reaction, look at how it moves, this is the magic that you do.”
And it felt like Lucifer pushed me closer to him, like he was behind me. And he guided my hands, undressed him. It was still me, but moving with his intuition. His suggestion.
and he continued, “You should be kissing him, you should be smelling his hair and neck, get closer.”
And I remember having some hesitation. Thinking something like, “I can’t reach his face from here,” and his response was like a gust of wind, “then get on top of him.”
And as I did it was like Lucifer got closer to me.
“Do you want to know what he’s thinking? He would be so happy if you would fuck him right now.”
I wasn’t sure if my reactions to Lucifer could be seen on my face. When we got to the point of actually going at it, - my bf was on top of me- and
Lucifer kind of braced me. And I could feel him peering down at me. Felt like my heart was gonna explode.
“Are you ready? Can I start?”
And yeah, I felt something- but it was extremely subtle. As I had my bf in my lap it was like he was behind me, clutching me. And I kind of started to feel like my body was moving on its own. And that feeling again of wind inside of me. But it’s also very gentle, very very slight. And it makes everything my bf is doing feel like idk- like it’s the first time I’m having sex.
And I can feel Lucifer’s excitement, it’s tangible. He whispers, “your boy has a nice ass, doesn’t he?”
And then, Lucifer loosens, he releases me slightly, and I needed it. A breath.
And at this point my bf is all melted and weepy and it’s very nice.
And then Lucifer hovers back over me. Puts an idea into my head that I’ve never had before. A position. I…
Something about it deeply shocked me. And I had to think about it for a moment. It was like- knew the thought didn’t come from me at all. Lucifer was telling me how he would do it.
And I was like…. Okay. Deep breath.
“Can I try something?” And my bf was like “yeah!!”
And I like moved him. And Lucifer was praising me, and he asked that I grab one of our toys (it’s just a little prickly spike thing you roll on your skin) I game it to my bf.
And then it felt like Lucifer came behind me again. And it really was like he was kissing both of us. Both of them kissing me.
There was more this time. He went a bit deeper inside me, integrated more, took control of my hips. And my bf was losing his mind.
And I was overwhelmed by how wonderful it was. But I was also overwhelmed by how nervous I was. And at some point I became focused on doing the absolute best I could to channel what Lucifer wanted me to do.
And it felt like he had gripped my neck. Said “no, don’t do that. Don’t focus on that, focus on feeling it. Feel me, and feel him, get lost in his skin.”
And again, Lucifer relented and gave me some space, still petting me, but backing away a bit. He always did so at the perfect time. Let me do my own thing for a while.
And my boyfriend is like “woah, everything you’re doing to me is like, a fantasy.”
“Can I fuck your boyfriend” seems to not only mean can I fuck your boyfriend, but also “can I use your body to fuck your boyfriend”
And like afterwards, Lucifer is like “if I’m gonna be inside you, I’m gonna be fucking the person you’re fucking. So.”
Im not conflicted. Im just extremely bewildered and astonished.
