You can take your time with this, but how would a wholly genderbent deathnote be?
You can take your time with this, but how would a wholly genderbent deathnote be?
A wholly genderbent death note?
I must admit ,anon -I took my time with this, because the scope of that is a little intimidating. Also Eclipse has been busy with work and Baldur's Gate 3, and hasn't had much energy to brainstorm. Thank you for your patience.
To start with, the gender politics of this world are very different, as a lot of people in important positions have become female.
Higuchi, is head of the technological development of the Yotsuba group at age 32, in 2004. He's canonically obsessed with gaining social status, power, and wealth, and is implied to not be as competent as his colleague's. If it were just him swapping genders that would carry unfortunate implications, but the rest of the group heads were male, are also gender swapped, so now she's power climbing ambitious hate-sink, I guess. Just like before.
Would Demegawa still be a sensationalist media director of a TV station in a gender swap? Maybe not if it was just him being swapped. That story would probably her being a lacky who made it higher (quite possibly to Kira Deaths in the industry) who is running the station in part two, someone who reached too high and fell to Kira like all others.
The director of the FBI Stev(i)e Mason, is female, and so is most of the American FBI, with Misora standing out. Actually, in this AU would Penber have still told her fiance to stay in the kitchen and quit his job in order to marry her? Is she still reluctant to marry him? If so, that certainly carries implications about gender roles in this world.
But let's say things are different and Penber is less of a sexist jerk, and Misora had to tie up some loose ends on a previous job, before Rae dies. Misora is still one of the bigger threats to Light in series, and had to be taken down quickly for the story to work. It would certainly up the stakes if that coincidence was taken out, but keeping them there and playing multi person chess would be a lot harder.
The SPK of America, and the police of Japan are now full of ladies. It turns Lady Lights' desire from controversial to expected again.
On the flipside, crime is also made up of ladies, such as Mello's Mafia, Misa's stalker, and independents such as Otoharada.
It's starting to feel kind of like Barbieland, as there is a noticeably higher number of named male characters then Female in the universe of Death Note. Like really, off the top of my head I can think of 13 named female characters in death note, and I'm including characters like Misa's friend Yoshi.
In this gender swapped Death Note, by 2009, there is something that hasn't happened in reality in the states. There is a Madame President, and Vice president. Mrs Roger is so done with Watari, she never wanted to spend this much time around children and here she is running an orphanage filled with them. I'm going to assume Linda is still into art.
In a world where Watari was the only one gender swapped, I would wonder if Watari's past as an inventor was a bit like L being the world famous detective that no one sees. I also wonder about her backstory having her well trained in espionage, and marksmanship. Watari was born in 1933 (anime), which is in the range of world war 2, but would make her a young child when it started and ended. Does this mean that in the Death Note universe World War 2 lasted longer, or did England get up to orphan spy training programs, that later inspired Watari to create orphan detective programs. Wait, is this becoming a kind of crossover with Gallagher girls? After all, just because Watari founded a school in England, didn't mean she was from there. Also transfers were a thing. Or could have been. That's fun.
I'd say Watari would have to be a lot louder to get such a rep as L's handler. After all, stupid people still exist even when you have a rep. I wonder if she used disguise to help? Of course, thats in a solo, and this is about everyone.
Aiber and Wedy
Wedy is L's profesional cat burglar and survalance expert. In story she mostly looks cool, installs some bugs to evesdrop, and rides a motorcycle.
Aiber gets more to characterize himself and stand out. Aiber is L's professional con-man, and social infiltrator, said to be able to blend in with varied types of social groups. L has enough evidence to land Aiber in lifetime prison, and has saved Aiber's life a couple of times. Its also said (in how to read) that he is multilingual, often assumes fake identidies, and gets his biggest thrills from swindling and living on the edge. Basically. He sounds a bit like a male Black Widow, with less combat training, and tramatic backstory… presumably. Hmmm, also less brainwashing
L trusts Aiber enough to use one of the other detective names he stole, and play the roll of Eraldo Coil. I can't say if Aiber is playing the roll of L playing Coil, or original coil. He also, has a family, and heavily dislikes guns.
For the most part, they are pretty typecast by their character designs if it were a story about any of them individually, there's more space for extrapolation, but in large groups it becomes a norm. Female Aiber could be interesting to explore as an individual. Actually, so could male. Same with Watari, or any of them really, by any writer who decides to get really invested in it.
Still, in fanwork, you have to consider the conservation of the ship of Theseus. At what point in replacing the parts do you have a new ship? Is it when the first nail is replaced? The fifth? The planks? The entire boat? Is it still the same boat after all that change? Likewise, you can never be the same person you were at eleven, or even two years ago. You have grown, your body has changed old cells out for new ones, and most importantly you have had experiences that filter your thoughts into directions that filter your perceptions.
At what point in changing a character do they become an OC committing identity fraud? What core traits are important to keeping a character”in character”, even when you change the experiences that filter their perception of the world? What changes with gender, and what stays the same?
Gender is a big factor in the face we present to the world. It has expectations with it. And the expectations of gender in Japanese culture are different then the ones in the west. Japanese culture is collectivist, and group cohesion is placed higher than the west's individual needs. There is also a shame culture in the east, in contrast to the west's guilt culture. Confucius vs Christian values. There are benefits and pitfalls to both worldviews.
It's not something anyone would know their first time watching eastern media, but with learning more about these cultural aspects, one can look back to characters they didn't previously understand the motives of in a new light.
Time is also a factor. The culture and expectations adults today grew up with, are different from the ones they would have experienced 20 years ago, for all that there have been things that stayed the same?
I should also get into Honne and Tatemae. Tatemae is whats expected by society and required according to one's position and circumstances. The Honne is one's true feelings and desires, which may be contrary to society's expectations and is often kept hidden except with one's closest friends.
It ties in with Japanese Confucianism Beliefs, of human centered virtues for harmonious and peaceful society. Essentially, in Japanese culture Public failure and disapproval of others are seen as a source of shame and reduced social standing, so direct confrontation is something they wish to avoid. The traditional social norm then is to minimize discord, not doing so might be seen as insulting or aggressive.
I feel a good example can be seen in this quote from this article.
Arriving in a country full of unreadable people, I was unexpectedly labelled a wild barbarian for the first time of my life. I laughed on…
“A Belgian friend of mine once kindly told a Japanese librarian that the English travel guides had been misplaced in the “History” section. The woman immediately started apologizing almost hysterically, bowing, hiding her face in her hands and looking so distressed that my Belgium friend started apologizing frantically as well, and left as fast as she could after putting the books back where they belonged. A Japanese student, had he or she noticed the mistake, would probably have took it upon himself or herself to silently put the books back into the right place, and nobody but a foreigner would have casually and publicly proclaimed something was wrong, thus unintentionally shaming the librarian and embarrassing themselves in the process.”
Not to say that we don't have social masks as well in the west. We do. But because its not talked about to keep social cohesion, you often don't realize you have been angering someone to the point hurt and resentment and grudges towards you has built up until things escalate.
Politeness is something that keeps society together. We have scripts for interacting with others to keep things even keel. We have rules that we all follow to more or less get along with other people. This is true of any lasting society.
We all expect other people to follow the rules, and make exceptions for those we consider close to us.
Perhaps that paints Light's killing of criminals with more context. These people did not follow the rules for harmonious society. Light told Rem to find someone selfish and cruel enough to be willing to use the Death Note, while being dumb enough to not spread out his corporate killings. She found Higuchi. Nobody likes him. His collages instantly pin him as Kira. He's a victim no one would have any qualms about dying if it were not for the Kira case.
Lights dream for the Millennium Kingdom-I mean- new world, consist of kind hearted people he deems fit to live in it. He claims that once the world as a whole changes people will become kinder as a whole. He starts with criminals, then plans to move to immoral people, and harassers, and has later plans to kill people who refuse to contribute to the good of society, or lazy people as he put them. I have to wonder whether Light living through “The Lost Decade” had any influence on his thoughts here?
He's basing who should live in the world he wishes to build on those who can follow the rules (both said and unsaid) of society he knows. And he is using the rules of Japanese Justice to enforce them.
The Phoenix Wright games are not a bad place to start understanding Japanese Justice. Japan has a 99.8% conviction rate in cases that go to trial. For all we make jokes about the confetti that comes down when Pheonix wins a case, with those numbers, winning a case as a Defense Attorney is rare, and worthy of celebration.
While no real trial that I am aware of has needed to cross examine a parrot, Japan's “hostage justice” means a long uphill battle for an acquittal.
On Japanese Justice
Japan also practices Capitol Punishment and the death penalty.
To Light, narcissist, son of a police officer, and good Japanese student, this is probably what everyone is secretly wanting but could never do. But he can. And will do it for them. And if not, well they will come around when they see how much better it is, his way. He just needs time to change the world.
But back to a point, of sorts, Eclipse and I try to keep a balance of sorts between what we know of Japanese culture, and fun headcanons. We certainly go into cracky territory (no regrets about Cat Misa here), but I also don't see a lot of reasons that most of the character traits with the other characters need to change with Gender, when gender is not the only factor that make up their persona. What we see of most of the other characters are what are culturally or socially expected of them. We don't see their Honne, just their Tatemae.
I'm going to end this with another Lady Virgilia video about Persona 5, this one about Socialcultural context. P5 is very on the nose apt with its gameplay mechanic about removing their mask to send their will of rebellion out to fight.
Light: Come on Ryuk, do it for our friendship. You can't put a price on that...
Ryuk: Yes I can. Fifty apples.
Near: Cronch.
Near: You hear that? That's the sound of me eating dice.
Roger: No, don’t—
Near: Too late.
Mello: L said I was his second favorite successor, and I was bummed, but then he said Near is his third. He has no favorite successor. He’s holding the position open.
Roger: I bet you’re wondering why I gathered you here today. It’s because we need to have a discussion about how some people in this room aren’t getting along with other people in this room.
Mello: Why did you say that so vaguely? Near and I are literally the only people you called in here.
L: So, how long have you and Misa been together?
Light: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Misa and I are not together. No. No.
L: Really? Sixteen ‘no’s? Really?
Beyond: Don't worry, Misora, I've got a few knives up my sleeve.
Naomi: I think you mean cards.
Mello, narrating: He did not.
Beyond, pulling out knives: I did not.
Matsuda, final episode: Maybe the real monster was the friends we both literally and figuratively murdered along the way.
Misa: I see the red flags, I acknowledge that they're there, and then I completely ignore them.
Soichiro: I can’t tell if you’re a genius or just incredibly arrogant.
L: Well, on a good day, I’m both.
Misa: Look, I know you think my judgement's clouded because I like Light a little bit.
Matsuda, holding Misa’s notepad: You doodled your wedding invitation.
Misa: No, that's our joint tombstone.
Matsuda: Oh, sorry. My mistake.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
We’re children, B wished he could retort. But it wouldn’t solve anything to say that. Such a defense would be considered blasphemy here, since IQ tests holding promising results had been done on all the children participating in the successor program. However, “participating” wasn’t quite the right word. Sure, you could always choose if you wanted to join or not. But once you did, you weren’t allowed to leave.
~~
Beyond and A are tasked with preparing Mello and Near to be L’s successors. But when you really think about it, this whole situation is kind of messed up, isn’t it?
A/N-
TW! Major Character Death, dehumanization, self-harm, and panic attacks (I didn’t describe the panic attacks too in depth, so hopefully it’s fine?)
Did I seriously decide to post a depressing Wammy’s kids fic on L’s birthday? Yes, yes I did.
Fic below cut
”It seems like nothing I say holds any weight towards them,” L stated plainly to Watari, the finger in his mouth slightly slurring his speech. When the older man glanced behind the twelve-year-old blocking the entrance to his room, he could spot (and definitely hear) Mello shouting at Near over something trivial, with the albino letting the screaming wash past him as he glared at the blonde.
“Well, not every generation is a success,” Wammy began with a sigh, but L interrupted him.
“No, I believe these two are probably the closest to the intelligence of the first generation when they had started out.” The child detective looked back at the kids only four years younger than he was. “I simply just don’t know how to control their behavior. I didn’t study child care like you did when you founded this place.” As if on cue, one of the toy robots Near had brought with him while studying was launched and struck L’s calf.
“M,” Watari’s voice lowered as a warning. L moved his hands to his pockets, clenching his jaw slightly. He knew even before M folded his arms that he wasn’t going to apologize. Near glanced between his disgruntled acquaintance and the person he was meant to be idolizing before stiffly walking over to the toy, picking it up, brushing his hand against L’s leg as if to “wipe away the pain” and commenting, “I’m sorry. He meant that for me. If I hadn’t brought my equipment with me, you wouldn’t have been caught in the crossfire.” N seemed to fain sheepishness as he glanced up at L, but the smile he showed was a little too stretched out alongside wide, uncrinkled eyelids.
“Stop sucking up to him! You just wanna make me look bad!” The other child yelled just a little bit too loud, causing a sharp spike of pain to strike L as the detective was forced to momentarily throw his hands over his ears. That seemed to be the breaking point as Wammy swiftly ushered the younger boys out of his bedroom and sending them off to do who knows what. L only let his hands fall back to his sides when it was just him and Watari alone once more, finally safe and sound.
“I can’t teach them like this,” the boy’s voice wobbled slightly, much to his own dismay. He cleared his throat to straighten it out before continuing, “You know I don’t get along with other kids. M and N are smart, but I don’t like the unpredictable nature that follows them, especially when they’re within close vicinity of one another.” The detective slunk over to one of his armchairs and sank into it, wrapping his arms around his legs and pulling his knees tightly to his chest, effectively giving himself what he believed was the same sensation as a hug. He buried his face into himself, trying to become smaller and more snug, as if it would keep away all of the disappointment and frustration that was beginning to boil inside of him. He could crack cold cases, but not wrangle two children into behaving for thirty minutes while working with each other? It was pathetic.
Sensing L’s growing discontent, Watari brazenly strode over to a different side of the room where one of the computer desks was. He opened a few drawers before finding the correct one, pulling out a few small plastic packages containing shortbread and decorating them without their wrappings onto a platter that had been leaning beside the desk carelessly. Although Watari would’ve preferred to use a clean one (and for L to tell him when he had finished using a tray so he that could wash it), this one only seemed to have a few smudges from fingerprints, so he decided to make it work.
Presenting the desserts to the boy, Watari proposed, “Would you like for someone else to prepare them for now? They will still be your future successors at the end of the day, no matter who trains them.” L plucked one of the slices of shortbread between his index finger and thumb, quickly shoving it into his mouth before he could get crumbs all over his lap. He wasn’t completely victorious.
“Do you suppose A and B could do it?” L suggested, not bothering to finish chewing before deciding to speak with his caretaker. “According to their last report cards, at least, the nonofficial ones, neither of them have been falling behind in their subjects. They’d most likely be the best candidates for this since I don’t doubt they’d be able to maintain their grades.” It was a little difficult to grade B’s homework once he began to grow bored of it and challenged himself to get the score of thirteen on any assignment he was given. Teachers had to start giving him tests with only twelve questions or less and hope that he couldn’t calculate the grading scale they needed to change daily with him. Giving B a report card that pretended to let him be in charge of his scores was a way to appease the boy, even if actual grades and the watchful eyes of teachers seemed to show that he still was excelling despite the act that he put on. The only reason he hadn’t gotten in trouble for this was that he was simply doing this out of boredom, a crime that L understood all too well. It was what made him choose to become a detective after all.
“Would you like to explain to them the training?” Watari cut off the boy’s train of thought. Dread clumped together into a lump in his stomach as fear trickled down his body from head to toe. It was silly to feel this way. Illogical. Still, L gave a resounding “No” as his answer.
“Are you sure?” Wammy probed with a raised eyebrow. “Didn’t they used to be your friends?” Yes, they were. Before L realized that children the same age as he was were being raised to take his place once he inevitably died. He could understand those younger than him, since old age didn’t seem to discriminate on who deserved to leave this world. There was just something about knowing that peers as old as he was would live longer than him, become him, and are probably still waiting for him to drop dead, even now before he had done much to help change the world for the better. No, L couldn’t talk to them anymore without feeling unnerved.
“You may tell them as much about their behavioral training as they need to know,” the detective deflected, taking the tray from Watari’s hands and absentmindedly beginning to stack the desserts one on top of the other in the form of a tower. After only beginning detective work four years ago, he was already becoming one of the greatest to ever live. Someone with that much honor didn’t need to relay tasks to ex-friends he didn’t want to see.
“A present?” B looked skeptically at Mr. Ruvie, who had called both him and A to his office. Beyond hadn’t felt anxious about the summoning until he saw Atlas standing with him in front of Roger’s desk. He could count four different reasons why he could’ve been called into the office in order to receive punishment, but having his best friend there changed the matter completely. A was an angel, a rule follower, and to put it simply into the term she hated to hear, a teacher’s pet. People reward you when you follow their rules. It’d simply beneficial to yourself to do so, she had told him once. Which is why Beyond was more than confused on why Roger said they both were going to be given a present each. Believe it or not, B was not very well liked by the teachers at Wammy’s House.
“You both have been doing very well in your studies-“ Beyond slumped his shoulders when he heard this, “and L believes that you’re capable of taking on this task alongside them.” And suddenly, A’s rigid posture also fell at the mention of their predecessor. Mr. Ruvie may have been too dull to catch it, but B could see her folded hands clench tighter to themselves as she began to rock slightly on her feet. Fear built up in B’s throat as a stray, unwelcome thought whispered, ”How mad is she? Is she gonna hurt herself after being reminded of L?” The boy shook his head as if that could make his brain realize he was being dumb. Atlas only did that when she was already upset, or when the subject of conversation was only about how great L was and how much the two of them would have to work to be able to succeed him. She was stronger than that. Right?
“Stop being dumb,” Beyond mumbled to himself, but it seemed Roger heard him and misinterpreted the dialect to be directed at him. The deputy “hmph”ed before declaring,
“If I had any say over it, I wouldn’t have chosen you for this role. I’m sure A would’ve been perfectly fine doing it herself-“
“Mr. Ruvie, what is the task we’ve been assigned?” Atlas cut him off, irritated to see her friend be insulted by using her own talents against him. With his face wrinkled up in annoyance, Roger took hold of his phone and announced over the speakers that were placed in the hallways “M, N, you may enter now.”
Only five seconds later, two boys entered the room. B realized that he had seen them momentarily before he stepped into the office, the two of them waiting on the bench outside, one of them slouched so far down that his head almost reached the seat, and the other’s shoes barely able to touch the floor as he sat upright. Beyond had originally assumed the two were in trouble for something (he could’ve sworn he saw the blonde one get scolded by a teacher for punching someone during recess the other day). Roger rose from his desk and shuffled over to the newcomers, leading them in front of A and B while keeping his wrinkled hands on the boys’ shoulders. The taller one seemed to tense his shoulders at the touch, while the albino had already been tense even before he had been led.
“As you may have heard, M and N are from the new wave of children who came here earlier this week. They have been chosen to be part of the successor program. However…” Mr. Ruvie placed the smaller boy in front of A and the frowning child in front of B. “Since you two are first in line to be L’s successors, I suppose you could say that these two will be succeeding you. A, you are to teach N how to integrate among his peers. He seems to struggle socially, and Watari believes that you are good at befriending people.”
Beyond could tell immediately that the smile Atlas put on was fake. She was nice to people because it made things easier for her. Yes, if you got to know her, the kindness she gave was from the heart, but most of the time it was simply an act to make everything go just a bit smoother in her life. Maybe that backfired now that she’d have to teach a child she had never interacted with. B didn’t know what she was thinking about this new task, he’d have to ask her later when they were alone. N stared at Atlas with a blank look, twisting a finger through his curly hair. When A directed her smile towards him, it seemed more genuine than the one she had given Roger. Still, there was no change on the boy’s face after she did so.
“B,” Mr. Ruvie seemed to sigh his name, “You’re to teach M about why rules and getting along with other people are important. I’m sure you have experience in this field.” While it was true that B had figured out which rules at Wammy’s would get him in real trouble versus which ones were simply an inconvenience, that didn’t mean that Beyond had stopped causing problems. Maybe Roger’s slight at him from before about A handling both kids had some merit.
M was nudged, with a bit more needed force than N, towards B. The younger boy’s nose wrinkled as his eyes narrowed. “Why do you look like L?” There was truth towards the comment; Beyond had began dying and cutting his hair to match L’s years ago when they were friends so that they could claim to be twins. It had become a habit, one that he chose not to stop even after their friendship had soured. He liked how he looked, and if that bothered the detective, then L would simply have to change how he looked instead.
“Who’s to say L doesn’t look like me?” Beyond challenged, not bothering to spare the nicety of a smile like A had done with N. Roger had put on his scolding voice (which was hardly different from the grunting tone he already spoke with) as he began to reprimand B for already “acting out” in front of the younger two. But Beyond tuned him out, both because he was used to Roger’s chiding and because he caught how M seemed to nod his head slightly at B’s response.
“I know he’s a liar…” the blonde mumbled, redirecting his glare at the ground. Beyond took that as a win and felt a tiny bit of what must’ve been pride when he realized that he and A weren’t the only successors who disliked L. He spared an amused glance towards A, who hid her smile behind her fist. She faked a cough before looking at Mr. Ruvie with a real smile. “B and I will try our best. Are we supposed to have certain tasks to do with them or report anything to you?”
“Watari will oversee your progress,” Roger grumbled, turning his back on the children and he shuffled back over to his seat behind the desk. “‘Are we supposed to have certain tasks?’ The nonsense! You’re geniuses, you should be able to figure out what to do without any guidance.”
We’re children, B wished he could retort. But it wouldn’t solve anything to say that. Such a defense would be considered blasphemy here, since IQ tests holding promising results had been done on all the children participating in the successor program. However, “participating” wasn’t quite the right word. Sure, you could always choose if you wanted to join or not. But once you did, you weren’t allowed to leave.
“I have a few questions,” N announced as he walked hand in hand with A out on what Wammy’s House considered to be the backyard. It felt more like a park, but it was a nice and wide open for the hundreds of kids who lived there. Watari had entrusted A and B with the true identities of N and M, stating that while it was usually against protocol to do so, since L already knew their names when training them and they were going to be L one day, it didn’t really matter since the two successors were already held in such high esteem. Atlas had asked N if he had any other names besides the letter he was assigned, just to see what he would let her call him. He had already picked the alias Near. It suited him, although, so did his given name, Nate.
Atlas looked down at the eight-year old and smiled, trying to give him any sort of warmth she doubted L had given him. “Ask anything you like!”
“Will you tell Watari or Mr. Ruvie if I do?” The boy’s eyes bore into hers, looking dull yet cautious. Perhaps if they hadn’t been gray, they would only seem like the latter. Atlas forced a laugh, not knowing why she felt a little anxious by the question. Attempting to jest, she promised,
“I won’t, as long as it’s not about advice on dating girls.”
“You don’t have to worry about me asking about that,” Near shook his head before letting his eyes trail back to the nonexistent path in front of him. There technically were paved walkways to take, but Atlas had insisted they walk in the grass, exploring like the kids they were supposed to be.
“I was wondering why it’s considered wrong to kill animals that we find outside during break time.”
Atlas stopped walking. N continued for a few paces before realizing that she had paused when the hand clasped in hers was stretched out and hardly in her palm anymore. Wordlessly, he stepped backwards twice and slid his hand into hers again, like he was following an unspoken order. They had only started holding hands in the first place because A had felt a sense of responsibility in showing someone younger than her how to interact with the big scary world. Now she was the one starting to feel scared. Careful to not let her fear show on her face yet unable to keep her smile, Atlas asked in a neutral voice, “Near, why do you want to know that? Have you been killing squirrels? Birds?” N seemed to realize she was looking him in the eyes again, so he went back to keeping her gaze.
“No, I haven’t.”
“Would you tell me if you did?” The boy looked to the side, not answering for a few seconds. He seemed to actually be thinking about if he would. His eyes locked back on hers.
“I think I would. But if you told anybody else, then I would lie about it.” A didn’t know how to respond to that. Her mask slipped slightly and she was sure Near caught that it was fear which was causing her eyes to widen. “I was just wondering because we were dissecting frogs yesterday, and the teachers encouraged it. But I’ve also seen parents yell at their children for even throwing rocks towards animals that were able to easily dodge it. Like you said, birds and squirrels. I don’t understand the difference.” The boy broke eye contact and let his hand slip out of A’s, reaching down and picking up a fallen leaf from the ground. “I want to know why. I don’t like not knowing.”
“Well…” Atlas started slowly, crouching down beside Near as he ripped tiny pieces of the leaf apart. “There’s a reason behind dissecting frogs. We…don’t just do it to do it. We do it because…we’re supposed to be learning about anatomy and biology. Throwing rocks at animals doesn’t have a purpose.”
“But what if my purpose was to see what they would do?”
“I think you know what they would do,” A said firmly, leaning closer to the boy to keep looking at his eyes, which still did not focus on her. “And if you didn’t…you could always read up about it or ask a teacher. Or me. You don’t have to figure it out on your own, somebody’s probably already figured it out.”
“And if I did, I would get in trouble like Mello does,” N commented, twisting the now leafless stem around in his hands. Atlas sighed, her eyebrows furrowing in worry, not sure if what she was saying was the correct things that Near needed to hear.
“Right, you would get in trouble. And getting in trouble isn’t much fun, is it?” Near shook his head before finally looking back at Atlas. He smiled, yet there was something slightly off about it. His eyes didn’t match the emotion that was meant to be conveyed with his mouth.
“I understand now. Thank you for not getting mad at me.” Although still uncertain, A felt a bit of pity tug at her heart as she offered her hand once more so that they could keep walking.
“I’m not mad. I just want to make sure that you’re okay.”
“The last time I asked something like that, a teacher got mad,” N stated casually as he let himself be pulled up back into a standing position. He seemed to begin leading Atlas rather than both of them walking around randomly at the same stride. “So I don’t do that anymore.”
A inhaled sharply, tears threatening her eyes even if she didn’t necessarily feel sad. The situation began to remind her of B’s predicament. Deciding that maybe Near would benefit from hearing an example of a situation similar to his, Atlas confessed, “You know, Beyond had that issue with teachers too. He told them and a bunch of kids that he knew their real names and when they would die. A lot of adults got mad at him, told him to stop spreading lies. It made him really upset, but he stopped doing it so that people wouldn’t call him crazy and send him away.”
Near’s eyes widened, shock being one of the first genuine emotions she had seen the boy emote. “Was he telling the truth?”
A looked towards the tree line that they were reaching and gently guided N to start turning the direction the two of them were walking in. She swallowed a thick wad of saliva before admitting, “I believe that he believes he sees everyone’s names and deaths. I just…think he’s ill. But that doesn’t mean he needs to be sent away. I don’t know if you’ve got to see much of B since you’ve been here this week, but he’s doing just fine.”
“Would they send me away? If they thought I was sick?” Near asked, tugging at Atlas’s sleeve and trying to get her to look at him again.
“Maybe…” Atlas muttered, feeling uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was going in. But when she looked at Near, she didn’t see something dark with the previous question he asked. Just…fear. She gave him a small smile, “But they won’t know if you don’t let them see it. You said they got mad when you asked them a question, so maybe just save those questions for me, okay?” A nod. “I won’t tell them anything, even if I do end up thinking that you might be sick. Like I said, I think B’s ill, and he’s my best friend.”
N seemed to ponder this for a moment, letting the two walk in silence as he attempted to kick a random rock that they came across. It didn’t move as far as it would have if they had been walking on a path. Finally, he spoke up, “Would you help me pretend not to be ill?” The boy moved in front of her to make sure she looked at him as he grabbed her other hand as well. “I don’t want to be sent away. I’m not crazy.”
Atlas felt her tongue lay down heavy in her mouth. A part of her said that she really should say no. Another part of her vocalized, “Yes” to the worried child in front of her. Near smiled again, his eyes twinkling as he did so.
“I like you.”
Beyond had been trying to eat his butter and strawberry jam sandwich in peace alone at his lunch table when a ruckus began over by the younger age group side of the cafeteria. With a groan, he wiped butter away from his lips with his shirt sleeve and headed over. As he made his way through kids much shorter than him since they hadn’t gotten a gross spurt yet, many parted ways to let him pass. Maybe it was his tall figure, his reputation, or just the plain irritation on his face, but they knew not to get in B’s way. As he had suspected, Mello was in an argument with another kid and had thrown some of his lunch at him, the victim now stained with mashed potatoes and gravy.
Beyond grabbed the boy by the back of his collar and started dragging him away from the other child. No doubt, that student would go tattle the moment Mello and B were out of sight. M seemed to know this and was desperately clawing at B’s hand, dragging his own feet to try to slow the older boy down, every once in a while swinging his legs trying to strike B. Alas, Beyond’s strength was greater, and he was able to successfully move his successor two hallways away from the lunch room. With a sigh through his nose, B pushed Mello into a bench, looking down at him in disappointment.
“He freaking deserved it, why’d you get in the way?!” M attempted to stand up abruptly, but B simply pushed him back down again with one hand. With much frustration, the younger boy crossed his arms and didn’t attempt to stand again.
“‘Cause maybe I want to have one lunch period without you causing problems? I could hear you all the way across the room-“
“There’s an echo anyway, it’s not that surprising-“
“Other people are having class right now,” Beyond ignored Mello’s interruption. “Like, kid, I don’t blame you. I’m sure he probably did deserve….whatever he did, but you’re gonna get in trouble, man.”
M glared at B, baring his teeth as he did so. He practically spat, “You get in trouble too!”
“Yeah, but I’m smart about it,” Beyond rolled his eyes. “You gotta pick your battles. What happened today? So many witnesses. You’re gonna get in trouble and I can’t help you when that happens.” Mello scoffed, not meeting Beyond’s eyes. “Next time, if you’re gonna cause trouble, you have to do it right.”
“Like how?” M squirmed in his seat with a grimace. The bench was polished wood. Pretty, but with no cushions, sort of uncomfortable.
“Well, what did he do?”
“He stole Matt’s goggles again!” M snapped, shooting his glare back at Beyond. “I was simply defending him against a bully. I’m justice!” Well, that sounded familiar to a certain detective he knew… Mello made a fist and punched it into his other hand, as if that would do anything. “He lied and said he didn’t do it, but he’s done it before and he looked away when I questioned him!” B was still a little new to the revelation of Mello having a friend. After a month of being here, he had actually met someone who he didn’t pick a fight with. Beyond personally found the kid a little boring, but if Matt helped M calm down, then he didn’t really care. B didn’t know what he would do without A, and Mello was supposed to play nice with others anyway.
“Okay, so next time, steal something of his. It’s not that hard.”
“You’re telling me to steal?” Mello cast a look of disbelief. He didn’t seem offended by the idea of it, just suspicious why the boy meant to keep him in check was giving him tips on revenge.
“Uh, yeah?” B retorted as if the question was the dumbest thing he had ever heard. “The teacher’s aren’t gonna fingerprint you for it or anything. Matt’s goggles randomly disappeared? Whoops, so did that kid’s book report assignment that’s due in two days. That simple.” The boy leaned forward on the bench.
“And it works? You’ve never been caught?”
“It’s not one hundred percent fool proof, but there’s a much greater chance you’ll get away with it than throwing food at a kid in front of his friends and classmates that hate you. Just take something of his, and what do you know, Matt’s goggles will magically be found in his room again as if he had just misplaced them. Then you return your hostage and make it look like a misplacement as well. Badabing badaboom! Problem solved.”
Mello nodded his head, all of the anger flushed out of his system. Beyond mentally noted that that had been quicker than last time. It was getting easier and easier to get M to calm down and listen to him. Sure, his temper was still awful with anybody else, but baby steps. Baby steps. There was at least a respect growing between the two of them because B knew what Mello was dealing with and didn’t just give him the advice of “let’s not do that again, that was naughty”.
“I think I’ll do that,” the boy announced as he was finally allowed to stand up. B glanced at the clock in the hallway and sighed when he realized lunch time was over. His food had probably been thrown away by the clean up crew. His back slouched slightly as he put one hand into his pocket and led his other hand’s thumb to brush against his lips, subconsciously rubbing it back and forth. He was only made aware of this when he caught M staring, causing the older boy to pause and slowly withdraw his thumb. Mello narrowed his eyes before stating quite boldly,
“I think you’re better than L, even if he’s smarter than you.”
“Okay, ouch.”
“You’re more fun,” M emphasized, leading Beyond to believe it was supposed to be a compliment. The kid took off sprinting, most likely heading to the bedrooms to go steal something from his perpetrator. A teacher came up to Beyond only a minute later asking if he had seen Mello. B didn’t falter as he blatantly lied to her, claiming he hadn’t seen him all day. Her face turned ugly as she informed him that many children claimed to watch him drag M out of the cafeteria. Beyond wasn’t even following his own stupid advice about choosing his battles and not being caught by witnesses. It was all that dumb Mello’s fault. Yet, it strangely didn’t seem to bug B, even when he began to be berated for “hiding” a student who needed to be punished.
While it was by no means perfect, L began to see a change in Mello and Near’s behavior each time they came in for their biweekly case study with the detective. They still bickered, but at least there was no physical altercation between the two of them. Yet, for some reason, that didn’t necessarily put L at ease. While they didn’t act out, he could sense the tension growing between them. Instead of shouting and throwing things, Mello would suddenly drop his anger out of nowhere, nodding to himself and seemingly tucking whatever situation was going on for later use in the back of his mind. Near didn’t glare or stand silently any more. Now he either would verbally complain about Mello like any other child his age would, or be a complete little angel, apologizing to his classmate and attempting to appease him.
It was odd, and while it put L off a little, he did decide that he preferred it to the usual chaos that came from the two of them. It certainly made teaching how to solve cases go by quicker. He was beginning to pick up on their solving methods and was pleasantly surprised to see a bit of him in both of them. Mello was willing to take risks. While it was brash, it could also lead an investigation team straight to victory without worrying about more casualties (as long as his method wasn’t too dangerous). Near took things nice and slow. If time was of the essence, this would pose to be a problem, but in cases where the issue wasn’t an immediate threat, N would be able to basically solve it perfectly in one try, even if it took him a while to get there. Now if only L could get them to work together, they would be the perfect successors to him. Yes, A and B were still a bit more intelligent, but-
But…he didn’t want them to succeed him. He didn’t dare say this out loud to Watari. It was selfish, he knew this. Maybe he could hope that as they grew older and flourished under B and A’s guidance, M and N would become even smarter than them and Watari would consider them to be the first choice candidates instead. No, he couldn’t bet on that. All of this nonsense thinking just because he didn’t want successors his age to take over when he died. Or was it more than that? Was it easier to accept those younger than him taking his place simply because he had not as great of a connection with them? Did he not want those he used to consider as friends to die in the same way he knew he would?
“L…” Mello shook the detective’s shoulder. He realized he was still crouched on the floor in front of the coffee table where case files had been laid out. It must’ve been the end of the session, since Near was already gone without saying goodbye. L pushed himself up, wincing as his back cracked slightly.
“Mmmh, studying is over, you can go now.”
“I don’t want to work with Near.” Dark eyes met blue ones. Yes, his foolish fantasy of the two children working together was far, far away into the future.
“You’re the top two students in your class for the successor program. You have to, that’s just simply the rules.”
“Well, screw the rules then,” Mello snarked, retrieving a chocolate bar from his back pocket, quickly unwrapping the top and chomping into it. L narrowed his eyes in suspicion as he scratched one of his legs that had fallen asleep with his foot.
“Is that my chocolate?”
“He’s really weird. He sucks up to people, but doesn’t brag about it to others when grownups aren’t looking. It always feels like he’s planning something.”
“Probably studying for finals. He is slightly ranked above you, I wouldn’t be surprised,” the detective dismissed as he began to rummage through his cabinets just a few paces away, looking for his box of chocolate bars to confirm the number that were still in there.
“No, he hardly studies, he just remembers. He’s weird, I’m serious. I’ve known him for six months-“
“So have I.”
“No, you haven’t,” the blonde growled. “You see us, like, three times a month. I see that loser every. Single. Day.” L withdrew his box of chocolate bars and brought it over to M, pointing at the empty space.
“There used to be fifteen in here. Now there’s only fourteen.”
“That box used to have twenty-six bars total, maybe you just miscounted.”
“I-“
“Mello, you in here?” L clamped his mouth shut as the boy turned around to face the doorway. The former set the box down on the coffee table, his back slightly more hunched when he rose up again. At the now opened door was Beyond. His eyes widened in surprise at the sight of L, before his gaze turned more sour. L ran a hand through his hair, trying to not feel the confusion and irritation that was building up inside his chest. How did B still look like him? They hadn’t seen each other face to face in over a year.
“He just stayed behind to chat a little longer, that is all.”
“I’m glad A wasn’t here to see you,” B barked, showing absolutely no composure in front of the kid whose anger issues he was meant to be managing.
“This is my room, I don’t know why you’re surprised to see me here.” M looked at the two of them, back and forth for a moment before interjecting,
“Well, I can just go now, so…” Beyond didn’t make a single step away from the door. He stood there, simmering. His eyes glanced momentarily above L’s head before he smirked mischievously.
“Well, Lawly, it was not nice seeing you again.” The boy gave a sarcastic two finger salute. When Mello looked back at L, the detective looked bristled. He had no idea how close B had been to saying his name. Just before the boy stepped into the hallway, L called out,
“That was very mature of you, Benjamin.” Beyond had already been turned around at that point, so all Mello could see was his shoulders rise up before he slammed the door shut, leaving the two alone. Confused by the ordeal, M just stood there for a bit. L picked up some of the files from the table and handed them to Mello, making the latter frown when he realized he was being given homework. What about stupid Near?
“Please finish that before our next session, but not all in one day, mind you.” The detective smiled, causing Mello even more confusion. What was so wrong with finishing it in one day? He had done it in the past, but that didn’t necessarily mean that his work was sloppy. When M stepped out into the hallway and found B still waiting for him, he couldn’t help but ask why L had called him Benjamin. B scoffed, hands in his pockets and walking in front of Mello, as if he didn’t want the boy to see his face.
“You know how your real name’s Mihael, not Mello?” M gaped, about to ask how B knew his name but Beyond kept talking. “Well, Beyond is my real name. Benjamin was just an alias that L and I came up with together because I wanted to be called something normal.”
“Like Matt,” Mello mumbled to himself before realizing he probably shouldn’t be telling B that he broke the rules with his friend by sharing each others’ real names. Then again…it was B. M fumbled with the files, the papers made a slight crinkling noise when they did so. “But you don’t use that name anymore?”
“No,” Beyond growled. “I hate him. He’s caused so many problems for me and Atlas, and he’s doing the same to you and Near, even if you don’t see it yet. He’s awful.”
Mello almost agreed, except…he didn’t really mind doing cases with L. It was mostly Near that made him upset during those sessions, and L probably couldn’t let them work separate like M had wanted to if Watari had power over what the detective said and did. So Mello kept his mouth shut and let B seethe. Only once Mello began flipping through the files did he realize there were six chocolate bars sandwiched in between the cases. Chocolate bars that he had not stolen this time.
It was going to be one of those days, wasn’t it? Atlas was lying on her stomach, face pressed into the carpet of her bedroom floor. Was it luck or misfortune that she didn’t have a roommate to witness her in this state? Three blankets were wrapped around her as she hugged herself as tightly as she could. She didn’t know why she felt depressed today, and it frustrated her. At least some days, it was caused by an actual reason, like the ever increasing thoughts of still not catching up to L, still not being good enough for him, no matter how hard she tried. Every day was the same. She did homework that drained her, cases which frustrated her even when she did finally solve them, forced herself to brush her hair, was unsuccessful in convincing herself to brush her teeth, and finally, train Near.
To be honest, training N wasn’t so bad. It was nice to talk to somebody, especially since nowadays B and A’s workloads for classes were being taught in different groups so she didn’t get to see him as often. And he’d been training Mello, who she didn’t mind, but Atlas did wish to have some alone time with her best friend. She did like teaching Near, even if it wasn’t the type of stuff she thought she’d have to teach him about. How to make his smiles look genuine, why people would be upset if he did certain things, he could rely on her and not need to have control over every aspect of his life just to make sure he could protect himself. It was just tiring and sometimes worrying. Yet she still had faith in him. Near seemed to trust her, or at least nod his head along with what she said and claim that he would do it. Atlas kept her word and didn’t tell anyone about the questions she didn’t think a ten-year-old would typically ask.
But today, she just didn’t have the motivation for it. If she wasn’t able to even force herself to walk to the cafeteria to eat lunch, why would she have the energy to mask the growing numbness inside of her? Hiding it all behind a smile…it was exhausting. The only good thing about today was that it was Saturday, so A wouldn’t have to lie and say that she was too sick to go to her classes. She would just keep lying on the floor, like she already had been for the past two hours now. Sometimes she’d fall asleep and then wake up hoping to feel refreshed but only felt more drained. She felt so useless, wasting precious hours of the day doing this when she could be doing more important things like saving lives by solving cases. Atlas wished B was here. The girls’ and boys’ rooms were on separate sides of the orphanage, and you weren’t allowed to cross sides, even if you wanted to see your sibling. You’d have to meet in a public place, like a lounge or classroom.
And yet, Near did not seem to mind breaking this rule, Atlas found out that day, when there were two knocks against her door, N shuffling inside before she could even reply. She tried to shove herself off of the ground as he closed the door, her arms popping and her head aching and feeling light as she did so. N’s voice flatly stated, “You don’t need to pretend for me. I know. And I’m not pretending right now either.”
A debated whether she should listen to him or not before feeling another wave of exhaustion and deciding to flop back down on the ground. She turned her head so that she could look up at the boy, her lip trembling as her voice shook.
“I’m sorry, you’re not supposed to see me like this.” Atlas sniffled, trying to keep her tears from falling down as Near sat down in front of her, one of his knees tucked beneath him and the other pointed towards the ceiling.
“You’re sick,” N remarked. Atlas could tell he didn’t mean physical illness. A few tears trickled down A’s face, which she was quick to wipe away as they came. She nodded her head.
“Yeah, I guess I am,” she admitted breathlessly. Atlas turned her face towards her blankets so that she could let herself sob noiselessly without Near seeing it. She didn’t even realize how much she was trembling until she felt N try to keep his hand steady on her shoulder, which was hidden beneath a mass of blankets. She threw the blankets away from her face, not stopping herself from breaking down in front of him anymore. A knew that she looked like a mess when she cried, her face flushing red like her eyes did. At least she didn’t have long hair like she did when she was younger, or else she’d have to worry about the disgusting result of crying too much seeping from her nose into loose strands of her hair.
She pointed out, “You learned that from me,” referring to Near’s hand on her shoulder. He nodded before asking,
“Is it working? Are you feeling better?” Atlas shrugged, not wanting to admit that the answer was no. She didn’t want N to start doubting the lessons on human behavior that she gave him. The boy silently let her continue to noiselessly cry on the ground for about five more minutes. It felt like forever in A’s mind. It was then that he suggested she sit up.
“You don’t have to stand, just move a bit so that you can breathe easier.” Part of Atlas’s brain screamed at her to just keep lying on the ground and not get up, since nothing ever changed. No matter what happened today, this feeling would come back again. And maybe if it was an adult telling her to get up, she wouldn’t have obeyed. But for her successor, she attempted to follow the command he gave her. When A was in a slightly decent sitting position, Near surprised her by wrapping his arms around her tightly. She couldn’t recall a time he had ever hugged her, ever hugged anybody. Atlas could no longer keep her crying quiet as she buried her face into the smaller child’s shoulder.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have to do this. I’m supposed to deal with this myself.”
The boy said nothing, just let her ramble apologies over and over. It took awhile, so long that Atlas’s neck felt sore when she lifted it away from N, before she finally asked,
“Why are you here? You know you’re not allowed to be over here.”
“I know that you’re sick, and I had a feeling you weren’t doing too well when you didn’t meet me after lunch for a lesson.” When had he picked up on her depression? A made sure to smile as much as she could around the boy, so as to give him some sort of trustworthy safe place to head to when he needed it. She had been careful about how she phrased things, especially when it came to discussing the successor program. She typically put her feelings on a shelf, numbly continuing the conversation and dealing with the anger and stress about the system later when she was either alone in her room or venting with Beyond about it.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know if I can teach you today,” Atlas pried N’s limbs away from her own. She scrunched her face in disgust when the next time she sniffled ended up with her swallowing a glob of mucus.
“Can I learn about you then? We can discuss how your illness works instead of mine today.” His face stayed blank, even after she nodded her head. That didn’t bother A. If he was tired of faking emotions on his face, then he didn’t have to make any. What did bother her was a voice in her head that sounded just like her, which said that no matter how much she talked about what she was going through, none of it would help. Near couldn’t help her. Beyond couldn’t help her. L for sure wasn’t helping. They were all stuck in a system forced to become perfect little marionettes to control. A hated that feeling. And the dark thoughts surrounding the subject only got heavier when it finally clicked in her head that this system didn’t just end with her. It would happen to N, too. It already was. And if she couldn’t even protect herself, how could she possibly protect him from it tearing him apart?
When B waited for Mello to leave L’s room, he was no stranger to Near typically bolting out of the doorway and needing to step aside to let the kid do so. This time, however, the albino stopped in front of him, staring him straight in the eyes.
“I need to talk with you.”
“Well, here we are. Conversing.” Beyond smiled at his little joke. He thought he saw a twinge of anger in N’s eyes before the boy let out a small chuckle. B hadn’t expected him to actually reciprocate.
“Good one,” Near added energy to his voice before dropping it back to its flat tone, “but this is about A. Can we talk in private?” Without waiting for Beyond’s response (which would’ve been “no” since he was waiting for Mello), N took B by the hand and led him to an empty classroom, not even bothering the flick the lights on as he started talking.
“I know teachers thought you were crazy in the past.” The statement threw B in for a loop as he tried to process what that meant. It was dark enough to where he could hardly see the other side of the classroom.
“Huh?” B moved to flick on the light switch. His hand was swatted at, leaving a hot stinging sensation. That smack was supposed to hurt. Beyond glared at the dull eyes which glared right back at him. “What was that for? Are you trying to tick me off?”
“You see death. And people’s names. At least, you think you do.”
Beyond froze. Sure, he still used his eyes sporadically, but he hadn’t mentioned them in years, definitely quit talking about them before N arrived here. He glanced up at the name above Near’s head. Nate River. He didn’t dare calculate the date of death above that name.
“I’ll tell teachers you were telling me about them. Make everyone think that you’re crazy and send you away. I’ll do it if you don’t help Atlas.” N’s voice, usually so calm, had began to pick up speed a bit. He seemed to realize this and purposely slowed his speech down on the last word he spoke, despite how janky it sounded. He covered the light switch with his right hand.
“What in the world are you talking about?!” Beyond snapped, leaning over Near and trying to use his height as an advantage to intimidate the kid. It seemed to have no effect. He wasn’t acting like a ten-year-old, not even like a normal child genius like so many kids at Wammy’s were. “Why are you threatening me? A’s my friend! Of course I’d help her with anything!”
“She’s sick. You haven’t done enough,” Near accused. This only made B’s confusion grow. He had seen her in passing two days ago and she looked normal. “I need her. She helps me pretend to be human.”
“And you don’t think you are?” Beyond laughed, frustration leaking into his voice. B believed in a few things considered to be paranormal. Shinigami were real, he was sure of it. But this kid was no shinigami. The albino’s glare grew ever more sharper at the comment. His free hand clenched into a fist at his side, but B was confident he’d be able to beat him if Near decided to pick a fight.
“Whenever I do what other people do, they know something’s wrong! They know I’m different. I’m not like them! I don’t feel human!” This was the loudest Beyond had ever heard the boy raise his voice. Yet, he was way too ticked off to even care about the difference in the way N was presenting himself.
“Well, you don’t need to go off threatening her best friend because of it! Just ask me for help like a normal person next time, man!” Shoving the kid with one hand and watching him stumble didn’t relieve him of his anger like he hoped it would. So B exited the classroom before Near could stop him, off to search for A. Whatever else N might’ve planned to do while they were away from prying eyes, Beyond wanted to take no part in.
“Sorry it’s been a bit since we’ve had some one on one time,” Beyond forced a smile onto his lips as he grasped some fish in his hands to take a chunk out of. Atlas poked at her fish with a fork, seeming uninterested in even attempting to eat the meal. Her eyes seemed slightly unfocused and refused to meet B’s. The smile he had forced plummeted off of his face when he understood it was worthless. He mulled over his food as well as his thoughts, trying to decide what he should possibly say next. The two were eating outside today on the patio. It was windy, but B hoped that even a few seconds of the sun peaking out from behind mountains of clouds may help A’s mood. Beyond could feel the table leaving diamond shaped imprints on where he rested his arms. Atlas finally started the conversation up again, with quite the introduction.
“Isn’t it kind of messed up that we’re fifteen and are forced to investigate gorey murder scenes that even regular adults shouldn’t have to be exposed to?”
The lump of fish in B’s mouth became difficult to swallow as he set the rest of his food back down on the plate.
“I mean…yeah, but I guess we did choose this-“
“Did we?” Atlas’s eyes shot up to B’s. He couldn’t bring himself to look away after she did so. “Or did we just hear that L ‘finally felt fulfilled’ with his life and we decided to join him?”
“We don’t need to talk about L,” B’s voice lowered. Nowadays, he was getting irritated even hearing his name. But the boy was more worried about A’s reaction to discussing him. That hadn’t gone well in the past and it didn’t seem like it was going to go well now.
“But how can we possibly talk about the successor program without mentioning who we’re taking over for?” Atlas shoved her plate further away from her, less of an action due to lack of appetite and more so because she felt like lashing out. “You think we could leave if we asked?”
“Well, we haven’t tried-“
“I have!” B’s eyes widened. She had never even hinted at going to ask Wammy about dropping out. When did this happen, why didn’t she tell him? A’s hands reached up into her hair as she tugged at it in irritation. “Roger said that too much money, time and effort has been invested into me. I can’t afford to quit now and it would be selfish for me to do that when I could be saving lives!” Atlas’s voice had begun to start sounding wet with tears that she always stubbornly refused to let fall. Beyond reached out across the table, not sure whether to grab her hands or pull her closer by her arms. By the time he settled in between, Atlas flinched and ripped herself from B’s grasp, letting out a sharp exhale as two tears rolled down her cheeks. She wiped them away and stood up quickly, the chair screeching against the pavement as she did so.
A heavy snowball of dread kept rolling bigger and bigger inside B’s gut as he shakily stood up, his mind not wanting to believe what his body already knew. He couldn’t stop his voice from raising, even though he knew it would only make things worse.
“Atlas, you didn’t. You promised you wouldn’t!” A took a step back, her face scrunching up in a mix of anger and pain. All that escaped her lips was an unintelligible, frustrated noise. Beyond took a step closer, tears burning his eyes abruptly. His body shook and he couldn’t stop it, even when he tried to hold his own arms still. “You said that you would try the rubber bands!”
“They weren’t enough, B! You don’t get it, I did try!” Atlas shouted right back at him. Heart racing in his chest, he took her by the arms, far enough down by her elbows where he knew he wouldn’t be pressing against her injuries.
“Show me them,” he demanded, feeling each breath enter and exit him so forcefully, so painfully. Anger burned in A’s eyes as she rolled her white sleeves down by the slightest bit. Even from such a small action, Beyond could spot the large dark scabbing. His breathing rising faster and faster, he let go of her and put his hands to his face, angling his head towards the sky, gasping out the words “Oh my-oh my fricking-Atlas, you didn’t!”
I’m not enough. I didn’t stop it in time. She hasn’t done this in so long. Why, why wasn’t I enough? Why didn’t I noticed? This is all my fault, oh my goodness. Please don’t tell me she did it because of me. Please, oh my goodness, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Why didn’t I stop it?
Thoughts rushed through Beyond’s head without filter, pounding against his skull back and forth like a heavy wind shaking a metal cage.
“Please don’t be mad at me!” Atlas sobbed, rolling her sleeves back down before hugging herself. At the image of her doing so, Beyond threw his arms around her and drew her close. He was still crying, taking Atlas’s head with one of his hands and pressing it against his face so that he could bury himself into her hair. In between small gasps of tears, he kissed her forehead, before returning to his tight grip around her. The two stood there inconsolably for a while. Eventually, the voice of Wammy was asking them in a worried tone if everything was alright. Beyond pulled his face away from Atlas’s hair, feeling the tiniest bit of relief that he had only been caught hugging her chest to chest. He didn’t freaking care about the rules one bit right now, and even if he did, Watari had no right to punish them when they were in such a state.
He glared at the old man, rage heating up his face. It was his fault that they were in the successor program. Him and L. No, no it was every adult who sat by at this orphanage and pretended like this upbringing was okay.
“We’re fine,” Beyond grumbled, his voice slightly raspy. Despite no longer hugging her completely, he still had Atlas pressed close to his right side, having her slightly behind him as if to shield her from anything the inventor decided to throw at them next. Watari’s fake concern looked back and forth between the two of them before he suggested (insisted) that they come inside. He didn’t tell them to let go of each other, especially when A was still silently crying into Beyond’s sleeve. Watari also didn’t question the situation any further. Of course he didn’t…not that B actually wanted him to. The two children were given the movie room to have all to themselves that night, along with a surplus of popcorn and desserts that might even make L jealous. They didn’t eat anything. How could they? B didn’t know how A was feeling, but the thought of trying to shove any sort of food down his throat made him gag and his tongue glued itself to the bottom of his mouth. No movie was played either. Instead, Atlas planted the first seed of poison when she claimed to B in a lowered voice, “Wammy’s House would be ruined without its successors.”
It didn’t take much digging to find out the grades of the top children at Wammy’s. Roger always left the key to his office in the potted plant next to the door. You’d think that he would’ve had a more creative hiding spot when there was a house of child prodigy detectives being raised. The top five children, the kids closest to being L’s successors, were ranked: Beyond, Atlas, Near, Mello, Matt. So M’s little buddy was a smart kid too, huh? Atlas said it didn’t matter. The difference in grades between Mello and Matt was deep, and from Matt to the others, even deeper. The best of the best were good enough. It would send a message.
Over the last year, ever since the confrontation between B and A, Atlas had stopped putting on her happy facade. Teachers didn’t see her as a joy to be around anymore. Her grades slipped, allowing Beyond to take first place. Seeing the placement made B taste hot, acidic bile. So the report cards were a lie. No wonder he had been allowed to train Mello. Oh, Mello…
B was proud to say that the kid still defied most authority, such as Roger and Wammy. However, he had an inkling that the kid didn’t hate L as much as he used to claim. Whatever, it’s not like he knew L in the same way B had. M had actually began gaining popularity after he refused to let people walk all over him and Matt. Sure, this resulted in Mello walking over others, but who cares? As long as the kid was happy, that’s fine with Beyond.
Near tried to threaten B one more time before realizing it was useless. The teachers wouldn’t care, and as Beyond warned him during the second instance, Atlas would hate him if he was the reason B was sent away. N was one of the kids bullied by M. No matter what A and B tried, the two were never going to like each other. Mello was intimidated by Near, and Near continued to fawn before Mello. N would be seen walking beside A, still holding her hand at twelve-years-old, with bags under his eyes and exhaustion in his steps. But the moment you spoke to him, he was as lively as any other child his age. He seemed…normal.
Both of these kids seemed so young to Atlas and Beyond. And yet, weren’t they their age when they first started training them? The thought was ridiculous. Children raising children. Just another fault of the adults in their lives. B hadn’t seen L since that one time he had went searching for Mello. He always had the opportunity to stick his head into the doorframe and mock his predecessor, but he never took it. Beyond wasn’t sure if he would be able to restrain himself the next time he saw L. He could clearly imagine grabbing the other boy by the throat, shaking him and asking him why he let A and B go through all of this when they were just kids. He refused to mentally acknowledge that L was also a kid, just like them.
Beyond felt sick the day leading up to the plan. Physically sick. His breathing felt irregular, his head ached, his stomach was turning. Too bad he couldn’t check his own death date using his eyes while looking in the mirror. His eyes…
”How long does Nate have left?” Beyond had ignored their successors’ dates for a reason. But he couldn’t refuse Atlas. She was the only one who understood the situation they were in. Even M and N didn’t seem to fully grasp what was going on. A and B had understood, even back when they were their age. Who was to say that they would ever get it?
”Less than a year,” B told her once he calculated the date.
“And Mihael?” Beyond’s words stuck to the top of his mouth.
Beyond was a monster. How could he even consider what he was going to do? B shook his head, refusing to lie helplessly in bed and dread what was to come. No, no he couldn’t afford to think like that. This was all Watari’s fault, for raising such a monster. Didn’t the old man realize that he had done it once already when he locked away a child he saw worthy to become the greatest detective ever known? Couldn’t he see what he had done when said child abandoned his friends, thinking himself superior to them and drowning himself in his work as he left them alone, making them wonder what they did wrong? Nothing. Beyond and Atlas had done nothing wrong. All they had done was exist. How was it their fault that their parents’ died, that they were taken into Wammy’s, that their best friend was a genius, that they all were geniuses?
The next day, M entered B’s room to study together, like he did every day. It was no longer really about anger management or obeying authority. Mello never said it, but Beyond was sure that the kid didn’t mind that. Now, they simply solved cases together. Traded clues. Did what their puppet masters instructed them to perform. Little did they know that B had cut his strings.
“I want you to tell me what’s wrong with this police report,” B stated, flopping the stapled mess of papers down onto the table between him and Mello. The boy had a chocolate bar in hand (always that same brand) and was balancing it with his teeth absentmindedly as he looked down at the case. Two cups of coffee sat on coasters in front of them, wisps of steam trickling out from each mug.
Beyond took his and scooted the pushed aside jar of sugar closer to himself. He added one, two, three, four, five spoonfuls into his drink before stirring it around and taking a gulp. It was sickeningly sweet. Somehow, that felt right. M was staring at the scene in front of him, before letting out a small laugh with raised eyebrows, glancing at the discarded spoon.
“Plan on dying of a heart attack anytime soon? If someone’s gonna die of diabetes here, you gotta at least let it be L,” the boy joked. B smiled, but didn’t look the boy in the eyes.
“Sometimes you need a lot of sugar to sweeten up the bitter taste life leaves in your mouth.” Mello exhaled with a noise sort of like a laugh, but Beyond could tell the kid didn’t know how to respond to such a comment. Instead, he lifted his drink to his lips and drank it unsweetened. Now it was B’s turn to raise an eyebrow, as he wondered if the lump in his throat had been caused by the sugar he just ingested. “Mr. I Love Chocolate doesn’t add any sugar to his coffee? That doesn’t add up.”
As if to spite him, M took his chocolate bar, dipped it into the coffee before proceeding to take a large chomp off of the wetted sweet. He made a big show of chewing, even if his mouth remained closed.
“Mm mm mm…you know what, that’s actually not terrible.” A smile stretched across Mello’s face as he set his candy bar down on the table, right on top of the files. B’s hand twitched before sliding another small jar over towards the two of them. Originally, Mello had assumed it was something like more sugar in case the old jar was close to being gone. Instead, there were smooth, flat circular pieces of chocolate lying inside.
“You know, I heard some people do actually put chocolate into their coffee. Pretty sure they use these. Chocolate drops. Wanna try some?” M shrugged, saying “okay” before dropping a few pieces inside his cup. B smirked at him. “So you dip almost half of a candy bar into a cup of coffee, but only add five chocolate drops into your cup?” He shook his head in fake exasperation. “Wow, what have you done with the Mello I know?”
Both because he wanted show off to B and surprise him, M dropped every last chocolate drop into the coffee. Beyond gaped with a frozen smile on his face, letting out an uncomfortable laugh as he saw splashes of coffee begin to stain the table top and chocolate rising above the liquid’s surface, despite not even floating. The boy gulped the drink down as fast as he could, catching at least twelve melted remnants of chocolate in his mouth that he had to chew at least a bit lest he choke. B looked at M with wide eyes, still gaping as Mello crossed his arms and smirked at Beyond.
“Don’t question my chocolate expertise ever again.”
B didn’t respond in the way Mello thought he would. The older boy stood up, his mouth finally clicking shut, turned around, and walked over to the corner of the room where a lamp stood. M’s smile faltered, wondering what went wrong. He leaned forward in his seat, resting his arms on his knees as he squatted.
“Sorry man, were you hoping to have some?” Beyond didn’t say a word. Mello stood up, walking slowly towards him. “B…?” He saw B’s shoulders shake moments before he grabbed the lamp by its pole and smashed it into the wall. Glass rained down onto the ground as M’s eyes widened at the sudden outburst. “Beyond, what the-“ Mello gulped when he watched the older boy fall onto his knees straight into the broken glass. Stepping around shards he could spot, M made his way over to B and placed a hand on his still shaking shoulder. Beyond looked up at him with glossy, unfocused eyes. It was really starting to freak M out.
“What’s wrong with you, do you need help?” Mello demanded to know. He observed the tremor in B’s jaw. The latter mumbled something M couldn’t understand. “What was that?”
Beyond swallowed, eyes wide yet still seemingly unseeing. “You would’ve known if it was cinnamon hiding it. They teach all of us that.” Cinnamon…cinnamon? He tried to recall what B could possibly be referring to. He didn’t have to when the boy continued rambling, “I knew you-I knew if it was chocolate, you would…” As Mello began to finally understand what B was implying, it was as if clarity washed over the latter’s eyes. Beyond jolted upwards, grabbing M by the shoulders and shouting at his face, “You go get Watari right now! Tell him you need a doctor, it’s an emergency!” M stumbled backwards, shaking his head and looking at B in terror. Yet he still seemed to follow his advice, practically ripping the door off of its hinges before sprinting down the hallway to find help.
Beyond felt like throwing up, his chest heaving with every breath he took. How could he poison him? How could he poison him?! It was supposed to get revenge against L, take away the one thing Wammy’s was working towards. It was supposed to keep M and N from ever suffering the way B and A did under the system. Oh, crap! Near. Beyond darted out of his room and headed for N’s. He threw open the door to find no one inside. Panting and running his hand through his hair as his mind panicked wondering where the boy was, he decided to take off towards the girls’ rooms all the way across the building. If Atlas was planning on killing him and then herself, just like B had agreed to do with Mello, then she wouldn’t care about the school rules anymore.
In the back of his mind, Beyond processed that he could feel something trickling underneath his pants. I’m bleeding, he thought distantly, the fact causing no further panic or stress in his mind. He just had to get there in time. Even if…even if-
The first thing that B perceived upon entering Atlas’s room was the overwhelming metallic smell of blood. Holding a hand up to his mouth in shock, he saw two figures lying on the ground at the back of the dark room. Puddles were soaking both of their bodies and clothes. Beyond knew even before he got a good look that Atlas’s wrists had been torn into once more.
A staggered breath caught B’s attention as he broke himself from his frozen stupor of standing at the doorway. He didn’t even close the door before making his way over to the bleeding corpses. No, not corpses just yet. Tears welled in his eyes when Beyond saw Atlas’s glossy eyes left staring open, looking towards Near’s body. The boy trembled ever so slightly, taking in a small sharp gasp. A’s wounds had been focused on her wrists, oh so precise. But the ones covering N’s body were sporadic, seemingly done rapidly in as many places as possible. It was a miracle that the boy’s face remained mostly untouched. The dark red puddle which pooled beside his throat had began to soak his white hair. B fell to his knees, scanning the boy’s body to see just how many stab wounds there were. His eyes trailed above Near’s head. His number was the same as before. The date that B and A had agreed to enact their plan. N would not survive.
Tears rolled down B’s face as he lifted the boy up into his arms, trying to give the kid any semblance of comfort. To his dismay, Near’s left hand was still firmly clasped in A’s hand. Beyond tried to separate the two of them, which only resulted in a slightly more audible whimper from Near. His eyes were wide open, yet seemed so small compared to all the other times Beyond had seen him. His pupils danced frantically across B’s face, searching for something that B did not know how to give him. All Beyond could think to do was hold him close, rocking back and forth slowly, promising “It’s okay, Nate. It’ll be over soon. You’re so strong, Nate, it’s okay.” B didn’t stop lying until the constant whimpering below him began to slow down until all he was left with was silence. Near’s eyes bore into Beyond’s one last time. It was the first time he had ever seen this boy genuinely afraid. He truly was a kid, despite what anybody had ever believed about him. Including himself.
Beyond felt everything around him slow down a bit. His eyes were sore from crying. His arms were stiff from the position he held Near in. Staring at Atlas made him feel like he was watching a movie through a screen. Why was everything in 2D? Only one thought stuck out in his mind. Mihael and Nate’s numbers had been different. Similar, but definitely not the same day. Maybe he could survive this. The pounding of footsteps finally allowed for B’s senses to come back to him as he craned his head towards the doorway.
It was L.
Why wouldn’t it be?
The terror of the situation came back to B at full force, his chest heaving once more as his lungs pounded against his rib cage. There was anger, fear and disgust in his predecessor’s eyes. Beyond whipped his gaze back towards Atlas, hoping to find her weapon. Spotting the blade which rested in her unclasped hand, B snatched it and tried to plummet it into his own throat. He felt himself get knocked backwards, head hitting the wall behind him as Near’s body was shoved away from Beyond’s lap. L pinned him down, applying firm pressure against his wrists and digging his knees into B’s stomach. He twisted the hand that held the knife, causing Beyond to cry out and drop the weapon. B could hear it slide away before he pealed open his eyes to meet the gaze of the man who he used to hate more than himself.
No. That wasn’t right.
L, the unemotional, best detective in the world, was crying. He glared as his tears fell onto B’s face, gritting his teeth and holding his former friend in place. He was crying.
This was not a man.
This was a boy.
A child.
Just like A.
And B.
Beyond shook his head, still not wanting to believe it. He attempted to swing his arms and break free from his captor’s hold to no avail. The two struggled there, an uncomfortable warm mass of hate, before eventually help arrived. As two grown men lifted B up by his arms like a rag doll, L gave him one last glare, spitting with more venom than Beyond had ever heard leave his mouth.
“You are sick.”
Mihael lived two more days before passing away in his sleep in a hospital bed. The news didn’t surprise B when he finally forced himself to do the math. He had lied all those months ago to A, telling her that M and N were fated to die the same day. It was rubbish. He didn’t have the heart to check the death date of a boy he cared for, a boy he planned to kill. The news of the death still sent B into a depressive episode, as if his current situation wasn’t bad enough. He was supposed to die with everybody else. Why was he not dead yet? Surely they would kill him. He took away three of their best products. Beyond even caught news through eavesdropping behind his locked “bedroom” door that the successor program was being dismantled. B should be ecstatic, right? The plan worked. But did it seriously need three, possibly four people to die in order for that to happen?
Beyond paced around barefoot against the cold basement floor. The room he was in didn’t even have a bed. There was a lavatory, thankfully, as well as a sink. But no mirror. No hair brush, no shower. He was thankfully able to lay down without touching walls completely parallel to each other, but just barely. There was a small flap that was part of the bottom of the door, which only opened towards the outside after using a key, by which Beyond had been provided food and water. There were no windows. The only glimpse towards the outside world was through that small, little flap.
“Why do you own a place like this, Quillsh Wammy?” B whispered in a small voice, letting his fear lace his words. He stopped pacing. This was dumb. Surely he wouldn’t be told to “think about what he had done” and receive a life sentence. Beyond knows what he did was wrong. If he could undo what he did, or better yet, trade his life for the three of theirs, he would. He would…he wasn’t lying, he promised he wasn’t. Finally, something that wasn’t food slipped through the flap. Beyond snatched it as fast as he could, flipping open the folder and scanning the paper for when his court case would be due. His anticipation fell into confusion. It wasn’t a court document. It was police report. B dumped the contents out, hoping to find what he was longing for hidden beneath all of this junk.
A small slip of notebook paper fell out. He unfolded it to find a message which read,
Knock on the door three times when you are finished so that you can send the documents back over again.
He dropped the slip of paper, watching it fall unceremoniously to the ground. It hadn’t mattered that the successor program was torn apart. Beyond was still stuck in the system. And he was never allowed to leave.
Do you think that Watari would treat L slightly differently if he was female?
E:- Watari is reacting to L as L is
I think we both can agree forcing L to socialize with people.
K:-Yah, the thing about Watari, is that he's Ls enabler. It doesn't work so well if he cares about Ls gender. That's the best part of Watari. His Enablement of L to be as weird as L wants, in the goal of solving crime. Why should gender get in the way of that.
E:- Exactly. Never would faze at all. Same for Whammys they believe in stress equality for all children. But also Roger still gets headaches no matter what gender L, Near,Mello and Matt are.
They are helions and he wants to retire.
"Go into childcare he says," Roger mocking Watari's words from when they were still young men from the war," the children need guardians he says! These little brats are ruining my kidneys I say!"
Somewhere off down the hall, something that painfully sounds like glass breaking bounces off the walls. Roger sinks in his chair already anticipating one of the caretakers to knock down his dood.
