remus having chronic illness/being a werewolf and never complaining about pain or illness
sirius acting like he’s on the brink of death when he feels a tickle in his throat
wolfstar taking care of each other anyway
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seen from United States
remus having chronic illness/being a werewolf and never complaining about pain or illness
sirius acting like he’s on the brink of death when he feels a tickle in his throat
wolfstar taking care of each other anyway
hi, can we get a wolfstar smut fic but with Sirius provoking Remus’ werewolfy tendencies close to the full moon? And then afterwards, Remus gives him the softest aftercare? Thank you <333
Moonlit Menagerie
The moon was not full yet.
That was the trouble.
If it had been full, there would’ve been no argument, no softness, no slow unravel. There would’ve been the Shack, the locked doors, the nailed boards, the iron taste of fear in Remus Lupin’s mouth and the hot white split of pain behind his eyes. There would’ve been claws and teeth and darkness and the kind of hunger that didn’t know names.
But it was only a few days away.
Close enough to make Remus restless.
Close enough to sharpen him.
Close enough to turn the air strange whenever Sirius Black stepped too near.
The room was dim, lit by the low orange throw of the lamp beside the bed, shadows pooling thick in the corners. Rain whispered against the window in uneven little taps, soft as fingers, and the whole world outside seemed to have shrunk to cold glass and dark sky and the hush of wind through the eaves.
Inside, Sirius was spread across the bed like trouble pretending to be a man.
His hair was a mess, black waves spilling over the pillow, his shirt shoved up his chest, his mouth flushed red from kissing. He had one hand tangled in the back of Remus’s hair and the other twisted in the sheets, knuckles pale, legs open around Remus’s hips as if he’d invited disaster in and then got offended when disaster took its time.
Remus was above him, trembling.
Not from control.
From wanting too much of him.
“Sirius,” Remus breathed, voice already ruined.
Sirius looked up at him through half-lidded eyes, lashes dark, mouth parted. “What?”
Remus swallowed hard. His hips pressed forward slow, so slow Sirius made a sound like he wanted to bite him. Remus’s cock slid into him with agonising care, inch by inch, his whole body shivering as Sirius took him, warm and tight and perfect beneath him.
“Fuck,” Remus whispered. “Fuck, Pads.”
Sirius’s head tipped back against the pillow. His throat worked. His chest rose sharply beneath the rucked-up fabric of his shirt.
“That’s it?” Sirius said, already breathless, already cruel with it. “That’s all you’ve got?”
Remus gave a broken laugh and lowered his forehead to Sirius’s shoulder. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t make this harder.”
Sirius’s fingers dragged through his hair, nails scraping gently over his scalp. Remus groaned into his skin.
“I thought hard was the point,” Sirius murmured.
Remus’s hips jerked despite himself, pushing a little deeper. Sirius gasped, sharp and delighted.
“Oh,” Sirius said, and there was a smile in his voice. “There he is.”
Remus shut his eyes tight.
He was trying. God, he was trying.
He’d promised himself he would be sweet tonight. Slow. Careful. He knew what he was like this close to the moon, knew the way everything in him leaned towards too much, too fast, too hard. He knew the animal beneath his skin was pacing. He could feel it in the ache of his jaw, in the restless pull of his hands, in the way Sirius’s scent seemed louder than anything else in the room.
Sirius smelled like rain and smoke and warm skin.
Like himself.
Like mine.
Remus clenched his teeth.
No.
“Moony,” Sirius whispered.
Remus lifted his head. “Don’t call me that like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like you know what it does to me.”
Sirius smiled properly then, wicked and bright and beautiful enough to make Remus want to beg.
“I do know what it does to you.”
Remus made a wounded sound and kissed him.
It was messy immediately. Sirius opened under him, kissed him back with tongue and teeth and a hungry little groan that shot down Remus’s spine. Remus rolled his hips again, still slow, still careful, fucking into him with deep, measured strokes that made Sirius’s fingers tighten in his hair.
For a while, that was all there was.
The rain.
The bed creaking softly.
Sirius’s breathing.
Remus’s desperate, broken noises as he tried to keep himself in one piece.
He moved like devotion, like worship, like a man on his knees at an altar even while he had Sirius pinned beneath him. Every thrust was slow enough to feel everything, every inch of his cock dragging out and pressing back in, making Sirius’s mouth fall open, making his body arch and tremble.
Remus kissed his jaw. His cheek. The corner of his mouth.
“You’re so beautiful,” Remus whispered.
Sirius huffed. “You’re being sentimental.”
“I’m being honest.”
“You’re being slow.”
Remus laughed helplessly, breath hot against Sirius’s face. “I’m trying not to hurt you.”
Sirius hooked a leg tighter around his waist. “I’m trying to get fucked, Remus.”
Remus’s hips stuttered. “Don’t say it like that.”
“Fucked?”
“Sirius.”
“With your cock?”
Remus whined.
It was pitiful. There was no other word for it. A high, broken, needy sound that escaped him before he could bury it, and Sirius’s eyes flashed with satisfaction.
“Oh, you poor thing,” Sirius said softly.
Remus shook his head, kissing him again, more frantic this time. “Please don’t.”
Sirius’s hands slid down his back, palms dragging over the shifting muscles there. “Please don’t what?”
“Please don’t make me lose it.”
Sirius went still beneath him, but only for a heartbeat.
Then his mouth curved.
And Remus knew, with sudden bleak clarity, that Sirius had never once in his life been told not to touch a loaded wand and actually listened.
Sirius lifted his head enough to brush his lips against Remus’s ear.
“But I like you when you lose it.”
Remus shuddered.
“Sirius.”
“I like you desperate.”
Remus’s cock throbbed inside him. He pushed in deeper without meaning to, and Sirius moaned, eyes slipping shut.
“I like you needy,” Sirius breathed. “Whining into my neck like you’re going to die if you don’t have me.”
Remus’s hand tightened in the sheet beside Sirius’s head.
“I do,” he whispered, mortified by the truth of it. “I do need you.”
Sirius’s teasing expression flickered, something softer flashing through it. For a moment, his fingers brushed Remus’s cheek with almost unbearable tenderness.
Then he ruined it.
“Then fucking act like it.”
Remus groaned and dropped his head again, his hips beginning to move faster despite every vow he’d made in the quiet before he’d climbed into bed. Sirius gasped beneath him, satisfaction blooming through the sound.
“That’s better,” Sirius said.
“Pads.”
“Still too sweet.”
“I’m trying.”
“I noticed.”
Remus pressed his mouth to Sirius’s throat, breathing him in too deeply. That was a mistake. Sirius’s pulse was there, wild beneath his lips, his skin warm and alive, salted faintly with sweat. Remus’s teeth ached.
He licked over the point of Sirius’s pulse.
Sirius sucked in a breath.
Remus froze.
“No,” he said, though he didn’t know whether he was saying it to Sirius or himself.
Sirius’s fingers slid into his hair again and pulled just enough to make Remus look at him.
His eyes were grey and dark and full of awful, glorious intent.
“Bite me.”
Remus’s whole body locked.
“No.”
Sirius tilted his head, baring his throat more.
Remus stared.
The room seemed to narrow to that single stretch of pale skin. To the jump of Sirius’s pulse. To the open invitation of him.
“No,” Remus said again, but it came out weaker.
Sirius smiled.
“You want to.”
“Stop.”
“You’ve been staring at my throat all night.”
Remus breathed harshly through his nose. His hips had stopped, his cock buried deep inside Sirius, both of them panting, suspended on the edge of something that had teeth.
“Sirius,” he said, voice low and rough. “Don’t provoke me.”
Sirius’s eyes gleamed.
“There it is.”
Remus shook his head. “You don’t know what you’re asking for.”
“Yes, I do.”
“No, you don’t.”
Sirius’s hand slid down between them, bold and deliberate, stroking over the tense line of Remus’s stomach, lower, until his fingers brushed the base of Remus’s cock where it disappeared inside him. Remus’s breath hitched violently.
Sirius smiled like sin.
“I know exactly what I’m asking for.”
Remus squeezed his eyes shut. “I can’t.”
“You can.”
“I’ll be too rough.”
“I want rough.”
Remus opened his eyes, and something in his face made Sirius’s smile falter for half a second.
“I mean it,” Remus said. His voice was shaking. “I can feel it already. It’s too close to the moon. Everything’s too much. You’re too much.”
Sirius’s breathing changed.
Remus looked down at him, helpless, hungry, miserable with restraint.
“You smell like you,” he whispered. “And I keep thinking—”
He stopped.
Sirius went very still.
“What?” he asked softly.
Remus swallowed. “I keep thinking mine.”
For a moment, there was no rain.
No room.
No world.
Only Sirius beneath him, eyes gone black at the edges, lips parted around a sound he hadn’t made yet.
Then Sirius pulled him down by the hair and kissed him hard enough to split the night open.
Remus broke a little.
He kissed back with a rough sound, hips snapping forward before he could stop them. Sirius cried out into his mouth. Remus did it again, harder, and Sirius’s whole body jolted under him.
“Fuck,” Sirius gasped. “Again.”
Remus shook his head, even as he did it. “Don’t ask me.”
“Again.”
“Sirius—”
“Moony.”
Remus growled.
It ripped out of him, low and raw, more animal than human. Sirius’s eyes rolled half-shut in pleasure, his body tightening around Remus’s cock.
“Oh, fuck,” Sirius whispered. “There you are.”
Remus’s hand closed around Sirius’s hip.
Too hard.
He knew it was too hard because Sirius gasped, because his fingers dug into flesh, because some sane piece of Remus still watching from a distance thought, Ease up, ease up, don’t bruise him.
But Sirius only arched.
“Harder,” he said.
Remus made another broken, helpless sound. “Please don’t make me.”
Sirius’s smile came back, softer and crueler at once. “Poor Moony.”
Remus shook above him, breathing hard. “I’m serious.”
“So am I.”
Sirius lifted his head again, mouth brushing Remus’s jaw.
Then he did the thing Remus had no defence against.
He bared his throat and whispered, “Take it, then.”
Remus stared at him.
Sirius’s fingers tightened in his hair.
“Take me.”
Something gave.
It wasn’t clean. It wasn’t dramatic. There was no single snap, no tidy little breaking point. It was more like a door Remus had been holding shut with both hands suddenly blew open from the other side.
His mouth went to Sirius’s throat.
His teeth sank in.
Sirius screamed.
Not in fear.
In pleasure.
Remus bit down hard enough to mark, hard enough to claim, hard enough that Sirius’s body bucked beneath him and his nails raked red lines down Remus’s back. The taste of his skin filled Remus’s mouth. The smell of him burst open in the air, hot and electric, and Remus’s hips snapped forward with brutal force.
Sirius cried out again, voice cracking.
“Yes,” he gasped. “Fuck, yes.”
Remus growled against his throat and started fucking him properly.
Not slow now.
Not sweet.
Not careful.
The bed slammed beneath them, headboard knocking against the wall as Remus drove into him hard, deep, fast, his cock pounding into Sirius with all the restraint burned out of him. His hands gripped Sirius’s hips and dragged him down to meet every thrust. Sirius’s legs tightened around him, heels digging into the backs of Remus’s thighs, his head thrown back, mouth open, sounds spilling out of him without shape.
“Remus,” Sirius moaned. “Oh my God, Remus—”
“Mine,” Remus snarled.
Sirius shuddered violently.
Remus barely recognised his own voice. It was rough and low and wrecked, dragged up from somewhere moonlit and starving.
“Say it.”
Sirius blinked up at him, dazed. “What?”
Remus’s hand slid up and closed around Sirius’s jaw, not hurting, just holding him there, making him look.
“Say you’re mine.”
Sirius’s eyes widened.
Then he laughed, breathless and shaking. “You’re really gone, aren’t you?”
Remus fucked into him harder.
Sirius’s laugh broke into a moan.
“Say it,” Remus growled.
Sirius’s lashes fluttered. “I’m yours.”
Remus bared his teeth.
“Again.”
“I’m yours,” Sirius gasped. “Fuck, Moony, I’m yours.”
Remus bent and bit him again, this time at the juncture of his shoulder and neck, sucking a dark mark into his skin. Sirius’s hands flew to Remus’s shoulders, gripping him like he was the only solid thing left in the world.
“Good,” Remus said, voice ruined. “Good. Fucking good.”
Sirius made a helpless little noise at the praise, and Remus heard it.
Of course he heard it.
He heard everything now. Every breath. Every hitch. Every wet sound where his cock drove in deep. Every tremor in Sirius’s body. Every pulse beneath his skin.
It fed the thing in him.
It made him rougher.
He shoved Sirius’s thighs higher, pinning him open, pushing deeper until Sirius cried out and slapped a hand against the headboard.
“Too much?” Remus demanded.
“No,” Sirius said at once. “No, don’t stop.”
Remus laughed, but it wasn’t kind. It came out low and hungry.
“You wanted this.”
“Yes.”
“You teased me for it.”
“Yes.”
“You begged me to lose control.”
Sirius was panting hard now, hair stuck to his damp forehead, eyes glassy. “Yes.”
Remus leaned down until their mouths were close but not touching. “Then take it.”
Sirius sobbed.
Remus fucked him harder.
The sound of it filled the room, obscene and relentless, skin striking skin, the wet drag of Remus’s cock buried in him again and again, Sirius’s voice rising with every thrust. Remus pinned him with his weight, chest pressed to chest, teeth scraping along his jaw, over his throat, down to his collarbone.
He marked him everywhere he could reach.
Bites.
Bruises.
Dark blooming claims left on pale skin.
“More,” Sirius gasped. “Please, more.”
Remus groaned, almost pained. “You’ll kill me.”
“Good.”
“Pads.”
“Don’t Pads me now,” Sirius snapped, breathless and wrecked. “You started growling and calling me yours, don’t you dare go soft on me.”
Remus’s eyes flashed.
Sirius saw it and smiled like he’d won.
Then Remus grabbed his wrists and pinned them above his head.
Sirius went beautifully still beneath him.
“Oh,” Sirius breathed.
Remus stared down at him, chest heaving. “You keep provoking me.”
“I know.”
“You like it.”
“I love it.”
Remus’s grip tightened around his wrists. “You’re impossible.”
Sirius tilted his chin up. “You’re still talking.”
Remus snarled and slammed into him.
Sirius’s whole body arched off the bed.
“There,” Sirius choked. “There, fuck, there—”
Remus hit that same place again, then again, brutal and precise now, his desperation sharpening into instinct. Sirius’s voice broke apart, loud and shameless, all moans and curses and Remus’s name. He fought against the hold on his wrists just enough to feel it, just enough to make Remus growl and pin him harder.
“Stay,” Remus said.
Sirius’s eyes rolled back. “Fuck.”
“Stay under me.”
“Yes.”
“Stay still.”
“I can’t.”
Remus drove into him deep and ground there, making Sirius writhe beneath him. “Try.”
Sirius made a desperate, frustrated sound. “You bastard.”
Remus’s mouth dragged over his cheek. “You asked for mean.”
“I asked for rough.”
“You asked for the wolf.”
Sirius’s gaze snapped to his.
Remus went still for a second, both of them breathing hard, bodies slick and trembling. There was something dangerous in the silence, something old and moon-pulled and trembling between them like a struck wire.
Then Sirius smiled.
Not teasing this time.
Tender, almost.
“I asked for you.”
Remus’s expression twisted.
For half a second, he looked like he might come apart completely.
Then he kissed Sirius hard and fucked him like he was trying to crawl inside him.
Sirius cried into his mouth. Remus swallowed every sound. His hands released Sirius’s wrists only to grip his thighs, spreading him wider, lifting him into each thrust. Sirius clung to him instantly, arms around his shoulders, nails digging in, mouth open against Remus’s neck.
“Moony,” he gasped. “Moony, please.”
Remus whined then, desperate again beneath the growling, the feral thing cracking open to reveal the boy underneath it, aching and needy and half-mad with wanting.
“I can’t stop,” he said, breath shaking. “Sirius, I can’t—”
“Don’t stop.”
“I need—”
“What?”
Remus’s forehead pressed to his. His hips never slowed. “Need you. Need you, need you, fuck, I need you.”
Sirius’s hands slid into his hair, gentler now, holding him there even while Remus pounded into him hard enough to make the whole bed shake.
“You have me.”
Remus made a sound like that hurt.
“You have me,” Sirius said again, voice breaking on a moan. “I’m here. I’m yours. Fuck, I’m yours, Remus.”
Remus’s mouth opened against his.
His next thrust was so deep Sirius screamed.
Remus froze for a fraction of a second. “Too much?”
Sirius shook his head frantically. “No. No, again, do it again.”
Remus stared at him, pupils blown wide.
Then he did.
Sirius’s scream cracked into a sobbing moan, his body trembling violently beneath Remus’s. His cock was trapped between them, hard and leaking, rubbing against Remus’s stomach with every brutal thrust. Remus shifted, just enough, angling his hips, grinding down as he fucked into him, and Sirius nearly sobbed.
“Remus,” he choked. “I’m close.”
Remus growled into his neck. “Already?”
Sirius laughed, ragged and breathless. “You’re fucking me like an animal.”
Remus bit his shoulder again. “You like it.”
“Yes.”
“You wanted it.”
“Yes.”
“You wanted me feral and jealous and rough.”
Sirius’s fingers twisted in his hair. “Yes.”
Remus’s voice dropped, dark and shaking. “You wanted me to mark you up so everyone knows.”
Sirius’s breath caught.
Remus felt it.
His whole body reacted.
The room seemed to tilt. Mine, mine, mine, pounded through his skull in time with his hips.
Sirius swallowed. “No one else is here.”
“I don’t care.”
Sirius moaned.
“I know,” Remus said, fucking him harder. “I know, love. I know. You want it anyway.”
Sirius’s hands clutched at him.
“Don’t you?”
“Yes,” Sirius gasped. “Yes, fuck, yes.”
Remus dragged his teeth up Sirius’s throat and bit just below his jaw.
Sirius came apart.
His whole body seized beneath Remus, back arching, mouth open around a raw cry as he came between them, shaking through it, cock pulsing against Remus’s stomach. Remus kept fucking him through it, hard and deep and relentless, growling broken praise into his skin.
“That’s it,” he rasped. “That’s it, Sirius. Good. So good. Fuck, look at you.”
Sirius trembled, overwhelmed, hands weak in Remus’s hair. “Moony—”
“I know.”
“Fuck, I can’t—”
“I know.”
Remus slowed for one single second, enough to look down at him, enough for some devastated softness to flash across his face.
Sirius was wrecked beneath him. Flushed and shaking, throat marked, eyes wet at the corners, lips swollen, chest heaving. Beautiful. Wild. His.
Remus’s expression crumpled.
“Can I?” he begged. “Please, Pads, please, can I—”
Sirius blinked at him, dazed. “You’re asking now?”
Remus gave a broken little laugh that almost became a whine. “I’m trying.”
Sirius pulled him down by the back of the neck and kissed him. “Come on, then.”
Remus’s breath hitched.
“Inside,” Sirius whispered against his mouth. “Come inside me.”
Remus made a sound so desperate it barely sounded human.
Then he buried himself deep and came with a rough, shaking groan, hips jerking hard as he spilled inside Sirius. He held him there, pinned beneath him, teeth pressed to Sirius’s shoulder like he had to bite down on something or fall apart completely.
Sirius held him through it.
He felt Remus shake.
Felt the growls soften into gasps.
Felt the brutal grip on his body loosen one finger at a time.
For a long moment, neither of them moved.
The rain whispered on.
The lamp flickered gently.
Remus’s breathing was hot and uneven against Sirius’s neck.
Then Remus lifted his head.
The change was immediate.
The feral sharpness drained from his face so quickly it almost hurt to watch. His eyes, still dark, went wide with horror as they moved over Sirius’s throat, his shoulders, the marks blooming across his skin. His hands drew back as if he’d burned himself.
“Oh,” Remus whispered. “Oh God.”
Sirius, still boneless beneath him, blinked slowly. “Don’t.”
Remus’s face went pale. “Sirius.”
“Don’t do that.”
“I hurt you.”
“You did not.”
“I bit you.”
“I told you to.”
Remus’s mouth twisted. “You tell me to do all sorts of stupid things.”
“And you usually listen.”
“This isn’t funny.”
Sirius softened immediately.
Remus looked devastated.
All that hunger, all that dominance, all that rough, animal force had collapsed inward, leaving him trembling above Sirius with panic in his eyes.
Sirius lifted a hand, slow and careful, and touched his cheek.
“Moony,” he said softly. “Come here.”
Remus shook his head. “I should move.”
“No. Come here.”
“I’m still—”
“Remus.”
The firmness in Sirius’s voice cut through him.
Remus obeyed.
Carefully, so carefully now, he lowered himself down, shifting his weight so he wouldn’t crush Sirius. His cock slipped out slowly, and Sirius hissed under his breath at the sensitivity. Remus froze instantly.
“Sorry,” he whispered.
Sirius stroked his cheek. “It’s all right.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologising.”
Remus buried his face against Sirius’s chest, shaking.
Sirius’s hand moved through his hair, gentle and repetitive, smoothing it back from his damp forehead.
“There you are,” Sirius murmured.
Remus made a miserable sound. “Don’t be sweet to me.”
“Why not?”
“Because I was rough.”
“You were perfect.”
Remus gave a humourless little laugh against his chest. “Sirius.”
“I mean it.”
Remus lifted his head just enough to look at him. “You’re covered in marks.”
Sirius’s mouth twitched. “I did ask.”
“You asked because you’re a reckless idiot.”
“And you love me.”
Remus closed his eyes.
That landed somewhere soft.
When he opened them again, the panic was still there, but quieter.
“Yes,” he whispered. “I do.”
Sirius smiled, tired and tender. “Good. Then look after me.”
Remus’s entire expression changed.
The words gave him something to do. Something to hold. He nodded at once, hair falling into his eyes.
“Yes. Yeah. Of course.”
He climbed off the bed carefully, though his legs were unsteady beneath him. Sirius watched him go, fond and exhausted, as Remus moved around the room with that particular post-moon-near tenderness, all long limbs and frantic care.
He fetched a soft cloth first, then warm water. His hands shook as he cleaned Sirius gently, murmuring apologies every time Sirius winced, even slightly.
“Remus,” Sirius said after the fourth one.
Remus paused. “What?”
“Say sorry one more time and I’ll bite you back.”
Remus blinked.
Then, despite himself, he laughed.
It was small and cracked, but it was real.
“You would.”
“I absolutely would.”
Remus leaned down and kissed the inside of Sirius’s knee. Softly. Reverently. The complete opposite of the mouth that had bitten bruises into him minutes before.
“I’ll stop,” he said.
“Good.”
Remus kept cleaning him with slow, careful strokes. He wiped the mess from Sirius’s stomach, from between his thighs, cleaned him as gently as if Sirius were something precious and breakable, though Sirius had never been breakable a day in his life.
When he was done, he disappeared briefly and returned with a glass of water.
“Drink.”
Sirius raised an eyebrow. “Bossy.”
Remus flushed. “Please drink.”
“There’s my pathetic wolf.”
Remus made a sound that might’ve been a laugh and might’ve been a groan. “Don’t start again. I’m fragile.”
Sirius took the glass and drank. “You were inside me five minutes ago calling me yours.”
Remus sat on the edge of the bed, cheeks pink now. “I remember.”
“Do you?”
“Vividly.”
Sirius smiled over the rim of the glass. “Good.”
Remus took the glass back once Sirius had finished and set it aside. Then he reached for the blanket at the foot of the bed, shook it out, and wrapped it around Sirius with absurd tenderness.
Sirius watched him through heavy-lidded eyes.
“You’re fussing.”
“Yes.”
“I’m not dying.”
“No.”
“I came so hard my soul briefly left my body, but I’m not dying.”
Remus closed his eyes. “Please don’t make jokes while I’m trying to be responsible.”
“You love my jokes.”
“I endure them heroically.”
Sirius snorted.
Remus’s mouth softened.
He brushed Sirius’s hair back, fingers light over his temple. “How do you feel?”
Sirius considered being flippant.
Then he looked at Remus properly.
At the worry still tucked into the corners of his eyes. At the careful way he held himself, as though he feared one wrong movement would prove every monstrous thing he’d ever believed about himself.
Sirius sighed.
“Sore,” he admitted. “In a good way.”
Remus nodded, serious. “Too sore?”
“No.”
“Marks hurt?”
“A bit.”
Remus flinched.
Sirius caught his wrist. “In a good way.”
Remus looked doubtful.
Sirius tugged him closer. “I like feeling you there.”
Remus’s throat bobbed.
“Don’t look like that,” Sirius murmured.
“Like what?”
“Like you’re about to put yourself on trial.”
Remus gave a quiet, bitter smile. “Wouldn’t be my first time.”
Sirius’s fingers tightened around his wrist. “No trials tonight.”
Remus looked down at their hands.
Sirius pulled again. “Come here.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t.”
“I’m heavy.”
“You’re lanky. There’s a difference.”
Remus huffed softly, but he climbed back onto the bed. He settled beside Sirius first, cautious as ever, but Sirius immediately rolled towards him and tucked himself against Remus’s chest.
Remus froze.
Sirius sighed dramatically. “Moony.”
“Yes?”
“Hold me before I start thinking you only wanted me for my body.”
Remus made a strangled sound. “That’s not funny.”
“It was a bit funny.”
“It wasn’t.”
Sirius nudged his nose against Remus’s collarbone. “Hold me.”
Remus wrapped his arms around him.
The second he did, his whole body seemed to exhale.
He held Sirius close, one hand spread across his back, the other threading carefully through his hair. He kissed the top of Sirius’s head. Then his forehead. Then the bridge of his nose when Sirius tilted his face up. Then his mouth, softly enough to ache.
Sirius hummed into it.
“That’s better,” he whispered.
Remus stroked his thumb along Sirius’s spine under the blanket. “You scared me.”
Sirius opened one eye. “I scared you?”
“Yes.”
“I was the one getting fucked into the mattress.”
Remus’s face tightened. “Sirius.”
Sirius softened again. “I know. I know.”
Remus stared over his shoulder towards the rain-dark window.
“It gets so loud,” he said quietly.
Sirius didn’t interrupt.
Remus’s hand moved slowly up and down his back.
“Before the moon. Everything. Sounds. Smells. Wanting.” He swallowed. “You. Especially you.”
Sirius listened, cheek pressed to Remus’s chest, hearing the hard, uneven beat of his heart.
“I know what I am,” Remus said.
Sirius lifted his head. “Don’t.”
“I do.”
“No.” Sirius’s voice sharpened. “Don’t lie in bed with me after what we just did and say it like you’re something awful.”
Remus looked at him, tired and sad. “I bit you.”
“I wanted you to.”
“I liked it.”
Sirius paused.
Remus’s voice dropped to a whisper. “That’s the part that frightens me.”
Sirius looked at him for a long moment.
Then he touched the side of Remus’s face, thumb brushing over the scar that cut faintly through his eyebrow.
“You liked it because it was me,” Sirius said.
Remus went still.
“You liked it because I wanted you. Because I trusted you. Because I was looking at you and asking for it.” Sirius’s eyes searched his. “That doesn’t make you a monster.”
Remus’s breath caught.
“It makes you mine,” Sirius said softly.
Remus closed his eyes.
For a moment, Sirius thought he might cry.
Instead, Remus turned his face into Sirius’s palm and kissed it.
“You can’t say things like that,” he whispered.
“I can.”
“You’ll ruin me.”
Sirius smiled faintly. “Bit late, love.”
Remus laughed under his breath, fragile and warm.
The room settled around them.
Rain. Breath. Skin cooling beneath blankets. The moon not yet full, but close enough to haunt the edges of everything.
Remus traced the marks he’d left with feather-light fingers, checking each one with aching care. Sirius let him. He let Remus inspect his throat, his shoulder, his collarbone. Let him kiss every bruise as though an apology could be pressed into skin and made holy.
“That one’s dark,” Remus murmured.
Sirius smiled lazily. “Good.”
Remus gave him a look.
“What?” Sirius said. “It’s pretty.”
“It’s a bite mark.”
“It’s your bite mark.”
Remus’s expression flickered again, hunger and guilt and tenderness all tangled together.
Sirius caught it and leaned up to kiss him.
Slowly this time.
No provocation.
No teeth.
Just warmth.
When he pulled back, Remus followed him a little, chasing his mouth without thinking. Sirius smiled.
“Needy,” he whispered.
Remus flushed. “Yes.”
Sirius blinked.
The honesty of it hit harder than any teasing would have.
Remus didn’t look away. “For you. Always.”
Sirius’s smile softened into something almost unbearably fond.
“Come here properly, then.”
Remus gathered him in carefully, rearranging the blanket around them both, tucking Sirius against him with ridiculous attention to comfort. He made sure Sirius’s head was on the good pillow. Made sure his legs weren’t twisted. Made sure the glass of water was within reach. Made sure the cloth was set aside. Made sure the lamp wasn’t too bright.
Sirius endured it for nearly two whole minutes before saying, “You know, for someone who just fucked me like a territorial beast, you’re very fussy.”
Remus kissed his forehead. “Drink more water.”
“I already did.”
“Humour me.”
Sirius sighed as if terribly burdened, but drank again when Remus passed him the glass.
Remus watched him like it mattered.
Like Sirius drinking water was the thing keeping the stars pinned in place.
When Sirius finished, Remus set the glass down and slid back under the blanket. Sirius immediately curled into him.
“Warm,” Sirius murmured.
Remus’s hand settled at his waist. “Good.”
“Still sore.”
Remus tensed.
Sirius pinched him lightly. “I wasn’t complaining.”
Remus relaxed with effort.
Sirius yawned, then winced slightly when the movement pulled at one of the marks on his throat.
Remus noticed, of course.
He kissed it.
Then another.
Then another.
Sirius’s eyes drifted shut.
“Keep doing that,” he murmured.
Remus did.
He kissed every place his mouth had been too rough. He kissed Sirius’s throat, his jaw, his temple, his shoulder. He whispered soft, ridiculous things between them, half into Sirius’s skin, as if they were secrets.
“You’re all right.”
“You’re beautiful.”
“I’ve got you.”
“I’m here.”
“I love you.”
Sirius pretended not to melt.
He failed.
His hand found Remus’s and tangled their fingers together beneath the blanket.
“You’re sweet after,” Sirius mumbled.
Remus’s lips brushed his hair. “I’m sweet before.”
“You’re slow before.”
“That was me being sweet.”
“That was you being a menace.”
Remus smiled against his temple. “You weren’t complaining.”
“I complained several times.”
“You provoked me several times.”
Sirius’s mouth curved. “And I’d do it again.”
Remus groaned softly. “Sirius.”
“Not tonight,” Sirius said, patting his chest. “Relax. Your virtue is safe.”
“My virtue,” Remus repeated, disbelieving.
“What’s left of it.”
Remus laughed properly then, quiet and warm, and Sirius felt it through his whole body.
That was better.
That was what he wanted.
Not the guilt. Not the fear. Not Remus looking at his own hands as if they belonged to something else.
This.
Remus warm and close and laughing softly in the dark, arms wrapped around him, mouth pressed to his hair.
The wolf could have his teeth.
The moon could have its pull.
Sirius wanted this part too.
The after.
The softness.
The boy beneath the hunger.
Sirius tipped his head back. “Moony?”
Remus looked down at him at once. “What is it?”
Sirius smiled sleepily. “Stop looking worried.”
“I’ll try.”
“Try harder.”
Remus brushed his thumb over Sirius’s cheek. “Bossy.”
“I’m recovering.”
“From me.”
“From your cock, mostly.”
Remus choked. “Pads.”
Sirius grinned, pleased with himself even half-asleep.
Remus shook his head, but he was smiling now too.
He kissed Sirius once more, soft and lingering.
“Sleep,” he whispered.
Sirius tucked his face into Remus’s neck. “Stay.”
Remus tightened his arms around him.
“Always.”
Outside, the rain kept falling.
Above the clouds, the moon waited, not yet full, not yet merciless, but near enough to stir the blood and sharpen the hunger.
Inside, Remus held Sirius like something sacred.
And Sirius, marked and sore and smiling against his skin, let himself be held.
Remus and Peter can never catch a break because the dorm is always like some Shakespeare play, the level of dramatics Sirius and James produce
sirius walking in right as regulus calls james papi (casually) and being forever traumatised (literally screams, runs out of the room, runs back in still screaming, takes one look at their faces and runs away again)
<<<Coming Soon>>>
Bring the Lion Out
Regulus joins the Slytherin quidditch team as a seeker. At his first match, the Slytherins use the Gryffindor walk-out song (Lion - Saint Mesa) to announce him. Suddenly James no longer sees Regulus as Sirius’ younger brother.
This will be a mini-series that might evolve into more. AU since there won’t be any death eaters or Voldemort. Blood purists are still a thing in this universe though. And Peter Pettigrew is actually a good friend in this. The prank also never happens, so Sirius is still on the quidditch team. Background Wolfstar, Dorlene, Rebelflower, & Rosekiller. Updates will take a while and will also be uploaded to my wattpad.
***See below for a little snippet of the first chapter***
A certain feeling hangs in the air on the day of the first quidditch match of the season. A match between Slytherin and Gryffindor to start said season; only adds to it. The feeling, of course, is excitement. Everyone is excited to see who will triumph in their attempts to win the quidditch cup. Anticipation, curiosity, and pride usually accompany this feeling. This year, the Slytherin team has announced they have a new seeker, but have failed to reveal who they are.
***
“Slytherin’s are so dramatic. I don’t see why they don’t just reveal who it is.” Sirius Black, a strikingly handsome young man, with perfectly styled hair, speaks. “I mean honestly, I’m starting to think they’re just yanking our wands and it's still Avery that’s seeker.” He walks in tandem with three other boys toward the quidditch pitch.
“It can’t be Avery though.” James Potter, a young man with glasses sat askew upon his face and a tan complexion replies, “Remember, last year he was banned from playing after he hexed that first year for saying that ‘the Slytherin team sucked bollocks’. The kid was in the infirmary for the rest of the year. And I hear he still has a slight limp when he walks.”
“And it's not like you have any room to speak on who’s dramatic, love” A voice sounded from behind a book. His clothing was slightly disheveled.
“Remus, Moonbeam, the light of life, my eternal soulmate; why would you say something like that? I’m the least dramatic person at this school.” Sirius replies as he brings his arm to wrap around Remus’ shoulder, pressing a kiss to his cheek.
“Ah yes. Because the least dramatic person in this school would refer to his boyfriend as his ‘eternal soulmate’.” Peter Pettigrew, the final person of the quartet speaks. “And besides, we’ll find out who the new seeker is in a bit. It’s not like they can hide who it is at the match.”
Between Us
@echolovesjegulus
Summer sat heavy over Grimmauld Place.
It had made itself at home in the drawing room curtains, in the dim hallway mirrors, in the polished bannisters that never seemed to lose the chill of the house no matter how warm the day grew outside. It pressed against the tall windows in sheets of white-gold light, all bright and nosy, and it made the shadows look even darker by comparison.
Regulus Black stood alone in the quiet.
Properly alone, for once.
Not school-alone, which was never actually alone at all. Not the kind of alone that came with footsteps beyond a library shelf, whispers behind classroom doors, a table full of people close enough to reach but not close enough to touch. This was different. This was Grimmauld-alone.
This was Sirius and their eomma out shopping and doing whatever dramatic spa-day nonsense had required both of them to leave the house dressed like they were attending a funeral for someone extremely fashionable.
This was appa at work.
This was Kreacher somewhere near enough to appear within a breath if Regulus called.
This was the house finally, mercifully, holding its tongue.
Regulus stood in the middle of the room with a case open on the table.
Inside lay the kamancheh.
It looked delicate in a way that made him suspicious of it.
Regulus knew delicate things. Delicate things were usually either breakable or pretending not to be. He understood that very well. His violin had never looked delicate to him, not really. The violin was sharp and severe and exacting; it punished arrogance, rewarded obedience, and made his fingers ache in ways that felt like proof. It was familiar. It was his. It had been his for years.
The kamancheh was not his yet.
Not properly.
Not in the bones.
He stared at it.
Kreacher stared at him.
Kreacher had been standing by the door for several minutes with a cloth over one arm, watching Regulus with the pained patience of someone witnessing a disaster assemble itself politely.
“Master Regulus has been staring at the instrument for twelve minutes,” Kreacher said at last.
Regulus did not look up. “I’m thinking.”
“Kreacher sees.”
“I’m preparing.”
“Kreacher sees.”
“I’m developing a method.”
“Kreacher is certain Master Regulus is doing many important things.”
Regulus narrowed his eyes at the kamancheh. “That sounds like sarcasm.”
“Kreacher would never.”
“You absolutely would.”
“Kreacher has served this house too long to be accused of such things by a boy who is frightened of a wooden instrument.”
Regulus snapped his head up. “I am not frightened.”
Kreacher’s ears twitched.
Regulus pointed at him. “Don’t do that.”
“Kreacher did nothing.”
“You did that ear thing.”
“Kreacher has ears.”
“You did it judgmentally.”
“Kreacher’s ears are loyal to Master Regulus. If they judge, it is only because they love him.”
Regulus glared.
Kreacher looked serenely back.
The house creaked somewhere above them, one of those long, settling groans that made Grimmauld Place sound older than time and twice as bitter. Regulus looked back down at the kamancheh before his nerve could run away from him and hide in a cupboard.
“It’s not frightening,” he said, quieter now.
“No, Master Regulus.”
“It’s just different.”
“Yes, Master Regulus.”
“I can do different.”
“Of course, Master Regulus.”
Regulus lifted his chin. “I can.”
“Kreacher knows.”
And that, annoyingly, was worse than sarcasm. Kreacher did know. Kreacher had seen Regulus learn harder things than this. He had watched him as a child with a violin tucked awkwardly beneath his chin, too small for the instrument and too stubborn to admit it. He had watched lessons turn into concerts, concerts turn into competitions, competitions turn into people speaking of Regulus with that particular clipped admiration adults used when they wanted to say prodigy but didn’t want to sound impressed by a child.
Regulus was good at the violin.
No.
Not good.
Good was what people said when they were trying not to understand.
Regulus was precise. Regulus was disciplined. Regulus was the sort of player who could make a note feel like it had been measured with a blade. He could read sheet music until the notes stopped being instructions and became a language already living under his skin. He knew how to make strings obey. He knew how to build sound with the patience of architecture.
But the kamancheh sat in its case like it knew something he didn’t.
And that irritated him.
Regulus reached for the sheet music first.
The pages were new enough that the edges still felt crisp beneath his fingers. He had gone through them already, of course. Several times. He had examined every marking, every line, every fingering note he could find. He had compared what he already knew with what he did not know. He had read until his eyes stung and then read again because understanding a thing in theory was useless if his hands could not translate it.
His parents had bought the instrument when he asked.
That had been the easy part, somehow.
He had expected questions. Worse, he had expected interest.
But he had asked neatly, properly, with a prepared explanation about musical study and range and expanding technique, and he had made sure not to mention James Potter.
Not once.
Not even near the edges.
Because James Potter was the problem.
James Potter, who had been his hyung’s best friend for years.
James Potter, who could fill an entire room by walking into it as if the air had been waiting for permission to laugh.
James Potter, who never looked at Regulus properly.
No. That wasn’t fair.
James looked at him.
James smiled at him. James spoke to him sometimes. James was warm, because James seemed to be warm to everyone, as if he had been born with sunlight caught behind his ribs and had never learned to be careful with it. But he looked at Regulus the way he looked at Sirius’ younger brother.
Which Regulus was.
Unfortunately.
Legally.
Biologically.
Socially.
Catastrophically.
Regulus picked up the kamancheh with both hands.
It was lighter than he expected and stranger in his grip. He adjusted carefully, recalling what he had read, trying to place his body around it instead of forcing it to behave like a violin. That was the danger. He knew that. Similar enough to tempt arrogance, different enough to punish it.
Kreacher took one quiet step closer.
Regulus noticed without looking. “Don’t hover.”
“Kreacher is not hovering.”
“You’re hovering emotionally.”
“Kreacher is standing.”
“Loudly.”
Kreacher sniffed. “Master Regulus has asked for no help.”
“I don’t need help.”
“No, Master Regulus.”
“I need quiet.”
“Yes, Master Regulus.”
A pause.
“Kreacher is being quiet,” Kreacher announced.
Regulus shut his eyes. “Kreacher.”
“Yes, Master Regulus?”
“That was not quiet.”
“No, Master Regulus.”
Regulus breathed in.
He had to stop stalling.
That was what this was. Stalling, disguised as preparation, wrapped in irritation, wearing a tidy little coat of perfectionism so he could pretend it was strategy. He knew himself too well to be fooled by himself for long.
He wanted James to notice him.
There. The thought landed with the same cold, bright finality as a note struck perfectly in an empty room.
He wanted James to look at him and see someone.
Not Sirius’ brother.
Not the quiet Black.
Not the boy in the background with a sharp collar and sharper eyes.
Someone.
Regulus tightened his grip on the bow.
James had talked about being Persian.
Not constantly. Not as performance. But enough that Regulus had noticed, because Regulus noticed everything James said in the embarrassing, damning way of someone who had no intention of being caught caring. James had spoken about his mum. About culture. About food, music, celebrations, language, stories. About how strange Hogwarts could be, sometimes, pretending the world was only as wide as its own castle walls. About wishing the school did more cultural things. Not just the occasional shallow nod. Not just food on a table with no explanation. More.
Real things.
Living things.
James had said it once with a laugh that had not quite hidden the ache beneath it.
“Everyone knows I like Quidditch,” James had said. “Everyone knows I dance when Sirius plays music too loud. Everyone knows I’m impossible before breakfast. But half the school forgets I’m Persian unless I say it outright.”
Regulus had remembered that.
Of course he had.
It had lodged in him like a hook.
James liked dancing. James liked music. James liked being seen, not in the obvious way everyone assumed, but in the deep way. The way that said: I heard what mattered when you thought no one was listening.
So Regulus had read.
Books first. Always books. Books did not laugh when he mispronounced things in his head. Books did not notice his ears going red. Books did not ask why he suddenly cared. He had read what he could find, carefully and repeatedly, trying to learn without making it look like hunger.
Then he had found the kamancheh.
Similar enough, he had thought, with all the confidence of a boy who had been betrayed by similar enough many times before.
A bowed instrument. Strings. Technique. Music.
He could teach himself.
He would teach himself.
He would learn enough to play something recognisable, something beautiful, something that made James turn his head.
Not because Regulus was Sirius’ younger brother.
Because Regulus had reached, quietly and deliberately, toward something James had said mattered.
The first note he drew from the kamancheh was awful.
Regulus froze.
Kreacher froze.
The note hung in the room like a wounded bird and then died an undignified death against the wallpaper.
Regulus stared forward.
Kreacher stared at the floor.
Neither of them spoke.
The silence after the sound was somehow worse than the sound.
Regulus slowly lowered the bow.
Kreacher cleared his throat.
Regulus said, very calmly, “No.”
Kreacher’s ears twitched again.
“No,” Regulus repeated. “That didn’t happen.”
“Kreacher heard nothing.”
“Exactly.”
“The house heard nothing.”
“Good.”
“The ancestors heard nothing.”
Regulus looked toward the walls. “They’d better not have.”
“Kreacher can deny everything.”
“Excellent.”
Regulus lifted the bow again.
He adjusted his fingers. Adjusted his posture. Adjusted his grip. Made himself remember that the point of beginning was being terrible in private so one could later be impressive in public. He knew this. He believed this. He hated this.
The second note was less awful.
Not good.
But less like furniture being murdered.
Regulus exhaled slowly.
Kreacher nodded once as though Regulus had just negotiated a treaty.
“Better,” Regulus murmured.
“Kreacher agrees.”
“You don’t know what you’re hearing.”
“Kreacher knows pain. That was less pain.”
Regulus almost smiled. Almost.
He drew the bow again.
This time, the sound came out uneven but alive. It trembled, caught, thinned, then steadied for half a breath before slipping away. Regulus’ fingers tightened, instinct dragging him toward violin habits he had to consciously resist.
“No,” he muttered to himself. “Not like that.”
Kreacher remained quiet.
Regulus tried again.
The room narrowed.
That was always the first mercy of practice. At some point, humiliation stopped being useful and focus took over. The world became the instrument, the body, the page, the sound. Grimmauld Place faded at the edges. The dim room, the heavy summer air, the absence of Sirius and eomma and appa, all of it thinned until there was only the problem in front of him.
Regulus liked problems.
Problems did not require charm.
Problems did not ask him to smile.
Problems did not treat him as a footnote in someone else’s story.
A problem had rules, even when he did not understand them yet. A problem could be mapped. Broken down. Solved.
He played the phrase again.
Wrong.
Again.
Less wrong.
Again.
There.
His eyes flicked to the sheet music.
Again.
The note shook, then settled. His left hand was still too tense. His bow pressure wanted to become violin pressure. He corrected. Tried again. The kamancheh answered with something closer to music.
Regulus’ breath caught.
Kreacher whispered, “Oh.”
Regulus looked up sharply. “What?”
“Kreacher said nothing.”
“You said oh.”
“Kreacher breathed.”
“You don’t breathe like that.”
“Kreacher was moved.”
Regulus blinked.
Kreacher looked offended by his surprise. “Master Regulus does not need to look at Kreacher as if Kreacher has no appreciation.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Master Regulus thought it very loudly.”
Regulus looked back at the music, feeling heat creep beneath his collar. “It was one phrase.”
“It was better.”
“It was barely anything.”
“It was something.”
Regulus hated how much that pleased him.
He set the bow again and played the phrase from the beginning.
Still uneven. Still rough at the turns. Still carrying the ghost of another instrument in his hands. But yes. Something. Beneath the awkwardness, beneath the newness, beneath the stubborn resistance of unfamiliar technique, there was a thread.
He could follow a thread.
Regulus had spent most of his life following things no one else noticed.
A change in eomma’s voice.
A shift in appa’s silence.
The sound of Sirius coming down the stairs in one mood or another.
The difference between a room that was safe and a room that merely looked quiet.
The exact moment James Potter’s smile turned real.
He knew the real one. Most people didn’t. Most people saw the grin and assumed they had been given the whole thing. They hadn’t. James had layers of brightness. There was the loud one, the easy one, the performance one, the one he threw across rooms like confetti. Then there was the real one, slower and warmer, almost private. The kind that made his eyes soften first.
Regulus wanted that smile turned on him.
The thought was so unbearable he missed the next note entirely.
The kamancheh produced a shriek.
Regulus flinched.
Kreacher’s whole face tightened as if the sound had slapped him.
Regulus lowered the bow and stared at the instrument. “Traitor.”
“Kreacher could fetch Master Regulus’ violin.”
“No.”
“Only if Master Regulus wishes to remind himself that he is gifted.”
“I know I’m gifted.”
“Yes, Master Regulus.”
“I don’t need reminding.”
“No, Master Regulus.”
“I need this.”
Kreacher went still.
Regulus regretted saying it so plainly the moment the words left his mouth. There were some sentences one ought never allow into the open. They became too real once heard.
Kreacher’s voice softened. “Master Regulus needs the kamancheh?”
Regulus stared at the sheet music. “I need to learn it.”
“For the older boy.”
Regulus snapped his head toward him. “I did not say that.”
“Kreacher did.”
“You shouldn’t.”
“Kreacher knows why Master Regulus asked for the instrument.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Kreacher knows why Master Regulus has been reading the books.”
Regulus’ mouth tightened.
“Kreacher knows why Master Regulus repeats the name when he thinks no one hears.”
Regulus went very still.
Kreacher bowed his head immediately, ears drooping. “Kreacher does not mean to upset Master Regulus.”
Regulus looked away.
The silence returned, not empty this time, but crowded with things Regulus did not know how to say. He hated being known when he had not chosen it. He hated the exposure of it, the softness of having his wanting held up to the light. But Kreacher was not laughing. Kreacher was not teasing. Kreacher was looking at him as if his want was something precious and frightening and worth guarding.
Regulus swallowed.
“I don’t repeat his name,” he said.
Kreacher wisely said nothing.
Regulus adjusted the sheet music though it did not need adjusting. “Not often.”
Kreacher remained silent.
Regulus’ voice thinned. “Not where people can hear.”
“Kreacher is not people,” Kreacher said gently.
That startled a laugh out of him. Small, breathy, almost unwilling.
“Kreacher, that’s not comforting.”
“Kreacher intended it to be.”
“I know.”
“Kreacher can try again.”
“Please don’t.”
“Yes, Master Regulus.”
Regulus looked down at the kamancheh in his hands.
For years.
That was the stupid part.
Not a week. Not a passing thing. Not some shallow, pretty-schoolboy fancy he could scrape out of himself with enough discipline. Years.
He could not remember the exact moment it had started, which annoyed him because he liked exactness. It had not happened dramatically. There had been no thunderclap, no single devastating smile, no one moment where the universe had reached down and shoved him into wanting.
It had been worse.
It had accumulated.
James laughing too loudly in the hallway.
James talking with his hands.
James dancing because music had started somewhere and apparently James Potter considered rhythm a personal invitation.
James speaking about his mum with a softness Regulus had not been prepared for.
James saying, “It’s not that I mind people asking. I just wish they remembered after.”
Regulus had remembered.
He had remembered so hard it had become action.
He lifted the bow again.
“From the top,” he said.
Kreacher straightened. “Yes, Master Regulus.”
“You do not need to say yes. I’m speaking to myself.”
“Yes, Master Regulus.”
Regulus sighed.
He began again.
The first phrase came cleaner this time. Not clean, but cleaner. He stopped. Repeated it. Slower. Then slower again. He listened to the sound instead of trying to command it. That was difficult. Regulus liked command. Command was safe. Listening required humility, and humility was deeply annoying.
The kamancheh did not care what he had mastered before.
It asked him to begin again.
So he did.
Again.
Again.
Again.
His fingers warmed. His shoulder loosened by degrees. The bow stopped fighting him quite so much once he stopped trying to make it prove a point. The notes remained strange beneath his hands, but not foreign in the same way. More like a language he had heard through a wall and was only now learning to speak aloud.
At some point, Kreacher disappeared and returned with tea.
Regulus did not notice until the cup sat steaming on the table beside the case.
“I didn’t ask for that.”
“No, Master Regulus.”
“You’re interrupting.”
“Kreacher is preventing Master Regulus from pretending his hands do not need rest.”
Regulus looked down.
His fingers ached.
He flexed them and felt the familiar pull of practice settling into his joints.
“I’m fine.”
“Master Regulus is always fine.”
“I am.”
“Yes, Master Regulus.”
“Don’t say it like that.”
“Kreacher said it normally.”
“You said it like I lie.”
“Master Regulus lies beautifully.”
Regulus stared at him.
Kreacher clasped his hands. “About being fine.”
Regulus looked away first.
The tea smelled exactly as it always did. Home, in the safest sense the house could manage. Regulus set the bow down carefully and reached for the cup, letting its heat press into his palms. He had not realised how tightly he had been holding himself until the warmth began to undo it.
Kreacher watched him drink.
Regulus pretended not to notice.
The sheet music lay open beside the instrument. Black notes on white paper. A path. Not the whole path, not yet, but enough to begin.
“He likes dancing,” Regulus said suddenly.
Kreacher tilted his head.
Regulus kept staring into his tea. “James. He likes dancing.”
“Kreacher has seen the older boy move around the house with Master Sirius.”
Regulus’ nose wrinkled. “That’s not dancing. That’s public disorder.”
“Kreacher does not know the difference.”
“There is one.”
“If Master Regulus says so.”
Regulus’ thumb traced the cup’s rim. “He talks about music like it’s… like it belongs to everyone, but also like it’s personal. Like it’s supposed to be shared, but only if people understand they’re being trusted with it.”
Kreacher did not answer immediately.
When he did, his voice was careful. “And Master Regulus wants to be trusted with it?”
Regulus’ throat tightened.
He hated how easily Kreacher could sometimes find the centre of things.
“I want him to know I listened,” he said.
There it was.
Small.
Plain.
Terrible.
Kreacher’s eyes shone faintly in the summer dimness.
Regulus looked at him and scowled. “Don’t be emotional.”
“Kreacher is not.”
“You are.”
“Kreacher is a loyal servant. Loyal servants are permitted emotion in moderation.”
“No, they aren’t.”
“Kreacher will be emotional quietly.”
Regulus pinched the bridge of his nose. “You are impossible.”
“Kreacher learned from the family.”
“That is unfortunately fair.”
The corner of Kreacher’s mouth moved, just slightly.
Regulus drank more tea.
Outside the room, the house remained quiet. No Sirius crashing through the door, no eomma calling for someone, no appa’s footsteps, no performance required. Just the room, the instrument, the sheet music, and Kreacher standing nearby like a guardian of all Regulus’ most humiliating secrets.
Regulus set the cup down.
“I should continue.”
“Master Regulus should rest another minute.”
“If I rest too long I’ll lose the shape of it.”
“Master Regulus has never lost the shape of anything in his life.”
“That’s not true.”
Kreacher looked at him.
Regulus looked back.
Regulus picked up the kamancheh again.
This time when he positioned himself, it felt fractionally less awkward. Fractionally was enough. Fractionally became slightly. Slightly became nearly. Nearly, with enough blood and repetition, could become mastery.
He had built himself out of less.
The bow touched the strings.
He played.
The phrase emerged.
Not perfect. Not polished. Not ready for anyone else’s ears. But music now, undeniably. The sound moved through the room in a thin, trembling line, and Regulus followed it with such fierce concentration that his whole face changed.
Kreacher saw it. He always did.
The severity softened. The guardedness shifted. Regulus did not become less himself when he played; he became more sharply himself, distilled down to intention. Every ugly, anxious, wanting thing in him found somewhere to go. His hands spoke what his mouth would rather die than confess.
He played the line again.
And again.
And again until the room seemed to understand it.
Then he stopped abruptly.
Kreacher blinked. “Master Regulus?”
Regulus lowered the bow. “I need to start over.”
“Kreacher thought Master Regulus was improving.”
“I am.”
“Then why start over?”
“Because improving isn’t enough.”
Kreacher sighed the sigh of someone who had known this answer before asking the question. “No, Master Regulus.”
“It has to be good.”
“It will be.”
“No. It has to be right.”
Kreacher’s gaze flicked to the sheet music, then to the instrument, then back to Regulus.
“For the older boy,” he said.
Regulus did not deny it this time.
He looked down, his fringe falling slightly forward, hiding the worst of his expression.
“For James,” he said.
The name sounded different in the room.
Not because it had never been spoken there before. Sirius spoke it constantly when he was home, throwing it around carelessly, loudly, easily. James this, James that, James said, James did, James would laugh, James would know. In Sirius’ mouth, the name was a firework.
In Regulus’ mouth, it was a secret placed on an altar.
Kreacher bowed his head.
Regulus hated that too.
Not because it was mocking.
Because it wasn’t.
“He won’t care,” Regulus said.
Kreacher looked up.
Regulus stared at the strings. “He probably won’t. He’ll think it’s impressive, maybe. Or strange. Or he won’t think about it at all. He’ll smile and say something kind because he’s James and he always says something kind, and then he’ll go back to seeing me exactly the way he always has.”
The words came too easily once they started.
Regulus’ jaw tightened, but he did not stop.
“He’ll still see Sirius first. Everyone does. Sirius enters a room and people understand him immediately. Or think they do, which is nearly as effective. He’s loud and impossible and dramatic enough to go shopping and have a spa day with eomma as if that’s a perfectly normal way to spend an afternoon, and James loves him for it.”
Kreacher’s ears lowered.
Regulus laughed once, sharp and humourless. “Not like that. I know. I’m not stupid. But he loves him. As a friend. As a brother. As whatever Sirius makes people become by sheer force of being Sirius.”
He swallowed.
“I don’t know how to do that.”
Kreacher stepped closer. “Master Regulus should not need to become Master Sirius.”
“I don’t want to become Sirius.”
“No.”
“I just want—”
He stopped.
Kreacher waited.
The summer light shifted slightly across the floorboards.
Regulus’ voice came quieter when he continued. “I want to be noticeable without having to be loud.”
Kreacher’s expression crumpled in a way Regulus immediately wished he had not seen.
“Oh, don’t,” Regulus muttered.
“Kreacher is not doing anything.”
“You look tragic.”
“Kreacher is old. His face has settled tragically.”
“That is not my fault.”
“Kreacher did not say it was.”
Regulus rubbed at his forehead with the hand not holding the bow. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Master Regulus may say anything to Kreacher.”
“That’s a dangerous offer.”
“Kreacher has survived this house.”
“Barely.”
“Barely is still survived.”
Regulus looked at him for a moment.
Then, despite himself, he smiled.
Tiny.
Reluctant.
There and gone.
Kreacher brightened as if rewarded with jewels.
Regulus quickly looked back at the kamancheh. “Don’t make that face.”
“Kreacher made no face.”
“You made a face.”
“Kreacher has a face.”
“Yes, and it’s becoming a problem.”
“Kreacher will turn around.”
“Don’t turn around. That’s worse.”
Kreacher stayed exactly where he was, looking pleased.
Regulus groaned under his breath and lifted the instrument again.
He needed the beginning cleaner.
That was all.
Enough sentiment. Sentiment had its uses, probably, for other people. Regulus preferred work. Work did not pity him. Work did not comfort him. Work simply waited to be done.
He set himself.
Breathed.
Played.
The first note landed too hard.
He stopped.
Again.
Too thin.
Again.
Too much pressure.
Again.
Better.
Again.
Better still.
The repetition became a kind of weather. Slow, steady, wearing down the stone of not-yet. Regulus moved through it with ruthless patience. He did not allow himself frustration beyond what could be converted into correction. Each mistake had to justify itself. Each improvement had to be earned.
Kreacher sat eventually.
Not loudly.
Not in the way that would distract. He settled near the wall and watched with his hands folded, his face quiet. He had seen many versions of Regulus in that house. The obedient son. The sharp-tongued brother. The pale child trying not to be afraid. The young musician bleeding effort into strings until applause became inevitable.
This version was something else.
This version wanted.
That made him more dangerous and more fragile at once.
Regulus played until his shoulders burned.
He stopped only when his fingers slipped on a transition he knew he could manage, which meant his body had become more tired than useful. He lowered the bow with visible reluctance.
Kreacher rose at once. “Master Regulus will rest now.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Master Regulus will rest now,” Kreacher repeated, with the iron firmness of a creature who would have fought the furniture if necessary.
Regulus gave him an unimpressed look. “You’re ordering me?”
“Kreacher is advising strongly.”
“Ordering.”
“Lovingly.”
“Still ordering.”
“Yes, Master Regulus.”
Regulus huffed, but he set the kamancheh down with exquisite care.
The room felt different once the music stopped. Larger, somehow. As if the sound had been holding the walls closer. Grimmauld Place returned by degrees: the old smell of polished wood, the dust hiding in corners no amount of cleaning ever conquered, the dim shine of inherited things, the oppressive dignity of the house.
Regulus flexed his hand.
Kreacher immediately noticed. “Kreacher will bring a warm cloth.”
“I’m fine.”
“Kreacher has heard that lie already today.”
“It’s not a lie every time.”
“Today it is.”
Regulus rolled his eyes, but he did not object when Kreacher vanished and returned with a warm cloth folded neatly over his hands.
Regulus accepted it.
The heat sank into his fingers. He closed his eyes for half a second.
Kreacher pretended not to see.
“Do you think it was terrible?” Regulus asked.
Kreacher’s eyes widened in offence. “No.”
“You paused.”
“Kreacher was offended.”
“That’s convenient.”
“Kreacher does not lie to Master Regulus.”
Regulus opened one eye. “You lie constantly.”
“Kreacher does not lie about music.”
That made Regulus pause.
Kreacher lifted his chin. “At first, it was terrible.”
Regulus’ mouth fell open. “Kreacher.”
“Master Regulus asked.”
“I asked if you thought it was terrible overall, not for you to provide a historical timeline of my humiliation.”
“Kreacher is being honest.”
“You could be less honest.”
“Master Regulus would hate that.”
Regulus closed his mouth because, annoyingly, that was true.
Kreacher continued, “At first, it sounded like the instrument was deeply unhappy.”
Regulus winced. “Thank you.”
“Then it sounded like Master Regulus was angry at the instrument.”
“I was.”
“Kreacher knows.”
“It deserved it.”
“Kreacher is certain.”
Regulus narrowed his eyes, but Kreacher carried on.
“Then Master Regulus began listening.”
The words settled differently.
Regulus looked down at the warm cloth over his fingers.
“And then?” he asked.
Kreacher smiled, small and careful. “Then it sounded like music.”
Regulus did not answer.
His throat did something inconvenient.
Kreacher, mercifully, looked at the instrument instead of at him.
“It is not Master Regulus’ violin,” Kreacher said. “But Master Regulus did not ask for another violin.”
“No,” Regulus said softly.
“He asked for this.”
“Yes.”
“Then this is what Master Regulus will learn.”
Regulus looked at the kamancheh.
It lay in the open case, no longer quite as accusing as before. Still unfamiliar. Still demanding. Still full of ways to embarrass him. But possible now. He had touched the edge of it, just enough to know there was a path forward.
James might never care.
That truth sat beside him, cold and honest.
James might smile kindly and forget. James might never hear him play at all. James might always look through him toward Sirius, because Sirius was easier to love and easier to understand and easier to stand beside. Regulus could learn every note perfectly and still not become visible in the way he wanted.
But the wanting had already changed him.
It had made him reach for something beyond pride.
It had made him listen.
That was dangerous.
It was also, he feared, the point.
Regulus removed the cloth from his hand and flexed his fingers once more.
Kreacher looked alarmed. “Master Regulus.”
“One more time.”
“No.”
Regulus blinked. “Excuse me?”
“Kreacher said no.”
“You can’t say no.”
“Kreacher can. Kreacher just did.”
Regulus stared at him, genuinely affronted. “I am your master.”
“And Kreacher is the only one here with sense.”
“I have sense.”
“Master Regulus has ambition.”
“That’s better than sense.”
“It is louder than sense.”
Regulus leaned back slightly. “You’re getting very bold today.”
“Kreacher is protecting Master Regulus’ hands.”
“My hands are fine.”
“Kreacher will hide the bow.”
“You wouldn’t dare.”
Kreacher looked him dead in the eye.
Regulus slowly stood.
Kreacher slowly reached for the bow.
“Kreacher.”
“Master Regulus.”
“Do not.”
“Rest.”
“I need to practice.”
“Later.”
“I need to practice now.”
“Kreacher will call Mistress.”
Regulus froze.
The threat dropped into the room like a knife.
“You wouldn’t.”
“Kreacher would.”
“You would interrupt spa day?”
“For Master Regulus’ fingers, Kreacher would interrupt the sun.”
Regulus stared.
Kreacher stared back, ancient and immovable and absolutely willing to cause an international incident between Regulus and the most dramatic members of the household.
Regulus sat back down.
“This is betrayal,” he said.
“This is care.”
“It feels similar.”
“Kreacher understands.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Kreacher understands a great many unpleasant things.”
Regulus glanced at him.
Kreacher looked pointedly at the tea.
Regulus picked it up with a sigh and drank.
For a while, neither of them spoke.
The quiet returned, but it was not the same quiet as before. Before, it had been empty space waiting to be used. Now it was full of the aftershape of music. Notes lingered in Regulus’ mind, arranging and rearranging themselves. He could feel the corrections he needed to make. He could see the path his fingers had to learn.
By tomorrow, the opening would be cleaner.
By next week, perhaps recognisable.
By the end of summer—
He stopped himself.
Hope was a dangerous thing to leave unsupervised.
Kreacher watched him over the rim of the teapot. “Master Regulus is planning.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“I’m drinking tea.”
“Master Regulus plans loudly.”
Regulus sighed. “I’m thinking.”
“About the older boy.”
“About music.”
“Because of the older boy.”
Regulus looked at him flatly. “You’re enjoying this.”
“Kreacher is devoted to Master Regulus’ happiness.”
“My suffering, you mean.”
“Sometimes they overlap.”
Regulus almost laughed again, which was becoming a worrying pattern.
He set the cup down.
“I’m not doing this to make him like me,” he said.
Kreacher wisely looked unconvinced in silence.
Regulus frowned. “Not only.”
Kreacher nodded once.
“I know that won’t work,” Regulus said, though the words tasted unpleasant. “Not like a spell. Not like if I learn the right notes, he’ll suddenly—”
He cut himself off.
Kreacher did not push.
Regulus stared at the sheet music until the lines blurred slightly.
“I just want him to know,” he said. “That someone remembered.”
Kreacher’s voice was very quiet. “Then Master Regulus should play like that.”
Regulus looked up.
“Not like Master Regulus is trying to be seen,” Kreacher said. “Like Master Regulus saw.”
The words struck him harder than expected.
Regulus looked back at the instrument.
Like he saw.
Not louder than Sirius. Not brighter. Not impossible before breakfast. Not dancing through a room until everyone turned. Just proof, in sound, that when James had spoken, Regulus had been listening.
It was unbearably simple.
It was nearly impossible.
Regulus reached out and touched the edge of the sheet music with one finger.
“I can do that,” he said.
Kreacher nodded. “Yes, Master Regulus.”
“I can.”
“Yes.”
The house creaked again, softer this time, as if even Grimmauld Place had grown tired of pretending not to listen.
Regulus did not pick up the bow.
He wanted to.
His fingers twitched with it. His mind kept pressing forward, restless and hungry, already correcting the next attempt. But Kreacher was right. The body had rules too. Ignore them, and they collected their debts with interest.
So Regulus sat beside the open case and studied the music in silence.
The kamancheh waited.
Patient.
Unimpressed.
Promising nothing.
Regulus found, to his irritation, that he liked it better that way.
Kreacher moved around the room quietly, restoring things that did not need restoring, dusting surfaces that had already been dusted, hovering in every sense except the one he would admit to. Regulus let him.
Outside, summer burned on.
Somewhere beyond the house, Sirius and eomma were likely turning shopping into theatre. Appa was at work. The world was continuing in its usual loud, careless way.
But inside Grimmauld Place, for one rare afternoon, Regulus had a secret that was not made of fear.
He had an instrument he could not yet master.
He had sheet music spread like a map.
He had aching fingers, cooling tea, and Kreacher guarding the bow as if it were contraband.
And he had James Potter’s voice in his memory, warm and easy and edged with something almost wistful.
“Half the school forgets I’m Persian unless I say it outright.”
Regulus looked down at the notes.
“I didn’t forget,” he whispered.
Kreacher did not pretend he had not heard.
He only said, very softly, “No, Master Regulus.”
Regulus touched the kamancheh again, not playing this time. Just resting his fingers against the wood, feeling the shape of what he had chosen.
Tomorrow, he would be better.
The day after that, better again.
By the end of summer, perhaps, he would be able to draw the bow across the strings and make something beautiful enough to carry what he could not say.
Not a confession.
Not yet.
Just a sound.
Just a thread.
Just one careful bridge between himself and the boy who had never looked long enough to see him waiting.
Regulus closed the case at last.
The latch clicked softly.
Kreacher looked relieved. “Master Regulus is done for today?”
Regulus stood, smoothing his shirt with as much dignity as a person could manage after being bullied into rest by a house-elf.
“For now,” he said.
Kreacher’s eyes narrowed. “For today.”
Regulus walked toward the door.
“For now.”
“Master Regulus.”
Regulus paused in the doorway and glanced back.
Kreacher stood by the table, one hand resting protectively near the instrument case, his expression stern with loyalty.
Regulus allowed himself the smallest smile.
“For today,” he conceded.
Kreacher bowed, satisfied. “Very good, Master Regulus.”
Regulus turned away before Kreacher could see the rest of the smile arrive.
The hallway beyond was dim and quiet, but not empty. Not anymore.
Behind him, in the room where summer light still pooled across the floor, the kamancheh waited for tomorrow.







