I want Seb to walk around with his child facing forward, in a baby carrier!
And since blind Muggle fathers are said to touch their children to "see" if the babies are healthy, I hope Omi touches his children in that way, with lots of love and affection💕
First full thing I've written in so long, very much unedited, I just felt a little inspired and wanted to finish this before the inspiration left my body lol I hope you enjoy
~~~~~~
Falling
~900 words | SFW
The afternoon was warm, bees hummed lazily between stalks of lavender, birds singing their songs at the top of the trees letting the world know the sun was out. Ominis rocked gently on the garden swing, Elijah’s stuffed bear abandoned beside him as the toddler weaved between trees, chasing butterflies with his new ball bouncing along.
Ominis brought a teacup to his lips inhaling the sweet scent as he drank, Sebastian chattering about the yard work he got done earlier, pruning the hedges and harvesting the ripe apples from the old tree on the edge of the garden. He kept half an ear on his husband's voice, and the other on his son's laughter as his shoes pattered across the flagstones.
Then came the muffled scrape of a wooden stool being moved along the grass, the same one Sebastian had used just a bit ago to pick apples.
Ominis’ brow furrowed and he tipped his head towards the sound. “Elijah? Bug, what are you doing?”
No answer.
Just a creak of wood and leaves rustling like they were being batted at from below.
“Elijah?” Ominis called again, his voice raising slightly. Sebastian quieted down, listening intently.
“Daddy missed one!” came the small voice, filled with the determination of a child much taller than himself.
Before Ominis could even ask what he meant, the world cracked with a sharp scream and a loud thud.
Silence.
And then choked sob that made Ominis’ blood run cold.
“Elijah!” The cup slipped from his fingers as he stood, his feet already moving away from the swing and towards the tree. “Sebastian, is he-”
His husband brushed past him, cursing under his breath. “I got him.”
Ominis followed the sound of Sebastian’s footsteps, his own feet stumbling over the stones. Why did he leave his wand in the kitchen? How foolish was he to not carry it with him at all times.
The wailing pierced his heart the closer he got to the tree. Sebastian’s gentle voice rising up underneath. “Elijah, buddy, I got you.”
Reaching Sebastian’s side, Ominis dropped to his knees as his hands brushed against his husband's shoulder than to their son’s halo of curls. He swept over every inch of small, shaking skin, reassuring himself the boy was safe. When his fingers reached Elijah’s knee, the faint tackiness of blood clung to the tips, causing his heart to pound painfully in his chest. “Sebastian- is that?”
"Just a scrape. He'll be alright.” Sebastian said softly.
“Are you sure?”
“Positive. It's not deep, love. A little cut on his knee and hands.”
Ominis nodded but his mind wouldn’t stop replaying the sound of the fall. Even as Sebastian stood to take Elijah inside, Ominis sat there, echoing the screaming. Sebastian had said he was okay, that it wasn't deep, but what if it was?
What if Sebastian hadn’t been there or if he had struck his head and Ominis couldn't find him? That helpless feeling he had buried long ago bubbled up, choking him with doubt. The sun shining on him burned harshly.
He didn't realize his hands were shaking until Sebastian’s larger ones covered his, squeezing gently.
“Hey,” he started, crouching down with a sniffling Elijah clinging to him. “He’s okay. We got a plaster on, wiped our tears and had a biscuit.”
“Papa,” the little boy grabbed for his other father, wrapping his arms around his neck. A crispy biscuit pressed against his lip and Ominis opened them to take a soft nibble. Elijah happily returned to his own biscuit, munching away as he fed Ominis.
“See, he's okay.” Sebastian smiled down at his little family.
Kissing the top of Elijah’s head, Ominis breathed deeply in an attempt to settle his nerves. “I should have stopped him. What if it was worse, or you weren't there to find him?”
“Hey,” Sebastian’s hand reached out to squeeze his own. “You did find him.”
“No, you did.”
“You knew exactly where he was. Hell, you knew he was in danger before I did.”
“But I wasn't able to stop him from falling.” Ominis let out a humorless laugh.
“No, but he’s okay. We aren't going to be there to stop every fall, but we try our best and be there to help him get back up.” Warm fingers grazed Ominis’ cheeks, guiding him closer until their foreheads touched. “You’ll always be there for him, you always are. You catch things before they happen, hear when he's getting into something he shouldn't. That's not nothing.”
The lump returned to Ominis’ throat, prickling his eyes with fresh tears.
“You’re allowed to be scared, I was scared too. But I know he'll fall again one day, a hundred more times but he'll get up again, because you're there and I'll be there. He'll always have us.”
That undid something in him, a tremor of relief and love and fear washing over him in a jumbled mess. Sebastian pulled him in and Ominis allowed himself to melt into the warmth of his husband's chest, their little family all together, a little bruised but whole. And that was enough.
~~~~~~
I love dads!Sebinis they are so sweet and anxious lol
Is it possible to see the night between Sebby and the fem!farmer when their six-month old baby started sleeping soundly at night?
A/N: helllllllloooooooo! I think this ask is so cute !! Maybe it’s bc while playing the game the second we got married he wanted a baby and I was like <333333 he loves me frfr n e ways I hope you’re having a good day and I’m sorry this is so late!!
Tw:slight nsfw talk, Nothing too bad!! It might read as fem! Reader but I think I wrote it in a gender neutral way! It’s all fluffy here y’all!!
Wc: 0.37k
Stardew Valley Masterlist
“Okay…okay…” you gently lie your daughter into her crib, wincing as she adjusts herself into a comfortable position. Slowly raising yourself away from her, she rolls onto her side and breathes in deeply, almost assuring you into thinking you could walk away.
Sebastian stands next to the door, making a face as you make a quiet dash towards him. “Go! Go! Go!” You frantically whisper, shoving him out the door and into the brightly lit hallway. Thankfully, in your chaos, you don’t hear any cries as the both of you close the door behind you. It’s almost dizzying the amount of giddiness you felt at getting her down to sleep. Usually if she wasn’t in your or Sebastian’s arms she was screaming until her little lungs wouldn’t allow her to anymore. Now…all you needed was for her to stay asleep.
It was almost as if you couldn’t get yourself to rest, even four hours later. You and Sebastian lay face to face, just staring at one another, waiting to hear your daughter wail. And minute after minute, your eyes grow sleepier, and your body even more excited at the thought of her sleeping through the night. Sebastian breathes in for a moment before pressing a kiss to your nose.
“Do you think she’ll stay asleep?” He whispers as if anything you two say would wake her up even if she’s a little more down the hall.
“I hope she will…but realistically she won’t…”
The two of you wait a moment longer before breaking into smiles. The thought of getting the first real rest you’ve gotten in almost a year making you want to get up and do a little dance. “She’s not crying!” You whisper elatedly, allowing yourself to snuggle into your blankets and get comfortable.
Sebastian raises his eyebrows mischievously before scooting closer to you. “Should we celebrate?”
You roll your eyes, amused at his goofy expression as he stared back at you. “A tiny celebration is warranted…” you reply. He’s already bringing himself out of his exhaustion. “But we have to be quiet…and quick! I want to actually get to sleep!”
He nods, agreeing immediately. The two of you had a lot to catch up on.
Synopsis: Sebastian and Damien take their daughters to a maize maze for the first time. Sebastian hopes it'll be a little less chaotic than his first visit, but then again, sometimes getting lost is just another way of finding home.
Rating: Teen
Word Count: 2,229
Pairing: Sebastian Sallow x Male MC (Damien Evans)
Tags: POV Sebastian Sallow; Modern AU; Alternate Universe - Non-Magical; Family Fluff; Children of Characters; Found Family; Fluff and Humor; Flashbacks; Sebastian Sallow in Love; Soft Sebastian Sallow; Sebastian Sallow Is a Good Dad; Idiots in Love
Author's Note: My husband and I took our daughter to a corn maze this weekend. This was, frankly, inevitable.
[ AO3 Link ]
//
Who knew that toting a trolley load of girls to a maize maze, their tiniest nestled in her sling on Sebastian's chest, could be so chaotic?
"I mean," Damien said, answering Sebastian's question, which Sebastian only now realized he'd asked aloud, "they can be a handful." He paused. "Why did we decide we needed five of them again?"
Sebastian rolled his eyes. "Says Mister 'Just One More,' Bash, pretty please?" He batted his eyelashes prettily to mimic Damien's infuriating charm.
Damien sighed. "You should have stopped me at three." As the last word slipped from his lips, their fifth daughter, the elder twin to the baby of the family currently strapped to Sebastian, chirruped against Damien's broad chest. Damien smiled. "Never mind, I take it back."
"Mhm, that's what I thought."
It all started with Daisy, their first adopted daughter, the princess of their little pack. Daisy, now a very mature nine, had always been a joy, and that hadn't changed. Sebastian hoped it never would, but even if it did, he'd love her all the same. Just as he knew he'd always love all their girls.
They adopted Delilah two years later, shortly followed by Diana. Two very different temperaments, but opposites sometimes made for the best of playmates (Ominis and Sebastian knew this fact far too well), and Lil and Di were never seen without the other.
Finally, the twins: Dolores and Dorothy. They'd been a bit of a surprise, in fact, as they'd been conceived via IVF. One donor embryo went in, two babies came out. Who knew such a thing could occur? Truly shocking. (Anne had laughed so hard tears had streamed down her face. Sebastian's ensuing glower had been one for the ages.)
Oh, and if you were wondering, yes, all their daughters' names started with the letter D. No, Sebastian did not have a problem with that. No, he was not guilted into this naming convention to make up for all the drama (and maybe a little bit of trauma) he had caused Damien over the years. Nope. Absolutely not. Moving on…
"Do you remember the first time we visited here together?" Damien said, a roguish grin on his face.
Boy did Sebastian ever.
//
"I'm bored."
"Bored? In my delightful presence? How could that possibly be?"
Damien laughed, slamming his laptop shut, the screen of which mere moments ago had been glowing with case law from Westlaw UK. Sebastian only knew this because he was currently massaging Damien's broad shoulders.
"You're so tense," Sebastian muttered. "We should go out."
"But it's so cold outside."
Sebastian glanced out the window. Damien wasn't wrong. The cold had come early this autumn. It was barely late-September and the trees were already hemorrhaging leaves.
"You're the one who said you were bored!"
Damien tilted his head up to lock eyes with Sebastian. "You're right. I have an idea." His eyes sparkled mischievously. "But it's a surprise."
"A surprise, eh?" Sebastian's whole body lit up. He simply adored surprises—now, at least. It was quite the turnabout from last year when Anne had surprised him with a visit to her Zumba class, the Zumba class where he had met Damien, and his life had changed (for the better) forever.
"We'll just have to bundle up."
"I didn't bring a jumper. May I borrow one of yours?"
Damien tsk-ed and shook his head, but a smile played at his lips. "Always, Bash."
"Much obliged," Sebastian said, bowing slightly, embellishing it with a flourish of his hand in front of his chest.
And so, their little autumn adventure began.
//
"A farm?" In Sebastian's shock, he inadvertently dropped Damien's hand. A farm, huh. Damien didn't strike him as the farmboy type.
"A maize maze!" Damien said, beaming. "I used to come here with my parents as a kid." He snatched Sebastian's hand back and squeezed it, then pulled him forward to the queue forming at a ramshackle ticket booth directly ahead.
The crowd was rather dense and with Sebastian tethered to Damien's great height and girth, their maneuvering was quite clumsy. Sebastian expressed many an "Oof, sorry" as he clipped far too many back of the queue stragglers. Come to think of it, were they cutting? Why was Damien dragging Sebastian to the front?
"Lizbeth!" Damien shouted. "Liz!"
A woman with bright blue hair jolted to attention. "Evans!" she shrieked, popping up from her seat. "Long time no see."
Damien raced forward, still holding Sebastian's hand. "Lizbeth Jones, meet my boyfriend, Sebastian Sallow."
"Evans, my god! I didn't know you were into men," Lizbeth said, winking. "Oi, Sebastian, was it?"
Sebastian raised a hand in greeting. "That's me." He tugged at his sleeves, which were a bit longer than he was used to, seeing as Damien's arms were a tad bit ganglier than his. He very much hoped his freckled cheeks, which were now quite hot, weren't betraying him, even though he was quite certain they were.
Lizbeth turned her attention back to Damien. "How long's it been? Four—wait, no, five—years?"
Damien ticked off the fingers on his free hand. Because yes, he was still holding Sebastian's hand, and quite firmly too. Sebastian found he didn't mind. He liked being claimed.
"Five!" Damien confirmed, his eyes widening.
"Blimey!" She passed a hand through her hair, casual-like. "You two here for the maze then?"
Damien grinned. "How'd you know?"
"I'm a genius," she quipped. "You'll like the theme this year, D. It was a bitch to create though."
"What is it?"
Lizbeth smiled conspiratorially. "'A Haunting.'"
Damien laughed. "That's not so bad," he said. "I vaguely recall one year it was 'Casper, the Friendly Ghost.'"
Sebastian cut in before Lizbeth could reply. "There won't be people popping out to scare us, right?"
Lizbeth blinked. "Damien, I don't think your boyfriend is familiar with the concept of a maize maze."
"Have you never been to one before?" Damien said, his brows nearly leaping off his forehead.
Sebastian cleared his throat. "Ah, no. No, I don't suppose I have." He released Damien's hand so he could rub away at the back of his neck. He knew the general idea of a maze, of course, but, strictly speaking, he'd never navigated one before. Sebastian was good at loads of things, but directions was not one of them.
Damien clapped his hands, interrupting Sebastian's train of thought. "This is going to be so much fun!"
Was it? Was it really, now? Sebastian wasn't so sure.
//
Corn, corn, everywhere, and not an exit in sight.
Just as Sebastian had predicted, he was lost. Very, very lost.
Why, oh why, had he agreed to a timed completion of the maze, alone, without his incredibly intelligent, far too handsome, extremely directionally-abled, partner?
He didn't even know what time it was, since, of the two of them, Damien was the one who wore the wristwatch. Damn, damn, triple damn!
A child was giggling.
Sebastian spun on his heel and found… no one. Not a soul was there. Okay then…
More giggling.
"Hello?" Sebastian said. "Anyone there?"
Silence.
A spike of cold raced down Sebastian's spine. "I hate this," he mumbled under his breath, trudging forward one aggravating stomp at a time.
Right or left? He chose right. He was already lost. What harm would it do?
"Damien!" he shouted. "I hope you can hear me, you bastard! I HATE THIS!"
Damien could not, in fact, hear him. Damien had already completed the maze. Thirty minutes ago. (Not that Sebastian knew that. Yet.)
More fucking giggling!
Sebastian had had enough. "What the fuck?" he hissed through his teeth, whipping around one final time.
A toddler with big, blue doe eyes blinked back at him. For one brief moment, Sebastian thought everything was okay. No problems here. He did not just shout at a four-year-old. Nope. And then the little boy started wailing.
"Oh shit, oh fuck. Sorry, kid. Sorry," Sebastian said, looming above the little boy, his hands in the air, hovering above the boy's mop of wavy black hair, trying to decide if it would be appropriate or not to hug him.
The boy's cries escalated.
Sebastian decided then and there to screw decorum. He leaned down to embrace the boy, only for his arms to meet… nothing. The boy was gone. The boy was gone?
"What in the—"
The giggling began anew, but this time it came from over his shoulder.
"Nope. Absolutely not."
Sebastian did not look behind him. He did not flinch, even though his heart was now hammering against his ribs.
What did he do, you ask?
Well, he broke into a sprint in the opposite direction.
The giggling, of course, followed.
Sebastian ran faster, he ran like a bat out of hell, until he met a dead-end. Naturally. Damn it all to hell and back!
As the giggles intensified, Sebastian shut his eyes, tight, very fucking tight, brought his hands to his ears, muffling the haunting sound, and braced himself for what he was about to do.
Because what else could he do in this situation?
Sebastian opened his eyes, shielded his face with his arms, and burst through the corn maze, Kool-Aid Man style, yelling at the top of his lungs.
It didn't take him long at all to escape the rows of corn. It was a cinch, actually. He was very itchy now, but it was worth it. So worth it.
Until he noticed Damien running further down the way, his face the brightest shade of red Sebastian had ever seen.
"Bash, what the hell did you do?" Damien accused once he'd alighted in front of Sebastian. "That's not how you navigate a corn maze."
Sebastian didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to do. His body decided now was the time to laugh, and uproariously at that. He laughed so hard that he doubled over.
And then Damien was laughing too.
Soon, Sebastian heard a woman join in.
Once he'd managed to get a hold of himself, he rose up. "You weren't kidding about the maze's theme being 'A Haunting,'" he said to Lizbeth.
"What do you mean?" she replied, her brows furrowed. "You didn't even make it halfway through. How could you even know?"
"The creepy toddler," Sebastian said, still laughing.
Lizbeth and Damien exchanged what could only be described as a look.
"Creepy toddler?" she parroted back at him.
"The giggling toddler that stalked me."
"Erm, Sebastian," Damien said, "the maze spelled out the words 'A Haunting.' That's why it was the theme. Mazes have to spell out something. They change it every year." Damien paused to scratch his chin. "Besides which, it's a family-friendly event. No one was scaring people."
"Then there's a lost kid out there—" Sebastian's words petered off as he spotted a boy and his mother just past Damien's shoulders. It was him! The little boy with the black hair and the blue eyes.
"There!" Sebastian yelled, pointing. "That's the boy!"
Damien and Lizbeth swiveled around. "Oh, that's my wife and son," she said. "Ollie, did you have a fun time in the maze with mum?"
Ollie grinned up at his mum and nodded. Then, his big blue eyes drifted lazily to Sebastian. "Yep," he said, popping the 'P.' "Yep."
//
This year, Sebastian very much hoped the maze would be more treat than trick. Would that come to pass? Hard to say.
But at least he had his family with him.
He glanced over at Damien, who was adjusting Dolores in her sling and trying to corral the rest of their gaggle of girls before they wandered off. Daisy and Delilah were arguing about who'd be the official navigator, while Diana was busy holding her little camera up to take a very serious documentary of the "great corn adventure."
"Do we have an actual plan," Sebastian asked, "or are we just letting fate decide?"
"Fate," Damien said cheerfully. "And Daisy."
"Oh, brilliant. The last time we trusted Daisy with directions, we ended up at the M&M store in Leicester Square."
"It was one time."
"It was last week."
Damien laughed, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "We'll live. Probably."
Sebastian tried to scowl, but he couldn't quite contort his face into a hardened expression. Ah well. Instead, he said, "If I see one giggling toddler this year—"
"Then you'll know our girls are having a good time."
"Fair point," Sebastian conceded.
Speaking of the girls, they were already charging through the entrance of the maze, their laughter swallowed by the stalks. Damien reached for Sebastian's hand, just as he had all those years ago. He squeezed.
Sebastian let out a sigh that wasn't really a sigh at all. He glanced down at Dorothy's tiny head to make sure she was still sleeping soundly. She was. His shoulders relaxed ever so slightly.
"If we do get lost," Sebastian said, "it's your turn to punch through the corn."
Damien leaned down and brushed a kiss to Sebastian's temple. "Deal," he murmured. "But let's hope it doesn't come to that."
Sebastian tilted his head just enough to meet Damien's eyes. "With this lot?" He nodded fondly in the direction of their girls. "It'll come to that."
Damien chuckled. "Well," he said, "there are worse places to be lost."
"Yeah," Sebastian said through a smile. "Then here's to getting lost together, all seven of us."
“Young Master, may I make a suggestion?” The tall demon asked as he walked with his young charge down the icy streets of London.
The child in front of him only gave a slight shrug gripping his cane tighter in his hand. “If you must.”
“Why don’t we continue our search tomorrow?” His red eyes didn’t miss his young lords hands shaking nor the tiny shoulders shivering. He knew of his masters frail health as a child and had seen it flair up from time to time. He’d hate for one night in the snow walking through the dreadful city to cause his master discomfort.
Suddenly Ciel turned to look at him with a weak smirk crossing his pale features, “Sebastian, are you, a demon worried about a weak human like me?”
Sebastian blinked then returned the smirk with his own, “You know very well I take pride in only eating the finest souls and if I were let yours tarnish at such an early stage of ripening – my reputation would be soiled.” He let a smile take over his features – it grew bigger when Ciel let out an annoyed “tsk” before turning around.
“What would a demon care if it were cold, do you even feel cold? I thought you couldn’t.”
“It is not for my well being. You are correct, I don’t feel temperature change. My concern is merely for you and your comfort.”
“You mean for your meal.”
Usually the words flew over him with no meaning. They joked about this constantly but lately being accused of not caring had began to hurt. It wasn’t a debilitating hurt by any means, more of a confused hurt. He wasn’t used to this feeling. As a demon he never had such luxuries as feelings or caring for another. This time hearing the words in that tone stopped him in his tracks. Of course he showed no change what so ever – only continued to follow his young master.
Yes of course the child was right. He cared for him merely for a meal and spoiled food was the worst – or was there more? Lately there had been a underlying desire building - over the year or two they had been together something more had formed that over took his demon desire for blood. It had changed him, still was changing him. He still lusted for blood, for his masters pure soul but more than that he’d come to realize he did care. He cared whether or not his master was happy, well, sad, or scared.
Recently he’d found his anger reaching boiling point faster when his young lord was in danger. To those that laid a hand on Ciel in any way that wasn’t pleasant there were words exchanged and some times blood shed to prove his point.
Of course Ciel was blind to this. Sebastian watched the young child walk in front of him, slipping a bit here and there over the icy cobble stones. The young boy still thought he only watched over him for the future feast that was to come when his revenge was exacted.
But he’d done his part. After Ciel had collapsed on him their first week together, he’d done research into Ciel’s past. He’d found out how his master had a weak body, a chronic illness that combined asthma and bronchitis, as well as constant weak spells. Yes, Ciel had a strong mind, a stubborn disposition, and wasn’t going to let anything or anyone stand in his way…but underneath it all Sebastian knew what he was hiding.
The mornings were the worst for Sebastian to watch. Each morning, even on a good day, he would have to watch his young lord cough up liquid from his lungs into the waste basket. While he acted like nothing was wrong afterwards when Sebastian would ask if he were alright, the demon knew different. He could hear the weak wheezing and could see the pain in the young eyes, even past the symbol of their contract. When helping the boy stand he could feel the shaking grasp, the sweaty palms and see the state the frail body was in.
Throughout the rest of the days, Ciel would get better and be able to stand, walk around as if nothing had happened previously. Sebastian just took it in stride.
All of this had been happening for a year, it had repeated it self every day, now a year later and things seemed differently. Even now as they walked together towards the center of town, Sebastian could see it was becoming harder for his young lord to walk, each step was almost a stumble, the cane was the only thing that was keeping him up.
Sebastian just sighed frustrated to himself. ‘Honestly, if you’d just ask I could carry you. Are you so stubborn that you won’t allow yourself to seem weak?’ He looked around for a few seconds hoping to find the man they were out here looking for. “I wonder if the criminal we are out here searching for is hiding out some place warmer.”
Ciel started to respond but his vision blurred and he stumbled forward, his cane usually caught him but this time it slipped on a patch of ice. He tried to catch himself but it was too late, he fell forward into the ice and cobble stone, his hands unable to stop the impact. His cane clattered to the ground in front of him.
Sebastian turned to face his young master and was at his side instantly. “Ah, I was wondering when this was going to happen.” He gently lifted Ciel up by his arm pits and sat him on a bench covered in snow. “And just look at you, soaken wet all scraped up…”
Ciel glared up at him, “Stop enjoying this.”
“Who said anything about enjoying this. How could I enjoy your cries of pain if it’s accompied by more work for me? Just look at your clothes.” Sebastian tried to joke reaching behind him and grabbing the walking stick.
“Is that all you bloody care about!?” Ciel spat out.
Sebastian’s features contorted to a more serious expression. “No. I actually are more concerned about your well being. You try to trick me and each time I ignore it thinking you understand human bodies better than a demon would. However, now watching you fall, I wonder if I was wrong and for that I apologize.”
“…why should you apologize?” Ciel asked shivering from the cold.
“Because, as your butler, it was my job to make sure you are well and stay unharmed.” The demon explained reaching up with delicate fingers to check the wound above his master’s eye. “And so far I seemed to have failed at my job.”
Ciel winced but continued to let Sebastian check him over. “I’m fine, Sebastian, it was just a fall.”
“Your body seems to think differently. You are already bruising in numerous places, have many deep cuts that need to be cleaned out and if I may, your hands are shaking, your shoulders are shivering….” Sebastian answered. “I know it’s not my place, but as I’ve heard other humans say in a situation as this ‘I’m putting my foot down.’” He gathered Ciel in his arms and cradled him to his chest pulling the boys cloak tighter around his small frame. Ciel let out a cry of protest but was in no position to fight a demon. “There there, my lord, just use me for warmth and we’ll have you back in your bed soon.”
“You can’t expect me to just take this Sebastian! It’s embarrassing!” Ciel protested verbally.
“You can complain all you wish, my lord, but this is for your own health.” Sebastian picked up the small cane and started back to vacation house. “I do wish you’d just behave and rest. I know of your illness.”
“Tsk..it was a childhood illness.”
“You are still a child. And it is still running rampant on your body, I maybe a demon and I maybe new to human’s and their needs but I do know an illness in a child when I see it.” Sebastian put his hand to his mouth and pulled off his white glove with his teeth before placing it to Ciel’s forehead. Ciel surprisingly didn’t pull away. “I can feel a fever, my lord. You do not need to be out in the snow.”
“Why haven’t you tried to stop me before? I’ve been out almost every day with a bloody fever and you’ve ignored it…”
“You are right,, I should have said something.” The tall butler answered. “Now that it has been settled though, do make note that I won’t let this happen again and if you lie to me I will call you out on it.”
*~*
The child in his arms had grown less and less of a nuisance until the last block away from the vacation house, he was all but silent. He could feel that Ciel was still breathing, still well alive, but it seemed he had accepted his condition. Sebastian smiled as he opened the large double gate. “Are we still awake, my young lord?”
“..I’m here if that's w-what you mean.” Ciel’s voice sounded different, sounded weaker than before. It still had the usual bite but this time it sounded tired.
“We are almost home.” Sebastian calmly stated entered the manor. He still wasn’t used to this vacation home. There was no help running around messing the huge home up, instead it was silent with no candles lit. He felt Ciel grip his jacket tighter burying his face in his side. “There is nothing to be afraid of …do not forget anything that is hiding out in the dark, I see or know of already…”
His words were of little comfort to the ill child in his arms as he started up the stairs to the master bed room. “T-The dark also hides the secrets of people, their hidden fears all come out from and you are faced to meet them head on.”
“So my young master is scared of something…” Sebastian chuckled holding his charge closer. “Do not fear, I’m here, I won’t let the dark get you.”
Disclaimer: This is mainly me venting. I KNOW I'm biased due to personal factors, but I needed to get this off my chest.
Ever since Season 4 of Black Butler has been announced, I've been seeing a resurgence of Dad!Seb posts/content, and I just...
I understand simping for Sebastian, having AUs, all that - but when did we as a fandom start pretending he's not a soul hungry demon who'd eat OCiel the microsecond he got the chance? Did we all forget what happened in the Green Witch Arc, or...?
Sebastian isn't some loving demon who took pity and wanted to raise OCiel and love and protect him. He's a demon who made a contract with a human who happened to be a child, an Earl who needed said demon to take the guise of a butler. The other servants may love OCiel and want to protect him for having a hand in saving their lives, but Seb? Seb just wants dinner. We're reminded of that constantly.
Not to mention, OCiel doesn't trust him at all. One of Seb's literal contracted conditions is not to lie to him, not to betray him. You think if OCiel trusted Seb that he'd have done that? If memory serves, there's a number of times OCiel states, very plainly, that he doesn't trust Sebastian at all. Again, I'll reference the Green Witch chapters even if OCiel wasn't exactly clear minded for that - no spoilers, but manga fans will hopefully know what I'm talking about.
My point is, OCiel doesn't trust Sebastian. Sebastian doesn't see OCiel as his kid who needs to be protected. They both know exactly what their arrangements are, and both of them want it done and over with. OCiel isn't drawing it out, he's trying to fulfill his revenge as close to "on his own" as a literal child can, and utilizing the demon he has while he also balances his duties as an Earl (albeit poorly in some cases). The only reason he keeps Sebastian around is the contract, and the only reason Sebastian hasn't eaten him yet is because the terms of said contract aren't complete.
So please, can we at least acknowledge that Dad!Bastian is just an AU? Please? Cause it really makes me sick to see people saying Seb genuinely cares for OCiel like that.
Summary: Sebastian comes home from a long day of traveling.
Pairing: Dad!Sebastian Stan x Wife!Reader
Sebastian parked his car in the driveway. He got out stepping into the snow covered ground. He closed his door quietly and went around to the trunk of his car. He opened it up and pulled out his bag and suitcase. He closed tbe and headed up the driveway locking his car via car keys. He unlocked the front door and headed in. He placed his bags down on the ground carefully and quietly. It’s 1am and Sebastian doesn’t wanna be the one waking any kids up. He does know his eldest is probably up since you did allow him to have some friends stay over and maybe Alex if she’s willing to deal with high school seniors.
Sebastian finds the basement door closed but with light shining under the door. He can hear the muffled voices. He took off his sneakers leaving them on the shoe rack at the entrance. He also locked the door before opening the door to the basement. He might as well check on them before going up to his bedroom to be with you.
“Oh my fucking god,” Sebastian said the boys playing Just Dance 2014.
“This is the real me, dad!” Lucas exclaimed as he dances.
“Okay then,” Sebastian said too tired to really respond.
He walked over to the beanbag chair where McKenzie is passed out on and he knows for a fact that she’ll cling onto Lucas when he’s gone off to film a movie and thankfully Lucas doesn’t mind. McKenzie is a complete daddy’s girl more than her older sisters Alex and Ryan. She’s always distraught when Dad leaves and it breaks his heart.
Sebastian scoops McKenzie up and holds her body to his chest. He honestly wonders how she slept through the noise of Lucas and his friends doing Just Dance.
He said, “see ya later. And if you fucking wake anyone up, you can kiss your friends goodbye, Luke.”
Sebastian headed back up the stairs and closed the door. He then headed up to McKenzie’s bedroom. He placed her in her bed and tucked her in. He kissed her forehead before leaving the room. He finally headed to your shared bedroom. He took off his baseball cap putting it on top of the bench at the foot of the bed. He slips into the bed and wraps his arms around you pulling you closer.
“The fuck?” You muttered.
“Shhhhhhh, go back to sleep, dragoste,” Sebastian whispered and kissed your cheek.
You flipped around and glared at your husband in the dark. You decided to not smack him for waking you up and you just bury your face into the 36 year old’s chest. He pulls the blanket up making sure that you both are covered and then he holds you tightly in his arms.
a/n: okay this is literally one of the best ideas ever and im so in love with this fic. i think this takes the cake for my favorite fic i’ve written!! this is mildly edited so pls be kind. im so proud of it and hope you guys love it <3
please reblog if you enjoyed reading and and feel free to leave any comments!!
warnings: drinking, mentions of sex, brief mention of medical procedure(s), there might be some language i dont remember
word count: 4,400
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Chris has been your best friend since elementary school and all through middle and high school. Everyone knew how close you were to him and how deeply you loved each other. It was never in a romantic sort of way, though. Nobody really understood the relationship you had with him, they just shrugged their shoulders and minded their business.
When Chris told you he wanted to move to New York to follow his dream of being an actor, he asked you to go with him. You shared his love for theatre and the arts and always wanted to see if you could make it as a big-time Hollywood actress. You packed all your things into your tiny car and made your way to New York with your best friend.
You spent your 28th birthday sitting on Chris’s couch with a bottle of tequila and a broken heart. Your boyfriend of 3 years broke up with you on the grounds of you being “such a drag” and “not someone he wants to settle down with any more”. You had planned a life with him. He talked about marrying you and having kids with you just weeks prior. And he had just thrown it all away.
Having gone through almost half of the bottle of tequila already, Chris took the bottle from you and just looked at you with sad eyes. He ran his hand through your hair as you buried your face in your pillow and just cried. You pulled yourself together after a while and willed yourself to sit up and look Chris in the eyes.
“I know I’m kinda drunk right now but Chris, listen to me. Can we make a pact? When we’re both 30 and if we’re both still single and loveless. Let’s have a baby. We don’t have to like… y’know… do it or anything. We can do it through insemination or in a petri dish or however they do it. I’m just- I want to settle down and have kids but I don’t think I’ll ever trust anyone else.” You rambled, gesturing wildly with your hands. Chris suppressed a laugh and looked at you like you were crazy. You just looked at him questioningly until he realized this was not the alcohol talking.
“Are you serious? Like, me and you? Having a baby? Seriously?” He pulled himself off the floor and sat on the coffee table in front of you.
“I’m so serious. You can say no, Chris. This is me asking you what you think. I always said that if I don’t have a husband or have been with someone long enough to have a child with them, that I would go to a sperm bank and do it like that. You know how badly I want kids, and I know you want them too.” You moved to the edge of the couch to move closer to him. He stood up and grabbed your hand to help you up. He dragged you towards the kitchen and sat you down at the table, telling you to wait there while he grabbed something. He came back a few moments later with a notebook and a pen.
“Alright, let’s figure this out. We’re going to ask each other questions about this and write down the answers. Any conditions we have we’ll write down, if we can’t agree on them we don’t do it. I know you’re not super sober right now so we can do this now and talk about it again tomorrow.” He wrote ‘Y/L/N - Evans Baby’ along the top. You smiled a bit to yourself and waited for him to talk.
“I don’t want to be just the sperm donor, I want to be involved in everything. From the ultrasound appointments to picking preschools. I also want to be in the room when you’re in labor.” He wrote it down as he was talking and looked up at you. You nodded with a big smile on your face.
“I would want you as involved as possible. We would be co-parenting this hypothetical child. My turn. To keep this from getting messy, we should do it through a clinic. Me in stirrups and your swimmers in a turkey baster. Sex can make things complicated and weird, I don’t want to risk something going wrong between us and then there be a child involved. Insemination isn’t as effective but we can always keep trying if it doesn’t work.” You pulled the notebook towards you and wrote down your condition.
That went on for the rest of the night. You and Chris take turns asking questions about your hypothetical baby. You had filled up pages and pages of notes about what you both want, from how you would decide to tell your families to living arrangements to if you’d circumcise or not if it was a boy.
A little more than 2 years later you and Chris found yourselves at the dining room table of his Boston home again. The notebook you had filled just a few years back right in front of you, along with 5 pregnancy tests. They were face down on the table as you anxiously waited for the timer to go off.
“Alright, Chris. This is it. It’s been 5 minutes, we can flip them over.” You released a shaky breath and stared at the tests right in front of you. Chris grabbed your hand and laced your fingers together. You looked at each other before reaching out to flip over the individual tests. Seeing all 5 of the tests with 2 solid pink lines knocked all the air out of your lungs.
“Oh my god. They’re all positive! Oh my god, Chris!! We’re going to have a baby!” You both jumped out of your seats and jumped around the kitchen before hugging each other and crying. He kept thanking you and kissing the top of your head while you sobbed into his chest, soaking his shirt. There were lots of tears over the next few weeks from you both after confirming your pregnancy with your midwife.
8 or so months later Penelope Elizabeth Evans-Y/L/N made her way into the world and the arms of her parents. The world seemed to stop when you heard the cries of your daughter for the first time. You could’ve sworn Chris stopped breathing the second he laid eyes on her when she was placed on your bare chest. He didn’t even care that she was covered in blood and other bodily fluids, he swore that she was the most beautiful human being to ever exist.
He took a lot of time off from filming and working to take care of you both. Once you found out you were pregnant, you stopped acting for the most part. You knew that you wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, at least until she was old enough to go to school, and maybe then you’d go back to smaller roles that kept you close to home.
Chris had a hard time leaving you and Penny once it was time to go back to work. He held her close to his chest and cried at the thought of leaving her when she’s still so little. Seeing the extreme separation anxiety he was already having, you offered to go with him to set and find an apartment or house to rent for the duration of the shoot. This ended up being the greatest thing you could have come up with. Every single project that took him away from Boston, you and Penny were right there next to him. You and Penny followed him to what seemed like every corner of the Earth.
The weeks leading up to shooting The Winter Soldier were the most exciting for Chris. He had been training for months to get into shape and was really excited to have you and Penny on set with him. He had also been talking nonstop about working with Sebastian and Anthony again.
One night Chris came home with Sebastian and Anthony trailing behind him. Penny had gone down for the night and you were nursing a glass of wine on the recliner, watching whatever you could find on TV.
“Hey, Y/N. I should've called ahead, I’m sorry. We’re just going to have some beers while we watch the game.” He walked in and gave you a quick kiss on the cheek. You moved the blankets off your lap and stood up to greet Anthony and Sebastian.
“I don’t think you ever got a chance to meet these guys before. Y/N this is Anthony and Sebastian, guys this is Y/N.” Chris introduced you and you moved forward to give them both hugs.
“Sorry for barging in on you unannounced, we would’ve made sure this idiot called you before to make sure it was all good,” Anthony said, taking the beer Chris handed him.
“Oh please, don’t worry about it. He used to do it all the time when we lived in New York. Sorry, the place is a bit of a mess. Didn’t get a chance to clean today, I’ve had my hands full, especially with this one” You gestured a thumb to Chris and he sent you a playful glare in return.
You offered to put together some snacks for the game, knowing very well Chris couldn’t handle his alcohol without some sort of food in his system. Anthony and Sebastian offered to help while Chris snuck off to go see Penny.
“How long have you and Chris been together?” Sebastian made some small talk while looking for serving bowls in your kitchen. Anthony leaned against the counter and continued to sip on his beer.
“Oh, we’re not together. We’ve been friends since we were kids and we actually are just uh...” You chuckled nervously, not knowing what to say to his friends. Chris walked into the kitchen with Penny in his arms at that moment. Her head tucked into his neck, hands gripping at the fabric of his shirt and his arms under her butt.
“We’re raising our daughter together. They go with me wherever I go so I don’t miss anything and so Y/N doesn’t raise Penelope by herself. We’re co-parenting in the same house.” He said, looking at the tired toddler in his arms. Sebastian and Anthony both sputtered on their beers at the same time, not believing what they were seeing.
There was no denying that she was a product of you and Chris. Even with her sleepy eyes, they could see the bright blue color that matched the man carrying her. They saw the swoop of your nose and the color of your hair. They stood there just taking it all in.
“I had a bit of a crisis when I turned 28 after my long term boyfriend dumped me out of nowhere. It was one of those ‘if we’re 30 and aren’t married’ sort of things. We turned 30 and were both still single, so we had a baby.” You shrugged, looking over at your girl.
“And it works, being parents without being together but still living together?” Anthony asked, gesturing towards the two of you.
“We had everything figured out before she got pregnant. We had conditions that we both had to agree on before we even got serious about it. We were both very adamant about not doing it the old fashioned way so things didn’t get messy. It took some time to figure out the… terms and conditions I guess.” Chris laughed a little bit. Anthony and Seb nodded in understanding and kept looking at Penny.
“I’m happy for you, man. Seems like you both are really happy. How old is she?” Anthony walked into her line of sight and waved his fingers a bit, trying to get her attention.
“She turned one a couple of months ago.” You said and watched Penny pick her head up and look at Seb and Anthony, inspecting them a bit. Her big blue eyes landed on Sebastian and she stared him down before he gave her a small smile and waved at her. She was a little shy around new people and would usually bury her face in the neck of whoever was holding her.
To your surprise, she leaned away from Chris and moved her hands out to Sebastian. Everyone’s eyes widened as she whined a little bit when he didn’t reach out to grab her. Chris moved closer and told him it was okay and let Penny make herself comfortable in his arms. She buried herself into his neck much like she does with you and Chris, her tiny fists clutching his shirt. Her eyes shut immediately and let herself fall asleep in his arms.
The next few months went on more pleasantly than expected. Chris often had late-night shoots and training, leaving you with Penny most of the day. Anytime he knew he would be home late, he’d send Seb over with dinner or just an extra set of hands to help you with Penny. She knew you were her mama and Chris was her dada, then one day she had her Seba. Anytime you opened the door to let him in with her on your hip, she immediately squealed and started to chant ‘Seba! Seba!’ and didn’t stop until he was holding her.
Sebastian had brought up the idea of taking you to dinner one night to Chris. Even though you were a single adult who could make decisions on your own, he didn’t want to disrespect Chris at all. Chris never saw you as anything more than his best friend, it had always been like that. He was ecstatic when Sebastian brought up the idea of asking you out.
“I’m so serious, Seb. I think it’s a great idea. She talks about you a lot and really loves being around you. She’s going to say yes, I promise. Y/N hasn’t dated since we had Penny, mostly because she’s scared of what someone would think about her living with her childhood best friend who happens to be the father of her child.” Chris told him honestly. You weren’t interested in dating at all since having Penny. Mostly because being a mom was your first and only priority.
Sebastian let out the breath he was holding and ran his fingers through his hair, all of a sudden nervous about asking you to dinner. Chris clapped a hand around his shoulder and gave him a quick pep talk before sending him on his way.
The 2 years between wrapping Winter Soldier and starting Civil War had been interesting, to say the least. Everything Chris did kept him in the states for the most part. You and Penny were still trailing along with him, always loving the things you got to experience as a family.
Sebastian had found his place right in your crazy life. You had been unofficially together after wrapping Winter Soldier. He went off to do his next project and you and Chris spent some time in Boston with your families. You texted him most of the day, and he called at night to talk for a few hours before you went to sleep. He always said goodnight to Penny and she blew her Seba kisses through the phone.
He flew to Boston a bunch of times to see you, even if it was only for a few hours. You flew to wherever he was for a few days at a time, most of the time with Penny. Chris somehow managed to get you on the plane by yourself a few times and promised he would FaceTime every single night and would have hourly pictures sent.
On one of your first weekend trips out to see him, he refused to let you leave without making it official with you. He had you in tears at the end of his ‘I can’t spend another second without calling you my girlfriend’ speech. When he proposed to you he had said that the only thing better than the girlfriend speech was the one he was about to give. His ‘I can’t spend another second without calling you my wife’ speech knocked that one out of the water.
Neither of you wanted to make a big fuss about a wedding. You weren’t interested in the big white dress and the stressful bridesmaids and the whole cliche wedding things. Sebastian suggested getting eloped somewhere quiet with a handful of the most important people in your life. Chris’s mom, Lisa, had offered to hold the ceremony in her backyard. Knowing very well how spacious and beautiful it was, you and Seb graciously accepted her offer.
You kept your dress simple yet elegant, a beautiful white lace dress that ended mid-thigh, and complimented your body so perfectly. Seb kept it classy with a dark blue suit and light blue button-up that brought out his eyes, no tie, because who needs one?
Right at the end of the ceremony right as the officiant was about to have you say ‘i do’, you heard whines coming from Penny, who was sitting right up front on her daddy’s lap. You looked over to see her squirming in his lap and whining out ‘mama’ and reaching out for you. Chris made eye contact with you and mouthed ‘i’m sorry’. You shook your head and let go of one of Sebastian’s hands to motion to let her go so she could walk over to you.
Everyone aww’d as she walked over to you as quickly as her legs could take her. You bent down and scooped her up, resting her on your hip and wrapping your arm around her waist to keep her up. Sebastian made faces at her to make her laugh and keep her happy for a few more minutes. Your photographer had taken advantage of the incredibly sweet moment and had made sure to get as many shots of Penny at the altar with you.
When the officiant pronounced you husband and wife, you were going to set Penny down but Sebastian was quick to pull you both close to him and go in for your first kiss as a married couple with your daughter right there. Everyone cheered and Penny was mimicking the claps of everyone around her. Before he pulled away from you two he pressed two sloppy kisses on Penny’s cheeks as she giggled, which pulled some tears out of you.
No more than 15 people were attending the ceremony. You wanted to keep it quiet with just family and a few close friends. The reception, however, was anyone and everyone you could fit into the ballroom you had rented at one of the best hotels in Boston. All your guests had filled the room before you and Seb arrived. You nervously held his hand as you heard the cheers from everyone inside after hearing the DJ announce “Ladies, gentlemen, and nonbinary friends … let’s give it up for the couple of the hour, Mr. and Mrs. Sebastian Stan!!”
No one understood how you, Chris, and Seb managed to make your situation seem so easy and flawless. He knew that living in Boston was a must, so he bought the house that sits right behind the one you shared with Chris for so many years. He never wanted to get in the way of the system you and Chris had created over the years. Somehow, he managed to make things easier for everyone.
Penny’s first day of school was emotional for all 3 of you. You were all at your front door taking pictures of Penny in her school uniform that she looks so ridiculously cute in and the backpack that was way too big for her. She insisted on getting the Avengers backpack that “has my daddy on it!”
“Okay my love, it’s time for us to go to school! Are you ready?” Chris grabbed her tiny hand and led her to the car.
“Yeah daddy, I’m ready!” Penny said as he lifted her into the car and her car seat.
“Daddy? Mama and Sebbie coming too?” She asked him when he clicked the last buckle together. Right on cue Sebastian opened up the door to the free seat in the back and climbed in right next to her. She squealed in excitement at the sight of Sebastian buckling himself in the car.
Chris laughed at her genuine excitement and made sure all her fingers and toes were inside the car before shutting the door. He saw you lock the front door and make your way to the front seat. He noticed you put a few packs of tissues in your bag before setting it on the ground and buckling your seatbelt.
“Planning on crying today, Y/N?” Chris asked in a teasing tone. You swatted his arm lightly and scoffed at his question.
“Our baby is going to her first day of school, of course, I’m going to cry! I cried last night after I tucked her in, I cried in the shower this morning, I cried doing her hair.” You heard Seb talking enthusiastically to Penny, telling her about all the fun things she’ll get to do in kindergarten.
“It’s okay, I cried in the bathroom while she ate her waffles this morning.” You snorted at Chris’s confession and looked back at your baby girl, who was not a baby anymore. She was waving her hands around telling Seb about how excited she was to see her teacher again.
Chris and Sebastian watched from the car as you walked through the front doors of the school with Penny’s hand in yours. They had agreed that it might not have been a good idea to go in with her since they might get recognized and to avoid causing a ruckus. They both waved at her as she turned around and waved one more time before the door shut.
“Did you and Y/N ever think about having more kids together? If I hadn’t started dating her, do you think you would've had more?” Sebastian asked Chris.
“We never explicitly talked about it. She brought up wanting Penny to have lots of siblings not long after you started seeing each other. She felt guilty and thought that I was going to be upset about you and her maybe having kids one day, which meant I probably wouldn’t have anymore. I told her that this was honestly the best thing that could’ve happened because I don’t think I want any more of my own. Penny is all I ever wished and hoped for, and I got it. But since you’re together, she’ll get all the siblings she could ever want, and I won’t have to change a single diaper.” Chris nudged Seb’s shoulder with his. “You guys thinking about having one?”
“Yeah... Yeah, we are.” Sebastian lowered his head and smiled a bit. “With Penny in school and everything, it makes sense. She’s ready, I’m ready.” Seb sighed and ran his hand through his hair. He looked up and saw you walking back towards them with a tissue in your hand.
“I had the morning crying shift, it’s your turn.” Seb looked at Chris.
Just as Penny wrapped up her very first year in school, you and Sebastian welcomed Beverly Olivia Stan-Y/L/N into your family. Penelope had been so excited to hear that her mama finally had the baby she had been waiting so long for. You had gone into labor in the late afternoon and Beverly made her debut in the middle of the night.
Sebastian had called Chris an hour or so after to let him know that both you and the baby were doing phenomenally and that you were asking for Penny and wanted to see her as soon as you could. Chris chuckled at the demands you were making, knowing very well how the epidural and pain meds messed with you.
Early the next morning Penny had crawled into bed with Chris, crying for you and wanting to know when she was going to see you. It was still too early for them to go to the hospital, so he called Seb in hopes that he was already going to be awake.
A very exhausted Sebastian lit up the screen and Chris heard the soft cries of the new baby in the background. Penny’s cries turned into hiccups as soon as she saw Seb’s face because she knew she would be able to see her mama, too.
“Sebbie can I see mama, please?” Penny’s little voice spoke up. Sebastian immediately handed the phone to you and whispered that Penny was on the phone.
“Hi, baby.” You spoke softly to not disturb the baby.
“Mama when you come home? I miss you.” Penny wiped her eyes with her fists to get rid of the tears stuck in her eyelashes.
“It’s going to be a few days until I get to go home, baby. But you and daddy will be able to come to see me, Sebbie, and the new baby in a few hours. You need to go back to sleep and be a good girl for your daddy. I’m sure he’ll let you have some cuddles in his bed with him and Dodger until it’s time to wake up again.” Penny hiccuped and looked at Chris with eyes that mirrored his. He nodded his head and she buried herself closer to him.
“Okay, I go back to sleep with daddy and Dodger. I love you, mama. I love Sebbie, too.” She yawned out, her eyes blinking with sleep.
“Me and Sebbie love you so much, Penny. We’ll see you so soon, I promise” You blew a kiss to her through the screen and waited for her to throw one back. She giggled when you caught it through the camera and put it over your heart.
You, Sebastian, and Chris all watched with tears in your eyes as Penny held her baby sister for the first time. Penny had jumped right up in the bed next to you the second she walked into the room and told you about all the fun she had with Chris. Seeing your girls together melted your heart into a puddle. Chris couldn’t believe his little girl was so grown up and was a big sister. Seb thought about the night he first met you and Penny and would’ve never imagined that he’d be right here at this very moment.
Everything was so perfect and you never wanted to imagine your life being any different.