gonna put this under a cut, mentions of strokes and hospital things and just a general cry into the void jdmfm
on Saturday I found my dad having a stroke, like a really really bad one, and honestly the sight I saw will never leave my head I think, I've calmed down a lot since everything transpired and he got taken away to a stroke specialist hospital to get treated, but today is gonna be the first time I go up to the hospital with my mum to see him and im just really nervous about it
I just don't even really know what to say, yknow? I have so much I wanna say but I can't really, the poor bloke is still extremely weak and drowsy from the operation that he had and all the meds and just the fatigue you get when you suffer from shit like that, and I'm also pretty scared that he might not want me or my lil bro to see him in this state, he's one of those guys that cannot show weakness in front of people and absolutely despises bein weak and vulnerable (wonder where I get that from...), and honest to god I think it'd kill me if he got upset with me and my bro
I worry about money cause my dad has a great paying job, whilst the rest of us earn pennies in comparison tbh, because if he gets permanently paralysed then I very very much doubt he'll be able to go back to work, so I'm fuckin praying that when he gets to the physiotherapy and speech therapy side of things that it can help and he can push through like the stubborn ol bastard that I know he is
I just hate that there's nothing really anybody can do, we'll have to wait a good six weeks or so to see what the scale of the damage is on my dad's brain and how much of a hike it'll be for him to get back to a livable state. I just pray to whatever god is out there that he can walk and talk properly again as time goes on, I really miss him not being here swearing his head off and being a grump and it just feels really wrong without his presence bein here
I'm gonna do my best to support my mum and bro though, it's starting to hit my mum a lot now so I'm gonna try and stay strong for her and be optimistic about things. I'll defo be comfort doodlin a lot in the coming weeks I reckon when I regain my energy and can sleep properly, it won't be much but I think that'll help take my mind away from things for a little bit
I think I might reblog this later once I've seen my dad and write my feelings n how it went here too, so if you don't wanna see me clog up your feed just block my tag stuff I guess
make sure to tell your loved ones that you love em, you lot, you never know when horrid shit like this will come outta the blue and sweep em away from you
