"Who am I to run in the face of his branding?"
Regulus x Potter! Reader
2,195 words
First part of a two part fanfiction(may write more than two chapters if I get extra inspiration)
Summary: Regulus and Reader have been dating in secret since their fourth year. After returning from winter break of their sixth year Regulus tells reader to meet him at the Astronomy tower at Midnight.
Or: Regulus receives the darkmark during winter break of his sixth year. Now he must face the music and tell the truth to his partner
Can also be found on my ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whydoineedthisusername/pseuds/whydoineedthisusername
It was dark that night. With stormy clouds and bleak skies.
Midnight.
The cold air biting into my skin as I lie in wait for him to come.A note transferred to my pockets in the crowded halls. Discreet and unsuspecting as James tugged me along to the Great Hall.
“Meet me at the Astronomy tower at midnight.”
Nothing more, nothing less, no smiles or caring words. Not even a hint of eye contact lest we risk my brother catching on.
Thunder rumbled in the distance as I was lost in thought. What could it be? Rarely do we meet on school nights; rarely does he need to pass a note. Usually he draws me into a classroom or empty hall to confirm my presence at the tower.
Not that he ever needs to. It's always the same, Saturday at midnight, lost in one another for hours. It's been that way for two years. Ever since we got paired up in fourth year potions; it became irreversible. The hidden touches, whispered secrets, stealthy gazes, became integral to our lives at Hogwarts. The moment our eyes met it was inescapable. Yet still, this change of pace unsettles me.
I’m not stupid. It's impossible to ignore. The war that wages outside this castle. The rise of the Dark Lord. I know what it means for Regulus. Being from the most Noble and Ancient House of Black that darkness surrounds him. This war, this Dark Lord, the Deatheaters have been a part of his life before I even knew of Voldemort's existence. Before the war officially began, the Blacks had already been well established in his favor. I know of the pressures Regulus faces. The expectations. The future his family charted for him does not include joining the Order like his brother. No, like his parents, his cousins, his friends, he is expected to become a servant of the Dark Lord.
A Deatheater.
Is that what this meeting is about? Or has his mother finally found out about our relationship? Is he ending it of his own accord?
I sigh. It's been ten minutes of nothing but my own thoughts, spiraling to the worst possible conclusions. I could be worrying over nothing, maybe this is just another simple meeting, maybe he wanted to see me after hours on more than just Saturday nights. But something is holding me back from believing that. Something in the back of my mind, maybe it's just the abrupt change in routine, maybe it's how quickly he walked away, or the way he wouldn't meet my eyes during dinner. Whatever it is, something tells me it's not that simple.
Footsteps. I turn around before he can even open his mouth to speak and I smile, albeit hesitantly, as Regulus enters my focus. The pit in my stomach continues to build.
“Reggie”, I whisper, practically breathless. The nerves and anticipation rising with every second. His lips twitch into a barely noticeable smile before quickly falling into his infamous frown once again. His eyes are stormy and conflicted, wary and broken, everything about them screams bitter acceptance. As if he's already certain of how this conversation will end.
“Y/n...” He starts but quickly trails off, seemingly unable to find the words he called me here for.
“What is it Regulus, why did you want to meet up tonight?” I ask, trying my best to disguise the uncertainty and fear in my voice. I'm not particularly successful as his frown deepens when I speak.
“We need to talk”, he says with that same uncertainty and apprehension in his voice that had filled my own just seconds ago.
“I know that…” I trail off again. “What about?”
I ask, nervously biting my bottom lip as I wait for his answer. He takes a breath and as he goes to speak I swear I can hear a clock chime deep within the castle. Definitive and foreboding.
He can barely meet my eyes as he goes to speak, brows furrowed, subconsciously grazing his arm. I've rarely seen him like this. So uncertain, the few times I have were during the weeks after Sirius ran away. When he showed up beaten and bloody at our doorstep, bags packed, and notably no Regulus in sight. He had confided in me then, on this same tower, about how he missed his brother, how he hated him, how he regretted not running away with him, and finally, how he knew he never could. This doesn't bode well at all for whatever he's about to tell me. My heart drops again.
“It's-”, he clutches his arm again. “Over winter break…”
his gaze doesn't meet mine, focused solely on the floor. Instinctively I step closer to him, my gaze wary but soft, my hand grasping his shoulder.
“Y/n I'm sorry but I…I had too.” Regulus says as tears fill his eyes.
“Had to what Regulus?” I ask, despite knowing, at least subconsciously, exactly what he meant. I study his expression, his face, the dark eyebags under his now wet grey eyes. He's exhausted, scared, and most notably, he's resigned. To his fate, to his family, to how he has decided this conversation will go, I'm not sure. Maybe all three. He looks as if his head has been thrust into the pillory and the guillotine has already begun to fall.
Instead of answering, he begins to lift the sleeve up his left arm. Slowly, as if once he's done everything will be final. I hold my breath as it finally comes into view.
The darkmark. Symbol of Voldemort's henchmen, of the Deatheaters. It stains his porcelain skin. A blemish on Regulus and myself. I stare down at it, my face pulled into a frown and it feels like reality has finally come crashing down on us. What does it matter if we've spent two years evading the watchful eyes of our siblings, of our friends, of every student at Hogwarts? What does it matter that we've spent every break writing to one another in secret, never signing the letters in case a nosy sibling or parent would read them? What does it matter that I've been fully prepared to defend Regulus to the end of the earth once it were to come out? That I had already accepted the distrust and disgust my friends and brother would throw my way once I told them. What does all of that matter when the war is inescapable and has finally caught up to us? It's not fair, I think, that we've had to take so many precautions, just to be within each other's arms, only for that mark, that symbol, to stain everything we've worked towards.
I take in a shaky breath and look up to Regulus. My eyes filled not with betrayal, not with anger, but instead sadness and grief. I take another step closer to him and despite the hideous snake and skull that now consumes his left arm, I hug him tightly and bury my face into his shoulder as I let my own tears rush out. He doesn't say anything, doesn't react at first, but slowly and surely wraps his arms around me and sobs. We stay like that for a while, unable to stop the emotions that have overtaken us. I can't think about what this means but at the same time I can't ignore it. I've been able to run from this war for so long, despite knowing how many slytherins had already joined his ranks, despite knowing my brother and his friends have joined Dumbledore's order, despite Lily telling me I too should consider joining, I had fooled myself into thinking this war wouldn't reach us. That me and Regulus were owed just one more year of peace before it was finally shattered.
Slowly I remove my face from crushing Regulus’ shoulder and try to compose myself. I have dried tear stains covering my face and a shaky frown on my lips but at least I'm no longer sobbing. Regulus looks down on me, tears still glazing his eyes and that defeated expression still frozen on his face.
“Regulus”, I start, my voice shaky and hoarse.
“I-”, he cuts me off before I can even form a sentence, his voice wavering ever so slightly.
“You don't have to say anything Y/n. I understand. You don't have to spare my feelings, you can leave, I understand”. He places firm emphasis on that last part, knowing of my families standing within the order, knowing of their beliefs and my own, knowing the inevitable danger staying with him would put me in, how much I could lose by doing so, but my eyes widen slightly at his words, at his acceptance, and another tear slips down my face.
“I'm not going to leave you Reggie. I don't want to.” I say as I reach up to cup his cheek. I take a quick glance down at the mark that's still so prominently on display and sigh before looking back into his eyes.
“I-, I already knew this was a possibility. I'm not naive. I know what your family is like. I know their values…” I say, voice firm, a stark contrast to just moments ago.
“I'm not going to lie and say I'm not devastated that you've taken his mark, that you've joined his side…” I break eye contact with him looking off in the distance as I contemplate my next words. “But I knew what I was getting into, I've always known.” I use my thumb to wipe away an escaped tear. “This mark, this allegiance, I know you Regulus, It's hard for me to believe you would seek it out.” My voice is bitter as I speak, not at him, but at the Dark Lord for going after children, at his family for their expectations and the weight they've placed on his shoulders, at me, for allowing myself to fall for a boy I knew would one day bare this mark, and more importantly, for not being nearly as angry at him as I should be. Where was that Gryffindor sense of justice we prided ourselves in? Where was that righteousness my family wore like a heart on our sleeves? Why couldn't I find it within myself to get mad at him? Why do I instead feel a deep rooted sorrow and an unshakable determination to get through this?
As I lost myself within my thoughts Regulus began to speak. Voice soft, whispering as if he’s scared to be overheard. As if vocalizing it will make it more real.
“I didn't want this Y/n, my mother and father, they let him into our home and brought me to his feet.” He looks at me, tears beginning to well up again.
“I knelt for him and let him brand me with this mark. They were all watching…I couldn't- I couldn't refuse”, he says looking away from me, shame, guilt, and resentment filling his voice. His words confirm what I already knew, that his parents had made him stand by the Dark Lord's side, the fears I had, the fears Sirius had, the fears Regulus himself had, had finally come true. The Blacks made their favorite son take on the mark of a monster and of course he agreed because who was Regulus black to defy his fate? Who was he to deny the will of his parents? And now, who is he to defy the will of the Lord they made him serve.
This time I pull him close to me and embrace him again. My fingers running through his hair as I speak. “I know Reggie, I know…” I say soothingly, hoping to calm him down. I hold him tighter as I feel him begin to cry softly again. I look down at him in pity, at what he's agreed to join, the lord he has promised himself to, the conflict I could see within his eyes.
“We'll get through this Regulus, you don't have to worry about me going anywhere, I'll be right here with you through everything okay? We've made it this far already, this mark isn't going to change anything.” As I say this I remove myself from his hold and bring his left arm up to my lips, leaving a trail of soft kisses up his dark mark before finally kissing his lips with a bittersweet smile and a warm gaze.
We made our bed years ago when I first smiled at him across the Great Hall, ignoring my brother's and his friends' antics and Regulus smiled back despite the daggers his brother glared at him. If we have to lie in them now, after years of sneaking around and lying to our friends and families, then so be it. Whether that bed lies in hogwarts, my home, or Grimmauld place, whether it's filled with lions and snakes, it will be our own to claim. I will stand by Regulus Black, through it all, and he too will stand by me and nothing anyone says or does, the Marauders, our parents, or even the Dark Lord himself, will be able to change that.
