#deceptiontrilogy

[lighthousepigeons]

[On a nature hike]

Jeremy: It's beautiful out here.

Killian: And quiet.

Gareth: Too quiet.

Jeremy: Did we lose someone?

[Cut to Nikolai trying to wrestle a bear]

[lighthousepigeons]

Killian: When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

Nikolai, unfamiliar with the saying: When the fuck has life given you lemons?

Killian: Hey Glyn, can you pass me some lemons?

Glyndon: Uhm, sure...

Killian: So, my life just gave me lemons, now we make lemonade.

Glyndon: *dying internally*

Jeremy, taking notes: Damn, that was smooth.

[lighthousepigeons]

Gareth: I think you have PTSD.

Nikolai: Yeah, I have PTSD. Proficient talent for sucking d*ck.

Gareth: I think we also need to talk about your use of humor as a coping mechanism.

Nikolai: Gareth, I don't think you understand how clever what I just said was.

[lighthousepigeons]

Ronan, extremely drunk: *points to Teal* That's my girlfriend, suckers!

Lars, quietly: Your wife, Sir.

Ronan: My wife! EVEN BETTER!

Teal, mumbling to herself: You asked for this! You said yes!

[lighthousepigeons]

Jeremy: Niko, I want you to kill this person but make it look like an accident.

Nikolai: Got it.

[later]

Detective: Looks like the killer stabbed him to death with a sword and then placed a banana peel by his feet.

[lighthousepigeons]

Landon: I basically just lurch from one fireable offense to the next.

Killian: Like the infamous waterboarding incident?

Nikolai: Or the infamous kidnapping incident?

Landon: Fuck sakes, how many times do I have to apologize for that?

Glyndon:

Brandon: One would be nice.

Landon: ..... No.

[lighthousepigeons]

Jonathan: Levi, where's Aiden?

Levi, smirking: Oh, his playing with himself.

Jonathan: He's what?

[The scene cuts to Aiden playing a game of chess in his room by himself]

[lighthousepigeons]

Jeremy: Time for plan G.

Gareth: Don't you mean plan B?

Jeremy: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.

Nikolai: What about plan D?

Jeremy: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.

Killian: What about plan E?

Jeremy: I'm hoping not to use it. Gareth dies in plan E.

Killian: I like plan E.

Gareth: