Pelikanne's Place

Genderqueer, Third-Gender, Intersex Aroace, poly-queerplatonic Cripple, Chronic Pain, Cane User Minor, lv 16, dorky dootler Very cranky, while very silly I love herbalism and botany Photographer and printmaker

[pelikanne]

About me:

I'm the Pelikanne- call me Pelikanne.

I'm the root of a DID system of 4- but only 3 of us are around often. Repens has a dedicated sideblog under @raccoon-go-bweh

About Pelikanne:

I live within southern American-Occupied Dawnland (Wabanakik, largely stolen and displaced Abenaki lands, also overlapping stolen Panawapsekewi (Penobscot) lands.

I follow like 20 people and they always show up on my feed over and over- I'm not lurking or stalking; ya are just a fifth of my feed and I probs agree with you. Especially if ya post a lot.

I'm some exhausted, stratified, and largely-pissed cripple and queer. I mostly post about ableist schooling and life stuff 'round being queer. Mixed with reposts.

I do some herbalism and plant medicine stuff too- largely to contend with my chronic pain and help some friends. As well as have an in-touch relationship to how I get through the day. I find herbalism more intimate than popping ibuprofen lol; and I get to keep an eye and wing over the land I'm on. Fellow disabled folks- don't worry I'm not one of those that acts as if alternative / herbal medicine will "fix" me or others. I'm happy to talk about plants but I'm no nagger nor believer that it'll "cure" me.

(though more-personally the involved intimacy and general benefits of being in nature is helpful and it's own medicine / treatment.)

I'm a local zinemaker, and also do film photography, printmaking and poetry. If you are in the area ya might find my zines at Strange Maine or a queer workshop or somethin.

I'm the youth editor over at Chrysalis Magazine a new trans magazine. I also do some community organizing but my health has been a growing barrier to be in person, ya know; withering around in chronic pain. I'm reshifting to art, food growth for distro, and safe comms over being in the streets doing work.

I LOVE radios and comms! Talk to me about Meshtastic, SDRs, Ham Radio, Satellite tracking and ccomms, HF, etc!

I'm a minor whose money comes from occassional small stipends for art- I'm damn sorry but I rarely can give to mutual aid requests. I have commitments to give to people I budget out and have little room for more after. So the best I can do most times is repost.

Also as a clarification:

My ancestors are colonizers- I talk 'bout and want and intend to trivialize the legitimacy of the Occupation-State of "America" that I live on. But I'm not Native, a person of colour, or of colonized ancestry. I don't wanna confuse anybody by means of who I interact with or support.

I'm just trying my best to reflect that I live in an occupation-state, have privilege to be wary of, and have *some* overlap with certain oppression.

Also if I ever intrude on an exclusive space- unwary or not: you have every right to kick me out or block me, or ask me to leave that space.

I don't know, that's me- that's my intro post.

[pelikanne]

The United States Government is a ploy by Big Deathmachine to sell more death.

[pelikanne]

I saw anti-ice protesters in Minnesota throwing dildos at ICE in a video yesterday...

Those ICE fuckers don't deserve dildos.

Like what a waste! That could've gone to a trans boy who'd attach it to a strap and fuck his girlfriend for the first time and cry from the euphoria but no it's being wasted. :(((

so sad to see! /hj

[anglaised]

and none of this is like new either they used to eat slaves during and BEFORE chattel slavery/the slave trade…theyd use black babies as crocodile bait…as testing dummies…as lab rats….they used to skin us and use that skin for furniture like this is hardly a new state of the world it just so happens ppl with great power tend to be skewed towards violence bc no one can stop them or those who can are few and far between, cannibalism being a hot topic rn with these files is rlly rattling some ppl (and it should) but ultimately this is Very American, like …extremely american..this is not a new or unique evil this is prime USA

[pelikanne]

Yeahhh... as a CSA survivor I'm unsurprised on that hand... But then there is this point from OP and many others.

These monsters knew full-well of the suffering they cause in cobalt mines, sweatshops of the current resource and settler-colonies. They just didn't get to feast on it directly through the atrocities that earn their wealth since they're done by proxy.

They know what the plantation owners did. They know what the sugar cane barons did. They know what the missionaries did. They know what the colonial invaders did.

They savor and relish getting to do it themselves, at their own hands. They knew of and admired the people who ate slaves, they just went to Epstein and Ghislaine in order to get to participate and join that legacy of monsters.

[creatingblackcharacters]

Please don't comment support for or try to defend Zionism on my stuff. This is not a page that supports Zionism. You're not welcome here. You're not going to find safe quarters. I don't fuck with genocide nor ethnostates, and I don't care how "nicely" or how "progressively" you try to word that support. No, Jewish and Zionist are not synonymous identities and I don't fall for that rhetoric.

Feel free to tell your peers this, and if that is something that you don't like and you want to remove and/or block me, that is fine. I'm not arguing with you; you'll just end up as part of a free blocklist.

[pelikanne]

I just had a zionist on my blog whining on my post that I made stating this is a safe place for Jews but differentiating that from zionists.

I'll repeat, no zionists on my blog, no matter how liberal, from Bernie Sanders to Ben Gvir, no zionism. No ethnostates, no genocide.

[wheelie-sick]

people really discredit the activism of highschoolers and

highschoolers DO have power

highschoolers have almost NO rights so OF COURSE they won't have easy access to joining the black bloc

a lot of highschoolers get started in organizing by organizing school walkouts, etc.

don't discredit highschoolers. they're doing a lot of work while having very little rights that allow them to do that work and they're building skills to do more work later

[pelikanne]

High schooler here: not to brag, but simply detail.

I've wrote and spoken at a rally towards hundreds of people while being on the safety team, and helping organize the entire city May Day rally.

I've made and taught workshops in collaboration with professionals like lawyers and artists.

I've attended conferences and learned directly from major elders of community organizing.

I've been a liaison and recruiter between highschoolers newer to organizing such kinds of walkouts and putting them in contact with tangible resources and legal support.

I'm an editor of a damn print magazine.

All that and I'm fucking 16 and physically disabled...

Yeah there are major fallbacks on my work, some of who I work with. But 14, 15, 16, 17 year olds with some serious shit to balance on their backs can and are powerhouses in community organizing.

[gender-incinerator]

"where are all the older transmascs and trans men?"

dead or detransitioned.

they were killed by their families. by their partners. by random strangers.

they killed themselves because they weren't treated with respect.

they never got out of the closet because they live in a part of the world where people seen as women don't have any autonomy.

they detransitioned because they had no support, because they were pushed out of community and safe queer spaces.

they're so stealth nobody in their lives knows they're trans, because they get treated with less respect when people know.

where are our transmasc elders? the community failed them, and now they're an endangered population.

[gender-incinerator]

To be very clear, this post isn't about giving up on growing old or thinking we can't be happy.

This post is about the grief and rage of every transmasc person who has to go through this on their own, without a mentor or an elder or an older friend to help guide them through it.

This post is about the truth of what happens to trans men and mascs, that we are so erased from history and from existing with the rest of our communities.

This post is about how queer and trans community in many places stops at being nonbinary, stops at being a woman, stops at being a lesbian. How were bundled into "woman+", into "non-cis men". We're men, but an exception. But different. How we have to make ourselves small to be accepted. How we walk into rooms that are supposed to bring us together and still feel terribly and utterly alone.

This isn't doomerism. This is grief and rage. This is truth.

[pelikanne]

This. Every time I went to a summer camp for queer folks, every time a nonprofit organized an intergenerational meeting between young queer folks and older queer people: almost no elders were there.

Particularly trans elders, particularly trans elders who've been transition(ing)(ed) for a long time, particularly trans men, transmasc, and enby folks. Why? Because so many don't fucking make it.

I'm not even an adult and the violence I've gone through is immense and brought me close to death before. So few make it out that far.

And yeah, as OP said; there is an immense grief and rage behind it. There are so few elders in our community. It both is terrifying in what it implies as current youth get older, and crippling in the sorrow that almost all of an entire branch of trans folks have been amputated from the community by violence. (being pushed to suicide, neglect is violence)

A transmasc mentor of mine is an academic- they're studies have been focusing on trans men and mascs in history- and indeed they are erased. They're erased and belittled out of themselves and whittled down into categories of exception from "real men" and half the time a footnote both in history, and 'mainstream' queer history.

The most hard-hitting to me, is in my tightest-knit (majority trans men, transmasc, enby) community is that we consider people elders at far younger ages than usual because folks don't fucking survive. 30 year old masc enbies, late-millennials are called elders within my circles. I a younger person emerged into these spaces and learn from stories of people who've already passed before 50 in the community that I was just barely too late before they died of medical neglect, murder, etc.

[susanoos-wife]

[pelikanne]

this.

[irl-wei-wuxian]

I think disabled people should be allowed to shoot one doctor a year. Like hey this is an appointment about me not being able to walk. No need to be like “have you tried working out” oh I’d love to but fun fact BECAUSE I CANT DO ANYTHING BECAUSE MY JOINTS SUCK ASS FUCK YOU

[pelikanne]

the gutteral yet pained laugh I had reading this

[pelikanne]

moss cylinder

(this is club moss- fun fact: it's not a true moss)

For context; I went out to gather some club moss from the growth forest that I live with, before it had snowed yesterday. (I do herbalism stuff)

I'm a film photographer and like to use my leftover film canisters to store plant-friends that I gather until I get home- it was filled all the way and molded to the canister shape.

[iron-offical]

I may be a stable element but I'm not stable financially or mentally

[pelikanne]

I had a big appointment. Got diagnosed with "it's all in your head and we don't want to check for anything syndrome"

I want to fucking scream and rip my hair out

All they've done on me is like two blood tests, and three orthostatic blood pressures over the 18 months of repeating to them about the issue of chronic pain and fatigue, and I keep on telling them to send me to a nuerologist and other specialists and that something is going on in me, probably autoimmune and it needs to be identified.

Instead they stop at those two clear lab results and tell me it's all in my head and I just have to go back to immensely excruciating physical therapy to desentitize me to the pain.

Meanwhile they don't fucking listen to me and hyperfocus on that I have a lot of trauma and am unsafe where I am as a trans person when I repeatedly tell them my pain is less and less associated with stress or fear and is constant.

They ignore me and give me the "I acknowledge and hold space for your trauma, and hear what is going on" meanwhile sending me back to PT no matter how excruciating and flaring of my pain. And push off and delay seeing any specialists or looking into stuff.

RAHHHHHH I FUCKING HATE THIS SHIT

[pelikanne]

curled up in a fetal position in an empty dark room going between 7/10 to 9/10 pain all day in school

gotta love that the three responses of staff were:

1. prove you're in enough pain to be in the medical isolation room instead of the hard floor of an empty room

2. prove you're not faking it because you had friends visit during lunch and laughed a few times

3. how can we get you to "be productive" and do work despite being in excruciating pain

i want to rip the muscles out of my neck and back and scream

[pelikanne]

i just did an icebreaker prior to a lab where you do the egg drop thing and team up to try and make something so the egg survives the fall-

someone's egg fell and broke and it was making a mess on the floor, the teacher / facilitator said jokingly somebody has to lick it off the floor since we were out of paper towels

and I impusively and mindlessly just went,

"Ooh kinky!"

I'm done. I'm out y'all...

[transangi-confessions]

Trans healthcare is still so binarized. It's all "feminizing [insert procediment]" and "masculinizing [insert procediment]". A ridiculously high number of doctors will only prescribe HRT for binary gender-conforming people for example. Surgeries of any kind? Near impossible to get without lying and saying you are a binary man/woman. Yet we are accused of "stealing resources". What resources? Where exactly are those resources?

[pelikanne]

THIS I just don't fucking tell my doctors I'm third gender / genderqueer

I'm just play femme-y innocent trans woman who just needs her tiddy skittles and wants to be a girl[TM] and doesn't have "second thoughts"

(AKA having a gender beyond binaries)

And regardless of that being how I get (my still enfuriatingly sluggish) gender affirming care- that is indeed excorsexism and reinforcement of bullshit gender binaries!

[crippled-peeper]

“trans men are men which means they’re ICKY!!! 🤪 🤪 🤪” is feminism for 12 year olds

[crippled-peeper]

[pelikanne]

Trans men are men so they must have cooties!! /sarc

[catboycrack]

Crying fetish but the way I make you cry is by being unconditionally kind and patient to you and thoughtfully remembering everything you tell me so I can think of things to surprise you with to make you happy and praising you for opening up about your feelings and comforting you and telling you I'm proud of you until you get overwhelmed from the feeling of comfort and start crying into my shoulder while I hug you and tell you it's gonna be okay

[liliththeanarchist]

shits gonna make me break down