#ego maniac

[donotdestroy]

"Narcissism is the pursuit of gratification from vanity or egotistic admiration of one's idealized self-image and attributes."

— Sigmund Freud

[xtrablak674]

parental estrangement

I didn't even realize this was a term, and I guess it doesn't really apply to me in the traditional sense, since my parents are long dead. Maybe being dead is the permanent form of estrangement. If I was being serious I would recognize that this perfectly encapsulated my relationship with my father's mother. After surviving the attempted murder, psychological abuse, forced homelessness, and general all around toxic behavior on her behalf, I decided that I didn't need this woman in my life, full stop.

If it wasn't for her sister, my great aunt, I would have abandoned that relationship decades ago, for some queer reason it was repeatedly important to her sister, that me and my father's mother interacted, even if it was at my detriment. But attempting to have a healthy adult relationship with an undiagnosed psychopath, is crazy behavior. My attempts were continually spurned by her penchant for manipulation and deception.

The women in my dementia care-giver support group never quite understood why I was describing myself as another interesting term, a reluctant caregiver. So many of their own experiences with the role of grandmother was very divorced from my own. My maternal one, abdicated her role after my mom died, and seemed to rinse all memory of me from existence. My paternal one was an ego-maniac who attempted to use her wealth, and influence to bend people to her will. Those who wouldn't bend, were usually banished from her good graces, and had their reputations smeared.

Parental estrangement, albeit the negative connotations seemed to be the only option for me being able to preserve my sanity, peace and general mental health. There were gaps during my adult-life when I didn't as much as send her a letter for years, and looking back I have no regrets about putting my needs first, with a person who had seemed to not even consider that I was a fully living, breathing human being who hurt, and bled like anyone else would who was cut.

There was a reason I was always trying to look for parents as a child and into my early adulthood. My parents had abandoned their post, and left me with out good emotional guidance. I sought parents in my god-grandmother, my god-mother, my great aunt, a local poet, an elderly Jewish lady, a former friends mom, a lesbian theatre friend, my former director, my production manager, to name a few. But never found any permanent solution, they were all temporary fixes in my attempt to get parental intimacy from relative strangers.

By the time I arrived in my forties I was over attempting to be parented, the moment had passed. I had to parent myself, I had to give myself the intimacy, encouragement, love and support that I craved. I think this is where my super-inflated ego took root and began to grow. I think humans are extremely adaptable, and if something about your natural environment is lacking, you will figure out how to fill that void. And I did.

I had parents for literally less than ten years of my life, and I think even without that instinctive support system, I managed. I somehow survived to adulthood, and then managed to struggle through to middle-age. I am not saying I would be the same person I would have been if I had actually had parents. I can recall as a small child I had really wanted to dedicate my adulthood to giving my mom all the things she was denied in her life. When she died I was left untethered and don't think I ever found my proper footing.

Regardless of parents at sometime in your life you have to take responsibility for yourself and your own choices. Some individuals like my former trick Ted, who is now in his seventies, spend their entire adult lives living in the shadow of what their parents did or didn't do to them. That was never me, early on I attempted to resolve these relationships, in some instances forgive the person in abstentia and figure out how to move on emotionally.

Ultimately I think parents, whomever they may be, the original set, or folks who are standing in the role, do the best that they can do. As our own beings we have to learn to accept this, and understand that we now make our own decisions, we don't have to choose to be stuck because of all the bad things that happened to us. We can choose to close the book on those traumas, process them, heal from them, learn and move past them. Its what I have tried to do for myself, I didn't find any value in staying rooted in the past, I learned I find more happiness in my life when I firmly planted in the present, looking with clear eyes towards the future.

[Photo by Brown Estate]

[brielledoesastrology]

Mini astrology observation ✨

Many famous people with their sun conjunct their northnode ever once got cancelled on the internet in a really huge big trending way and i honestly idk why, but mostly the reason is that many people think that they are an "ego maniac" even when they are not, but it depends on the situation tbh.

Example :

- amber heard

- charlie dmalio

- doja cat

[donotdestroy]

"A narcissist is someone who causes emotional carnage around them and yet feels no guilt or responsibility for the destruction they’ve caused."

— Sam Vaknin

[slimdown50]

Donald Trump's latest $35M event leaves museums worried about damage

Source: Express U.S.

Donald Trump's latest $35M event leaves museums worried about damage

Source: Express U.S.

https://share.newsbreak.com/j6ryothh

Donald Trump's latest $35M event leaves museums worried about damage - NewsBreak

The upcoming Freedom 250 could cause damage to nearby historical buildings and museums due to the vibrations caused by the cars.

ONLY CARES ABOUT HIS EGO AND NOTHING IN AMERICA HOLDS ANY HISTORICAL VALUE

[news4dzhozhar]

Netanyahu has never given a damn about the hostages. He thinks they weaken his position by giving Hamas a bargaining tool. It's about time the families and others have gotten wise to this. He won't negotiate and the IOF continues to bomb areas where hostages are being held.

[alert1]

Alert - Mind Find (Rmx) (minimal)

[alert1]

Alert - Everyone’s Got One (E.G.O.) (Rmx) (minimal)