#d.id system

[gilmesc1]

Do you get along with everyone in the system you're dating?

Oh fuck no. There is one specific alter in my partner's system who does not like me, and I do not like him. And the main problem is that we're very similar. So you can imagine how that goes.

I wouldn't say I hate him completely, it goes from general tolerance to a very very strong dislike. It's also sort of painful looking at someone who has a lot of my same flaws, and sometimes when I talk to him I sit there and think "oh god this was what I sounded like" and cringe. The issue with systems is that I can't exactly cut him off or get rid of him, because systems. He says he wants to "help" sometimes and while I suppose he's said some helpful things, he's sort of a dick.

Scratch that, he's a major dick. I do not like him.

I try to be civil, but I have the emotional maturity of a three year old and I do tend to lose it fairly quickly with him. Even though I'm trying to get out of my old manipulation patterns, it's irritating that he can see right through me. I don't like feeling exposed.

He has a very prominent "holier than thou" attitude. Which I did/do have, so I can't say much, but even I can take some criticism at this point. He literally acts like he cannot be wrong and it's the most INFURIATING thing. Because he has his own major issues, he can indeed be wrong, and I kind of want to punch him in the face.

But I can't do that because systems.

While yes, he's generally been a thorn in my side and the source of a lot of emotional disasters, it's not worth breaking up with my other partners over. I like to believe that he'll get what's coming to him, and when that happens, I will stand there and laugh, and then maybe help him because I am A Good Person.

But mostly laugh.

So side note, it's not like a harem with systems dating. It's pretty complex, and different alters in both systems can have different relationships with each other. So yay, complicated things.

Does he hate me? Probably XD He technically does have a right to, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

I could vent about him so much, but that's a terrible idea because I know he's looking for my blog and I don't need to dig my grave any deeper XD

So with that said, N, you know who you are, and if you're seeing this, hi, fuck you, and get off my blog :D

Thanks for the ask, I have no idea what I'm doing any more XD

[gilmesc1]

Someone might have already asked this, so sorry. But you mentioned you're a male alter in a female body. Do you get dysphoria?

I feel like I answered something like this before my era long hiatus, but what the hell, I can go for it again.

First of all, I wouldn't consider myself transgender per say. I wasn't born into the wrong body since as a fictive/introject I have a whole past and all. Additionally, I'm not transitioning, and I would say that I don't have an express interest in transitioning. While I would like to, I think I've come to terms with the fact that I really can't do that with my circumstances.

But yes, I do get a lot of body dysphoria. I wouldn't call it gender dysphoria exactly, while it does have gender related ties, I wouldn't call it the same thing as the dysphoria as a trans person feels. I avoid mirrors. I do dress a little more masculine when I get the chance, but it's hard to do a full costume change when I might not be fronting for long. Yes, I am incredibly uncomfortable showering or anything like that.

Since I technically have memories of being in a male body, it feels more surreal to me than anything. Just this incredible sense of wrongness which usually leads to some fun, good old fashioned dissociating. I'm disgusted by my body on things other than physical sex, but that does play a role.

Aaaaand I literally have nothing else to say. TLDR, I personally don't consider myself trans or have "traditional" gender dysphoria, however I do experience general body dysphoria with some gender related ties.

The end.

[gilmesc1]

Those there are my therapy. I cuddle with horses. Wow. Amazing.

Anyways just wanted to say thanks for all the messages. You guys are too nice. And I wanted to show off my babies.

Im not horse obsessed obviously

[gilmesc1]

Watching my system mate

First things first, 31 followers??? Jesus for me that's a lot. Yeah to avoid sounding like an eboy, lets move on.

So story time, my system mate was texting our partner and guys, we couldn't be more different. Whereas I never shut up, he barely speaks and is as graceful as a traffic cone in social interactions.

How is a traffic cone graceful you ask? Exactly...

Anyways I sat there enjoying my view of him in his state of panic. He had a list of conversation topics open on our phone for a bit and he literally counted the seconds between responses so it "wouldn't seem weird."

Guys is this what social anxiety is?? It's a completely unknown territory for me. I'm no stranger to self confidence issues but the fear of having attention on you or talking in general? Talking and attention are literally two of my favorite things.

Anyways the convo got to a point where he ran out of things to say and was sitting there freaking out. I helpfully pointed out that instagram lets people know they read your message and since he read it he has to respond. That freaked him out more.

I know, I know, dick move.

The partner actually texted back and asked what have u been up to, and my dear socially awkward af system mate literally says

"Thinking of what to say next"

I burst out laughing like the prick I am and that spiked his anxiety because he got the ultimate oh shit look on his face and was probably under the impression that he'd commited a felony.

Luckily everyone in our partner system is unbelievably amazing (so what the hell are they doing with me, I know) and they found it adorable that he was that nervous.

I mean. He shouldn't have gotten that much attention.

Hey there it is! My petty jealousy had decided to join us!!

This is a really pointless post but I'm getting addicted to writing this shit. Oh well. I'll just yeet this into internet space and see what happens.