#disabled minor

[pelikanne]

I had a big appointment. Got diagnosed with "it's all in your head and we don't want to check for anything syndrome"

I want to fucking scream and rip my hair out

All they've done on me is like two blood tests, and three orthostatic blood pressures over the 18 months of repeating to them about the issue of chronic pain and fatigue, and I keep on telling them to send me to a nuerologist and other specialists and that something is going on in me, probably autoimmune and it needs to be identified.

Instead they stop at those two clear lab results and tell me it's all in my head and I just have to go back to immensely excruciating physical therapy to desentitize me to the pain.

Meanwhile they don't fucking listen to me and hyperfocus on that I have a lot of trauma and am unsafe where I am as a trans person when I repeatedly tell them my pain is less and less associated with stress or fear and is constant.

They ignore me and give me the "I acknowledge and hold space for your trauma, and hear what is going on" meanwhile sending me back to PT no matter how excruciating and flaring of my pain. And push off and delay seeing any specialists or looking into stuff.

RAHHHHHH I FUCKING HATE THIS SHIT

[raccoon-go-bweh]

I miss snugglessssssssssss awawawawa :3

My best friend has chronic illness and I went without seeing him for about 2 whole weeks, and what little time we have is in goddamn school so both of our pain is flared up

I wanna hold him so much... He struggles to sleep so we can't really nap or sleep over together. Most other friends are allo and preoccupied with romance so nobody but him really cuddles me...

Wahhhh awawawa I wish we could eep together and snuggle up more but stupid school, disability, and petty allo friends-

[pelikanne]

curled up in a fetal position in an empty dark room going between 7/10 to 9/10 pain all day in school

gotta love that the three responses of staff were:

1. prove you're in enough pain to be in the medical isolation room instead of the hard floor of an empty room

2. prove you're not faking it because you had friends visit during lunch and laughed a few times

3. how can we get you to "be productive" and do work despite being in excruciating pain

i want to rip the muscles out of my neck and back and scream

[raccoon-go-bweh]

Some kids get black belts in Taekwondo-

I get green bands and a temporary discharge in physical therapy-

We are not the same.

[raccoon-go-bweh]

my mobility has just gone to absolute shit for no apparent reason.

In the past mobility and chronic pain had correlation with stress and how triggered I would get (complex trauma) and it's getting more and more irregular and inexplicable.

My parents keep being dismissive and shit so I'm ordering knee braces on my own volunteer stipends and only income because they're bending too far. Meanwhile I don't even have many symptoms of hypermobility and docs haven't had coherent symptoms to diagnose POTS and are skeptical of my diagnoses I already have- but my knees just bend out of control and I'm having close calls on the stairs constantly, I can barely handle walks.

[raccoon-go-bweh]

Chronic pain flare up.

I always get one around this time of morning because of school scedule correlation blahblahblah but today is really bad

eh because some dumbass broke his ankle so there is room in the closet thay they put me in to lay down! (the closet is the "nurses office" we have no nurse, it'd usually have a spare wheelchair but broken ankle kid has it now)

#underfunded school!!! 💅 #neglecting disabled kids ✨✨✨ #we're getting a quarter of the budget that affords this little next year!!

/sarcasm

[raccoon-go-bweh]

Had a horrible appointment with an extremely dismissive specialist... Tells me he believes that I'm in massive pain but because my labs are normal that it's all somatic and in my head and the only treatment is intense desensitization.

Multiple highly traumatic events happened followed and inundated in years of high stress, and slowly chronic pain and mobilty issues set in until now where I'm barely getting through school and resting when I'm at home and this dude is like, "It can't be autoimmune, it must just be in your head, see these 3 blood labs and orthos, and one normal neurology exam!"

Meanwhile my able mom with no experience with any of this is talking over me and wouldn't shut up, it clearly was not being stated in ways that'd get this cis, gaslighty, 'I know more than you about your own body' neurology guy.

The chronic pain is bad enough that I'm struggling to get to sleep. I'm at the point of recording every appointment's audio so I can make a legal case for medical neglect when I'm free from my parents...