#d&d shitposting

[saylofwaterdeep]

Guys if we keep using the tag "Inappropriate Use of Mage Hand", then one day said usage will be so normalized that it will update to "Perfectly Appropriate and Recommended Use of Mage Hand"!!

So, of course, proceed as normal.

[the-iron-orchid]

If The Arcana was a D&D Campaign, Part 1

DM: There is an intruder in your shop! Roll initiative.

[Julian wins]

Julian: I hold my action and verbally taunt them.

MC: I cast Eldritch Blast! [rolls] Uh... 12?

Julian: That doesn’t hit.

DM: The intruder nimbly dodges your attack!

Julian: I continue to hold my action and say, “Ha! I know all your master’s tricks!”

MC: I grab the nearest item and huck it at him.

DM: Uh, ok... You grab an empty bottle. That’s an improvised ranged weapon, 1d4 damage. Roll without Proficency.

MC: [rolls] ...natural 20 :D  [rolls 1d4] Aw, just a 1.

DM: The intruder takes 2 points of bludgeoning damage from the crit, and you knock the creepy mask off his face. Roll a History check.

MC: [rolls] 11?

DM: You see that he’s the fugitive whose face is on wanted posters all over the city, but you can’t seem to recall the name.

Julian: I try to get them to do a tarot reading for me.

DM: ...make a Persuasion check.

Julian: [rolls] 19.

DM: [to MC] You figure, ‘why the hell not? He seems remarkably OK with the fact that I just shot him with magic and threw a bottle at his face’.

[cherabby]

so anyway I think the dumbest d&d take I’ve seen thus far was a response to that thread with sam riegal re: bards and not necessarily having to play a bard who sings - the response was essentially “some people play charismatic characters because they aren’t charismatic irl so you should literally never demand your players actually roleplay when they do charisma checks that’s what the dice are FOR.”

(I know I’m oversimplifying it but you get the idea.)

To some degree? Yeah, you’re right. Players shouldn’t have to be capable of making an eloquent argument for a persuasion check as if the dice roll depends on how well you do, and making the dice roll depend on how well a person articulates an argument is stupid and unfair. 

HOWEVER

Roleplaying is a two way street. If you just say “I want to persuade Jon to help us--” what does that give the DM? Nothing. You give a flat answer and you’ll get a flat response. If you just say “I roll to persuade Jon” and roll a 17, all the DM is really going to say in response is some version of “Jon agrees to help you.” And that’s not fun. That’s not a fun way to roleplay social interactions. You want an epic fantasy story, so at least put in a little effort.

You don’t have to have an eloquent argument by any means, but fuck, at the very least, give the DM a reason Jon might want to help you. You don’t have to have a whole speech prepared when the DM says “How do you go about persuading Jon?”, but you should at least be able to say, “I’ll offer him a favor in exchange for his help” or “We’ll split the dragon’s hoard equally with him” so if you succeed or fail the DM can respond in kind; they can say “Jon agrees because he wants help finding his missing son and can’t afford to hire other adventurers for that job” or “Jon doesn’t trust that you’re going to keep your word”, not just “Jon says yes” or “Jon says no.” It’s much more interesting and, frankly, much less frustrating from the DM’s end, because then you’re not putting all the work on them to keep the story rolling. 

You have to give them something to ‘yes, and’, even if it’s an outline. If you can’t accomplish that much, then maybe roleplaying as a hobby should not be your first choice. 

[indielowercase]

elves being named sylvan is the fantasy equivalent of dudes from austin tx being named austin

[everything-in-particular]

Alternative titles for the current DnD campaigns I’m apart of:

“Four Newbs and a Veteran Walk Into An Applebees”

“A Six Year Old Sends You On Errands”

“Stranger Things Meets Twilight Zone Meets Inception”

“The Mailmen of the Apocalypse”

“Animals Were Harmed In The Playing Of This Campaign”

“Hulu’s ‘Vikings’”

Tag your own alternative titles with no context I wanna see.

[vadath]

My Insane D&D Session

Well, to start off, you need to understand that in this campaign there are these Dragon Gods that all represent human emotions, and who are at war with each other. For example, we had to fight the dragon of sorrow. As it turns out, he had crippling depression. The next dragon we met was the dragon of lust. We had a bard. I think everybody here can see where this is going. And finally, the last encounter of the session was that of the dragon of joy. He’s all about happiness, right? There’s no way he could be that bad, RIGHT? WRONG. Our DM is the most evil troll you will ever meet. The dragon fought us the moment it noticed us. After nearly wiping in the fight, our DM is just sitting there laughing his ass off. His final comment for the night?

“You can’t spell slaughter without laughter!”

[swordandcat]

when D&D games happen right after alcoholic celebrations.

@razzlow @rottenb0y

[alabelleetoileofficial]

Svedka: Did it hurt?

Daewryn: What?

Svedka: When you fell walking in. I saw you fall on your face. Everyone saw.