#enough courage

[fieriframes]

[And so what we thought we would do is show everybody yet, you have enough courage to face even your greatest fear and get takeout and enjoy some of this great food at home.]

[dershellelavender]

[partitionusedcarfocusruw]

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[informtion-sd]

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[ryo-akiyama-blog]

Enough courage [Taichi Yagami].

[reads a card from Sora with a picture of the two of them on the front] "Merry Christmas, Taichi! Love, Sora."

I always thought she loved me the same way I loved her.

Growing up, she was merely a friend to me. Well, best friend, actually. Her and the rest of the team were like the siblings I never had, minus Hikari of course. We'd always argue and most of the time, it'd be my fault. As a kid, apologizing wasn't my favourite thing to do, but I valued our friendship, so of course I did what I had to to keep it in tact.

I always thought my feelings for her were just that; as a friend or a sibling. Man, was I wrong.

As a kid, and even as I entered my early stages of my teenage years, I didn't realize how I truly felt about her. At the time, she was just Sora, a part of our team and one of my closest friends. 

Sure, as we aged, I started to 'notice' her more. By notice, I mean I paid attention to how she did her hair, what she wore, her new hobbies, and whatever else. Does that make me sound obsessed? I hope not. That wasn't really what I was aiming for.

The day I finally realized how i felt about her was one of the worst days of my life.

I had decided to go out for a jog, you know, for some good ol' exercise. I was jogging around her area, so I decided I'd drop by her place and say hey.

When I turned the corner to her building, I stopped dead in my tracks. It was like a slap in the face, or a punch in the abdomen. Or better yet, a stake to the heart.

There she was, standing at the front of her building, smiling and laughing like she normally would be. That wasn't what had bothered me; it was who she was with.

His blonde hair looked shiny in the sunlight as he smiled at something she had said. I didn't expect to see Yamato there at all. The way she looked at him tore something inside me. I was familiar with that look because I bet you anything I've given her the same one time and again.

Her eyes were full of longing, her lips were impatiently waiting, and her cheeks were slowly, but surely, turning scarlet. I wanted to cause a scene and ask why the hell he was there and what they were doing, but I fought against it. I just left and made my way home.

I remember how sick of myself I felt. I felt like such a fool. Nobody knew what was going on with me except Hikari. She was the only one who heard my sobs and saw my tears.

That moment played itself over in my mind more times than I could count, each time lingering on her face longer than it should have. I was such an idiot. How could I have not have made the move sooner. Why him? Why her? Why?

The worst part was that I didn't hate either of them, I just hated myself. They were my best friends. I just didn't meet her standards. How could I have even assumed she loved me back this whole time, when I didn't even know I did all along?

I hated myself for not being the one. The girl of my dreams was obviously in love with someone that wasn't me. It was my best friend, Yamato, and not me, Taichi Yagami. I wanted to change myself so much. Was it my hair? Was it how I always seemed to screw things up? Why wasn't I good enough and he was?

I beat myself up about it so much that Hikari thought I was going insane. In a way, I kind of did. How else would I react to this? 

So many questions..

Christmas made its round again, resulting in many Christmas cards and gifts from friends and family. I even received a card from Sora.

Why did she even bother? She didn't love me. She loved Yamato. It was always him, not me, even from the start. I just didn't want to accept it because I knew deep down that it would eat me alive.

But.. even if he was the one for her, why did she still send me Christmas cards? Every year I would receive one from her with a picture of us together on the front. Every year I would smile and think about the good memories that went along with that picture.

I realize now that she does love me. Not exactly in the way that I want her to, but it's still love nonetheless. She loves me enough to put up with me, she loves me enough to keep me as a friend, and she loves me enough to send me Christmas cards. These small things that I always took for granted were all I could possibly ask for right now.

If Sora can find enough love in her heart to send me cards on Christmas and put up with my obnoxious behavior, I can find enough courage to accept it 

and let her go.