Ok so lately I've been obsessed with the song "Fourth of July" by Sufjan Stevens (You should give it a listen). And honestly the lyrics radiate Dick after Jason's death vibes. "And I'm sorry I left, but it was for the best, Though it never felt right" Dick left for his off world mission and it never felt right 😭😭. "Such a funny thought to wrap you up in cloth" Jason being buried and Dick being unable to come to terms with it. "Did you get enough love, my little dove?" one of my head cannons is that Dick calls Jason a bunch of nicknames such as "Dove", and also about the lyric it's Dick feeling guilty because he thinks he didn't give Jason enough love!! "We're all gonna die" Dick thinking suicidal thoughts/blaming himself for Jason's death. "Why do you cry?" Dick imagining Jason crying in his final moments or crying while being tortured. The whole song is just filled with quotes that make it sound like Dick grieving his brother!
Sorry if I sound delirious or silly, maybe I just need some sleep 💀💀
If ya'll have anything to add say it in the comments :)
Day 14: “i didn’t mean it”
Fandom: Red Robin/Batman
Characters: Tim Drake, Dick Grayson
Also on AO3
Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.
Timothy Drake-Wayne remembered that old rhyme from when he was a child and it didn't take long for him to realize that was nothing but a lie. Names hurt and left as deep scars, they caused as much pain maybe even more as physical wounds did.
Every person had a breaking point and Tim had reached that point several times but this might just be the one that broke him.
Damian Wayne had made it clear from the moment he laid eyes on Tim that he was his enemy, one that he wouldn't stop until he eliminated from his life and removed him from this family.
Tim had been warm and welcoming to him, offering his hand only to have it slapped away just as he was spat on, verbally and emotionally abused by the boy he welcomed as a brother.
The boy who he and only he dared to set a boundary for Damian, with a simple we don't kill rule. Something that Tim noticed he was the only one who dared to do so only for Damian to step right over it.
He could still feel the spikes of the glove as he was pushed off the dinosaur.
The snapping of his line.
Both times he felt fear grip him as he fell. There would be no one to catch him as he fell.
It hurt the wounds dug deep into his heart and left scars there to hear Dick, Bruce, Alfred and even Barbara and Stephanie had turned a blind eye to Damian's actions and treatment towards him. Tim couldn't understand why Damian still seemed to hate him so much and why no one would dare take the boy aside and explain to him that verbal, emotional and physical abuse was wrong and that they were family whether they were related by blood or not.
One thing that bothered Tim if Damian could go out as Robin shouldn't that mean he had a grasp of right and wrong so why did that fade when Tim was around him?
Tim knew that this place was no longer home and it was why he had made the hard choice but the right decision for himself to say goodbye.
"Timmy?"
Tim froze at the voice, the one which once would have filled him with comfort now filled him with a coldness that wrapped its icy grip around his heart.
Dick Grayson wondered how they had gotten to this point? He saw the barely there flinch but still there flinch, something that Tim would have never done before around him. He knows that things had changed between them since Damian came into their lives and he couldn't understand it sure Damian and Tim had their rough patches but it was no worse than Tim and Jason and look at them now they are friends.
'Why can't Tim just give Damian a chance? Can't he see that he has changed?' A sigh escaped Dick as he ran his hand through his hair as he smiled, "Hey, Tim me and Damian are doing a movie night you should join us."
The last thing Tim wanted to do was to sit through a movie with Damian's barbs and Dick reprimanding him when he didn't just sit there and take them. "Thanks but unless you somehow magically got Damian to agree not to insult me for the night I think I will pass."
A frustrated sigh escaped Dick's mouth he couldn't understand why Tim wasn't being so unreasonable, "Tim, if you would just spend time with Damian you would see he has changed."
Tim shot Dick a disbelieving look, "That must have been some change since just this morning he was calling me a plague on the Wayne name and that I wasn't even worthy to even walk Titus." Tim spat out, bitterness filling him as he recalled how Dick just smiled fondly at Damian and stayed quiet as his favourite little brother insulted the replacement.
"You need to grow up Tim and start acting like the adult you are supposed to be. No wonder your parents never wanted to stay around you." The moments those words left Dick's mouth he knew he had crossed a line, "I didn't mean it."
Tim had thought Dick couldn't hurt him any more than he already had but it looks like he was wrong, "Yes you did. Somewhere deep in you, you meant that." Tears weld up in Tim's eyes coating them over in a sheen as he realized that their relationship was damaged and it would stay that way until Dick acknowledged why he had problems with Damian.
"I have loved you since the moment I met you at the circus. The fact that you gave me my first hug is something I treasured. I looked up to you before I learned you were Robin. You became my hero and when you trusted me to become Robin after Jason, I was so happy even though I had my doubts." Tim held up his hand when Dick looked to say something.
"Then when Damian came along I saw the truth I was just a stand-in brother for you. Because you treated Jason horribly I was your second chance. A second chance at being a brother but then Damian showed up and I realized that as much as you have a big heart and you talk about being a family when it comes to being a big brother you only have room in your life to have one brother at a time."
Dick felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest. "Timmy, that is not true."
"Isn't it? You tossed me aside for Damian, you made me an outcast in the Superhero community and you still haven't stood up for me telling them how wrong they are! Hell, only Kon, Bart, Cass, Helena and Jason trust me. I hear the whispers that I am crazy, that I am not to be trusted and not one of my so-called family stands up for me! I tried to be a brother to Damian and if he isn't insulting me he is trying to kill me. Like the time he cut my line!" Tim roared.
Dick froze, 'No Tim has to be wrong. There is no way that Damian would do something like that.' He couldn't wrap his mind around what Tim was saying. "Damian wouldn't do something like that."
"But he did." Tim snarled out viciously, "Your beloved little brother cut my line. He wanted me to fall to my death and I would have if I hadn't saved myself." Tim took a dangerous step forward, reminding Dick that Tim had gone toe to toe with Ra and had earned his respect which wasn't something he gave out. "Tell me Richard would you have mourned me or would you have done everything in your power to protect Damian?"
Ice filled Dick's veins at what Tim was saying and he wanted nothing more than to pull Tim into his arms and hug him. To get rid of the poison destroying their relationship, he took a step forward only to stop when Tim snarled at him. "No Timmy. I would never do that. I didn't know that Damian had done that. I swear I would have talked to him if I had known." To hear the truth that Damian had cut Tim's line that he nearly lost another loved one the way he had lost his parents sent him back to that terrible night all those years ago.
"There was a time I would have believed you." Tim's words were soft, lacking the vicious rage that his others had and somehow they hurt Dick the most.
"I can't lose you too." Dick pleaded and he meant every word he needed Tim in his life.
"You already did." Letting out a broken sob Tim steeled himself, "Until you can come to terms that while Damian has led a tough life it doesn't give him the right to treat me the way he does I think it would be wise for me to stay with the Titans."
Dick wanted to do something to say anything to keep Tim here but he couldn't. He could only watch as Tim walked away from him.
I kinda wanna do a "Reblog if you think Dick Grayson might die/might not die ..." thing, because I'm morbidly curious what most people are thinking. Then I remember that everyone hates "Reblog if..." posts, including me.
