Hello! Can I ask what the etiquette is when it comes to able bodied people using the handicapped stall in a multi stall public bathroom? Should it be treated like a handicapped parking space as in only used by those with a disability? Or is it okay to use if it's the only stall open and available? What if there's a line for the bathroom, and everyone is just using whatever stall becomes available first (including the handicapped stall) and a disabled person gets in line?
So this is something that comes up a lot, alongside parking, and is often controversial. I do not hold the authority to give a definitive answer on this, so I'll give my personal opinion, and leave it open for others to answer as well.
The only stalls I can ever use, and the only parking space, are the handicapped ones. Often, there is only one stall per bathroom. And sometimes even that stall is not accessible enough, but I have to use it anyway, because the normal stalls are impossible. I will not begrudge people who desperately have to go, and use it because it's the only one open. I know very well how awful and difficult it is to hold it in, because I have to do it all the time. It takes time to transfer me, and to find a bathroom that's available and accessible. I cannot go on the side of the road, no matter how desperate I am. So while this means I will not judge you, if I go into the bathroom at the same time or shortly after you, suddenly I'm at your mercy for how fast you are at finishing up - because even if another stall opens while you're in there, I cannot take that stall.
Personally, I think the reality of these sorts of debates is that it's not a matter of personal behavior on the part of abled people, but a matter of what resources we have, if there's enough of them, and if they're accessible. It's a systemic issue, one about how public restrooms are constructed.
I will definitely judge someone for using the stall to have sex, or for using it when I know for a fact they don't need it and others are open. But, on that last point, I cannot know for a fact if someone absolutely needed the stall or not. I do not have a disability radar. I must trust that the person walking out of the stall has the integrity to know whether they needed the stall, and followed that integrity accordingly.
I would argue it's most polite to help ensure a disabled person in line gets the handicap stall as soon as it's available. That would include giving up your place in line if you're able to hold it in, as well as doing your business as quickly (and sanitarily) as possible so that the line can keep moving, and so that people won't feel like they must use the disabled stall purely due to lack of availability. But again, this is not said with any authority.
Thanks again for asking! I hope you find my response and others' helpful!
