thinking back about the first time I heard the term "demiboy", having resonated with the term. I thought I'd search it on Reddit, similarly to how I did when questioning my sexuality, to find posts I could relate to.
instead, I came across the top result for that search — "i cant stand demigirls/demiboys." on r/truscum. having been unfamiliar with the term the subreddit was titled after, I made the mistake of reading the post, and it's comments. what a disgusting read that was, leaving me uncomfortable with the terms I had just found myself relating to.
the post itself, written by a self-proclaimed "truNB" was the least horrid part, describing the title terms as "just gnc girls/boys in my opinion." the poster's opinion, that is — on other people's genders. the hate spread in the replies was the truly disturbing part, for me. other trans people making comments such as "i have a friend who unfortunately came out as demi-gender genderfluid [...] they are nice... but they lump themselves in with trans people and w me." others claiming that demi-genders are just either cis people trying to grab attention, supporting OP's GNC claim, or binary trans eggs who are misogynistic, and as such refuse to fully identify with their own gender.
the one that hurt the most read "Ugh my friend is a 'demigirl' she goes by she/they but no one is willing to use they for her luckily." that alone, is a horrible thing to say about anyone, but they felt the need to elaborate after another person asked "if it's your friend, why not just do it?" in a somehow worse way. not only do they continuously misgender them throughout the reply, but they add "Also I am no longer friends with her this is an older comment and looking back on it I think I hated and felt gross playing along since she many times tried to relate to my experiences [...]" and continue with hate about every aspect of their gender and sexual identity.
bigotry isn't just external. it's not all TERFs and patriarchy-enforcing essentialists. they should be on our side, and yet they spread the very hate that they fear to receive. I sincerely hope that one day we can get rid of this infighting, that we can all fight for the same cause.
please, don't be like them. love your friends, their genders, identities, experiences. if another person relates to you, don't gatekeep them away — invite them in.
